Why are you here? Why have you stayed?

[onewhocares]

I am not sure if this topic has been covered before but....Tonight at dinner a friend, a good friend but not one who knows that my husband is bisexual ( not that really makes a difference in the general context of this thread) asked why I spend so much time on line. She said that I spend far too much time on line, that I am NEVER with out my laptop, seemingly in need to be in constant touch with my on line friends. She said friends...really? It seems that all you seem to do is to be one with a group of needy people who demand much from you and you willingly give to them (people who really do not do little for you, yet you would give them the shirt off your back) and you get little in return. They seem to be all lonely and searching for something.

I was rather perturbed at her generalization of MY reasoning. Granted, I was in no position at the time to explain this particular site which I am proud to be a part of as my daughter was there, and no my friend does not know that hubby is bi and our first joining this site was for us to become familiar with bisexuality and the people associated with it.

As this conversation continued I really began to think why I was in actuality on here....I guess I came to find answers, and when I received those answers I stayed because I found a whole new world of people I am proud to call friends. I have not doubt that some are just acquaintances, but I know I have several friends whom if I needed them...planes would fly in from LA, Dallas or Jersey....as I would fly to them on a moments notice if they needed me.

My question....What brought you here and why have you stayed?

Belle

[Bluebiyou]

Good God!
No friend is she! Mind fucking bitch! She has poison running through her veins. Rather than love/acceptance, she manipulatively denigrates you and your feelings... rather directly.
We (including you) are seeking love sincerely and openly.
This is a chaotic and arbitrary/random experience at best...
A rule following game to the least denominator of us...

She is an opportunist manipulative conformist... at least in the area of sexuality and perhaps in other areas as well.

..or perhaps she's (reaction formation) interested but terrified of truly expressing her feelings.


To answer your question directly:
I am here because I am bisexual and there are few nurturing places I can grow. This is the best place for growing and understanding for me.

I stay because there is real love here. There's also a great amount of crap, but definitely there is real love... hope of understanding/growing.

That is why I am here and why I stay. It's a matter of faith and beliefs.
"Choose your God"
...hatred... exclusion... willful ignorance... staying the same... labels
or
love... inclusion... learning... change... acceptance of feelings/humanity - myself and others...

[shameless agitator]

I guess I came to find answers, and when I received those answers I stayed because I found a whole new world of people I am proud to call friends.
Belle

This answers the question for me as well as anything I could write.

[ShyBritInMI]

I find it hard to trust and socialize with people, im not disfigured or anything just i am very shy and have been burned in the past so now my guard is up when it comes to making friends. The reason I came here is I met a guy online who openly admitted he was attracted to me, we never met but only talked online...my reflex was that it was a man liking a man, it wasnt right...the thing is i liked my friend too...and the more i thought about sex with men the more i wanted it. I never had the courage to explore it any further until last year my wife left me, i never told her about my bisexual feelings until she came out and asked....and i didnt lie, i told her it would interest me to sleep with a man.

She then told everyone we know I was gay...and our marriage fell apart, but when i was at my lowest point i found this website and found people who understood me, they wouldnt laugh at me for liking both men and women, some of course just come here to jerk off with other men or women, but others like me just want to chat to people with the same issues and/or problem. I used to feel like i was not normal or the outcast of my friends and family, i still havent slept with a man but when i do I will no doubt credit some people in here for getting the courage to do so.

[thesea]

Sorry to say this is my second choice for bi forums, I am a member of a bi women's forum that has many sections, it's so varied. I find the jumble here strange, the girls forum feels more of a community for me. I would love to be part of a forum for all genders like the girls one, it's so well designed and well moderated but it would be nice to have a place where the guys and girls could talk as at the moment we just peek at each others forums!

I came cus I was really confused, not sure if I was gay so wanted to talk, turns out a quite a bit gay both not all the way

I pop back in from time to time

[softfruit]

I too tend to loiter in other online spots, though the one I think thesea is talking about tends to wind me up a bit too much so I gravitate to Facebook and LiveJournal.

My main motive for dropping back here now and then is to let newbies from the UK know about the bi social and support groups near to them - sometimes as a result you get to meet people at BiCon / BiFest which is always a pleasant bonus.

[ambi53mm]

Hope...and...Dreams

Ambi

[Germanicus]

I came to the site, not in the expectation of answers, just out of interest after a friend introduced to it.

Have I found answers? Well, not really.

I can't say I have learnt from this site, despite what my previous alter ego once pretensiously claimed (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3661).
Its been much more of "there but for the grace of god go I" when reading of the terrible situations that some people find themselves in, whether by accident or design.

Why do I stay? Fuck knows. Sometimes I like to log on and mix it up like the intellectual street brawler that I used to be, particularly with some of the crap that is posted.

