Welcome New Members and Info for Bi Married Folks and Spouses

I came across an interview on CNN just a few minutes ago with Anne Heche's mom who was the wife of a closeted bisexual man until he passed away of AIDS. She has written a book. All this is a fallout of Pastor Ted Haggard being outed as bisexual.

In my experience, when bisexuality is discussed in the mainstream media we get a flood of new members. So I am sure we will have many new members today and in the coming days; most of them being bi and married or the spouse of a bisexual man or woman. So I thought a special warm welcome was in order. Bisexuality in marriage is a very complex issue and can be very difficult. So welcome to all of you.

I also wanted to share this list of threads where our members have discusssed bisexuality in marriage - they might be useful reading for you:
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2093
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2049
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2048
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2040
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2031
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2011
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1970
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1954
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=149
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1950
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=817
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1846
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1768
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1754
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1609
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1573
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1487
http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1507

And I love this site, it is a fantastic resource for straight spouses of bi and gay men and women: The Straight Spouse Network - www.straightspouse.org

Welcome to the site! Make yourself at home. Feel free to start a new thread to discuss any questions or thoughts you may have.

- Drew :paw:

Thanks Drew, I am a closet married bisexual and this is a great site to explore.

Yes
This is a good site for bisexual men, women and couples. It helps bisexual men and women. It helps the spouses of bisexuals to understand what we are going through. It helps them understand that bisexuals need such a site as this. Most heterosexual spouses ask questions. They get clarification and this helps them with their bisexual partner. A few remain to help other heterosexuals understand their role with being in a relationship with a bisexual. I The main purpose is that as your wrote that this site is for bisexuals.

I'm glad that there is a site like this for bisexuals and those who are exploring their sexuality or uncertain of their sexuality.

I'm glad that in the sea of gay and hetero information that there is a site like this for us to discuss our bisexuality.

With the past four to four and half years, much has been discussed on this site and there has been the mainstream discussion of bisexuality and how it is different from gay/lesbian sexuality as well as heterosexuals. There probably isn't enough though. There is still confusion in the mainstream/gay/lesbian groups about bisexuality. There seems some attempt to reduce the significance of a site for bisexuals to discuss their sexuality between themselves. There is still a need for a safe place where views of bisexual people may be discussed without the mainstream telling us that we are bad or confused...whether those voices come from a gay/lesbian or heterosexual perspective.

Thanks Drew for permitting bisexuals to have a voice.

[COLOR="Blue"]Quote:
Originally Posted by tenni from thread "Confused as fuck"
"its a site for people that are straight, flexible, curious, bisexual, gay, and everything in between...."
(LDD)
"site for bisexual men, women and couples"
(banner)
"we will have many new members today and in the coming days; most of them being bi and married or the spouse of a bisexual man or woman."
(drew)

Not the same at all .....

"Bi and married" indicates that the new member is bisexual. "spouse of a bisexual man or woman" again refers to bisexuality and not "gay" and "straight". This is not a site for gays and heterosexuals who are not a spouse of a bisexual.(inference level of reading comprehension that those heterosexuals and gays would have questions about their bisexual spouses)

Beyond that point, LDD used "straight" first in his statement which may show a telling aspect of LDD desires for priority on this site when added to a later accusation of "heterophobe" towards someone(moi) who points out his false desires/understanding. (that is mere conjecture though as to the intent of this quacker. He may just be...well quacky)

Darkeyes post from Confused as fuck
Will not comment on the second and third paras, tenni.. thats tween u an Duckie.. but as 2 the first part? Christ what absolute bollox u do speak at times.. do u think bi people have so many heterosexual allies that when they do show interest, just because they are not the spouse or partner of a bi person, and do want to learn about bisexuality, and maybe even offer you support in the battle for recognition and equality that you tell them to fuck off? You didnt mention gay people but gay people who have no familial or personal interest in bisexuals, even allowing we all go under the lgbt banner? The same presumably goes for them. We need straight people on our side.. only because we have straight people on our side, whether we are gay, bi or transgendered can we ever hope to continue our progress.. so I suggest that finally you drop this intolerent and rather stupid short sighted claptrap, and welcome straight people onto this little site and its community.. believe it or not.. we need them far, far more than they will ever need us..

darkeyes
Do I think that bi people have so many hetersoexual or gay allies that when they do show interest and are not a spouse that we should tell them to fuck off?

