What really started my bisexuality?

[Bi_Dave]

Was I born with these feelings? Did I learn them? When did I start sucking cock or getting fucked anally?

I grew up in the country in upstate NY. Friends to play with were not close by. We had one car and my mother didn't drive. I had and older brother(by7 yrs) and a younger sister( by 7yrs).I used to try to hang around and do things with my brother and a nearby cousin.(male) They beat on me mostly. Cousin and I would get into BB gun fights. Then one summer they started hanging with a couple of redneck brothers that dropped out of our school. I think they worked mainly as local mechanics. I wasn't allowed to do stuff when they were involved. I got close by when they were doing stuff in and old building. I could here sex talk and moaning. I didn't really know anything about sex. One night, my brother asked me to suck his cock. I declined, but the idea entrenched into my brain. I knew about animal fucking. I watched one of the guys jerk off a dog. That's how I learned about the "knot". I even tried it one time on a friends dog. So one night again my brother asked me to suck and I relented. I liked it from the start. He didn't cum in my mouth. First time I saw what cum was on the toilet paper. I started jerking off when alone. I hadn't seen a pussy yet. Magazines showed them covered with hair and you could seen the actual pussy. I was certainly curious about pussy. I got a hold of a used paperback of CANDY. I realized most of it was BS, but it was stimulating. My brother used to fuck me between my legs after he lubed me up with spit. I really enjoyed that. I was maybe 7,8,or 9 at the time. I'm much older now, but still want to suck a nice clean cock. I can't fuck like I used to, but love eating pussy. I need to find a woman who would not have a problem with my bisexuality.

[KDaddy23]

Were any of us born with them? Many say that we are but it gets suppressed by what we're taught about sex and other things. But we learn, by many ways - and in ways not that dissimilar to what you shared with us - that having sex with a guy - and it doesn't really matter who the guy is or if he's related to you in some way - wow, who knew it could be so scary but so much fun? That we figure out that, sure, there's girls and their mysterious pussies and getting some is amazing... but so is having sex with a guy and it's so confusing because social norms say that we cannot have both - pick a side, straight or gay, and stay on it... but the reality of bisexuality defies this brand of insanity.

Finding a woman who wouldn't have a problem with your bisexuality would be nice... if she didn't believe that it's wrong for a man to want to have sex with her and other men, too. That's a social thing that makes being bisexual a problem - but bisexuality is what it's always been and no matter how you found out about it - that's a very human thing that we'd rather not accept as a part of reality of things...

[jjourneyman]

Was I born with these feelings? Did I learn them? When did I start sucking cock or getting fucked anally?

I grew up in the country in upstate NY. Friends to play with were not close by. We had one car and my mother didn't drive. I had and older brother(by7 yrs) and a younger sister( by 7yrs).I used to try to hang around and do things with my brother and a nearby cousin.(male) They beat on me mostly. Cousin and I would get into BB gun fights. Then one summer they started hanging with a couple of redneck brothers that dropped out of our school. I think they worked mainly as local mechanics. I wasn't allowed to do stuff when they were involved. I got close by when they were doing stuff in and old building. I could here sex talk and moaning. I didn't really know anything about sex. One night, my brother asked me to suck his cock. I declined, but the idea entrenched into my brain. I knew about animal fucking. I watched one of the guys jerk off a dog. That's how I learned about the "knot". I even tried it one time on a friends dog. So one night again my brother asked me to suck and I relented. I liked it from the start. He didn't cum in my mouth. First time I saw what cum was on the toilet paper. I started jerking off when alone. I hadn't seen a pussy yet. Magazines showed them covered with hair and you could seen the actual pussy. I was certainly curious about pussy. I got a hold of a used paperback of CANDY. I realized most of it was BS, but it was stimulating. My brother used to fuck me between my legs after he lubed me up with spit. I really enjoyed that. I was maybe 7,8,or 9 at the time. I'm much older now, but still want to suck a nice clean cock. I can't fuck like I used to, but love eating pussy. I need to find a woman who would not have a problem with my bisexuality.

