womans views on bi guys

[spiderden]

Wow ! I wish you guys lived closer as we feel the same way you do ! We are both bi-curious and have yet to experience this. It's such a turn on to think about my husband with another guy and he would give his right arm to see me with a woman ! Know anyone like that in the Pa area ?

My husband is bicurious and we have recently began to search for the couple that will help us explore these feelings and desires. How do I feel. I am mainly turned on by the honesty that he has given me. I am turned on also by the aspect of his arousal and gratification that he will receive. We plan to play, explore, share, and learn together. We both want this to be an experience that we both our comfortable with. I could not go forward with this if I had any doubts or worries and I know that he would not want me to. Honesty is key... Be upfront with your spouse and make sure hes being the same with you.

[Chelle_420]

As a bi woman who is married to a bi man, I have to say that I find few things sexier than two men together. I know that most people I have discussed this with disagree but I for one think it is hot. My husband has a steady "friend" and I love to see them cuddle on the couch and just be together. I have never seen my husband do more than kiss another man but I find it very erotic and I know that I would feel the same if I saw them do more.

[pooh6ny]

well my hubby is bi and so am i i have not joined him and another man but i like to talk to him about him being with other men and ithink i would enjoy being apart of two men

[sexy couple]

We are both bi, and after having our first bi experiences with another wonderful bi couple, I have to say that I am even more turned on by watching my husband with another man than I thought I would be... We feel especially blessed to be with another couple that we feel totally comfortable and connected with, and we love being able to explore and enjoy one another without limitation. The thought of seeing him with another man has always been a fantasy of mine, but finally seeing it in person was amazing!!

[davenavy1946]

When I first revealed my bisexuality to my ex-wife, it seriously aroused her. She even saw me give a blow-job or two, and then we would go fuck like rabbits. Later she disliked the whole idea, and we are no longer together.

Hi, Dave from N.J. here. It is too bad that we are so far apart. I would love to share cock sucking with you. Dave New Jersey.

[davenavy1946]

Hmm this is a good one.
I think as a whole bisexual men are the best of both worlds. I can't say it ness. gets me off to see two men together...but I like the idea and the Bi men I have met have been wonderful.
Yeah for bi Guys!
-Ratchick

THanks from a very Bi, married male from N.J. Dave

[bibibaby]

My hubby is bi, and I truly love watching him with another guy. It's such a turn-on, and I love to be involved as well. I think it's natural for guys to be completely hot together... they tend to be more passionate about sex and go for what makes them feel good. This in itself is utterly sexy... combine 2 guys drawn to each and I'm sent over the edge.

I also have other female friends who agree with me 100%. I think a lot of it depends on regional boundaries and expectations of bisexuality. Living in NYC, it's very ok to be bi.

[rayosytruenos]

When I first revealed my bisexuality to my ex-wife, it seriously aroused her. She even saw me give a blow-job or two, and then we would go fuck like rabbits. Later she disliked the whole idea, and we are no longer together.

Hi!

Sorry for what happened to you.

For what I've read in this thread, it seems that when women are bisexual themselves, they are more understanding about men being bisexuals too.

Second, they seem to be not only more understanding but also more turned on by watching their hubbies engaged in male to male sex than straight women.

Of course, I'm generalizing from all what has being said in the posts of this thread, and also we have to keep in mind that this is a bisexual site, so people coming here have a more open mind that others, as they are bisexuals themselves or are straights trying to understand their partners' bisexuality.

But Jo's post is unique as he described how his wife was first really aroused by her husband's bisexuality, but later on, she changed her mind to the point of being disgusted by the same that turned her on before... Not sure if that was the reason of their divorce or not...

That also shows how sexuality can change with time, even from being straight to bisexual to gay or the other way around. I've always thought that sexuality is not fixed and that our likes can change from one day to the following, from one minute to the next.

All the best,

ray

[dewuwannaknwme]

hello I am a bi woman who is seekin a bi male that i can see interact with another male. It's a turn on for me most definetly. It s very taboo in our culture in usa esp. I am very openminded and has had experience with it b4.Looking for someone professional,like myself. So if anyone is in the pa or surrounding area , definitley send me a note, so we can connect.

[Diddybidaddy]

I've been reading this thread and I've found it very interesting. I wanted to post because I of course also think that there is a double standard with regards to the acceptance of bisexual females in society and bisexual men. Why is this? I attribute it to a number of things, but mainly to sexual politics and the dynamic and hierarchy within society.

