I need sex advice

**bustychick** · May 7, 2005, 2:21 PM

My boyfriend dislikes having sexual fluids on him. When we are done having sex, he immediately has to clean himself. He also dislikes the smell of both mine and his own fluids and it makes me upset because I love the scent of his and I know that I don't smell bad...but to him I do. I am used to ex boyfriends enjoying my body down to everything. This is causing me much stress and he knows I am upset about it and it makes him feel bad too.

I don't know how to deal with this. Does anyone have any advice they can give me?

**gayle** · May 7, 2005, 4:10 PM

Have you tried some scented oils? Maybe flavored stuff? Maybe you can bring some other fragrances into the room to help cover the musky smell of sex. Frankly, I like the smell, but hey, some people don't. I'll just bet his mom required him to be all neat & clean. . .
You might possibly try keeping a basin of warm water near the bed with a washcloth and maybe you could make washing off a part of the after sex fun. If you can somehow turn it into a game, it might not bother you so much that he feels the need to wash off and he might learn to enjoy it with you.
Maybe bathing before sex would help? Turn it into foreplay?
Good luck. I have never met a guy who couldn't stand the smell, but I had heard of it. I know of guys who do like to wipe off certain areas afterwards. . . I guess it's different for us ladies.

**Curious2knowmore** · May 7, 2005, 4:17 PM

This is a tricky topic for anyone to give you a good answer to and it may be something that would be better left for a professional sex educator like Sue Johanson at "http://www.talksexwithsue.com/index2.html".

But for the most part, you will not be able to change how he feels about it. The only thing you can do is talk to him about it and try to understand why he feels the way he does and why does it bother him. It could be something from his upbringing that has caused him to react negatively to the odors and having the fluids on his skin. They are only self-conscious fears that he has to either deal with and get over, or you will have to realize he isn’t going to change. IF he can’t get over his fears then you will have to decide if it bothers you enough to end the relationship or if you can live with his quirks and continue the relationship.

I have ran across something like this on another site some time ago but can’t remember where it was. I am sure you will be able to do a search on the subject to find better answers or you can email Sue at the above mentioned site and she may be able to help you more.

Good luck

**Snafu** · May 8, 2005, 1:06 AM

I am female and completely disgusted by male bodily sex fluids. I told my ex-therapist about a time when I saw some of my husbands cum after sex and gagged. Fortunately husband didn't notice. But she said that is pretty normal and not out of the ordinary to feel that way.

I would try not to give your guy a giant complex about this, because there are other people out there who feel the same way.

So I guess that just brings it down to whether or not you can deal with it and if it is a deal breaker or not. And if you feel like you are more upset about it than you feel you should be (like you don't think it is a deal breaker sized issue, but you just can't get past it) then there might be other issues about yourself or the relationship that you may need to examine....just my 2 cents!

**DangerMan** · May 8, 2005, 8:06 PM

Sex always seems more exciting and hot when people are able to get past, or even enjoy, the messiness of it.

But like Snafu said, it seems unlikely that you will change him. So figure out if it's a deal breaker.

**DanBasil** · May 10, 2005, 5:29 PM

I had that same problem w/ my girlfriend when we first got together. I have a very sensitive sense of smell. I was completely turned off to oral sex w/ her. I couldn't even get my face close, but then we eased into it with presex showers, and flavored lotions. Eventually we started cutting back on those things and now I am a pussy eating machine. So there is hope! As for men, I had to go through the same process w/ a friend of mine, I was all anti-cum and now I'm fine w/ it. It did take time though. I still can't stand feeling sticky after sex, but I'm sure that'll pass eventually as well.
Good Luck and I hope things go great for ya'

**nikki33** · May 4, 2007, 5:06 PM

I have some advise .. i think that maybe you need to get some reasurrance from another woman or man that is as hot as you are so that you dont feel so down and upset .. because you need to not let anyone brake your self esteem .. Its great that you know that your are hot and taste good too! It sounds like your are not letting anyone get you down & you made the cjoice to find someone to forfill your desires and needs and im sure that you wont have trouble finding anyone for that !
by the way you are very purtiful !

ttyl
Nikki♥

**DiamondDog** · May 4, 2007, 7:55 PM

Some people aren't into sexual fluids, and there's nothing wrong with this.

I'm not into other people's semen and I don't let someone cum in my mouth, swallow, or let someone else cum on me.

I'm not into vaginal fluids either, and the idea of doing ANYTHING sexual with a woman when it's "that time of the month" disgusts me.

Just take a shower with him after sex that's what I usually do afterwards.

**miller lite man** · May 4, 2007, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by DiamondDog

Some people aren't into sexual fluids, and there's nothing wrong with this.

