Sex is a recreational activity.

I'm sure there are others here that think the same way I do. Having sex doesn't necessarily mean love. I've had plenty of sexual experiences with people that I hardly even knew and they were quite pleasurable. Having sex with someone I was in love with didn't make the sex any better.

I had some great sex with my ex-wife. I also had some great sex with a man that I met in a chatroom and we would get together for the sole purpose of fucking. His partner was strictly a top and he wanted to top sometimes so we would get together and he would ride me hard! He would sometimes let me fuck him but it was mostly him on top. We didn't love each other but it was great fun! There is also one woman that I am friends with that would call me, and after I said "hello" she would say "I'm horny" and I would ask your place or mine? She or I would either leave at the end of the evening or stay the night but we both knew that when the the evening ended or the morning came we would go our separate ways until the next time. I knew she was having sex with other men because she made it clear that I wasn't the only one and I wouldn't be either. She knows that she is not the only one for me either. We are friends and go out together on occasion but it's mostly about the sex!

There are women and men that I love dearly but we don't have sex. Those relationships are more on a emotional level. Having sex with any one of them wouldn't make my love any stronger. Not having sex with them doesn't mean that I love them any less.

I wholeheartedly agree! Although I'm in a prolonged dry spell right now, (self imposed), I've had fuck buddies over the years and with the exception of one who after a time wanted to introduce the "L" word in to our relationship, found recreational sex to be great fun. I never understood how rubbing a woman's shoulders because it reduced stress and felt good was acceptable, while rubbing another body part with the same effect was wrong.

sex is better when you leave love out of it

Because of my past I would rather have a deep connection with the person I am playing with. I've had it the other way and sometimes end up just feeling used.

I've had it the other way and sometimes end up just feeling used
Elian2:What is wrong with sometimes feeling used as long as you also are doing the using too???

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Originally Posted by elian2

Because of my past I would rather have a deep connection with the person I am playing with. I've had it the other way and sometimes end up just feeling used.

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I agree, while I didnt feel used, I think it is even better when there is a full connection

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Originally Posted by Tight1-4u

What is wrong with sometimes feeling used as long as you also are doing the using too???

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Right, well that was my problem .. when there is a large difference in age, level of experience or authority all the power only flows one way.

To me sex is about sharing pleasure -- I might feel a little greedy or lustful in the moment but if someone trusts me enough to be naked and vulnerable don't i have a responsibility to try to protect them and care for them?

Maybe I'm just dressing it up, maybe sex is just people using each other to feel good -- if that's your kink I'm not trying to shame anyone but it was painful as hell growing up. I've finally had some decent experiences with older guys I've known and trusted for years and that was like 200% better than someone who is only interested in self gratification.

I get not everyone wants to get that attached, hell -- I think nature sometimes prefers it that way for self preservation if you reduce everything down to base instincts.

OP got my attention with this question because as you can see I'm still trying to work through the power dynamics of sex.

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Originally Posted by 19biman61

I'm sure there are others here that think the same way I do. Having sex doesn't necessarily mean love. I've had plenty of sexual experiences with people that I hardly even knew and they were quite pleasurable. Having sex with someone I was in love with didn't make the sex any better.

I had some great sex with my ex-wife. I also had some great sex with a man that I met in a chatroom and we would get together for the sole purpose of fucking. His partner was strictly a top and he wanted to top sometimes so we would get together and he would ride me hard! He would sometimes let me fuck him but it was mostly him on top. We didn't love each other but it was great fun! There is also one woman that I am friends with that would call me, and after I said "hello" she would say "I'm horny" and I would ask your place or mine? She or I would either leave at the end of the evening or stay the night but we both knew that when the the evening ended or the morning came we would go our separate ways until the next time. I knew she was having sex with other men because she made it clear that I wasn't the only one and I wouldn't be either. She knows that she is not the only one for me either. We are friends and go out together on occasion but it's mostly about the sex!

There are women and men that I love dearly but we don't have sex. Those relationships are more on a emotional level. Having sex with any one of them wouldn't make my love any stronger. Not having sex with them doesn't mean that I love them any less.

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Just my view, there is a difference between having sex and making love.

Making love is spending time with someone you have a deep emotional connection with which can include having sex.

Having sex with someone can be just hello fuck or BJ good bye to something very carnal, hot n steamy,.