So, for example, the porn industry, which was mostly founded and dominated by str8 males and arose to its glory in the 70's with DEEP THROAT and other classic porn gems, as well as Playboy, Penthouse and other porn mags put out the concept or idea of two women having sex while being watched by or joined in by a man. Men (and women) were TOLD what was sexy by the various media. And they swallowed it, just like today people are TOLD what is visually appealing in a man or a woman usually by fashion magazines and they swallow it, wholesale. Even the beautiful European classic Emmanuelle and all of its sequels was lesbiphilic and homophobic. If back in those days of early porn, we had been exposed to images of two men having fun with each other and/or the woman the world today would be a different place.
I'm going to continue this post.

[Diddybidaddy]

So I just want to further this a bit. With regards to sexual politics, for almost all of the FFM pornography I have seen, there is a power dynamic between the man and the two women. Usually they are there "performing" for him at his request. And then perhaps later turn their attention to him both.

This implies that the fellow is in control and calling the shots. Were a woman to be in the same position, it would be a different story. Then she would be in a position of power, telling her "boys" what to do. Some men may not object to this, some especially submissives might even welcome it.

But the other problem with the MMF/FFM switch dynamic is, I believe, is at some level the str8 guy knows his woman will have fun with a woman, but will ultimately return to him. In situations where I have read that the woman chooses to forsake men altogether, the man gets really threatened. He doesn't want his woman to leave but at the same time he knows he can't possible compete with a woman. Only she knows how to pleasure another woman. This may be what frightens some women with bisexual men. Will he just give up women altogether?

And the last piece has to do with sexual politics. Somehow a woman with another woman, according to a number of lesbian feminist studies can be trivialized as irrelevant, because, in a Freudian sense, there is no penis --- therefore it can't be REAL sex. But 2 penises, that's for sure REAL sex, and two men. The hierarchy of men within society doesn't allow for men to be soft, yielding, vulnerable, crying, able to moan (whether in pleasure or pain) and to be fucked in the ass -- the ultimate insult of being a FAG is to place one's self in the position of being the "woman" and therefore weaker and irrelevant. The fear is that once a man queers himself down with another man, whether sucking his cock or having his cock sucked, he is just a hop, skip and ajump away from being ass-fucked and therefore made into a woman and therefore made weaker and less powerful. And no man, no person wants to be made weak or powerless.
I have one last thought.

[Diddybidaddy]

MM sex or MMF sex could also be seen as a powerful reaffirmation of the two males masculinity, rather than it diminishing them both it could augment them both. Also when the power dynamic within society generally is more balanced and more women hold positions of power. So far to date there has been no major female political figure in the States for example, the most powerful country on the planet. When that gender imbalance is cured, more women will feel empowered enough to entertain the fantasy of 2 men in her bed for her disposal and men will feel the freedom to being the willing sexual serfs, without feeling emasculated or castrated.

[BisexualCouple4U]

I am female and love the idea of my boyfriend being with another guy. I think it is such a turn on. Just thought I would throw in my 2 cents. But there are girls out there who love two men together...

[OralBradley]

I am married and I would find it a HUGE turn on to see him with another man... We are built for pleasure and it's all good in my opinion. We watch str8, gay and bi movies together and find it all to be very erotic. In fact, I think mm interactions in movies are so much more genuine, because, well, it's a lot easier to tell just how turned on they are! We share all of our fantasies and are finding that we are both equally bi. Thinking of him with another man drives me just as crazy as him wanting to see me with another woman!

I wish that my wife and I had a similar relationship. I am bisexual and for many years longed for another bisexual man to complete a stable triad where we shared a common bed and sexual activites. For a while we did search for on, but eventually gave up. Now, though she is still understanding, my wife is not longer interested in a polyamorous releationship. oralbradley@yahoo.com

[OralBradley]

Well, it is obvious that MM is not as accepted as FF......it is just part of a taboo

This was certainly true at swinging parties when we were going. My wife was expected to get it on with other women, but we were asked not to come back when I sucked a cock in an MFM 3-some in the group grope.

[OralBradley]

Hi!

For what I've read in this thread, it seems that when women are bisexual themselves, they are more understanding about men being bisexuals too.

Second, they seem to be not only more understanding but also more turned on by watching their hubbies engaged in male to male sex than straight women.