When I really think about it, for me it started in my pre-teens when I watched a guy suck his friend / partner in a park near my house. I never knew guys did that kind of thing, and while that alone didn't make me bi, it definitely made me curious and sparked numerous fantasies about what it would be like to suck another guy's dick. Then, when I did get my first opportunity, I didn't hesitate for a minute.

[Tight1-4u]

​for me it was that summer I spent getting pounded 4-5 times a day at my cousins.. then in high school getting fucked every day by coach.. yes I knew I was bi very early on and that my life and role would be pleasure for other men..

[KDaddy23]

Imagine running around for three years having sex with boys and girls and not knowing there was a word to describe this behavior; then imagine finding it and... it all makes sense. In the beginning - and after tasting cock and cum and feeling it pressing against my very virgin asshole and wondering, after it was all over, how something everyone says was so bad could feel so good and never looking back and never feeling bad or guilty about it. Going from not knowing that boys really do have sex with each other to finding out that it is so much fun! It can feel so good! Then... puberty strikes out of nowhere and it's a game changer... and every boy and girl you can lay your eyes on are fair game and knowing that they want to be.

Sucking dicks, swallowing cum; fucking boys in the ass and being fucked in turn and then... eating pussy and fucking girls in whatever hole they wanted to be fucked in. I just don't know how it can get any better than this if you love having sex...

[Tight1-4u]

KDADDY: right for the longest time I never knew there was a word.. I knew that I loved to have sex getting fucked by other men.. but also knew that it was supposed to be terribly wrong.. but I loved it so and it made me feel so very good.. yes when I found girls and eating pussy and playing with their tits and fucking them it was kinda a conundrum for me as now I loved sex with both men and women.. then one day a girl told me she was bi.. I ask what that was.. she told me and allot a sudden I fit In somewhere.. kinda rocked my world..

[elian2]

Imagine running around for three years having sex with boys and girls and not knowing there was a word to describe this behavior; then imagine finding it and... it all makes sense. In the beginning - and after tasting cock and cum and feeling it pressing against my very virgin asshole and wondering, after it was all over, how something everyone says was so bad could feel so good and never looking back and never feeling bad or guilty about it. Going from not knowing that boys really do have sex with each other to finding out that it is so much fun! It can feel so good!

I wish my first experience was as free and easy as that, maybe I wouldn't have all these hangups. I'm glad you guys were able to explore like that.

[querty]

I wish my first experience was as free and easy as that, maybe I wouldn't have all these hangups. I'm glad you guys were able to explore like that.

Hi Elian and welcome to the site (I see you joined recently). I can see how a positive vs less so first experience would be daunting and leave you with uncertainty. My first experience was amazingly good in a completely safe, no judgement, no anxiety scenario with a trusted friend (girl)and her Bi BF that I met for the first time that night. I was thrilled and really happy about having finally put reality to the fantasizes I had had since my teen years.

My second experience was the polar opposite. I had been chatting with and had even met the guy once before. On our second meet we went to his hotel and it went down hill in a hurry. Bad hygiene, bad skin, 100% ED, (didn't tell me that until things were started), unshaven (said he was), pushy, and kept trying to french kiss even though I had told him before and then that that was not my thing. And he was terrible at oral. After that encounter I felt stupid, ashamed, frankly grossed out, and full of new doubts about what the hell I was doing.

Fortunately the aforementioned friend was there for me an pointed out that it was just as likely to have a bad encounter with a women as man, all other things being equal. People are people. So I didn't give up (though it was a long time between that encounter and whatever the next one was and I still struggled with what I was doing) and from then on all my experiences have been good or great or most recently, amazing.

It's easy for me to say "set the hang ups aside and explore", but I know those are easy words to say and hard to live. You can find lots of support here on this site.

[KDaddy23]

KDADDY: right for the longest time I never knew there was a word.. I knew that I loved to have sex getting fucked by other men.. but also knew that it was supposed to be terribly wrong.. but I loved it so and it made me feel so very good.. yes when I found girls and eating pussy and playing with their tits and fucking them it was kinda a conundrum for me as now I loved sex with both men and women.. then one day a girl told me she was bi.. I ask what that was.. she told me and allot a sudden I fit In somewhere.. kinda rocked my world..

Yeah, I knew it was wrong, too... but hence the question I had asked myself. It feels good... because it's supposed to feel good.

[KDaddy23]

I wish my first experience was as free and easy as that, maybe I wouldn't have all these hangups. I'm glad you guys were able to explore like that.

I wouldn't say that it was "free and easy" but I suppose it was; he proposed it, offered money, I said yes and... wow, this is so exciting but it was also very wrong... but is it really? Apparently not and I was off and running and blessed/fortunate to have a lot of very horny male friends who either already knew what I'd just learned or they were eager to learn it. Hangups are "easy" to get rid of: Just ask yourself if it makes sense for you to have them and if it doesn't - and it shouldn't - then don't let them keep fucking with you.

[atxbi]

With me, it was totally my first wife’s idea. We used to play with others occasionally, and of course I always encouraged her to play with other ladies. She would sometimes and I got to see her pleasure several other ladies. Then she started bringing it up during threesomes with other guys. I was like, no way. Then she would get the other guy to suck me with her. It took quite a while for me, but I finally gave in and started sharing cocks with her, and started to enjoy it. Not long after, we went our separate ways, and I got curious to see if sucking cock without her would be as fun sucking with her. Well, I found out it is, and I’ve been a proud, happy cocksucker ever since.

[bibliss]

Decades ago now, I attended a swingers party with my then-girlfriend. Couples and singles there, of all shapes, shades and sizes. The sex was pretty much heterosexual, at least that I could see out in the open, with some women with women.

I was surprised to uncover a feeling of sexual liberation just being among other naked men. This feeling was confusing and yet delightfully freeing at the same time. Suddenly, dicks seemed to be as magnificent and exciting as pussies. I realized then there was much more for me to learn and discover.

It took me awhile, but I finally reached out to one of those men who was offering erotic massage. I've been exploring bisexuality ever since.

Sex is a journey. A lifelong journey. We're always learning, growing and discovering, IMHO.

[colfax129]

Mine was sparked by reading stories of men sucking cock in the old Penthouse Forums and Variations. Have never been attracted to men, but reading those stories sure spawned an interest in cocks!

[Rest85]

Mine was sparked by reading stories of men sucking cock in the old Penthouse Forums and Variations. Have never been attracted to men, but reading those stories sure spawned an interest in cocks!

Man, I love Penthouse Variations magazine. I'd always be excited when I'd get the newest issue. That magazine brought out the cuck in my. I can remember by dick dripping precum as I read seek out the cuckold stories.

I already had the desire to suck cocks and the cuck desires in me, but that magazine really fed the fire for both those things, for me.

[Cforme]

I personally just think sex is fantastic. I feel that whatever turns you on and gets you naturally excited is great. I sucked my first few cocks before fucking my first chick. Both were equally exciting and felt really, really great, and really normal to me. I personally do not see the big stigma involved in having sex with either sex. Someone a long time ago decided it wasn’t right or against their rules �� and I really do not think there is anything wrong with it. Seriously, if a cock causes me to get a raging hard on and gets me excited, or a nice pair of tits and pussy causes the same… why not?! I really wish the world would catch up to really being human and figures out sex it beautiful. That’s my thoughts and desires and I’m sticking to them!

[JordanCD]

I think everyone is born partially sexually agnostic. When you play “doctor” as a kid the only things pushing you towards or away from homosexual activities are the social norms you’ve learned up to that point. When all your friends have a mommy and daddy, playing doctor with the same sex feels a bit off and potentially dangerous. But if all the couples in society were same-sex couples, you’d probably feel more uncomfortable playing doctor with the opposite sex.

All those early experiences and the social norms in your community have a big part in how you perceive your own sexuality and how much you embrace it. I bet most straight people would hook up with same sex poeple if being “gay” was the norm.

