Getting to Know You

[Kermit Jagger]

In my previous same sex relationships, I'd meet someone who looked interesting (I do have some level of taste and self-respect), usually in a bar or while shopping, we'd go some place have sex and then say good-bye. I doubt whether I'd recognize any of these guys if I saw them again or that they would recognize me for that matter. I may have had sex with the same guy more than once for all I know.

All the men I've met on bisexual.com all want to get together, talk, and then maybe have sex some other time assuming there's some chemistry. I'm perfectly OK with this slower approach. I understand that you don't want to show up in a hotel room to meet a total stranger. But what is it about bisexual.com men that they need to go through a step-by-step process?

love to all,

Kermit

[Long Duck Dong]

my guest is a lot of them are not interested in being * meat *.... and having random and numerous one offs, doesn't appeal to them....

there are numerous reasons I could list, like they look beyond just sex for the sake of fucking.... they would like to know that they are not hooking up with a deranged psycho.... they have respect for themselves and their bodies....they do not wanna risk screwing the communal disease carrier...they have partners that wanna know that their partners are safe.....they could want a ongoing sexual connection with one - two partners, not a square dance with 50 partners...

personally.... I believe that the safer slower approach is better....its nice to actually know about the person you are in contact with and can judge if you are placing yourself at risk from any number of issues like people cheating on their partners etc

[by~his~side]

Very well put, Long. As the partner of a bi-man, I want to be sure that he has a good feeling about someone before anything sexual takes place between them. Several 'getting to know you' emails are a must. I'm surprised at the inconsistencies that can happen in the span of 2 or 3 emails.
In the first email he says he lives in county "X" but in a later email he says he lives in county "Y". (A dishonest man)
In another email he asks that my husband pick the time and place to meet. His response to my husbands suggestion is he doesn't want to go to the diner and drink coffee....can't we meet at the gay bar instead? (A passive-aggressive control freak)
Plus, a tone can be picked up in email. Overly polite can mean insincere. The same goes for overly apologetic when he cancels a face to face 2-3 times. (This after my husband had him pick the time and place since nothing my husband offered seemed to work for him) (A game player)
So, yes, emails and a face to face meting are very important to some of us.
It helps weed out the frogs from the prince's.
~D~

[dodartist]

Speaking only for myself, I am involved with this site for a variety of reasons, the least of which is sexually driven. I enjoy the forums and conversations in the chat room with people who share my perspective in many areas, but at the same time can differ with my opinions and offer insight I might not have considered. The postings of local meetings for GLBT events also help me connect to a community.
Yes, I want to date but I am interested in finding people in my local area that I have a friendship with as well as a sexual liason. I can get laid almost anytime, but friendship can be a very elusive prize. Good luck hooking up but as for me, at least buy me dinner first.

[Realist]

Kermit, I agree wholeheartedly with the 3 previous posters.

Even before anything about AIDS was known, back in the '50s, I've been cautious and leery about meeting a fellow, no matter how drawn to him I was. Even though my first sexual experience was in 1954 (God, I know; it seems like an awful long time ago to me, too) I could not, would not, become intimate with anyone I didn't know well and trust completely.

Also, I need to know what makes a person tick? What are their likes and dislikes? How can we both benefit from a relationship? Are we compatible? Yes, I said relationship, that's the only way I feel comfortable with another with whom I may share sex.

My concerns back then were compatibility and interests. After AIDS, I was even more selective and cautious. To me, indiscriminate sex with either gender, is like playing Russian Roulette! I have never had a one night stand, or sex with a male, with whom I did not know personally, was mutually attracted to, and trust. I have only had one brief sexual encounter with a lady I'd only recently met and I was very young and impulsive, then. Every other relationship, with either gender, had to build, before sex occurred.

I can't condemn you for being who you are, but I could not follow in your footsteps, no matter how attracted I am to a stranger.

[Kermit Jagger]

Thanks to you all for your thoughtful responses. None of us want to end up with a crazed maniac or risk getting an STD (though diligent practice of safe-sex reduces this risk considerably and I'm not sure whether or not we can filter our disease carriers with a few emails and a having a cup of coffee), but that wasn't what I was trying to learn. What I did learn is that for all of you relationship is an important part of the sexual experience and a sexual experience without relationship is not very satisfying. It's something for me to think about as I continue to explore my bisexuality Thanks again.

Love to all,

Kermit

[BeautifullyBi]

I personally joined this forum, because I am in search of insights into the bisexual world...insights that will better enable me to be a bisexual woman.

I met a woman...intelligent, beautiful, funny as hell...involved. The chemistry is undeniable, but I have to leave it alone.

It has been years since I have felt this attraction, because I don't allow myself to - for fear of being shut down.

So now what? How do I say, 'Hey...I am bi...are you?' to someone?

BeautifullyBi

[Bisexual Explorer]

Kermit,
I want to be first a person, knowing the other person and the other person knowing me, and then a partner for sex. If it's just sex, and it's been a few times, but never again, I feel like a whore and hate myself. I don't need to be in love with my partner, but I do need to feel like there are two people together having sex.

BeautifullyBi,
Two pieces of advice: (1) don't surpress feelings and (2) use bisexual.com to make connections. I've read your profile and I'd contact you if I were I woman.

g

[Falke]

For me, I could do it for fun as I personally feel the whole guilt after thing as silly. However, I don't do one nighters due to the STD risks. It's just not worth it for one night of fun.

[BfloBiFun]

I like to fool-around, I do enjoy the forums here and chat a little (my typing sucks), I am primarily here to meet people in person for NSA sex. I do correspond via email a couple of times min. and always talk on phone before first meet, or giving out detailed personal info. I do "sleep" around and I do let my sexual partners know that I do. I also talk about STD's before sex and use condom if in doubt, and I also get tested for HIV. As my profile states "not looking for romantic relationship at this time". Yes I'm sure some may think I'm a slut . . ., I will not deny it . . . lol