Advice for a tough break-up...

[jjourneyman]

My sister Sherry had been living with her partner Melinda for nearly 7 years. Several weeks ago Sherry called me and was crying her eyes out telling me that she and Melinda had a huge argument. I finally got her calmed down enough to tell me what happened.

Sherry said that for the past few months, Melinda had been lying about going to work and was not paying her share of the bills. Now my sis owns her own house, but their arrangement from the beginning was that, after Melinda moved in, they would split the utility bills, food, etc. It turned out that Melinda had been fired from her job and that she had started drinking heavily and was abusing other drugs. And she said that she suspected that she was seeing another woman.

My sis, being supportive but suspicious checked Melinda's phone and it turned out to be true... that she had found explicit sex messages from one of the women that Melinda worked with, and 'other things.' She didn't go into details about the other things, but I imagine they were probably sex or drug related. I asked her if she and Melinda had ever sought counseling? Sherry said they had talked about it, but in the end, Melinda refused to go.

I advised her to tell her girlfriend to either come clean or move out. Sherry did confront her (which was what led to their argument) and Melinda refused to admit anything. Melinda has since moved out.

I don't know how lesbian break-ups go, but this has been really hard on my sis. She feels guilty for kicking Melinda out. Now, I feel bad for her and am wondering if I did the right thing by advising her to get rid of her partner? I have met Melinda on several occasions and have always felt like she and my sis had a great relationship... not to mention that she is stunningly beautiful. I know my sister really loved her and is now feeling a huge sense of remoras.

I'm just wondering if anyone else on this site has ever experienced anything similar and what your advice would be?

[csreef]

I feel what your sister did as correct. If her partner had just told the truth about her job loss. . . . .

Also, when alcohol and drugs and then cheating are added to the mix, the outcome is never good for a relationship.

Your sister will get over it in time. Who knows, maybe another relationship is on the horizon for her.

[Grumpygrandpa]

Like any long relationship tough is a mild misnomer. While it can be like a less amiable divorce you eventually get over the self blame part and move on. The horizon always presents a new opportunity. Yes I'm currently single but after 70 years and plenty of experience the possibilities are endless. Best thing you can do is be supportive even if it is from a distance.

[Jazminedress]

when it gets like that, rip the band aid off and move on

[DD788Snipe]

Lying, alcohol, and drug abuse? That in itself will destroy any relationship, and when you love and depend on someone who betrays you, makes life with that person unbearable and can be dangerous for you. It's a tough call, but you Sis did the right thing, and time will heal her pain. She'll be second-guessing herself for a while it's just part of the process. Her wounds will heal with time. Hopefully she has good friends to lean on and you too.