But Jo's post is unique as he described how his wife was first really aroused by her husband's bisexuality, but later on, she changed her mind to the point of being disgusted by the same that turned her on before... Not sure if that was the reason of their divorce or not...

ray

All of this seems to be true te life; at least my life. When we were going to swinging parties, my wife certainly enjoyed herself with other women. Although she never joined me while I had sex with another man, we did look for a bisexual guy to make a stable 3-some.
Later, she changed and now won't even watch sex-flix with me, and she used to get literally dripping at times. She is still generally supportive, but we are both very wary of the possibility of disease.

[red_riding_hood_27]

Sorry to say this but (and it might offend some) I find both offensive and not a turn on. Both mm and ff. I don't find either a turn on. (if some don't now married to a man who just came out to me) Actually I have watch porn of both and it does nothing for my sex drive. Even the mf does nothing for me.. Now give me a good romance novel with a little sex written in and that will turn me on. The written word with my Imagination does the trick for me. I am one not of visual stimulation but mental.

[IndyBiFun]

As a bi guy married to a very str8 woman that does not appreciate my sexuality, I just want to say I'd love it if my wife was OK with it. What a huge relief but also such a turn on for ME if I knew she got turned on in return by watching me with another guy. Wow! If only..............

[Diddybidaddy]

I have to say, having read some recent posts previous to this one, especially the one with Oral Bradley and the experience with swingers -- some of the biggest hypocrites -- that the fear around MMF or MM sex is all about politics. It's just sexual politics. When women DEMAND more power and DEMAND to be pleasured in the same way a str8 guy would demand 2 females to suck him off and then play with each other, the environment will be different. I'm positive of it.

[JohnnyV]

Diddy,

You bring up a lot of great points about politics and power. But Oral Bradley hit the nail on the head: disease.

For almost all types of sexually transmitted disease -- crabs, herpes, syphilis, gonnorhea, HIV, warts, mosculum, you name it -- male-male sex, especially anal sex (even with a condom), is many times more likely to result in transmission of disease than male-female sex. There are two reasons for the higher risk of MMF than FFM.

First, biology. The penis is uniquely capable of transmitting disease through semen and seminal fluid, because it literally shoots its semen out into another person's body (be it the mouth or anus). Put two penises together and you've got more biological scenarios of transmission. Also, anal sex is particularly bad because the rectal lining is delicate and breaks easily, meaning that the penis can secrete its fluids directly into the bottom's bloodstream, and the bottom's rectal secretions can more easily seep into abrasions in the top's penis. A condom helps, but -- here's the bad news -- some studies find that in anal sex condoms have a 10-15% failure rate, mostly because the anus is so tight and the friction is not anatomically accounted for in the way our bodies evolved. Lubricant could help, but lubricant can also irritate the sensitive mucous membranes in the rectum and the penis' meatus, and if mucous membrane is irritated, there are more porous openings for pathogens (viruses or bacteria) to pass through and infect.

Second, there's the difference in sexual culture. If you are able to find a man who'll have sex with your husband, the chances are that the other man has already been inducted into the world of gay sex. Gay and bisexual men, on average, have hundreds of times more partners during their lifetime than straight men; so even if a bi man has only had sex with two men in his lifetime, there is a high chance those two men have had a combined sexual history of 1,000 or more partners.

This translates into a daunting roster of diseases you have to worry about. Look at the statistics: Gay men and bisexual men with predominant gay leanings make up about 2.5% of the population but they account for 45% of all HIV cases in the US and a majority of sexually acquired HIV cases. About 9 in 10 adult males in the US are straight, but only about 1 in 9 HIV-positive men who acquired the virus through sex are straight. While 25% of the adult population has been exposed to genital herpes, about two thirds of adult gay males have genital herpes. And orally transmitted syphilis is so rare in the heterosexual population that it's impossible to measure, yet among gay men it is one of the most urgent health threats.

As a married bi man whose wife has been okay with the idea of getting it on with a guy, I have to say that the health risks are the only things that continue to hold me back. I don't know where I can find another man whom I trust enough to have potentially hazardous sex with.

J

[lbamm]

Sorry Folks...I know I'm not a female, but had to comment. I really ejoyed all of your imput on the issue. My ex wife was the only person I exercised my bisexuality with or even admitted it to. Not only was it special to give her something I know most guys won't consider but she in turn made the whole thing complete ! we shared men and sometimes she watched,but whatever the situation it was the ULTIMATE intimacy a couple could share ! It's good to know so many are so supportive and approving. Before I located this website, I feared that she was a once in a lifetime opportunity and now I know that this does not have to be the closing of a newly opened chapter in my life. It was just starting to get interesting ! (wink ) Thanks Ladies ! & ROCK ON !

[yaknowthatguy]

Diddy,

You bring up a lot of great points about politics and power. But Oral Bradley hit the nail on the head: disease.

As a married bi man whose wife has been okay with the idea of getting it on with a guy, I have to say that the health risks are the only things that continue to hold me back. I don't know where I can find another man whom I trust enough to have potentially hazardous sex with.

J

GREAT perspective and statistics - sometimes a reality check is a good reminder.

I'm a very lucky guy - married to a mostly straight wife who is very understanding of my sexuality, and loves to watch too! An easy way to get her gushing. I rather wish she was bi too....but that's another story.

Thing is, both of us are in medicine, and understand the risks implicitly. We're very circumspect about our partners (and, to date, it's been 'partner'). We don't terribly like the idea of one-nighters, and prefer friendships - so we offer testing of ourselves up front, and want testing of people with whom we meet. This is arduous, and a bit of a buzzkill, but it does offer some measure of security for all parties (though not completely). Even with that, condoms are not negotiable - they are utilized, period. Sex should be enjoyable, not fatal.

Understanding straight women are out there - just have to look far enough.

[alec50uk]

my wife is straight, and has no wish to join in with any other kind of sex apart from one to one with each other, but she knows i am bi, and go out to meet other bi/gay guys and have sex with them. she then gets a real turn on out of me giving her the details of what i have been up to, whether just oral or full sex with other guys, and that's when we have our best sex. she is 49 and i am 51. she does not want me to bring other guys home for sex, either threesomes or one to one, just for me to talk about it and get her in the mood.
does anyone else have this kind of wife?
john

I do John. Alec

[csrakate]

For what I've read in this thread, it seems that when women are bisexual themselves, they are more understanding about men being bisexuals too.

Second, they seem to be not only more understanding but also more turned on by watching their hubbies engaged in male to male sex than straight women.

Sorry Ray..but I must take exception to this just a bit. Straight women may not find male to male sex a turn on...but in many cases, it goes deeper than the fact that they are straight. It has to do with what they were raised to believe...what society has dictated as the norm.

As a "straight" woman married to a bisexual man, I very often consented to viewing same sex porn with my husband because I believed that it was the right thing for me to do for him. I "watched", but very often I did so with my eyes averted from the screen and my affect rather flat and non-responsive. Why??? At the time I just thought it was because i found it far too different for me to understand....but as I have grown a bit more in my understanding of myself, I realized it was because I didn't WANT to find it a turn on. I was afraid to watch because I didn't WANT to be aroused by it. I had been raised to believe that "nice" girls didn't get aroused by such things..."nice" girls grew up to be wives and mothers (and successful career women...don't think that I am THAT old fashioned!!) and to acknowledge their sexuality was to acknowledge a character flaw.

Lucky for me (and for my husband) I have had a change of heart. I can now acknowledge myself as a sexual being, a woman who may label herself as straight, but a woman who is now open to other possibilities as her kids grow more independant and as her focus shifts more inward. I no longer watch same sex porn with my fingers over my eyes...as a matter of fact, I often sit straight up in the bed and watch with great interest! I am no longer fenced in by those "societal norms". I am free to appreciate myself and my husband as well as us as a couple...two people who love sex and find that our imaginations can lead us to greater heights! I may not be speaking for the majority of straight women married to bi men, but I do want to let it be known that it is possible to have the best of both worlds...but that it takes good communication, active imaginations, and loving hearts to achieve this result. I am lucky that i married a man who was patient enough to allow me to arrive at that point at my own pace...one who didn't push or complain...and now one who is very happy and quite satisfied on all counts. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? All that I know is that I am no longer afraid to be me!

Hugs,
Kate

[Driver 8]

I've known bi women who told me they weren't comfortable dating bi guys; said they wanted monogamy and couldn't expect it from bi men. (Flame me not, I merely report this.)

As for me, I think bi men are hot, and there aren't nearly enough out ones, ah well.

[DareMe]

The question you ask is not ann asy one to answer to this arena as I believe that most of us who come here, have a natural disposition towards the acceptance of each other's sexual preference.

The str8 women I know even when approaching the subject all think that's not natural to see 2 men together. The reverse situation is not met with the same disdain.

I think that, this being a man's world, or at least until the 1970s before the pill and the woman`s lib movement came around, the society's accepted general sexual preferences had evolved from a very masculine point of vue. And let's face it, what is more macho than sharing your bed with 2 women.