No, but don't campaign to get heterosexuals or gays who are not spouses of bisexuals to become vocal on this site either. Such people may read the threads without commenting or even joining the site. When they decide that even though they have no connection to bisexuals that they wish to become a vocal member of this site, be cautious as to their motivation. What is their connection to bisexuality? If they make scores of posts and encourage other heterosexuals/gays to join and become vocal, then this site loses its focus that it is for and about bisexuals. When we have posters promoting "straights" as the first group who should be on this site, it loses its focus. It looks minor and it may be an oversight but be wary of such approaches about this site being all inclusive or you do not have a site for bisexuals.

There are scores of sites for gays and heterosexuals. There are very few bisexual sites. The focus of this site is bisexuality and many bisexuals do not support the agenda of gays as to how to live their life. Let the bisexuals discuss their sexuality amongst themselves. They can send reps to the GLBT political meetings if so desired. Some heteros and gays may be allies to bisexuals in their own groups and the mainstream without making a large number of posts to this site. If they have a question about bisexuals, ask it. Let the bisexuals explore and examine the question amongst themselves before going public etc. If these heterosexuals and gays who are not spouses of a bisexual have a campaign and make large number of posts promoting a certain approach to or about bisexuals, be wary.

Throwing in transgendered and gender muddies the water. Stick to sexuality for now darkeyes.

As far as crap, that is what I'm speaking up about manipulation by a small minority to alter the site to be more of a watered down inclusive site than it was designed to be. Other than a few people on this site promoting this inclusive watering down of this site, it is not a problem presently. It should be pointed out to these two or three people their misunderstanding or whatever they are up to.

Far as I'm concerned , let them post as much as they want.

I like Frans posts. I like DuckiesDarlings posts. They make this site about being a group of people, rather than a cheering squad for Bi men.

Most of the folks here are bi & that's good enough, in my opinion.

I understand that some folks think its about being focused on one thing (their sexuality.) However, no one forced you to read anyone's posts. In addition if you are really that desperate, go build your own site. People out there will flock to it , if you do it right.

I'm all for including the straight and gay folks in our discussions, having been on the other side of that coin. That is - having been discriminated against in my own life, I am reluctant to act like the people who treated me like crap.

So far as I can tell, Drew never said that straights or gays cannot join, or participate.

Let's face it - if this site becomes overrun with straight and gay folks (unlikely) we will just find somewhere else to be & there are other places on the intertubes where we are welcomed.

:2cents:

btw - no, don't bother replying I wont argue this point.

"It helps the spouses of bisexuals to understand what we are going through. It helps them understand that bisexuals need such a site as this. Most heterosexual spouses ask questions. They get clarification and this helps them with their bisexual partner. A few remain to help other heterosexuals understand their role with being in a relationship with a bisexual. "

Void hugs tenni, just because and chuckles shaking his noggin and grinning.

Thank you tenni. I now feel quite like the ever groovy sea monkey. "This site helps you understand the care and feeding of your bisexual. It offers guides and informative tips. ..."

I had to do this, tenni. There was no way to avoid it, sweetheart. Unless of course, I were to have taken some Thorazine. ;) "Screw you, if you can't take a joke."

Tenni.. I am very cautious about many things.. I am very cautious about many of those who claim to be bisexual or gay on this site.. and I am cautious about their motives whether they are gay bi trans str8 or a bloody donkey..but until such times as they have proven to me otherwise that they do not deserve to be worthy I will welcome them with open arms and wish them well.. manipulation can happen in any walk of life and the sexuality is no debar to any gay str8 or bi manipulating.. Christ I have been accused of that, as has many other people on this site.. but I have far too much respect for human beings to even consider doing that.. I like human beings to think and argue for themselves what is in their own hearts and minds.. that tenni darling is why I have always liked you.. nothing you have said in this little spat changes that.. that is why I like Duckie.. argumentative and irritating sod though he may be he will not allow himself to be manipulated and has the most annnoying independence of thought.. both of u have that and thats why I do think the world of u both..it is terrific.. and we have all been accused of trying to manipulate at one time or other..