I'm not into other people's semen and I don't let someone cum in my mouth, swallow, or let someone else cum on me.

I'm not into vaginal fluids either, and the idea of doing ANYTHING sexual with a woman when it's "that time of the month" disgusts me.

Just take a shower with him after sex that's what I usually do afterwards.

i agree with DiamondDog,to a degree.. NOT into other mens cum on me but I'll cum on myself. I don't do males, orally or other wise. However, I love to lick/suck pussy. If there's a question of her being clean down there,she simply washes it,not a big deal..same for me..(Ain't soap and water amazing?) IF it's "that time of the month" however, I pass for a few days.Again no big deal.

**deletetacount123** · May 5, 2007, 12:43 AM

Considering the oringal poster posted this back in 2005 and all the replies are 2005 then nothing till Nikki posted.
I don't think the oringal poster still needs advice ??

Fun to see dead posts come back tho.

**Solomon** · May 5, 2007, 3:32 AM

Originally Posted by bustychick

My boyfriend dislikes having sexual fluids on him. When we are done having sex, he immediately has to clean himself. He also dislikes the smell of both mine and his own fluids and it makes me upset because I love the scent of his and I know that I don't smell bad...but to him I do. I am used to ex boyfriends enjoying my body down to everything. This is causing me much stress and he knows I am upset about it and it makes him feel bad too.

I don't know how to deal with this. Does anyone have any advice they can give me?

i'm not sure as to why you're feeling distressed over it.... it sounds as though it's not affecting the relationship exept that it may be an expectation that you're having for some reason...

i really don't think that he's intending to send the message that you're dirty or anything like that, and it also sounds to me like maybe it's just a childhood fear or something too

**Solomon** · May 5, 2007, 3:34 AM

lol! good point Tasha... didn't see that...

**lickitall** · May 5, 2007, 10:23 AM

Sweetheart, I don't know what to tell you other than I have been in your situation. The woman I was married to was the same way. She never did get over it.

**julie** · May 5, 2007, 6:35 PM

Well i notice busty chick last updated her profile in december and was last online last month....

so maybe you could give us an update bc?

very cute pics btw (: xxx

**biwords** · May 5, 2007, 7:26 PM

Originally Posted by Snafu

I am female and completely disgusted by male bodily sex fluids. I told my ex-therapist about a time when I saw some of my husbands cum after sex and gagged. Fortunately husband didn't notice. But she said that is pretty normal and not out of the ordinary to feel that way.

It's not a crime, but it's pushing it to say that that degree of disgust is 'normal'

**lookn0ver** · May 6, 2007, 9:38 AM

all it is is a maturity issue.
when people are ready to grow up they do.
whelther or not you have the calm to wait on them is your issue.
...me myself personnally i am not in to ICE CREME...why? who knows why. it just happens to be my gag reflex at the moment. some people love it and some love it because its the only way they can get a date because they are willing to go the extra licky.
i go up to a point and then its shower tyme...but its no holds barred up to that point...its just my way for better or worse... i don't question it...when i am ready to go above and beyond ,i will & have.
i have had partners and we were at different levels of the enjoyment spectrum and all i can say is enjoy what you can and work on the rest...everyso often i went outside of my comfort zone to have the type of sex i could not normally have from my partner and i didn't like to do that, but to me it was a judgment call and i keep it to myself and get it out of my system , i hope.
if not then it is time to think seriously about moving on coz all you 2 end up doing is holding each other back from being genuine in your love of each others communications for your sanity... and i have busted up otherwise perfectly good relationships that i have had all because i could not get what i wanted to complete me... which was a soulmate. ok?

**shadowsaffinity** · May 6, 2007, 11:23 PM

by any chance is he a virgo?

i have the same problem. i cannot stand bodily fluids. they disgust me. often i don't even like the thought of having sex because of the fluids encountered.

i once read that virgos are sometimes set off from sex because of how messy it is. i feel like that's the case with me.

**jem_is_bi** · May 6, 2007, 11:36 PM

I suspect the major problem is that he EMEDIATLEY has to clean up. This has to be a major disruption to “after play” and follow up sensual bonding. If smell is the issue, perhaps, a quick spray of a “pleasant to him” deodorizer would give you the time needed for hugs, kisses and listening to each others hearts beat.
For various physical, anatomical, neurological, reasons, his sense of smell may be significantly different from yours.
Also, when the joy of sex, hugs, mutual massage, etc are done, I definitely NEED a shower before I go to sleep. So I don’t think it is abnormal to want to clean up. He just has bad timing.
It seems like some sort of imaginative accommodation, as suggested in other replies, should enable both of you to have happy endings to your sexual adventures.

jem_is_bi