[KDaddy23]

Playing doctor was so much fun and, um, getting your temperature check... orally and anally. Funny thing: I hated rectal thermometers but didn't mind a hard, fleshy thermometer in my butt. Playing "Show Me Yours" often led to dicks being fondled and sucked. You play "House" with a girl and... fucking because mommies and daddies are supposed to do it to make babies. Quite right: The social conditioning we get makes anything homosexual scary and weird but, hmm, wow, it feels pretty good, too, as well as it feels good to do something "bad."

Those who missed or passed on those early opportunities, well, a lot of the guys I know who didn't fool around with their male friend have regretted their decision not to fool around. Still, it's sex and sexuality and those of us who got started early got in on the ground floor and, well, it was nasty good fun!

[Tight1-4u]

so as I have stated many times here I got an early start with sex with men.. and since reading this thread and really thinking about the question at hand I feel that I need tore think my answer as my early experiences really opened the door to a gay lifestyle.. my sexual desires clear into high school were purely gay.. I didn?t know about girls but knew men made me sexually crazy.. it wasn?t until my junior year in high school and having sex with coach?s wife that I discovered girls and the magic that pussy and tits held.. you see coach was fucking me everyday.. which made me very happy.. but coach was promoting me to all the scouts around and struggled with the fact that that back then if it were to get out that I had sex with men it would ruin me.. so it was well known around school that coach?s wife took one guy each year and had her fun as well.. so coach devised the plan that his wife would coach me in the sex with girls world.. I did not know at the time about this plan.. I got called to her office one day after spending my two hours with coach.. when. I her office I was told to sit on the. Small table there.. and wait.. now she was about 5?3? and maybe 130lbs and large cc cup tits, very small tight ass and beautiful legs.. so waiting on the table she walked in wearing just a towel around her and said she just had a shower.. she came to me and started talking to me and kinda touching me.. one thing led to another and her towel fell off.. her hand was on my leg about crotch area.. my cock must have jumped at the site of her there naked.. she smiled and said you do like girls!!! Then her hand went under my shorts and found my cock.. soon I was naked and we were kissing.. she moved my hands to her tits and explained the art of using them to make a girl horny using them.. we moved to her couch and where she sucked me for a bit.. then she laid back and spread her legs and said it was my turn.. she guided my face to her mound and instructed me how to eat pussy. After a while she told me she was ready for me.. she pulled me up her body and on top of her.. she said to have my way with her.. she then reached down and guided my then 8? cock to her pussy witch was soaking wet.. she wiggled her hips a few times and I slid in her balls deep.. she let out a whimper and relaxed under me.. then told me to fuck her the way coach fucked me.. I could feel the heat and smooth slimy wetness of her pussy on my cock.. it was amazing.. as I fucked her she moved her hips and pushed agents me thrusting into her.. we kissed and I played with her tits and nipples while fucking her.. after a while I was getting close she was bucking under me.. she reached up and grabbed my ass and pulled me deep into her and I exploded for the first time in a pussy.. it was odd and and amazing at the same time.. we kissed until I fell out of her.. she then dolly me over and sucked me clean.. said I couldn?t go to class smelling like her pussy.. I then fucked her at least once a week for the next two years. She also told all the girls about me.. I became kinda popular.. coach still fucked me everyday.. needless to say high school was an amazing and eye opening time for me!!! Looking back I never had sex with both of them at the same time.. guess it was just them getting their own on the side..

[KDaddy23]

Becoming bisexual or discovering it can come in so many different ways; if nothing else, one can be introduced to some pretty spectacular sex albeit some of it being morally questionable. The boyfriend I had was 100% gay - but he was bold, daring, and curious about sex with women and wanted to know about it in order to understand me and my bisexuality better and... he found that getting some pussy isn't all that bad. I wouldn't say that he became bisexual but when you check out the other side of things, you learn some stuff and can gain a different perspective on things.

I don't judge because it would be the pot calling the kettle black when it comes to having sex but I'm thinking that if Tight grew up when and where I did, he would have been the most popular guy ever!

[Tight1-4u]

​thanks KD: we all have our own story.. I really appreciate that..

[Fzmr9t]

Mine was during the glory days of the internet (Netscape, internet explorer, dialup AOL) when everything was accessible. I was curious about what I could find out there, and boy there was a LOT! searched all forms of porn and would bypass gay porn until I got bored w the rest and started looking at gay porn. Then found a chat site. Then chatted w a newbie like myself. Then experimented w said newbie. From then on I was hooked!

[MNBiGuy]

Mine was sparked by reading stories of men sucking cock in the old Penthouse Forums and Variations. Have never been attracted to men, but reading those stories sure spawned an interest in cocks!

Yep me too I remember those mags. God my whole body was electric reading them

[MNBiGuy]

I personally just think sex is fantastic. I feel that whatever turns you on and gets you naturally excited is great. I sucked my first few cocks before fucking my first chick. Both were equally exciting and felt really, really great, and really normal to me. I personally do not see the big stigma involved in having sex with either sex. Someone a long time ago decided it wasn’t right or against their rules �� and I really do not think there is anything wrong with it. Seriously, if a cock causes me to get a raging hard on and gets me excited, or a nice pair of tits and pussy causes the same… why not?! I really wish the world would catch up to really being human and figures out sex it beautiful. That’s my thoughts and desires and I’m sticking to them!

100 Percent!!

[phalluster]

My journey began when I was 14. I rode my bike to a department store near my house and went to the bathroom to take a leak. There was a guy standing there who asked me if I wanted to see his dick and proceeded to take his cock out of his pants. He started jerking it, and I remember clearly, he was doing it backhand – thumb and forefinger toward his belly. He asked me if I wanted to play with it, I was scared as shit and said no and pretty much ran out of the store.
A few weeks later I was back at the same store – I went there often. This time when I went to the bathroom it was not because I needed to pee but because I was curious. I had previously seen peepholes between the stalls and thought that was weird. This time when I went into the stall there was a gloryhole – not very big as I remember it, just big enough to stick your cock through, but not your balls. It was hard not to look through the hole and when I did there was a guy sitting on the toilet with his cock exposed and erect. I’ll never know for sure, but that cock looked just like the one that belonged to the guy who showed me his cock a few weeks ago. Next thing I know that guy sticks a finger through the hole. I had no idea what that meant and didn’t do anything. He starts whispering through the hole for me to stick my dick in so he could suck it for me. I had never had any kidn of sex at that point, other than with myself. I was afraid, but also super aroused and stood up, dropped my pants and stuck my adolescent dick through the hole. He immediately wrapped his lips around it – I can still feel the warmth of his hot mouth on my cock right now. He sucked me for just a few minutes, I was about to blow and said something and started to pull away, but he clamped down on my cock with his lips and didn’t let go. I came deep in his throat. As happens after you cum, all the sexual excitement left and I freaked out and rode my bike home afraid that he would chase me.
I went back to the gloryhole many times and I started getting more curious about cock myself. I bought a Blueboy magazine at a place that sold it alongside Playboy and Penthouse. That was a revelation for me. I loved looking at cocks. I masturbated to that magazine so many times, just looking at cock. I still remember the voice in my head at those times – I thought that cock was so beautiful as I stared at the pages of the magazine. I almost was brought to tears I was so joyful when visually worshipping one cock in particular. I wanted to suck that cock right off the pages.
50 years later that has not changed. I love cock and I think men sharing each other's cock for sexual pleasure is a completely natural act.

[Warmnsalty]

My curiosity started young, around junior high I started to realize I liked looking at good looking muscular guys. I loved girls and was obsessed with cute blondes but at the same time found good looking guys attractive. Wasn't thinking of sex, just that they looked hot. Wasn't till high school as I was having sex with girls that the thought of cock started to be appealing. Watching porn I loved focusing on a guys cock as it was fucking a girl. Fast forward, AOL and the internet, chat rooms and realized there were others like me, loved pussy but also liked cock. Had my first guy blow me exp late 20's. Have been enjoying both cock and pussy ever since.

[KDaddy23]

​thanks KD: we all have our own story.. I really appreciate that..

