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Hi guys,

I can't help but contrast the site now with the archives I read from as recently as four years ago. Back then people came here for help and received warm, caring replies not very long after posting. Now, we have threads where people come for help and they have many, many views with few replies. The replies they do receive are most of the time just derogatory towards the poster. How dare someone look through her husband's files, how dare she question her bi mate? How dare he wonder about what his wife will think about his wanting to sleep with another male? How dare... they dare because they need help. They have questions, they have concerns and they turn to a place that is normally full of individuals who can help, who can understand what they are going through.

I would love to see the site back to what it was, but sadly that probably won't happen. The members who cared enough to take the time to craft a warm and welcoming and informative reply have left the site as it became more a place to discuss politics and less a place to discuss life and the realities of dealing with being bisexual or having a bisexual partner.

So please when you see a thread, even if you think it's been asked countless times before... remember for that person, it's their first time and they need help every bit as much as the first person to post it. Let's help not hinder. Many here have unique perspectives regarding their life as bisexuals and their interaction with partners who are not bisexual. Many here are partners of bisexuals and have insight into how it affects their lives and what parts of their thinking needed to be expanded to deal with their bisexual mate.
:2cents:

.....

I have been holding off on writing a post for a long while. To me "Bisexual" is too loose a term. I fit within the category, but I don't wear a banner proudly. For the most part it helps get people past the initial shock of realising the kind of person I am, but for relationships (friendships, dating, or family) it doesn't really quantify anything. I have been thinking long and hard about how to describe how I feel deep down inside. What makes my sexuality what it is. Yes, there is sex, as there is in most healthy relationships, but that doesn't define the relationship. Yes, I see the world differently and in a small way almost shamelessly, but that doesn't mean I am, myself, shameless. I have even pushed myself to my sexual boundaries and come back feeling better for having done so, but it doesn't mean I want to always push those boundaries. My past has things I am not proud of and even things that still worry me when it comes to my sexuality and how I went about figuring things out, but it also has times that I am particularly fond of, which most people would consider "weird".

I have been lost. Which is easy being amongst a highly diverse group of people known as "bisexuals". There is no compass in our society in which to find your bearings both moral and for our own well being. (If there is, I haven't found it yet) It is a lonely place to be, surrounded by people who share some semblance of commonality but almost all of us are drifters. Lost in a current of confusion.

I, for the past couple years, have cemented myself in a "normal" kind of relationship... me with a woman who expects me to be a genuine "MAN'S MAN", the end result is that I am unhappy. It always seems like I am willing to accept people for who they are regardless of politics, race, gender, religion, or sexual orientation, but very few people understand who I am... care... or will even consider accepting me.

I am the guy who wants to be in a loving relationship, no matter who it is that I find it with. THERE! I SAID IT!

Even with all my quirks, my mistakes, and my need to communicate about how I feel on a regular basis to keep me anchored... I really don't see why I keep falling for the same shame spiral, SOMEONE ELSE telling me that I should be ashamed or that I need to change... I have done nothing wrong or harmful that has actually effected someone else who wasn't a mutual partner.

So why is it so hard for people to understand that we are adults now. We can make our own decisions even if they are technically unusual or awkward decisions, in the grand scheme of things, isn't everyone taking the same risk? Happiness shouldn't be so elusive to so many.

I am part of a lgbt group that own and run businesses in the top of the south island..... tho I do more computer tech work and charity work than running a LGBT orientated business, I am more of a majority share holder as I have ample access to financing

between us, we own and run cruise bars, hostels, backpacker / B &B etc.... and currently we are looking very seriously at buying the local bar that the LGBT use, something that would be good in my eyes... as it would make it a more secure and permanent place for the LGBT to meet

trouble is where I live, is a town of about 50k people and there is no way in hell that we can have sexuality only nights as there is simply not the numbers needed to cover the costs.... tho I can understand the desire for bi and gay / les only nights..... however there is the numbers to support a trans / crossdresser night.... and thats a night where any person regardless of sexuality can come dressed up as the opposite gender and they get discounted drinks........

that has caused a issue.... as arguments like females can dress as a male and appear normal but males can only dress as ladies and how do we define between crossdressing and normal dress..... well my attitude is WE DON'T, we do a discounted drink policy if the person is wearing ANY visible item of opposite sex clothing and that covers females wearing jeans......

I will be the majority shareholder so what I say, will go, not that I like running any business that way, I perfer equal input as money should not equal more of a voice......and a $ 10k sharesholder has as much of a voice as a $1 mill dollar share holder in my eyes

part of my proposal is that part of the bars profit goes to support a local LGBT youth group and give them a secure, safe location to meet, and get advice and support...... the opposition there is that its the wrong look for a bar to be supporting youth..... never mind the fact that the profits will be channeled into a trust that will run the LGBT youth support group, not the bar directly.....as the LGBT youth do not really have a * home * of their own

another part of my proposal is that we have a zero discrimination policy, we are LGBTHIGQCSSUA etc inclusive.... or lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, hetero, intersexed, gender queer, cross dresser, sexuality undefined, allies etc.... you could be a alien from mars that has sexual relations with fence posts and you are welcome ..... but no, there is once again opposition to be so inclusive of non lgbt people..... and this shit is going on with the LGBT community for gods sakes......

it is so frustrating that the majority of the support is coming from the heterosexual community and is no where near as opinionated and judgmental as the LGBT community that we are trying to include and support...... yet there is constant cries about equality and equal treatment and anti discrimination......

if I was to withdraw my backing, about 7 businesses would collapse trying to buy me out, as they lack the financing to buy my share of the businesses.....and I am not interested in seeing any businesses go under, specially LGBT businesses as they are a valuable and important part of the community.........

as one of my friends put it " never has so much been bitched about by so few when so little is done by so many when they want so much "

[CENTER][SIZE=4][FONT=century gothic]Akiko

When it was over, Akiko was gone.
Hardly surprising.
I feel so tired.

