New and Confused

[IAmTheRad]

I am a first time poster, three day member. Now, I seem to be confused. I think I am bisexual. I'm not completely sure, because I haven't been with either male nor female. Well, I have been with a male, physically, when I was younger and experimenting, but I still fantasize about being with a male again. I am male myself, just so you know. I also am attracted to women and have some attraction to some males. I'm just scared to come out to anyone, because I've been judged for many times, and don't want people to avoid me after I tell them I'm bisexual.
If I tell my parents, I know for sure that they'll disown me, because they're both completely against any form of non-heterosexuality. Basically, I would like to know things.

[sesquipedalis]

I'm pretty much in the same boat you are. Don't worry about it. I don't really feel any imperative to "come out" to everyone I know, and for now at least I intend to tell only a few very close friends, and there are many people I never intend to "come out" to at all. I can't say for sure whether this is the ideal situation for me or anyone else. I know probably a lot of other people feel better being "out", but I'm a very private person, accustomed to keeping secrets, so having one more is not really any trouble.

Plus there is the added difficulty of attempting to "come out" when you're still a virgin. Probably a lot of people would just blow you off and say you just haven't figured yourself out yet. But I'm in that boat with you as well, and I say, no one knows you better than you know yourself.

Don't feel pressured to "come out" is basically what I'm saying. If you feel it would ruin your relationship with your parents, then by all means, don't bring it up. Deciding when, if, and to whom to "come out" is something that is up to you alone; there is no moral imperative on it either way.

There is always the chance that your parents will surprise you, of course, but still, you should not try to talk to them about it until or unless you are ready for it yourself.

[kenny]

There is no reason to "come out" to anyone at this time, or maybe never. I have been bi for many years and the only people who know are those I want to. Before you decide to come out, I suggest you explore your sexuality and figure out what you want.

[gayle]

Why the big fuss over whether to "come out" or not? If you were str8, you would not feel the need to announce to your parents, friends or the rest of the world that you were str8. Why should you feel the need to inform others that you are bi or gay? Is it really everybody's business? Let your sexuality be part of who you are and accept it just as you accept your hair color or eye color. It's just part of who you are. (Well, we can change our hair color [dye] or eye color [contacts] more easily than we can change our sexual orientation.)
B4 you worry about "coming out" to anyone, wait until you are sure of your sexual orientation. Why worry about what everyone else is going to think of your sexual orientation? You don't seem absolutely certain of it so far yourself. Spend time getting to know yourself better. It does sound like you are attracted to both male and female, but I just wonder if the attraction is so strong that you really do want to act on it? You say you haven't acted on it so far.
I am str8, yet I do acknowledge there are some attractive women out there. Lots of them, actually. That doesn't make me bi or gay. I'm not interested IN them. I just acknowledge they are attractive. No big deal. I see that there are plenty of attractive men out there, but I am in a committed relationship with a bi male and I don't feel a need to do anything about noticing an attractive man. I'm more attracted to my partner.
Learn to accept yourself first before worrying about making some proclamation to your parents or friends about your sexual orientation. Do your parents really need to know if you are bi? I'm not saying you should be in the closet, just realize that the whole world doesn't need to know your sexual orientation and preferences. Sometimes "don't ask, don't tell" is a good idea. Later, when you are certain of your orientation (and have acted on it so that you really know it IS your orientation), if you really want your parents to know, you can tell them. Realize that they probably are going to react in shock, dismay, horror or some other "negative" way. Being a parent, myself, I can tell you that my daughter has revealed to me many things I do not like about her, but I always love her. They may never fully accept your sexual orientation, but chances are over time, they will focus on the most important thing, that they love you and want the best for you. You may disagree on what is "best" for you, but you move on. Just be prepared for a "negative" reaction from them if you do reveal your orientation to them. Also, I just wonder why would they need to know right now? It's not like you are bringing a boyfriend over for dinner! There may be a point at which they need to know, but right now, I don't think they need to know.
Best wishes to you as your work your way through this!

[foreverbisexy]

I just wanted to say, I feel ya, I do... sure we can all say "dont come out till your ready" or "you don't have to come out" and as I am older now I realise that now I don't have to come out to everyone because I am comfortable with myself now...

but I remember when I first discovered things about myself and I discovered before I "tried" it... that at the beginning I NEEDED to come out... this whole society automatically assumes your straight... and when you are being hush hush (at least for me) it made me feel ashamed and that feeling what I was feeling was "shameful or wrong"

I am not saying wear a banner and run down the street... choose wisely and cautiously, come out to a close friend, or even find a place where you can bounce your thoughts off to someone (like here) because it is harder for males than a female like myself in the coming out process (thats what I hear anyways)

what I am trying to say is you can come out in the sense of "I am questioning this" (like you did here) and you don't have to have sex with someone to figure out your orientation attraction is attraction . thats just my thoughts though

Whether you decide you are straight or Bi either which way, be ok with questioning everything and it's ok to find others to talk too, everyone deserves to have someone to talk too. and be PROUD of yourself that you aren't stuffing this and figuring it out years later.... <high five> Do what makes you feel good, that is all that really matters in the long run anyway's.

One last thought, I wouldn't say to yourself "don't ask don't tell because that is a shameful statement... I mean of course you don't need to tell etc... but that type of thinking can make you feel bad about yourself and coming out straight, Bi or Gay... should be as painless as possible, not shameful or bad.

Thanks for letting me post my thoughts
foreverbisexy~

[jokerswild2k]

Don't stress over this. I know that sounds tough but believe me, things work out. I've been bi-curious for as long as I can remember. I finally had an experience a few years ago and it was wonderful. Problem is I live in the most homophobic anti-gay/bi community in the world. (the military) "Coming Out" isn't even an option. Fortunately for me I wound up with an amazing fiancee who is not only ok with me being bi but is actually aroused by it. The experiences have been fantastic. My friends and family, my coworkers and the vast majority of ppl that I know would be alienated and horrified by my behavior. Thing is, I don't really care. It's my life and I'm gonna live it the way I want too. That is the type of attitude you need to adopt in this type of situation. Don't try to force yourself into a mold of normalcy for society. Find what works for you and enjoy it. No one ever said you have to have man on man sex on the steps of city hall to join the bi club. You are already here (if you wanna be). Good luck

[IAmTheRad]

Well, I'm proud to admit, I'm not bicurious anymore, as well as not confused about my sexuality anymore. I discovered with a homoerotic experience I had recently. I didn't enjoy it as much as the guy, so I'm done with that phase of my life. Now, I won't need to come out, since I found out I'm straight. I'm not saying I'm leaving this community, just not as confused as I used to be.

[theloner9109]

Wow I can't believe I'm doing this but here goes.

About 5 months ago I started having feelings for another guy in my school. At first I kind of denied it but I finally had to admit to myself that I was attracted to him. Over time it's kind of grown into more than that, I'm afraid I'm in love with him. I know because I'd give anything to be with him, and I'd give every material possession to be with him. Love is when you care and love about someone so much you would die for then, at least that's what I've always heard.

I've been attracted to other guys before, and I guess I'm really confused. However, it's not like I've never been attracted to a girl before. I have.

I guess the purpose of this post is me looking for answers, because I can't seem to find them anywhere else.

[TouchableTina4]

I feel like there is no reason why everyone has to know you are bisexual.(parents) Tell only the ones you want. And don't worry about scaring people off. Be open to the people you date and if they can except that then you are better off without them.