Telling children?

**JohnnyV** · Dec 17, 2005, 1:39 PM

Hello all,

Those of you who have children -- do you feel the need to keep your bisexuality secret from them forever? Are you ever scared they'll find out and hate you for not telling them? At what age would it be reasonable to tell them?

J

**OralBradley** · Dec 17, 2005, 2:00 PM

I general, I feel that it is better (if only for your own personal mental health) to be as open as possible. Lying and keeping secrets is detrimental to your body.
My own family all know that I am bisexual and are mostly supportive--but then, they are all now in their 40s. My wife is supportive and understanding, by naturally concerned about disease.
At what age to tell children is another matter. Like other sexual matters, they will ask when the questions come up IF there is an open and possitive attitude on the part of the adults. It certainly shouldn't wait until they are young adults like I was when I learned that the oral sex I had been getting forn men for years was taboo!

**Lorcan** · Dec 17, 2005, 3:43 PM

My kid knows. He's 10 now. We are both bisexual. We didn't have to "tell" him. We just talked normal around him. We didn't wait till he was out of the room to talk about it.

Course ya run the risk of an open minded kid blabbing to his school friends about how the two of you once had same sex relationships!

But we survived.

I think at 10 now he realizes that you have to be careful who you tell what to.

Just think: if you don't tell your children, they could be struggling with the same thing all alone.

**codybear3** · Dec 17, 2005, 6:01 PM

Just as Lorcan said...In our house, "We" also talked normal around the children. I raise my kids as individuals but I do not hide "things" from them. Nor do I push bi, str8 or anything else on them except the things that will make them better people in the world. If and when they begin to ask more direct, precise questions, I will answer them as honestly as possible. Of course, this is more difficult for those persons that have older children and have recently come to terms wth thier Bi-side...But I don't believe there is a specific time to tell the children, or anyone else, for that matter, anything.

**Lisa (va)** · Dec 17, 2005, 7:16 PM

Interesting thought. Do I tell my daughter ro not. If she asks, yes I will: but I think it is more important to teach her about how love and sexual intimacy go hand in hand. And, that she should not judge a person by theie sexual orientation, which I feel is every bit a biggotted as judging someone by their religion, race, etc. Maybe if I can show her how love enriches life (sex or otherwise) she won't ask (or care) about my past.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

**HudsonValleyNY** · Dec 17, 2005, 8:15 PM

Personally, I don't see any reason for one's children to know the sexual details of thier parents. Having spent the better part of my life as a str8 man married to a str8 woman, I can't say that either of us walked around annoucing how str8 we were. as for those that have told their kids, I do not judge you for doing so...the dynamics of each individual in a family dictates appropriate behavior for that group. Now that I have come to terms with my bisexuality, I still see no need to tell any one other than my wife and anyone else I might sleep with.

**Lorcan** · Dec 17, 2005, 10:16 PM

We gotta grow better kids than them hatemongers.
If you don't want to tell them about your particular sexual orientation, you have to at least inculcate them with your tolerance to all sexual orientations.

Then if they are gay, they won't be scared to tell you. And they hopefully won't hurt other people who are queer.

**wellred** · Dec 17, 2005, 11:01 PM

Cheers to you, Lorcan! Well stated.

Loving and understanding children, that will one day become loving and understanding adults, are likely to make the world a better place...whether we are discussing sexual orientation or any of the many other ways that mankind finds to separate one group of people from another. Such orientation begins with each of us as we live our lives, demonstrating our essence rather than merely speaking about it.

Hugs,
Red

**JohnnyV** · Dec 18, 2005, 12:24 AM

Thanks for so many responses. I have had this on my mind a lot because one of my parents was bisexual and kept it secret until she died. I am going to be a father now too and I've been wondering what I should tell my child (or children if we succeed in having more).

I am lucky that I have a long time before the kid will be old enough to understand any of these things. But I think the most important thing is maybe teaching her to be open-minded herself rather than rehashing what I've done in my life. What do you think?

**HudsonValleyNY** · Dec 18, 2005, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by Lorcan

We gotta grow better kids than them hatemongers.
If you don't want to tell them about your particular sexual orientation, you have to at least inculcate them with your tolerance to all sexual orientations.

Then if they are gay, they won't be scared to tell you. And they hopefully won't hurt other people who are queer.

I couldn't agree more. Although I don't see the need to devulge one's sexuality to thier kids, we have nevertheless raised them to be tolerant, if not understanding, of all oreientations, races, creeds, and persuations. The main things we tought them not to tolerate is ignorance, hate, and intolerence. I'm proud to say that if any of my kids turned out to be gay or bi, they would not hesitate in recieving my full support...nor would they hesitate to tell us if they wanted to.