Labels of the Non-Orientation Kind

[ScifiBiJen]

OK, this is kind of a mix of several on-going topics right now ("not into orientation labels" and "Savage Love: I Don't want to say I'm Bisexual"), but I thought it might be deserving of its own thread.
While I'm certainly all for calling yourself whatever you find most appropriate in terms of orientation labels - and if that means calling yourself "bi", you let your actions show that your not just some straight heavy-drinker.

But what about the labels you don't necessarily get to give yourself? I mean the things that people think they know about you just by looking at you: your gender, race/ethnicity, disability status, etc.
If you never tell anyone that you're bisexual, they have less opportunity to judge you (for good or for bad) on that front. But it's much less likely someone's going to come up to you and say "Now, you look female/ black/whatever, but are you really?" No, they're going to make an assumption and treat you according to what stereotypes, judgements they already have. It's only if you tell them (and everyone you meet) that it might be otherwise...

But so my question is to those of us who don't fit the common stereotypes given to our outward appearance, be it our gender, race or anything else.

Do you similarly wait to let your actions show that, while you might belong to a certain group, you aren't like the other people who are also in this group? (though these actions may be ignored once someone has already shoved you into a stereotype)
Do you go about actively correcting people as much as possible?
Do you find it harder to deal with these labels, since you have so much less control over them?
Or do you identify with a different group, avoiding the more negative label?

[smokey]

I have always liked polymorphic perverse Love to watch em try and figure that one out. I was reading a 16th century erotic novel from China called the Carnal Prayermat, and its protagonist is bisexual and he refers to himself as amphibious, omniverous would also work.

[Rhuth]

Do you similarly wait to let your actions show that, while you might belong to a certain group, you aren't like the other people who are also in this group? (though these actions may be ignored once someone has already shoved you into a stereotype)

Yes, I prefer to let my actions and conversation explain me, but if they were to flat out ask, I would admit to the label. Sometimes I admit to contradicting lables to different people and different situations.

Do you go about actively correcting people as much as possible?

No. I find that people who feel the need to place me in a label need to categorize life to make sence of it. Knowing how they label me helps me to see what they expect of me. I will speak up if their assumption includes bigotry. However, I find confusing them with an action that doesn't fit my category is much more fun.

Do you find it harder to deal with these labels, since you have so much less control over them?

My answer to this might have something to do with the area I live in. Labels just seem to have as many deffinitions as there are people that apply them. So they are no more or less difficult to deal with than the individual that holds them.

Or do you identify with a different group, avoiding the more negative label?

Lol Oh yes. Different people and different situations make me choose what labels might be applied to me carefully. Is that too chameleon of me?

[Lisa (va)]

Not really given in to labels. I simply live my life. I do not try to live up to stereotypes, the only 'label' I feel the need to live up to is a 'human being', no better, no worse than anyone else. It should not make a difference that I grew up i the mountains as long as I threat others with respect.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[gentlepen9]

I usually just be myself and let my actions and words reveal who I am. I’m aware that upon appearance there will be those who will assume things simply because of my race but often after getting to know me I’ve been told I’m a lot different then they had expected. I don’t go out of my way to correct people but just being me has helped to breakdown stereotypes in a few people minds and that has put a smile on my face. There will always be some people who will hold on to stereotypes no matter how hard you try to show them otherwise. But their inability to be open-minded doesn’t change the fact that I am who I am. There’s nothing that I can do but to continue being me even if they can’t wrap their mind around it.

[Lorcan]

I'm just waiting for someone to ask me if i'm a man or woman.
"No." would be my response.

I walk between worlds...not in both. And i just don't know how to describe that to anyone. What would i say? Who would believe me if i did?

[jedinudist]

LOL - I refer to myself as normal

but if sometimes I will use the term Bisexual in order to the point across in a succint and quick way that is easily understood.

[EludedSunshine]

I should start by saying that my outward appearance is absolutely not congruent with many of the labels that others apply to me. A quick example (but certainly not the only one I could give): People assume that I'm nothing but an upper-middle-class-income white girl from an upper-middle class white neighborhood. I'm mostly white, but I'm also a small part Chippewa native, and that blood is not from more than four generations back. I come from relative poverty (both my family and my neighborhood), but luckily my parents know how to stretch a dollar to live comfortably enough. My neighborhood is also overwhelmingly minorities. It's mostly hispanic and black with less than 10% non-hispanic white in the school systems. Perhaps I myself am not a racial minority, but I grew up a lot closer to the issues and challenges minorities (and the poor) face than anyone can assume by looking at me.
/end example

(I won't even begin to get into the way I've dressed throughout my life and the stereotypes that accompanied that.)

Do you similarly wait to let your actions show that, while you might belong to a certain group, you aren't like the other people who are also in this group? (though these actions may be ignored once someone has already shoved you into a stereotype)

I do try to let my actions speak for me as much as they can. I could talk all I want, but it wouldn't even begin to make progress with someone who's that eager to stereotype me.

Do you go about actively correcting people as much as possible?

I try to follow what I said above, but if someone thinks something completely offensive that I couldn't bear for them to think about me, I'll correct them.

Do you find it harder to deal with these labels, since you have so much less control over them?

I don't find it at all difficult with people I know. What does bug me is that people who don't know me could make assumptions just by looking at me and spread those assumptions around to others (which has happened to me before, and caused significant damage to me).

Or do you identify with a different group, avoiding the more negative label?

Overall, I don't identify with a group. In certain settings (like this one), I sometimes do. Usually, especially in more hostile environments, I'll identify with the lowest common denominator of the group. If I'm around the mostly upper- and upper-middle-class white kids I go to college with (statistics will back me up on that), as in my example, I'll tend to group myself with the minorities--or at the very least, with the least stereotypical kids at this school. Perhaps I'm helping to further the stereotypes by isolating myself socially from much of the school, but honestly, I've known people from every walk of life, and I prefer my "outsiders."

Sorry that was so long...but I haven't been on here in more than a week.

[Avocado]

Being an exiled Gooner people probably think I'm a glory boy when I'm in colours. I tend not to wear colours anyway these days. One thing I'm trying to come to terms with in my life right now is realising I've got to be able to ask pubs if they're showing the game/telling them to not turn over/telling them to turn back over, without relying on wearing colours (and so knowing I'll look like a muppet if I just accept they'll turn over) or being drunk (after throwing up a few saturdays ago when all I did was watch 3 games!) Some people like to label you a glory hunter whatever you say just to wind you up, I guess if you know you're less likely to get wound up by it.

[DiamondDog]

While I'm certainly all for calling yourself whatever you find most appropriate in terms of orientation labels - and if that means calling yourself "bi", you let your actions show that your not just some straight heavy-drinker.

Sometimes I think that those "straight" heavy drinkers that have sex with the same gender, or even people that are "gay" that do this to the opposite gender, well sometimes alcohol has a way of breaking down barriers that we put up. in vino veritas!

I got drunk the first time I had sex with a guy as an adult. I'd done stuff with guys as a kid/teenager but I've been told that none of it counts. Anyway, I didn't blame the alcohol for it and I knew I was "bi" long before that.

Heh, sure I get flirty and may engage in kissing or even more when I drink but I don't blame that on the alcohol and say oh I was just drunk...

Anyway I'm not a lush or anything but I think that the best experiences happen when you're sober.