Sorry, this will be long, but, I will get to the bisexual part eventually, I promise, hopefully this will be a good discussion topic
I know, this is not an airport terminal, no need to announce your departure, but..............
For the Veterans here, you guys are used ot me taking sabbaticals from social media, then coming back every day, then doing it again. I highly recommend it, it is good for your mental health too, well, just detach. I have been a member here for a long long time, I have seen the ups and downs, but even during bad periods, there were so many that could help someone struggling to become comfortable with themselves
The past year I have been mostly MIA, and the age old reason, a girl. I have decided that, I am going to put all my effort into this relationship, no outside distractions, if I plan to be with her, she deserves nothing less than all my effort.
So, what does this have to do with the forum ?
Well, to be with her, I have to make a sacrafice, and that sacrafice is Jazz. Too often, people try to hold onto that little something that stops them fully committing, then they wonder why they fail. She will always be a part of me, a part of who I am, but, she does not have a home in this relationship, there is no room for her, and I dont have the ability to leave a spot in the corner open. I have already gotten rid of all my clothes and accessory stuff
She (GF) will be sacraficing too, in different ways, and thats good, we each give up a little of our past, to have the future
And you know what, I am actually okay with that. In life I am like an insurance adjuster (Not my career, just an analogy), I weigh the pro's and cons, the profit, the reasonableness of a certain outcome. everything lines up here, mentally and emotionally, so I am going for it.
So, other than wanting to say a goodbye to people, I have come to have not only great respect for, but a desire to have them in my life, I wanted to say a few things to the people who are struggling with being Bi, and some of the ones that believe you truly have your shit together with it, and the ones who have come full circle, hopefully I will leave you with a good discussion to help others, or I could be full of shit, who knows. This forum has always been about helping those in our community, as we struggle the most with a foot in both worlds
This are only my thoughts, so take with a grain of salt.
1) No, there is nothing wrong with you, I can guarantee that. I went through the wondering what was wrong with me that I would get turned on seeing a penis. It took decades for me to be comfotable, don't do that to yourself. By the same token, be HONEST with yourself. Are you truly attracted to male and female bodies (Meaning, the penis, not necessarily men in general), or is this just a taboo sex thing, be introspective, and know yourself.
This was a struggle with cross dressing, even wrote some blogs on it. I had to learn that Jazz was simply just another part of me, another identity, like being a father, a brother, man, employee, boss, she was just another extension. Once I accepted that, I was happier.
For some of us, being bi, is simply who we are, for others it is simply something they do, and guess what ?
There is no right or wrong answer
2) Be true to yourself. I used to march in the pride parade to support friends that I had, I no longer want anything to do with it ever again. Politics and everything else aside, I dont support the behaviors. When I marched it was truly about one thing, equality and understanding, NOT you have to accept us. It was more, okay, you can have your opinion, but not at the expense of our rights. Now, I see people in dildo suits, simulated sex in the streets, all trying to live up to some dumbass stereotype.
Please dont do that. Yes there are some gay and bi men that are a little "FABULOUS", there are also some that are very straight laced accountants. Just know who you really are, and simply, be true to yourself.
DO NOT try to live up to someone elses expectaion of being bi or how you are suppossed to act. As an example, some CD strut around in a high pitched voice and pantys acting one way. I always like a classy but sexy dress and acting more like a high class woman, this was correct for me, it may not be for others, and thats okay.
Don't let people try to push you into putting out every day, or having to take facials or whatever the thing is, just be true to yourself, and do whats right for you. There is room in this Bi world for all of us to be who we are and forge our own identity.
3) You are not in a cult. Similar to above, you do you, I'll do me. I have a new song we are going to release early next year, just finished the recording. The first verse sums this up for me.
"You dont like the life I am living, I dont like the vibe you are giving, if there's one thing I know is true, I'll do me and you do you"
You do not have to act, behave, repeat, think, do what anyone tells you to call yourself bi, you don't. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isnt for you, so just don't. I never liked the "You are perfect the way you are " crap. We all have room to grow, but please, like a tree, gromw in the dircection that will allow you to flourish, the other way may put your roots in a concrete driveway.
You dont have to say what others say, you dont have to like what others like, just be you, and if you can do it without hurting others, you are a better person that 90% of the world
4) This one is for the married guys, you have it tough, you have urges, and a wife. Now some will disagree, but, yeah, it is still cheating to sneak off for some dick. I will not pass a morality judgement on you "You do You'.
I will say, if you have a good woman, think long and hard if it is worth it, I get sometimes circumstances are individual, but think long and hard. You can have the urges, you can think about them, but before you act, think twice, is it worth the cost of your marriage,and reality, if she was with another guy, what would you think ?
And lests be truthful, being with another man can be more emotionally wrecking for her, a woman she can at least understand
Don't listen to people that say it's okay, they could be asshole people full of themselves who have no respect for their own wives, do you really want their advice ?
Don't listen to those that say it is not okay, they could be overtly moral majority that dont like anything, do you want to listen to their advice.
The only advice I will give, flip a coin. While it is in the air, think of how you are hoping it lands, that many times gives you answer, but do what is good for you, and not others, they lose nothing, you could lose it all.
5) Lastly, dont expect or demand people accept you (Says the crossdresser). Peoplpe will accept you, people wont. Some people hate christians, some people love their favorite politician. We all have our thing, if someone does not accept you being bi, or says no such thing, respectfully disagree. No need to hate the person, its a beautifal world when we can all have our own opinion, as long as we dont hurt each other.
Here is one that is a political screaming match. I do not believe trans women are women, you cannot suddenly will yourself into being a woman from a man. I fully support their right to live and dress and be who they want to be, but I dont believe in laws that say someone else has to accept a fact that laughs in the face of science (Lets not get into the whole identity thing, you get my point)
I was a paramedic, if I pulled up and you have a penis telling me you are having a miscarriage and bleeding out your ass, I AM NOT going to treat you for that, I am going to look for the real medical issue and worry about saving your life, end of story.
You can sue me over a pronoun later..............but, I respect and will fight for their rights to live as they desire
So point being, in the gay community, I have seen a ton of non acceptance and outright bigotry to the bi community, more so than any other group. I have met ones that hate us with a passion as they truly believe we take away from them. Then add in someone like me in a dress, I have been in gay bars they ask me to leave, fine, take my money elsewhere. They wont accept us, thats okay. they dont have too.
Of course, I have seen the other side of the coin. Just as I know many conservative people that a gay/bi should dream of as a friend as they will do anything to protect your rights, so it swings all over the board. You dont need people acceptance, you just need to live your own life.
I am at the point in life, the fight is no longer worth it, I could die tomorrow, 5 years, 25, why ?
Why fight with myself, why fight with others, too many of them over the years was just needless.
So fine, dont accept me, we are good, I will still wish you the best, and hope you do the same for me
Please, go out, find yourself, determine who you are truly meant to be, and be that person................Maybe this is coming from a place of seeing so many I grew up with die, friends, celebrities, family, I am at that age.
And I wonder, what would Luke Perry have given for another 5 years of life ? Richard Simmons ? many others. Don't waste all your energy fighting useless fights or ones that cant be won................spend your energy on you.
I will be around for another week, will delete the accoiunt when I get home next Saturday.
Thank so many of you for the years of friendship . You were a incredible outlet and really helped me define my journey. Now, my path is at a fork in the road, two of us are standing there, and we have chosen to travel it together.
We could walk off a cliff, or we could walk down a beautifal country road that takes us all the way to the end..............who knows ?
I don't
But I want to find out, and I think, at the end, thats what life is about, did we find out
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks