honesty!

**Robyn** · Apr 28, 2006, 10:02 AM

Hi,

After 38 years I have finally decided to be honest with myself and admit I fancy women, not sure what to do next, but it's a start!

Robyn

**jedinudist** · Apr 28, 2006, 10:09 AM

You have already taken the most difficult step. Congratulations!

Please remember to be safe! There are many people in the world, good and bad. Try to avoid the bad ones

**Robyn** · Apr 28, 2006, 10:19 AM

Hi,
I think I always new that I was attracted to women but put it to the back of my mind!

I have been married for 15 years and have 2 kids, I love my husband but not sexually, I am desperate for the touch of another women. I have got friendly with a lady who I am really attracted to but I know she is straight, this is the usual pattern. So I am left feeling isolated, how do other people find encounters?

Robyn

**KevsBi** · Apr 28, 2006, 12:40 PM

Well this is a good place to start

But the best way to have an encounter is to visit a gay/lesbian bar.
And don't worry about being 'seen' there because no one will be inside unless they are gay or bisexual. If you do decide to go this route and you meet someone who strikes your fancy be honest with them! No one likes to be led on. Tell them the truth about your marriage, kids, etc. and that you are only there to satisfy your curiosity. If the person takes offense so be it...at least you are honest...and move on. But chances are that they are there to meet for sex anyway

The one and only time I ever went to a gay bar, I hooked up with a guy for a one night stand. Turns out that he was bi also and had just dropped his girlfriend off from a movie date! It was safe, discreet, and we both got what we wanted

Peace

**meteast chick** · Apr 28, 2006, 1:11 PM

As was previously said, you have by far taken the most difficult step. I've been attracted to women since my early/mid teens but never realized to what extent. When I stopped lying to myself it just seemed like everything just fell into place. Unfortunately for some in close quarters, that meant asking my husband of 6 years for a divorce and finding my own way in the world. It's definately the best thing for me and I do hope all goes well for you my dear.

Take care,
luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxo
meteast

**Mimi** · Apr 28, 2006, 1:29 PM

Originally Posted by Robyn

I have been married for 15 years and have 2 kids, I love my husband but not sexually, I am desperate for the touch of another women. I have got friendly with a lady who I am really attracted to but I know she is straight, this is the usual pattern. So I am left feeling isolated, how do other people find encounters?

hopefully you have worked this out with your husband that you want to have sex with women? although it is wonderful to come to terms with your same-sex attractions, and you have started coming out, you also need to be responsible to your partner. bisexuality is no excuse for infidelity. also, making your marriage non-exclusive also means you will need to set some "ground rules" about who you have sex with, when, how often, and how much you will tell your husband. you yourself also want to think about what you want out of an "encounter" with a woman -- sexual only or sexual and emotional? and if your marriage truly is sex-less, then what will happen if you fall in love with another woman? these are not the easiest questions to answer, but love and sex are not quick and easy either, no matter if you're gay, straight, or bi.

and you're in luck! there's a bisexual group in liverpool: http://liverpool.bi.org/.

good luck!
mimi

**Robyn** · Apr 28, 2006, 3:29 PM

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your kind words. It's not just sex I'm after,I would love an emotional connection with another female.

Unfortunately my husband is not aware of my feelings, I know I will have to tell him just not sure when or how.

Robyn

**Mimi** · Apr 28, 2006, 4:11 PM

Originally Posted by Robyn

It's not just sex I'm after,I would love an emotional connection with another female.

yes, you will definitely need to think about how or IF you will act on this, considering that you are married with 2 kids. and i also wonder if there is some unhappiness with your marriage? my "therapy-dar" is telling me that you might have some marital issues if you're not sexually turned on by your husband anymore. maybe you're turning away from your husband because you haven't had encounters yet with women? sometimes i think that someone who tries to repress their feelings toward the same-gender will feel like it grows more and more and that their feelings towards the opposite-gender starts to go away. it's like if you just "let it hang loose", then the feelings towards women wouldn't be so intense. the human mind is funny like that.