Men admiting to having even a slight attraction to other men werre ostracized. Today, you may not necessarily be ostracized but you are subjected to walk around with the "gay" label over your head.

Women that accept male bisexualism is really not the norm, or at least not when I was dating in my 20s.

Just my opinion, I may be wrong as I have been wrong b4.

DM

[isnt_so_sure]

now i am a 26 yr old bisexual woman who is turned on by the idea of two men having sex.....if there are many of us out there we dont seem to be recognized....the only thing that i can state as a theory as to why it seems to be so is that according to society there are people out there that think anal sex is dirty and shouldnt be done at all....i guess the rest of it has to do with the way we are controlled by media which seem to be controlled by mostly men who are stuck in their ways but at least now there is a movie out that depicts two manly men in a sexual way thats mainstream...hope this helps

[melmorg]

"…sexuality can change with time, even from being straight to bisexual to gay or the other way around. I've always thought that sexuality is not fixed and that our likes can change from one day to the following, from one minute to the next."

The more I accept my bicuriosity and potential bisexuality the more I believe in the aforementioned statement. Growing up in a strict Christian environment, all aspects of sexuality were off limits to me, therefore causing a lot of discomfort with anything different than what was considered "normal." To be honest, I basically grew up feeling pretty asexual as sex was not discussed beyond what not to do.

As I got older and separated myself from that environment, my feelings changed considerably. I'm much more comfortable around people of different sexual persuasions and have begun opening up to my own sexuality. I believe that we're basically spiritual beings who connect to each other first and foremost on that level, regardless of gender.

It's a shame that people have to be labeled one thing or another, but unfortunately, society has deemed certain things acceptable and others not. The good thing is that society's views can—and do—change over time. Religion, on the other hand, is a whole 'nother story.

To finally answer the question, I don't really know how I'd feel dealing with a bi- guy, as the whole MM thing is still growing on me. It sounds great in theory to be with someone who can relate on both levels, but since I'm still new at all this, I'll have to maintain a wait and see attitude.

[morpheus2005]

[QUOTE=. So far to date there has been no major female political figure in the States for example, the most powerful country on the planet.[/QUOTE]

I really dig everything else you've said, but I take issue with this quote. Hillary, Condaleeza? Barbara Boxer? While obviously no female has been president or been a Senator for decades, there are quite a few females who wield more power than most.

[wanderingrichard]

at first, i passed this thread by becuase i figured it would raise my tendency to rant against my percieved slights by "normal" society agianst bisexuality.

then , i started carefully reading the responses, and i'm now glad i have.

as a single, a swinger, and a bisexual, i've run into a lot of the prejudices that have been stated here. yes, swingers , for the most part are the biggest hypocrites in the sexually free world. i too have been given the bums rush when engaging in MM play at a few orgies. but, as stated elsewhere, women are expected to engage in FF acts for the enjoyment of their male onlookers and partners. how skewed and pathetic these people are. it's also the reason that when i'm asked to reccomend a swingers group in my area i steer people away from the one "shining example of hedonism" in the area.. tho founded by a very bi man, and now run by a staff of political wannabes, it is now not at all tolerant of bisexuality in men, but expects it of all women members. and yes, sexual politics have come into play almost everywhere..it has literally taken me years to find several groups that are tolerant of alternative sexualities, and mean it, not just mouth the platitudes of tolerance, only to revile those who take them at thier word.

also, ever see an interesting profile that screams "NO SINGLE MEN? " or " NO BI MEN"? do you have that on yours? yet want wife or hubby to perform in same sex acts, with you as the 3rd member? isn't that a form of hypocrisy or predjudice too? [ see, i started ranting again and dialed it back]

what i think is the right form of answer here is an amalgam of diddy, johhnyv, kate and one or two others.. yes, it is an unjust and dangerous world. yes people are cruel to those whose lifestyles or ideals are not in line with theirs.. what we have to remember, and do, is to reinforce our understanding of others and their cultures.. not base our reactions on a narrow field of view that may have been driven into us in childhood and still holds sway in our adult ways of thinking.

MM or FF is and can be a beautiful and powerful thing. forcing someone into this situation is reprehensible, and should not be at all tolerated in our society. our applause and support should be given to those who have found themselves with a bi partner and have opened their minds enough to try and learn what it means not only to their partners, but to themselves as well, and turned it into a positive thing in their combined lives.