Nonetheless, the site has largely outlived its usefulness. I like to think that by staying here I'm keeping my options open, but this door, like so many others, closed long ago and I should just recognise that.

"Be gone, foul spirit! Haunt this place no more"

[folk2punk]

the sad, cold fact is that my wife asked me this same question yesterday, refering to our marriage, not the site. and i've got say that i'm not quite sure of either. i've been attracted to men primarily, and women secondarily for most of my life. so, since i dont fit into either end of the spectrum all that cleanly, i'm in the middle. This site gives me an outlet to speak freely, as well as hear so many varied points of view. you gotta love perspective.

married faithfully for 7 yrs, i recently cheated on my wife with a handfull of different guys. its brought me knowledge and pain and joy. we really are no better than the rest of the animal kingdom, wrapped up in sex more often that the philosphical.

i've been a fence-sitter in every way, romanticly, sexually, religiously, politically... why choose one way over another? why can't life be a grab-bag of mix'n'match fashion? so, here I am on the fence with the rest of birds. my own question is this: am i being negative, selfish? giving bisexuality a bad-rap? perhaps I should take the dive, and start that one as new topic?

[diB4u]

I came to the site, not in the expectation of answers, just out of interest after a friend introduced to it.

Have I found answers? Well, not really.

I can't say I have learnt from this site, despite what my previous alter ego once pretensiously claimed (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3661).
Its been much more of "there but for the grace of god go I" when reading of the terrible situations that some people find themselves in, whether by accident or design.

Why do I stay? Fuck knows. Sometimes I like to log on and mix it up like the intellectual street brawler that I used to be, particularly with some of the crap that is posted.

Nonetheless, the site has largely outlived its usefulness. I like to think that by staying here I'm keeping my options open, but this door, like so many others, closed long ago and I should just recognise that.

"Be gone, foul spirit! Haunt this place no more"

Yes actuarly I agree with you.

I came to this place so i can meet bisexual men, bisexual women and others who identify as pansexual. If memory serves me correct someone on livejournal pointed me this way....

However regardless of how many online friends i've made... I've yet to meet or even befriend anyone that is either bisexual, pansexual or just curious.

Why do i stick around, maybe in an attempt that i might actuarly meet people and from meeting them, i might find one or two individuals that i can actuarly have a relationships with.

[Mrs.F]

Funny, I have been asked the same question before from my family. Though I don't have a laptop, when our desktop is down, I have been over to my mom's using her's. I know that no one will understand my need to come here and it's not like I can sit down and explain it either, which makes it even more frustrating!

Why I came here? I came because I learned my husband was bisexual after 10 yrs. of marriage. I needed help! I didn't know anything about bisexuality or how to deal with it or if it meant my marriage was over....He was already a member of this site and mentioned to me that joining here would/could help me, as there were other spouses on here going through the same thing. I'm glad that I followed his advice because I know that I would not be at the level of understanding I am right now, nor would our marriage still be alive!

Why have I stayed? Exactly why most have stayed. Friends, that have turned to family. I know that I can come here and find my friends to listen, understand and tell me their feelings. My dad had a tragic accident in October of 2006. I had friends from here sending flowers and cards and special things during that time. That meant the world to me at that time. To know that I had people that really did care about me. You couldn't ask for anything more. This is my second home and I plan to keep it that way!

Thank you Belle...you are amazing woman and a wonderful friend!

[welickit]

I guess we are in a different position than most folks. We are both bisexual, both very comfortable with it and we could care less what other people think. It is who we are and we are proud of it.
As for why we stayed here, ......to offer others the benefit of our experiences and to listen, learn and guide others who are perhaps mixed up or unsure.

[Dagni]

I think i'm here cause i met some intresting, a true bisexauls on this site and even found girlfriends, boyfriends and some friends.
And even in some occasions when i'm in not in good position to be on this site, (Formula 1 Grand Prixs all over the world), i come here cause of those people that i like and love.

Of course there was soe bad moments here that could lead me into some illusions and made my life a little harder (comming in NYC to meet one person who didn't show up on airport to pick me),but it's all behind me now.

I like to bi here, but i would also like to have more respect on this site.

[raistkit]

why am i here: to learn, i've always known i was different, i came here to hopefully understand another side of raist. thankyou to all of who have posted it's helped me to understand why it is so hard to just be yourself. this site has helped me to see that just because i walk, dress, and talk as i please it's not so simple for others. why do i stay: because i learn something new every day.

thank you kit

[thesea]

I too tend to loiter in other online spots, though the one I think thesea is talking about tends to wind me up a bit too much so I gravitate to Facebook and LiveJournal.

My main motive for dropping back here now and then is to let newbies from the UK know about the bi social and support groups near to them - sometimes as a result you get to meet people at BiCon / BiFest which is always a pleasant bonus.

Wind you up? Eep! bi-guys is quiet from what I have snooped, shame cus the girls forum is so buzzing.

I'm a member of BiScotland *waves* not sure if I will make it to bicon, rather skint and music festivals take priority.

[void()]

Hope...and...Dreams

Ambi

Same also

Void

[BronzeBobby]

I kind of answered this on another thread. I am here to kill some time and see if there are interesting topics to talk about. I don't look for friendships on this site or through any online forum. I have stayed simply because I make a point not to get emotionally involved; that way staying doesn't harm me.

Best wishes.


QUOTE=onewhocares;100660]I am not sure if this topic has been covered before but....Tonight at dinner a friend, a good friend but not one who knows that my husband is bisexual ( not that really makes a difference in the general context of this thread) asked why I spend so much time on line. She said that I spend far too much time on line, that I am NEVER with out my laptop, seemingly in need to be in constant touch with my on line friends. She said friends...really? It seems that all you seem to do is to be one with a group of needy people who demand much from you and you willingly give to them (people who really do not do little for you, yet you would give them the shirt off your back) and you get little in return. They seem to be all lonely and searching for something.

I was rather perturbed at her generalization of MY reasoning. Granted, I was in no position at the time to explain this particular site which I am proud to be a part of as my daughter was there, and no my friend does not know that hubby is bi and our first joining this site was for us to become familiar with bisexuality and the people associated with it.

As this conversation continued I really began to think why I was in actuality on here....I guess I came to find answers, and when I received those answers I stayed because I found a whole new world of people I am proud to call friends. I have not doubt that some are just acquaintances, but I know I have several friends whom if I needed them...planes would fly in from LA, Dallas or Jersey....as I would fly to them on a moments notice if they needed me.

My question....What brought you here and why have you stayed?

Belle[/QUOTE]

[12voltman59]

As I have said on previous occassions--I first came here a few years back after having been searching for sometime for a "decent" bisexually themed site that was not all about just people trying to hook up and all of that as I found it was in bisexually themed chat rooms on AOL and elsewhere---on so many sites--you would barely be in there and such before someone was PMing you saying something like "man I am horny--got a ten inch cock and want you to suck it" or something like that----

This site was much different--I have made some friends here both simply in our little community and in reality too---which has been good.


Finding this site has been good for my trying to figure out my "bisexual thang!!"

I know I was very pissed off there recently due to some of the things going on and thanks to some people and their stuff---but shhhh!!!! That all seems to have passed for the most part now!!! Thank the lucky stars!!!

I had of course thought of leaving----but I have cooled down now!!!

As to why I remain here---for basically the same reasons I came--this site is good balance of what I want--you can do some cyber or other play with people if you wish or not---and we do have a community here and like a real community--we are all different people, so we come from many different perspectives and that being the case--some conflicts are bound to arise----

What was pissing me off there was the sort of constant sniping and such that was going on----I do wish we would keep that down to a minimum!!!

Well---I am still here--with summer coming on--I may not be around as much --but I always find my way back---

[mindfinding]

I find it hard to trust and socialize with people, im not disfigured or anything just i am very shy and have been burned in the past so now my guard is up when it comes to making friends. The reason I came here is I met a guy online who openly admitted he was attracted to me, we never met but only talked online...my reflex was that it was a man liking a man, it wasnt right...the thing is i liked my friend too...and the more i thought about sex with men the more i wanted it. I never had the courage to explore it any further until last year my wife left me, i never told her about my bisexual feelings until she came out and asked....and i didnt lie, i told her it would interest me to sleep with a man.

She then told everyone we know I was gay...and our marriage fell apart, but when i was at my lowest point i found this website and found people who understood me, they wouldnt laugh at me for liking both men and women, some of course just come here to jerk off with other men or women, but others like me just want to chat to people with the same issues and/or problem. I used to feel like i was not normal or the outcast of my friends and family, i still havent slept with a man but when i do I will no doubt credit some people in here for getting the courage to do so.

Wow dude, that sucks. I feel for you there.

[quiet1fornow]

I came here by accident...I did not start out looking for a site or even trying to find answers I had so many issues they were all intertwined.. I had lost a wife of over 30 years to depression and suicide. I had a daughter that was in her second year of law school I am a true sensualist but had not been with anyone for years really was considering if I had lost sexuality completely.

I had been talking with one of my college gay friends from out in CA discussing some of my feelings and history and he suggested that perhaps I was actually a bisexual and needed to address that completely before moving on anything else...turns out he was correct.