I make love my female partner butt I have sex with men and other women which, for me, involve very different activities, BDSM, buggery etc which I don't have with my female partner

My personal emotions / feeling during and after love making or having sex are different

When you consider that many of us were taught that you should only have sex with someone you care about, you want someone to care about you as well... but sex as a form of recreation has always been a part of things. Yeah, that being used feeling sucks donkey dick - but this is the point when you learn something about having sex: You don't have to be all into someone to have sex with them and enjoy it - you just gotta want to have sex and for the joy of having it. It's one of the reasons why so many of us say that "it's just sex" because it's sex for the sake of having it, which is different from having sex with someone you have feelings for - and there's nothing wrong with this. If you need a relationship-like atmosphere to have sex with someone, great - go for it.

But, sometimes, you just wanna get laid and without a lot of hassles...

Well, I was able to "use" someone this weekend and he was moaning about it for a good 30 seconds or so at the end so I guess it was working .. although I still doubt he would have trusted my fingers in certain places if we hadn't known each other for a long time.

Completely agree about making love, I guess that's just what I prefer. Good thing we don't all have to think exactly alike in order to get along.

I've found sex just for the sake of both of you getting off is OK, but throw some passion, affection and love into the mix and the act becomes much more satisfying for me.

Hmm. Let's see... I meet Neonaught somewhere, we "connect" and, hey, let's do this and... I'm bringing some serious passion to the moment and just driven to satisfy because anything less than that doesn't make sense and I have never believed in "empty" or "meaningless" sex - but that's me. Pure old lust... works. Recreationally or otherwise. Ah, but fornication is a sin - that would be recreational sex just in case you didn't know that fornication is sex outside of a marriage. I don't have any affection for Neonaught; pretty sure I don't love him, either but if we have sex, I'm bringing the noise to him just the same and hope he can do the same... because that's the fun of having sex... isn't it?

I've never believed that casual, recreational sex is a bad thing and it's only bad when it's made to be bad - but that's another kind of topic. Really - who among us hasn't had "bad" and "unsatisfying" sex in a relationship that's supposed to be loving and all that? I know that I have but I... understand some stuff about that. Still, you don't need love to have sex; what you need is the desire to have sex; the desire to enjoy it with someone even recreationally because if you aren't, isn't that a problem?

What I think is the most important aspect of the sexual dynamic is the communication between you and the other(s) to set expectations and boundaries. When I was younger I felt I need to commit to the person in order to have sex. It was a revelation the first time a girl said she just wanted to fuck me. She set the expectation that we would have our fun and that was it. Took me years to get my head around that.
Now, with guys we go back and forth on what those expectations and boundaries are, top, bottom or vers; sub or dom, make out, cuddling, or not; rough or sensuous…, you could say it’s transactional but it really clarifies what is likely to happen. Then each gets out of the encounter what is desired and no feelings of being used (abused?). If anything goes sideways (as it did once for me), there is something to refer back to.

Transactional, conditional, and situational and all with expectations and boundaries that are designed to protect us. Learning to understand that sometimes, all you or someone else wants to do is have sex and let's not make it complicated and, really, it's not just all about you or your feelings and expectations and, as such, you either adjust and adapt to this reality... or you don't and see recreational sex as empty and meaningless - which it really isn't, by the way. Procreation... is what it is but it's no longer the main reason to have sex and unlike the way the world used to be. Sex is supposed to be enjoyed and now it begs the question of what are you willing to do in order to enjoy it to the fullest extent possible? If you have your boundaries close to home, are you willing to expand them to find what other sex there is to be had and enjoyed?

There are things I will never do for the sake of sex... but, sure having sex for the sake of it - and it doesn't come close to violating my boundaries - can be tons of fun; ya just gotta be smart about it. I was on vacation in the Dominican Republic last week when a guy from the Midwest - and quite lubricated if you catch my drift - sat next to me at the bar and said, "If I didn't think you'd punch my lights out, I'd suck your cock!"

And I said, "Okay, let's do that so I can suck yours!" Yeah, he wasn't ready for me (I was seriously horny) but it was fun... because it's supposed to be. Afterward, he went back to the bar (from his room) and I went to find my lady so I could fuck her silly because that's fun, too. Let's not make it so complicated that we can't do something...

o most of the sex I have with other guys could really be considered recreational sex.. yes I care about them and the situation they are in but I am not in love with them.. granted I do love sex.. I do love giving them the resource to get relief from the situation.. but I am not in love with them.. yes we are friends so to speak but not lovers.. I feel recreational sex is great..

Love doesn't always make sex better and that's something I think we've all learned along the way. I love having sex and how I feel about the other person is something else and more so when I learned that all I really had to do was like someone enough to want to have sex with them - and anything more than that was gravy and, sometimes, you don't need the gravy.