There are those who say they have independence of thought.. in part they attempt to manipulate, but they in turn are themselves manipulated by upbringing, patriotism, nationalism and other factors.. they lack the ability and capacity to think properly and freely.. I think you could name sevral of that kind.. they have been bought by the system and do not use thier mids as they should.. they are inhibited into buying into what their state tells them..

It doesnt matter a person's sexuality.. they are as likely or not to manipulate as anyone else.. but I repeat.. until such times as they prove to me they are not worthy of my trust then I will welcome them and be friendly.. we will argue but that shouldnt matter.. I will swear at them as I have done to u and others.. but none of it iis personal.. but when they are fucking us around.. whether they be gay bi or anything else.. then I will argue.. and am more likely to take things personally..

My point in all this waffle? Trust until you are given reason not to.. as sexual beings we have more in common than we do not.. as human beings we have more in common than we do not.. str8s are fine by me.. and darling they should be with you too cos without them you would be in deep shite..:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

[COLOR="Blue"]Quote:
Originally Posted by tenni from thread "Confused as fuck"

Beyond that point, LDD used "straight" first in his statement which may show a telling aspect of LDD desires for priority on this site when added to a later accusation of "heterophobe" towards someone(moi) who points out his false desires/understanding. (that is mere conjecture though as to the intent of this quacker. He may just be...well quacky)

---

if you actually read the way I posted the the sexualities, they followed the kinsey scale.. starting at straight and going thru to gay

I am curious tenni.... since the kinsey rating in the site for people starts at straight and goes to gay, do we need to edit it for this site....
maybe 2,3,4,5,6,1,7

btw it has to be asked.... why do you post GLBT... putting gay first... if you feel that bisexuals should be first.... bit like BLGT......

I suck and swallow
I bumped this thread up because of what LDD wrote on the thread "confused as fuck". He was promoting straight people by posting them first on a list that he thought should be a range of members on this bisexual site. He referenced this thread as his defence as to why gays and heterosexuals should be members of this site even if they do not have a bisexual spouse. I brought this over to this thread rather than continue to disturb the young man's question about his sexuality.

Diva
Although Drew did not mention heterosexuals nor gays, he does state that the site is for bisexual men, women and couples. How much clearer can he make it for you? He writes in the positive as to who the site is for. Why have such a site if not for bisexuals to discuss amongst themselves ?

darkeyes
When I read posters who claim to be heterosexual advising bisexuals on same sex actions and using capitals to ridicule and condemn a bisexual for how they have decided to act (as advised by their psychologist), I become angered at what I see as an injustice. You are well aware about standing up for what you perceive as an injustice. I sense an injustice being done to a fellow bisexual and wonder why other bisexuals do not condemn a heterosexual being so brazen on this site. They seem to have conformed and agreed with the heterosexual.

Realistically, I do not really expect the site to become dominated by heterosexuals and gay people but if present in sufficient vocal numbers it may very well alter what is here . In some respects one or two posters here promoting that the site is a panecea of love and peace where all sexualities discuss bisexuality to the benefit of humans everywhere is more than not going to happen. Do bisexuals really have the ca ca together and are so focused on bisexuality that they do not need such a safe harbour for discussion and exploration amongst themselves? I doubt it.

There is no one way to live as a bisexual(so it seems). We need a space to discuss without these condemnations from the heterosexual mainstream beliefs pressuring us to conform. Bisexuals are influenced by the mainstream more so than perhaps gays. We are not as completely rejected by the mainstream if we hide well....and many of us do. Why encourage the voice of the mainstream as we explore our bisexuality on this site? It pressures us to conform and hide more.

I am concerned how some vocal bisexuals on this site can panic when they read a perspective that differs from their own or a more common perspective already mentioned on the site . They call the poster a "troll" as a first reaction to the non conformist? Having men and women bisexuals discussing their sexuality on a site makes a tone as I have previously stated that is less open to an open dialogue as same sex from my observations. I feel it myself when a more less refinely expressed perspective is posted. In fact, I've read such perspectives being expressed on that same sex bisexual site that posters here have turned around and called the person a troll for expressing!!!

This is not a completely safe site for discussion of bisexuality as it is now imo. You like human beings to discuss and argue for themselves. So, do I. I also recognize the need for a safe place for speaking and opening up. As I have stated previously there is support for those who behave in a certain fashion and express well established beliefs here. Continue to water down the focus on bisexual voices discussing amongst themselves and what need is there for such a site?

In fact darkeyes, why is there a need for a bisexual web site in your view? Why not just a sexuality discussion site amongst all variations of sexuality?

Thank you for why you used "straight first". I thought that Kinsey used the word "heterosexual" not "straight". Would you consider being more sensitive to promoting a safe place for bisexuals to discuss their own issues and stop promoting the concept that this site is a site for all sexualities to discuss bisexuality?

GLBT seems to be an acronym created by gay people. Hmm now why would they put G first? duh?...lol

Most posters here probably don't care.

I've been reading threads without being logged in for a bit but this has gotten ridiculous. Tenni, I have watched you succeed in driving off straight people who came here for help, the last was Ladykarma90. I watch you poke and prod at anyone who doesn't share your own PERSONAL views on bisexuality and I have watched you tuck tail and run when you are told how your actions are viewed by others.

Grow up. There is room for all here and Drew himself welcomed ALL. This is not the only thread Drew has posted regarding his idea for a site. You clearly have an issue with certain posters, USE YOUR IGNORE. You need to find your big girl panties and move on.

There is no need to sit and slam trans, pans, heteros and gays in one post then try to suck up to someone in another. Be a man or just shut the fuck up but enough with the god damned whining in every thread.:2cents:

Aidan

(Sorry to a few of you but he pissed me off)

http://www.skippypodar.net/WebGaller...ted-thread.jpg

5 years between post.....

Joe, your guy looks like he's in pain..or intense pleasure...lol
Silly Cat

You seen the face of the male orgasm.

Hell if we know the difference sometimes. Maybe that's why I dig a little pain?

TMI Sweet Baby, TMI...LOL
And as for this group: Drew said this is for bisexual folks and spouses of Bi folks. But gradually it has evolved into a group where people can come and discover about their spouses, friends, loved ones, and about ThemSelves. Lets quit the nit-picking and keep it thata way! This group is for All of us; Gay, Straight, Bi Lesbian, Transgendered, Crossdressing, married, single--AnyBody. And until Drew says differently, I think we should welcome AnyBody that wants to join us. As long as they act with respect and decorum, and manners, then they should be welcomed. Not one of us here is better than anyone else, we all have problems, we all have questions, doubts, and dilemmas. But that is what a great group is For. The community should be here to help each other, and be friends, and yes in some cases, like a Family. Those that disagree with this, well...thats your perogitive, but the majority of us love being friends and getting along just as we are. Life is too short for a bunch of bullshit and bickering. Deal wif it. So, welcome to all of you who are new. :}
Nuff said.
Yer Cat.

Cat
I doubt that this will count but I have been a member of this site longer than you. I joined in July, 2006 under a different name(artjock). Although I only posted four times between July 2006 and Feb.2009 under that name, I've been one of the vocal ones (like yourself) under this new name. I will admit that it is only under this name that I have been watching more carefully as to how certain vocals dominate and enforce their will here. Alliances pftt to dominate. I have stated it before but I was one of the bisexuals who felt attacked for my views when I began posting under my new name. Because my view was not that of the main vocals, I would assume. I was not called a troll but I have seen this happen over and over again. Yes, some of these "unorthodox" posters showed with a new name and some were a bit edgy. The "troll" accusation comes far too quickly on this site to shut down differing views on bisexuality.