Our argument took place in my private garden,
patterened after the Zen Gardens of Kyoto.
It was a place of transcendent beauty,
and tranquility...
...but no longer.

My garden has been wreaked,
it's patterns broken,
order turned to chaos,
the story of my life.

No matter how hard I ...

Iam going to be in the des moines area 4ishtill 11ish tonight & want to hook up! i will check back on line to see if anyone is intrested! leave a way 4 me to contact you.&lets have some fun!couples a plus!!!!:wiggle2:

only a test

I have often heard / read about how we need to educate people about being bisexual and showing them how we think, feel and express ourselves.... and using media such as tv and movies, will serve to educate them.....

out in the public eye, being bisexual, being proud, being visible, being on tv and in movies, can be as confusing as hell, to other people, and the reason for that, is that bisexuals work by a set of rules that is as fluid as some bisexuals sexuality and one of the biggest problems is trying to convince people that what they are seeing is what we are doing but what they call it is wrong, what we call it is right.....

" monogamy is wrong " is a common catch phrase from people regardless of sexuality, and " that is proven by nature as much of the animal kingdom is not monogamous "..... and that is true and correct.... but much of the animal kingdom work on the principal of survival, not going to dating sites.... and within lion prides and wolf packs, its only the * top dog * that gets a leg over, something that is often ignored by people that talk about monogamy in the animal kingdom, something that I find quite amusing...... its like having cheese and crackers without the crackers....

that leads people to the understanding that no bisexual on tv can be in a relationship with a partner and have it work.... cos thats a big NO NO in tv land.... you have to have drama and issues.... and oh baby, bisexuals are a very good *toy* for tv execs

part of the conception that people have about bisexuals is that bisexuals can not be committed to a person or faithful..... the issue that some bisexual face, is conveying to people that a bisexual can be committed to a person and faithful to a person, but that the commitment and faithfulness only applies on some levels, not others, and therefore a bisexual is happily committed and faithful to one person and not the other ten people that they have slept with in the last year......

in movies and tv shows, its so hard to convey that type of thinking, as its more often a long drawn out period of talking between partners...and in the world of tv where a day can pass in 5 minutes, its often easier just to portray the bisexual as in and out of beds faster than a shopaholic goes in and out of shops with a gold visa.... then telling people that we can and are committed to our partners and we worked out a understanding with our partners over the last couple of months ( 7 minutes in tv terms and 23 minutes of yelling, screaming, door slamming, talking to the hot neighbor, passionate sympathy sex, then back to the partner for a kiss and make up scene... until next episode )

the issue is that many people already have a understanding of having extra partners, they call it fucking around / sleeping around, and that creates issues for bisexuals as its not a nice thing to be told that you are fucking around on your partner, but it is confusing for other people when we use the understanding that we are not fucking around on our partners, we are committed and faithful to our partners while we are having sex with other people......

the trouble that can arise, is that peoples views are often very different when they are looking in the mirror and then looking out the window.... and while they can see issues with others behievour, they may well not see any issues with their own and so we often see the * its not my fault I had sex with other people * statement about themselves v's the * that person is just a bed jumping freak * about others....

there is no simple and easy way to portray bisexuality in tv and movies, without making bisexuals look like they are just going from bed to bed to bed.... tho it seems to be ok for heterosexual people to do that a lot on some of the programs I have watched over the years.... once such program in NZ is called shortland street, a program based around a med clinic.... and one of my friends told me that they can not name a character in that series ( excluding underage people ) that has not either cheated on or slept with at lest two other characters in the series....

interestingly enuf there was a lesbian couple, faithful, committed and monogamous, until one female came out as bisexual, and within two weeks of the show, she had cheated on her partner with 2 other females, shagged a male doctor and was hitting on a male hospital executive..... a few of my bisexual friends wrote rather angry letters about the portrayal of a bisexual on the show, to the studio and the way it portrayed bisexuals as bed bunnies.... and promptly got ignored.....

it raised the issue within my group of LGBT friends as how the hell do you protray bisexuals in the media ( tv and movies ) without them looking like they will shag anything that moves and even some things that don't...... and it appeared that the easier way was to portray a bisexual person with two partners, one of each sex....... the studio refused to go for that as it was too much of a unbelievable storyline ( inside info )...... WTF ???????????

so we come to the issue of portraying bisexuality in tv and movies is not going to be as easy as we may like to think...as we can not accurately capture the issues of coming out to partners and long term talking and compromising, so we are left with the bed hopping image of the bisexual that is confused and constantly horny......

so we have the issue of people looking at bisexuals on tv and in movies and saying " see, bisexuals can not commit to their partners, they will constantly sleep around with other people, and we are saying, no they can committed to their partners, they are just having sex with other people...... some bisexuals call it bisexual monogamy and no they are not politicians, some call it open compromise in a relationship and some call it a working bisexual relationship....... bisexuals like me, call it TV and wonder why we watch it.......

so how do we not confuse people about bisexuality on tv and in the movies ? I have no bloody idea.... but I know a few 1000 people that will complain about how any bisexual is portrayed.... and it kinda makes me wonder why we use the media to portray something that may well do us a disservice anyway by enforcing the idea in peoples heads that we can not be committed and faithful ( be it bisexual monogamy or monogamy, or a compromised and working open relationship etc ) and that we are nothing but bed hopping people, instead of people that enjoy the beds of other people of either gender and the bed of our own partner.....