Unfortunately my husband is not aware of my feelings, I know I will have to tell him just not sure when or how.

yes, that is a tough one. it's never easy to come to terms with your bisexuality when you're in a relationship. i came out to myself when i was in a relationship with a man, and it was very sticky trying to manage my curiosity with women and my relationship w/ my bf. luckily, he was accepting of me being bi (he sorta helped me come out). but what i did was tried to work on my relationship w/ him first, and did not cheat on him or "open" up our relationship (i'm the monogamous type). our relationship ended up falling apart due to other things, and so after we broke up, i pursued women.

i think that as your husband he deserves to know about your sexual orientation. but first, you need to figure out if your "bi-ness" means more, less, or equal attractions towards men and women, if you want to be monogamous or nonmonogamous, and what this means to your marriage. because i think he will ask all of those questions when you tell him.

mimi

**julie** · Apr 28, 2006, 5:59 PM

hey Robyn.. welcome to the site

i think mimis point about just exploring your own feelings about being bi and feeling a bit more self contained.. before broaching the subject with your husband.. is a pretty valid one..

this doesnt have to mean being 'sorted'... just having more idea of what you want before exposing yourself to the reactions and opinions of others could serve you well in the long run...?

just my

julie

**tom_uk** · Apr 28, 2006, 6:10 PM

roybn - just do what you feel is right - there is no right or wrong - live for today and try to find out if what you feel is true

tom_uk

**BI BOYTOY** · Apr 29, 2006, 12:33 AM

hey; only thing you can do is follow your heart and be true to your self.and what will be willbe

and good luck

**happyjoe68** · Apr 29, 2006, 2:36 PM

you could always attend biphoria (www.biphoria.org), although in Manchester, it might be a bit more anonymous than the one in your home town

**Robyn** · Apr 29, 2006, 4:50 PM

Hi,

Am seriously thinking about attending the group in Manchester!

The first time is always the hardest!!!!

Robyn

**julie** · Apr 29, 2006, 6:41 PM

Robyn..

just to left you know.. softfruit is a member here and she runs the Manchester biphoria group.. she also edits BCN the bi-community newspaper..

if you PM her she will be able to give you any info you may need.. she is very approachable too

hey girl.. good luck yeah xx

oh yeah.. n happyjoe is one of th good guys too

**innaminka** · Apr 29, 2006, 8:17 PM

I raher agree with some of the writers, in that you should explore your feelings more before opening up to your husband.

And I disagree totally with the suggestion to visit a gay/bi bar. I think you need to know yourself far better before anything like that occurs.

There are counselling/advice groups in most big cities: there are friends to use.

My advice is go slowly. Coming out is a huge and very difficult step for most people. It will change your life!

**jedinudist** · Apr 30, 2006, 11:32 AM

Originally Posted by innaminka

I raher agree with some of the writers, in that you should explore your feelings more before opening up to your husband.

And I disagree totally with the suggestion to visit a gay/bi bar. I think you need to know yourself far better before anything like that occurs.

There are counselling/advice groups in most big cities: there are friends to use.

My advice is go slowly. Coming out is a huge and very difficult step for most people. It will change your life!

I edited this post of mine- here is the new version:

I agree whole-heartedly in that you should look into yourself and see how important this is to you. How interested/curious are you? How important is it to you that you look into this further. Because you are married, there is the risk of your spouse not understanding this and being upset by it. Only you can make this judgement.

And please excuse me if I came across as immediately condoning that you move forward with this without addressing it with your husband. You might be surprised and find he is able to accept your curiosity. An understanding spouse is a most powerful and wonderful thing to have in your corner, and you do owe your spouse the honest truth.

Tell him that you are interested or curious before you actually make any moves toward an encounter, but do so after you are certain that you really want or need to look into it. You really need to have that addressed and know where you both stand before moving forward.

Best of luck to you and to your family.

Blessed Be~