He's a little more than half my age and he keeps checking out my crotch. It gets way more complex from here...
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He's a little more than half my age and he keeps checking out my crotch. It gets way more complex from here...
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care to say how much more complex?
Do I WANT to?
Yes, very much so.
Would such a relationship be practical considering the situation?
it would be extremely risky.
It seems I'm always attracted lately to those I cannot be with.
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So far, it's a situation that has aspects of the age gap, fronting, sexual tension in the workplace, nepotism, and what I strongly feel to be some sort of psychic information transference.
I'm a subcontractor and he is a employee for the customer that I've worked for, for some time now. So there is job risk there too.
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Keep your dick out of your wallet! You're talking about your livelihood, these things often digress, messily.
Yeah, that's what I keep thinking too. Although my job itself would be safe more or less, that particular account where he works at would be at risk I would think. And I work a lot of overtime there. The tension over this particular guy though is driving me a bit batty.
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http://youtu.be/WY5ylhuqORs
He seems like an "other" to me.
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I agree that it is something not to get into whether it is with a woman or man. I recall the statement "Don't eat cookies in bed". This means to me that don't bring sexual relationships into places that you will still have to interact should it fail. I learned this when I was sixteen and dated a cute girl two lockers down from mine in high school...lol
There was one morning a few weeks ago when I checked in with the department I deal with, and he works in that department. Anyways there was a few people there and I was talking to one of his superiors about some work related issue. So I sit down behind the supervisors desk and the guy that I admire sits next to me so he's facing my left ear and says...."take a chance, make it happen".
It's a line from a jingle for a casino that advertises in this area.
http://youtu.be/8PHxnuoEpIo
There was absolutely no context to the phrase he seemed to direct at me. He wasn't talking to anyone else. And what's funny is that I spent some time the few days prior to him making this comment at me, passionately fantasizing about him.
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Don't "shit where you eat". Or don't get involved with someone who you work with at all.
Find someone else who doesn't work with you or at the same place.
Yeah, I think we have that covered. You and tenni are in agreement on something...hehe...
I have maintained my professionalism with this guy dispite him ogling at my package.
He keeps dropping these hints too.
He told me that when he buys a home it will be somewhere secluded so he can garden naked. Then he asked if I would garden naked!
LMAO!
i mean REALLY...
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I'd personally find that annoying, maybe tell him to leave you alone? If he persists and you don't like it tell your boss that he's sexually harassing you, and document all of this?
I dated a woman I worked with and if I were single it's something I'd never do again since you see the person way too much even if you work in different areas, or work on different schedules, and everyone at your job or work will know about you being together even if you think that nobody knows.
I liked the Timothy Leary video, did you ever take lots of LSD or mushrooms at high doses? Ingest cannabis/hash at a high dose in prepared food? Or get into meditation and yoga?
I would probably get more annoyed than I do with him if only I was so sure of myself AND if I didn't like him so much like I do.
He talks a lot about the girls he's interested in at work. So I don't know what his sexual preference is. He told me yesterday that the first girl he dated was 24 years old, while he was 15 at the time. He said he's an "old soul" which I thought was weird for a 21 year old to say about himself but I agree with it. He says things like I'm one of the few people he opens up to and he has to a degree. But he'll say things like when he comes to work, he'll put on a front and it's not at all what he's like when he's not at work.
He's totally mindfucking me which is really hard to do with me, so I'm totally impressed by that, you see?
Glad you liked the "Find the Others" video.
I've experienced states brought on by LSD a few times, shrooms a few times, Salvia once, cannabis many times. I also have had particular informational sequences induce rather acute mental states as well.
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"Back away from the drama".....
U'd not pursue it. Leave it fantasy.
I have had a crush on people where I work, it's not fun - because some of them are very cute but I am there to work, not to have sex. If he is so young then maybe he doesn't feel like he has that much to lose or just doesn't have the experience to know better. Unfortunately hormones can also play a part sometimes and make people want to do "foolish" stuff.
I joke around with my friends at work, but I have been around my co-workers long enough that we are more like family.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to apologize for loving people, but then again, I also make it a point not to treat my friends like sex toys either.
Two routes you could take, ignore it -or- confront him about it honestly and try to reason with him. If he's not mature enough to act professionally in the workplace then you would have to worry about the latter as well if he felt scorned or something and decided to try to retaliate.
Especially inappropriate to date if you are in supervisory/subordinate relationship, most companies have HR policy against this.
If he does interest you, when he leaves work for good, then maybe consider dating him.
There have been a handful of co-workers I know that dated and then got married, but I think they were the exception. For two men, if your workforce is diverse and/or open-minded then it might not be a big deal. Here in PA there is no law barring discrimination against LGBT folks in the workplace except maybe sexual harassment law - so in this state an employer could fire you just for being "gay" if they choose to do so.
It would be possible to work with each other, but pole_smoker and tenni are right - everyone at work will know and if it turns out you aren't compatible it could be uncomfortable having to continue working with each other.
Maybe it's just that you pay attention to him - some men love attention..a lot.
Thanks for your well thought out post elian.
I don't go out of my way to pay attention to him. He is more of the one who will come out to my truck when I'm having coffee break or start a conversation when we I see him around the place.
The work relationship as it stands is I am a service provider for the company he works for. So he is essentially my customer.
It actually came up in conversation when we were talking about what women we were interested in at his site and I said that I wouldn't date somebody from there because I wouldn't want to risk my position there. So that is out on the table and he's aware. But I imagine if something did occur between us, that there would be no practical way to have a relationship that were "out in the open".
I think the next time he checks me out though, I'm going to call him on it. Although I will do it in a way that would preserve our friendship.