You have some of the best stories ever; your love of being fucked reminds me of the one gay guy in our "gang" who loved to be fucked and would kneel down to suck dick and way faster than I would - and I sucked a lot of dick back then! We would pull trains on him... at his request and he loved every minute of it. Since we lived in the same apartment building - and he had a thing for me - I spent a lot of time fucking him and/or being sucked off by him since our parents used to stick us together while they worked. I think he would have given you a run for your money...

[stonebow]

Who really knows? For a fortunate few, like K Daddy, it's a natural outgrowth of childhood sexual curiosity.....no shame, no guilt and no trauma. For some of us it's not so easy.

A number of you have shared stories of being abused by older males.....relatives, neighbors, teachers and so on. I've met more than one man who spoke of being used for the sexual gratification of one or more older males. Perhaps we are all born with a fluid sexuality....naturally open to any possiblity.. and it's only the opinions and expectations of our community that set us on a path of strict heterosexuality. What is it then in some of us that makes us buck that pressure to conform to the accepted standard? Is it that by the time we feel that pressure we've already discovered how good physical intimacy with persons of the same sex, can be....and we can't go back?

And also what makes those of us who's first sexual experience was a tramatic one, embrace the very behaviour that was the source of such pain? It's been said that the brain is the most important sex organ.....it's certainly the hardest to comprehend.

[Neonaught]

My curiosity started young, around junior high I started to realize I liked looking at good looking muscular guys. I loved girls and was obsessed with cute blondes but at the same time found good looking guys attractive. Wasn't thinking of sex, just that they looked hot. Wasn't till high school as I was having sex with girls that the thought of cock started to be appealing. Watching porn I loved focusing on a guys cock as it was fucking a girl. Fast forward, AOL and the internet, chat rooms and realized there were others like me, loved pussy but also liked cock. Had my first guy blow me exp late 20's. Have been enjoying both cock and pussy ever since.

My experience was similar. I had already had sex with one female. I was attending a jr high track meet and started to notice how sexy all the competitors were. A short time later I stated having experiences with my male best friend and I really enjoyed them as much as I did women. That's when if dawned on me that I was lucky enough to be bisexual. I've never looked back!

[elian2]

Who really knows? For a fortunate few, like K Daddy, it's a natural outgrowth of childhood sexual curiosity.....no shame, no guilt and no trauma. For some of us it's not so easy.

And also what makes those of us who's first sexual experience was a tramatic one, embrace the very behaviour that was the source of such pain? It's been said that the brain is the most important sex organ.....it's certainly the hardest to comprehend.

I loved the attention, affection and pleasure .. that was the first time anyone had held me like that .. when I was in his arms it was like a switch flipped and I just knew that's what I wanted.

I just wish the kid hadn't tortured me for a day and half prior -- that set up a pretty nasty conflict in my mind. Otherwise it would have been a much different experience. I often wonder what the hell happened to him for him to know all the things he did at 12.

Between that and being raised by my mom and her friends -- well they never did anything "inappropriate" -- I thought of women as sisters -- it never even occurred to me that women like sex as much as men until I was well into my 20s.

Some older dudes have been patiently letting me explore things, which is nice -- I'm finally getting over this crap ..

As for why it happens -- if it experiences trauma the mind will literally keep trying to replay what happened, trying to make sense out of things -- but sometimes there IS no logical reason why you were put in that situation -- hormones aren't logical.

It kind of annoys me people don't talk about sex, they treat it as taboo -- so we are all left to figure things out on our own. I can't say it's wrong - there are some things you don't need to know when you are young but it DOES seem a little crazy.

I think I was always flexible, I've always wanted to love, and be loved for as long as I can remember - I never cared what was between your legs, I never thought it was a problem until some folks MADE it a problem.

If society hadn't been so miserably dead set against it I would have had a perfectly happy childhood that way. It was hard to get over that, being told you are less than human simply for wanting to love others but life is short so there's no point in dwelling on it.

Once the crazy hormones started then it became natural to want to share pleasure as well, although the church and society did their best to condemn that.

Some people are never happy, they can't imagine anyone else being happy either. They can't imagine being moral without a lash on your back.