I came here and found a community of people that I share much with..the freedom to be "flirty" or "naughty" and that is the fun part..the humor here is second to none I so enjoy the banter...the nicest part of any of the banter is there is a genuine concern for me and actually for all..I met Belle in one of her threads after having just lost a dear person to her and how to deal....I wrote her from my heart and the rest, as they say is history ( by the way Belle...you forgot Florida in that plane thing !!!) Anyway at some point some one asked who do you want to meet from here and why...I believe I replied there are maybe just a couple I believe I could not feel horrible if I missed but that I might feel bad if I had the chance to meet many and didn't.

I have treated this site as if you all are my family...in many ways you are and I am closer to you all and better for the relationship..Those of you that do know me are aware I have entered into a relationship with a family friend she and I have known each other for over 21 years- she is not bi, yes she knows I am but this site is helping me with that as well.

I came because I was lost..I stay to pay it forward to maybe just on like me I might help and to enjoy life and laughter with my family here...ok ok is that syrupy enough?? Belle you are an Angel here!

Love,

Quiet

[onewhocares]

Forgive me dear Quiet....I am so sorry for neglecting to include Florida....I guess it is because I am there often....especially this October to join the fun at Fantasy Festival where I am hoping to meet YOU and the special woman in your life. I have been blessed to have found a true gentleman whom I can call the most important word....FRIEND.

Belle

[quiet1fornow]

My Dearest Belle,

I did not assume Florida was forgotten just hidden behind that cloud of wonderful cigar smoke, cognac and sunshine

[quiet1fornow]

I know, I know I stay out of the threads forever and now look at me....I witnessed two acts of kindness this week here myself yes on was to me and one was not...

One was the offering of housing et all for someone here unknown to the "offeror" to finish school if it would help..or I think that was the circumstances...I was able to give that person my individual appreciation...truly from the heart it seemed to me...no I do not think it was a sex slave set up thing

The other was I am not feeling well nothing major fever and just a bit more than a usual infection...this person offered all accurate advice and concern and later in the day followed up..wow

Those my fellow site members are all the reasons I need and that is at the end of long perieod

[onewhocares]

Quiet,

What you have experianced is not out of the ordinary from my vantage point. I have seen such acts of kindness being bestowed on others an have been the recipient as well. I guess given the state of the site in the last several months, some comments may have inflamed the belief that there are few here who are concerned about others in any way, your comments are a fine example of the foundations of this site. Sometimes, the most unexpected people are there to offer help, comfort, advice, solice an much more, asking nothing but friendship in return.

One thing I have learned is that those who give of themselves are reward ten fold. You dear man are one of those who is blessed.

[TaylorMade]

Come out as gay since that's what you are, and you married a woman because you're closeted.

You asked for advice so Imma give it to ya!

I think you're gonna get some change on that penny's worth of attempted thought.

*Taylor*

[shameless agitator]

Score one for Taylor!

[TaylorMade]

<----- Does this work?

Yes... makes a lot more sense than the rest of your post.

*Taylor*

[vittoria]

Come out as gay since that's what you are, and you married a woman because you're closeted.

You asked for advice so Imma give it to ya!

LOL if one were to follow that logic(if that's logic, then Spock would be PISSED!!!), then you should come out as lesbian and you're closeted too.

Wait, if one were to follow that logic(see above parentheses)then EVERYONE on here would fall under that classification--which would cause ANOTHER illmannered dispute about who has the right to call who what and so forth!!

give it a rest

[vittoria]

And once again to answer the topic of the thread...

I'm here cause I was looking for a bisexual site that I didnt have to pay for.

I stayed cause of Arana, and Michael, and 12Voltman, and Kate, and Ben, and CMM, and Chulainn, and Chimera ( ) and Dagni, and quiet1 and sassy and M.D., and Peg, and GEL, and kendra, and Fuzzled One, and biame, and Donn, and jamie, and allbi, and Q, and Smurf, and Taylor, and wis, and bilou, and Sapphy, and Babsy, and 31cho, and aut, and Doggy (woof woof), and FerSureMaybe, and DJDeep, and emotionlessx, and a WHOLE BUNCH OF KEWL PEEPS!!! ( if i forgot to mention ya, I send you SHRUBBERY!)

Nuff said!

[someotherguy]

It is not possible to remove an account here. Once you sign up you are stuck. I stop in every once in a while when I have nothing better to do, as is very clear from what I post.

I think online hang-outs are like corner bars. The regulars may well see their habituation as socializing. But the obvious draw is the comfort of a routine booze stupor. It's also like TV but that talks back. I wish I could say it was like having friends, but really all you get are very limited and mostly imaginary exchanges with only the type of person whose social life is so lacking that they hunch over a computer instead of being with people in the flesh. Men cruise for sexual opportunities, seeking relief from women's emotional demands; women cruise for emotional support, seeking relief from men's sexual demands. The best of both worlds is not to be had online. And there's the rub.