So, chill about the comment about changing to include those not in the banner. If there is a change it has come from a few controlling posters like yourself who have declared it so. There are many members who remain silent and many who don't really care what a minority post on these threads. There is an entirely different way to interact rather than a heterosexual screaming at a bisexual for their behaviour and offering first opinions on a bisexual question. It is really nonsense I agree. I do see it as an injustice. I also recognize your wisdom and experience but that you like it all fluff and laughs. Here have a cookie...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

Cat
There is an entirely different way to interact rather than a heterosexual screaming at a bisexual for their behaviour and offering first opinions on a bisexual question. It is really nonsense I agree. I do see it as an injustice. I also recognize your wisdom and experience but that you like it all fluff and laughs. Here have a cookie...

---

Listen up, Tenni. I'm gonna state this nice and loud and clear so that your mind can finally process what I say. I told someone something about their behaviour in telling their daughter while they still struggled to get settled into college that their entire home life was now shattered. Had nothing to do with bisexuality, it had to do with his parental timing. As a PARENT, I know about that. Had zero to do with besexuality. But gasp a lot of bisexuals agreed with my take on it. Get over it.

As for your ridiculous comment that a heterosexual dares post first on a "bisexual issue". Bullshit, there are times I post first in a thread that has over 80 views so plenty of bisexuals had their chance to say something and didn't. Now what really bothers you, the fact that I post and have knowledge on what I say? That the simple common sense observations make sense to people. That I have a partner who chooses to not sleep around, oh wait you have a problem with him too. He's bisexual. You have a problem with Cat, she's bisexual. You have a problem with MarieDelta, she's bisexual. You have a problem with Pasadenacpl, he's bisexual. You have a problem with Rissababynt, she's bisexual. Seems an awful lot of people you have problems with because they don't fit into your idea of what a bisexual should think, feel or do. Yet, you accuse others of trying to tell people what to think, feel or do.

Aidan gave you good advice, you don't like people's posts then simply ignore them. As I will ignore you from now on. Life is too short for dealing with egomaniacs, Penni. Nope not a typo, use your brain cell to figure it out.

So, chill about the comment about changing to include those not in the banner. If there is a change it has come from a few controlling posters like yourself who have declared it so.

ExCuse me?? Controlling poster? What in the World are you talking about in your post...? And what was said about someone changing something? I dont get confused often Tenni, but I am with this thread of yours....
I dont feel the need to post under any other name but this one. I'm me. Plain and simple. And yes, I Am vocal, but I'll be damned if I know what you're talking about now....:eek2:
Confused Cat

Very old thread but still very useful information. :bigrin:

Cat
Why has Drew not changed the banner if the site formally evolved to include all sexualities regardless of spousal connection to a bisexual? I don't recall Drew has posted anything different from stating the site is for bisexual men, women and couples since I joined in 2006.

Why do you and your friends continue to make the following statement when Drew doesn't seem to agree with you?

btw There is nothing wrong with a spouse or friend of a bisexual asking questions about bisexuality or act as a mentor on what they experienced as a spouse of a bisexual to another spouse or even a bisexual seeking advice.

Something stinks imo when a heterosexual friend, lover etc. (let alone a heterosexual that isn't a spouse) begins to:
-act as a mentor to bisexuals about being a bisexual
-gives advice on bisexuality not related to being a spouse of a bisexual without being a certified psychologist/psychiatrist etc.
- speaks on behalf of bisexuals and uses the word "we"

-indignantly state that a bisexual and his psychologist's advice is wrong as to how to disclose to his adult child a family issue that came about due to behavioural consequence from his bisexuality. The unqualified heterosexual deems themself more knowledgeable/expert and dismisses the connection to bisexuality. (arrogance knows no boundary for some it seems)

"But gradually it has evolved into a group where people can come and discover about their spouses, friends, loved ones, and about ThemSelves. Lets quit the nit-picking and keep it thata way! This group is for All of us; Gay, Straight, Bi Lesbian, Transgendered, Crossdressing, married, single--AnyBody. And until Drew says differently,"...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tenni

Cat
Why has Drew not changed the banner if the site formally evolved to include all sexualities regardless of spousal connection to a bisexual? I don't recall Drew has posted anything different from stating the site is for bisexual men, women and couples since I joined in 2006.

