KDaddy23

Once things got going on the internet, my god - I was coming into contact with a lot of men who either wanted to "beat a guy up" or be "beaten up" during sex. I was sucking a guy off one day and he hauled off and slapped in the face and I was kicking his ass before I realized that I had even moved.

He didn't understand why I kicked his ass... because he thought that this is what cocksuckers like. Saw it watching porn. Now a lot of the shit I experienced as an adult started to make sense. Not only had some men learned some bad habits, but they were also learning more of them watching porn. I... understood this but early experiences had already taught me that I didn't have to put up with it.

And I wasn't going to. Like, I'm sucking a guy's dick and when I stopped to swallow and catch my breath, he slapped me in the face with his dick. I told him, "Don't do that." He did it again and asked, "What the fuck are you gonna do about it, bitch?"

He found out. I'm sure he woke up wondering what happened. Homie don't play that shit. Both men and women proved that they could be into some... shit. Had sex with a woman who neglected to tell me before the fact that she was into BDSM pain and, okay, I'll hurt someone in defending myself... but to do it on purpose? I made her happy since, you know, I know how to cause lots of pain but... I threw up because this wasn't the way I was taught to treat women during sex. I'd have guys checking me out online and hitting me up and into the very rough stuff and saying that if I was a real man, then I had to take it.

Bullshit. Okay. I grew up with sex starting with some wrestling but no intent on causing harm but it was about... dominance. It was fun, made us all hot and horny and the sex would be delightful. But, yeah, some guys wrestled as a prelude to rough sex and, I guess, figuring that if they can best you like this, then you'd be compliant to whatever they felt like doing... and I wasn't having any of it.

Throughout it all, the violence was just something could happen and you learned this and if you didn't learn how to deal with it, then you'd be victimized and the only way this makes any sense is if you actually like being victimized, brutalized, manhandled, slapped around, etc.

I grew up learning to not let this happen to me. It's really not something that an apology is called for: It just was what it was and for a lot of reasons; some "made sense" while most of it didn't, both then and now.