Being with someone just to enjoy sex, between two agreeable people, male or female, is to me something everyone should enjoy. Yeah, a permanent relationship where procreation and family is desirable, but also just having great sex, with an enjoyable person just to have fun, experience everything the other person has and does with you is amazing. Had many people where unconditional sex was the key, and man was it not only fun, felt amazing, but was very freeing. More people need to experience that.

Oh we totally have recreational sex. Even workout sex! ;)

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Originally Posted by wifekinky4husband

Oh we totally have recreational sex. Even workout sex! ;)

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We agree. Often, after a vigorous fuck, I lay next to her as we bask in the afterglow and catch our breath and I'll say "That counts as the gym for today!". LOL

I appreciate your candor in discussing the topic. It's definitely one that has various perspectives and it's great to hear yours. I think it's fair to say that sex can be both a recreational activity and an emotional bonding experience; it's not one-size-fits-all. The context and the people involved can make all the difference.

As the regulars here know, my wife and I have been swingers for over a decade. We have had lots of recreational sex, together and with our separate play partners. And I re-read this and it's a bit of a ramble (sorry :-)

Before we were married, and after we opened our relationship, I was/am always on the hunt for recreational sex. In the 10 or 12 years we have been swinging I've had orders of magnitude more recreational sex than all other times in my life combined. Sure there are times when the sex was bland or boring or even bad, but oh well. There have been many many more times where it was 'just fun' all the way up to mind blowingly good with no real connection other than two (or more :-) people looking to have physical pleasure in sex.

That said, in my experience, repeated recreational sex with the same person(s) can lead to emotional connections that can become unhealthy. I used to play with a Bi couple (in threesomes or individually with he or her) and the sex was phenomenal. I was the first guy to fuck her after decades of a monogamous marriage. He and I were new to man on man sex and basically learned with each other. He was the first guy to fuck me. I was the first guy to bring her to a state of trance like organism that lasted 5 or even 10 minutes. I learned how to wait until she was starting to come out of it and would methodically/slowly resume fucking her and keep her there.

We became friends in and out of the bed room. Unfortunately, she developed emotional feelings for me beyond friendship, and an angry jealously towards my wife, and things imploded badly. These folks were part of a larger group of friends and it made for some shitty situations. I had a GF for about 6 years (she was in an unhappy sexless marriage) and we parted ways because she had fallen in love with me and knowing we could go no further, left the relationship to find someone that she could have as her own.

A friend of mine, a super sweet girl who has no idea how sexy she is (though I tell her all the time) and who knows I am bisexual and all about our non monogamous marriage, tells me how she couldn't have recreational sex. To her, "Sex is like glue", emotionally and physically. I totally respect that, because that is how she is wired. Sex is so very intimate for her that she could not have sex with someone that she isn't in an emotionally based relationship with. Some may say "to bad for her", but I would disagree with them and call that a selfish perspective on their part. It's what works for her, and the reasons why are unimportant.

querty said, "That said, in my experience, repeated recreational sex with the same person(s) can lead to emotional connections that can become unhealthy."

Yeah, when I was in the life like that, I saw this happen a lot because people either don't believe that you can get emotionally connected or they insist that it cannot happen and, at least in my opinion, totally ignorant about how powerful sex is. The lifestyle says, "It's just sex and it's not personal" and... it's hubris because you can tell yourself that you're not going to be emotionally involved in a recreational partner but then it happens any way. To me, it's not that it happens; it's what you do if it does and, usually, yeah - it doesn't go well... but. Just because you feel some kind of way toward them - or they about you - doesn't mean that you have to do something about it other than accepting that this is how you or they are feeling.

I learned to accept those moments when I'd get emotionally connected to a play partner and then to use that connection to bring good sex to them. We don't have to do more than what we're already doing - let's just revel in the feelings but not poke the bear all that much. A very wise woman told me that you can't do anything about the way you feel; you can only do something about what you do about those feelings and, well, she was right.

The term Love is overused and often misinterpreted

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Originally Posted by ThirdAngel

I appreciate your candor in discussing the topic. It's definitely one that has various perspectives and it's great to hear yours. I think it's fair to say that sex can be both a recreational activity and an emotional bonding experience; it's not one-size-fits-all. The context and the people involved can make all the difference.

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Your experiences highlight the point that love and sex are not intrinsically tied to one another. For some people, separating the two may be difficult, but for others like you, it's more straightforward.
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Originally Posted by iamcontent

The term Love is overused and often misinterpreted

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Love is a term that is very very dependent on the context in which it is used, and yes, can easily be misinterpreted.