Why do you and your friends continue to make the following statement when Drew doesn't seem to agree with you?

btw There is nothing wrong with a spouse or friend of a bisexual asking questions about bisexuality or act as a mentor on what they experienced as a spouse of a bisexual to another spouse or even a bisexual seeking advice.

Something stinks imo when a heterosexual friend, lover etc. (let alone a heterosexual that isn't a spouse) begins to:
-act as a mentor to bisexuals about being a bisexual
-gives advice on bisexuality not related to being a spouse of a bisexual without being a certified psychologist/psychiatrist etc.
- speaks on behalf of bisexuals and uses the word "we"

-indignantly state that a bisexual and his psychologist's advice is wrong as to how to disclose to his adult child a family issue that came about due to behavioural consequence from his bisexuality. The unqualified heterosexual deems themself more knowledgeable/expert and dismisses the connection to bisexuality. (arrogance knows no boundary for some it seems)

"But gradually it has evolved into a group where people can come and discover about their spouses, friends, loved ones, and about ThemSelves. Lets quit the nit-picking and keep it thata way! This group is for All of us; Gay, Straight, Bi Lesbian, Transgendered, Crossdressing, married, single--AnyBody. And until Drew says differently,"...

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my fiancee.... not my friend, not my lover... my fiancee, wife to be etc.....

it was one parent talking to another parent, not a hetero to a bisexual.....

it was the bisexuals wives therapist and the bisexuals wife ( a unqualified hetero ),... not a psychologist
daddy feels the need to suck cock

Quote:

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Originally Posted by danreidbarmi

Yes, we were planning to do that. But, my wife's therapist strongly recommended that we do it this way, and my wife insisted on it. I had a hard time getting used to the idea (especially since it was popped on me in the car, on the trip). However, our daughter told us that, even tho she was devastated by this double dose of shocking news, she would have been even more hurt if we had gone through this weekend pretending that everything was fine, only to tell her at Thanksgiving.

Dan

---

LDD
Whether the heterosexual is engaged to you or not is not significant to the issue at hand, other than it makes you look like a defensive lover ranting off topic. You are not engaged to all heterosexuals..are you? Stay on topic.

Whether the therapist who advised how to tell the adult child was the bisexual or heterosexual partner's counsellor is also not that significant. What is significant is whether the counsellor's qualification is more appropriate than a self righteous, unqualified heterosexual who screams at a bisexual for their actions.

Such actions indicate why it is dangerously inappropriate for a heterosexual to be (very) vocal on bisexual matters. Heterosexuals should not attempt to set themself up as a mentor for most bisexuals, site spokesperson( welcome host etc.), site police officer or enforcer on this bisexual website. Most heterosexual (spouses?) do exhibit respect, caution and restraint on this site. Increase the ratio of vocal heterosexuals though and mainstream values will silence bisexuals who do not conform.

The main point remains that this is not a site for all as you so are inclined to promote. It is a site for bisexual men women and couples.

Do not argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with years of experience.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

LDD
Whether the heterosexual is engaged to you or not is not significant to the issue at hand, other than it makes you look like a defensive lover ranting off topic.

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There are times tenni, your turn of phrase is fucking rite sleekit an not a lil bit mingin'..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tenni

LDD
Whether the heterosexual is engaged to you or not is not significant to the issue at hand, other than it makes you look like a defensive lover ranting off topic. You are not engaged to all heterosexuals..are you? Stay on topic.

The main point remains that this is not a site for all as you so are inclined to promote. It is a site for bisexual men women and couples.

---

the LGBT community has have enuf of bigots, and biased people.... I, for one, along with many people in the site, are not going to become like the people we fight against ever day.......

if you don't like it..... tough shit...... but I am not turning my back on any person that reaches out for answers, help, advise, support or just a friendly hug... and that includes any person of any sexuality