It personally doesn't bother me if my co-worker likes to go home and have his wife peg him, or be submissive with a ball gag in his mouth -- maybe he has a stressful job and that's the only release of tension he gets .. as long as everyone is mature and consenting I don't see the problem.

[KDaddy23]

Who really knows? For a fortunate few, like K Daddy, it's a natural outgrowth of childhood sexual curiosity.....no shame, no guilt and no trauma. For some of us it's not so easy.

A number of you have shared stories of being abused by older males.....relatives, neighbors, teachers and so on. I've met more than one man who spoke of being used for the sexual gratification of one or more older males. Perhaps we are all born with a fluid sexuality....naturally open to any possiblity.. and it's only the opinions and expectations of our community that set us on a path of strict heterosexuality. What is it then in some of us that makes us buck that pressure to conform to the accepted standard? Is it that by the time we feel that pressure we've already discovered how good physical intimacy with persons of the same sex, can be....and we can't go back?

And also what makes those of us who's first sexual experience was a tramatic one, embrace the very behaviour that was the source of such pain? It's been said that the brain is the most important sex organ.....it's certainly the hardest to comprehend.

Two things I learned along the way. The first is that once a guy finds out that having sex with another guy is pretty amazing, they also find that whatever they heard about having sex - it's only between males and females - is a bit of a lie. I know I was all-in from the beginning but I had friends who dived into sex with the rest of us... because they were told not to and rebelliously bucked the system and I'll say that most had a grand time being sexuality and sexual rebels and, don't take this the wrong way but most of those rebels I encountered were... white guys, which taught me a lot about cultural and racial differences when it came to sex and sexuality. And, yes, once one finds out that special intimacy, it's hard to go back to just being straight and as a lot of men who got started early - but gave it up like they were supposed to - have learned.

The next is the effect of trauma. I knew guys whose first time was a "classic" homosexual horror story; an older man or male relative forces them to have sex and just "brutalizes" them in the process and now they're traumatized... but what happens next can be they become hyper-sexual because they now have a need to reclaim their self-worth despite their ongoing behavior or they withdraw and, basically, not much of a fan of sex and they're fighting demons and blaming themselves for what happened to them when, in fact, it wasn't their fault - but trying to convince them that it wasn't and the importance of not always dwelling on what happened isn't an easy thing for them to overcome.

I was told to never have sex with a boy and when that man introduced me, I wasn't "looking" to do it but it happened and... why do we get told that this is so bad when it feels friggin' amazing? I've had to listen to people tell me that I was abused when, um, I sure didn't feel abused and, getting older, I looked up the age of consent laws at the time and it was 10 - and I was a couple of weeks away from being able to consent and... close enough for government work. And no shame, no guilt, and no trauma whatsoever but an expanded appetite for sex and reveling in the physical intimacy because the answer to the question I had asked myself was that it feels good... because sex is supposed to feel good, well, until you have experiences where it doesn't feel all that good but that becomes an occupational hazard that many of us experience with females alone.

One of the things I found that causes the trauma isn't the sexual act one got exposed to: It's how that act totally conflicts with what we get told about who we can have sex with and, forever and ever, that we cannot, should not, and better not have sex with another male. It happens and... trauma ensues because I'll say that most young male minds can't cope with the conflicting information and then toss in the guilty feelings of something happening that shouldn't have happened and it creates a "perfect storm of sexual negativity" in one's mind that, on the bad side, cannot be resolved and even when one becomes an adult. Yeah, I had made it my business to learn everything I could about guys having sex with each other and how morality and social norms, all by themselves, can create trauma in someone because while someone can have a true bad and abusive experience, most guys don't and regardless to who introduces them but like you said: Our brains are almost impossible to figure out when it comes to how it works.

It is so utterly fascinating when you dig down deep into sex and sexuality. We more often than not assume abuse when, in actually, no abuse actually happened or like I asked someone, "If I, at any point in my life, had no reason to believe that I got abused that day, did I really get abused?" Oh, yeah, I got bribed and "taken advantage" of but was that really a bad thing? I still don't think so but, yeah, I've learned some stuff about this that most people don't want to know about...