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Yeah, well I suppose it would be my nightmare that someone actually took offense to one of the jokes I made at work. I think people take sex too seriously, so I sometimes joke about it but there certainly are times when it's not appropriate. Really not my intention to offend anyone but you know, people blurred boundaries with me growing up so I am used to having them trampled...other folks might be more willing to say "no".
I guess for as long as you have a business relationship with his company you won't be able to pursue anything..as you say, you might have to be the "bad" guy and break off the contact.
I guess it is in what you can tolerate. I still think part of it may be for attention - some men like to be noticed, and who knows - maybe he's going through a vulnerable time in his life. Or maybe he's young enough that he's arrogant..(sounds more likely). Maybe no one has ever SET boundaries with him. Maybe he's thinking with his dick.
There are ways you could try to do it to maintain a platonic relationship, unless that bothers you too. Ah, I have it - think of him as your son. That should fix it, right?
He tells me that he wants to save up enough money to purchase a home somewhere "down south". So it sounds like he will be working here for at least another 5 years. I'm not about to give up this account because as a single father it would be too much of an income loss. So it's going to be an interesting 5 years if he or I don't find a significant other in the meantime, hehe...
He is very clever socially and manages people and situations very well at work. When we talk we don't stick to work related topics but other topics that most would find socially uncomfortable to engage in at work. So we talk about some deep stuff. That's what really impresses me about him. That he can hang with my intellect. He's a very aware kind of person. He's more aware than many adults my age are. And from what he describes to me about his personal interests, it excites me because there is an affinity there that I have such a hard time finding with other people. You can say that I could treat him like a son due to his age and sometimes I do when it come to his lack of experience with work related stuff, but sometimes I wonder if it's not the other way around - like the part in the video I posted about people coming into your life for a reason. I feel that very strongly with him.
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I can understand people here writing that you shouldn't get involved with people at work, but I'll differ at least in part.
Sure, things can get awkward if things don't work out. Heck, even if they do work out it can get weird. I've seen a more than a few workplace romances and a lot of them worked out fine. A couple friends of mine that worked with me ended up getting married and lasted 30 years before getting divorced.
In cases where things didn't work out, the parties involved made do. Myself included.
I just don't see cutting off a large source of people from relationships simply because you work with them. I realize most here probably have larger social circles than I do, but I'd also venture to say many of the people you do count as friends you met through work.
In the OP's case, I'd say there's nothing to lose by just talking to the guy and find out where his head is at.
Well, I just assumed that you both worked at the exact same company under the same rules or you were perhaps a contractor employee of the company. If you only periodically visit this business maybe it isn't so bad to get to know him..just be at least a little careful, like you said - you can't afford to lose the account. If he is as mature as you say, hopefully he can understand what motivates you as a parent.
well u gotta protect ur job. it was wise of u to tell this guy u don't date people u work with. it might be easier if u only attracted to each other on a lust level. but it looks like that's not the only level ur attracted. i can see things starting to get deep. i would be carefull & do everything to keep ur distance emotionally to a certain level while u have this work relationship. or else think of what consequences could come of it & be prepared to deal with them if u do decide to give in. it's not an easy position cause being closer to him wouldn't really be a bad thing just it's because u work with each other.
I see nothing morally or ethically wrong in exploring your mutual desire for each other away from work. If both of you agree to trust each other to keep your personal lives separated from your work lives and not bring any drama to the workplace, go for it !
I'm pretty good at being uncomfortable so awkward social situations are not much too much of a problem. I tend to be very diplomatic and empathetic in those types of situations. The only way I could see anything working out, would be to keep it on the down low. So that requires a good deal of trust. And I find myself sorta putting him through the paces to see how he reacts to it. Sometimes he shows some interest in my line of work and wants to learn more about it. So he will assist with some of the work I do so as to have some exposure. Other times he seems disinterested in it.
He did offer to pick me up some cannabis when I was looking for some. Although I initially declined his offer, I did eventually have him pick some up. And he was very stealthy about it. No on else knew. So there was some trust built there. And the name of the strain that he chose for me was called L.A. CONFIDENTIAL.
I got a good chuckle from that. : )
He definitely seems of the trustworthy type. But I need to see more of that type of behavior before I made any sort of move.
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Yeah, he definitely shows understanding towards me. My son has been "diagnosed" with ADHD and his school has been on myself and his mother to get him medicated. It's something that we're both against yet the school keeps bringing it up. Anyways this guy went through the same sort of situation and in his case he did end up on medication for seven years. His sharing of this experience has been an invaluable resource of information and inspiration to keep my son from being mediated.
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Thanks sysper for the sage advice. I cannot see myself trying to avoid him all together at work simply because it seems like I'm developing feelings towards him. Luckily it's very much in my nature to take things slowly and if a real friendship can come out of it, that would be something I would like with him.
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Does your son want to take medications for his ADHD? ADD and ADHD do exist, and for people who have them the medications do help.
A friend of mine that has ADD has taken medications for his ADD, and when he's on them it's obvious and they do help him since otherwise he's all over the place and can't even hold a coherent conversation, and really bad at scheduling things, or keeping appointments. He was on Methylphenidate/Ritalin, and then switched over to a low dose of Adderall/Dexedrine.
Another guy I know that has ADHD is extremely hyper and totally out of control when he's not on his ADHD meds. As is a woman I know who has ADHD when she's not on her meds.
For people who do not have ADD or ADHD the meds are a stimulant; but if someone has ADD or ADHD the medications will not be a stimulant for them and they calm the person down, or allow them to focus but they react to the medications differently than a person who doesn't have ADD or ADHD does.
The medications used for treatment of ADD and ADHD are safe and have been used in low doses for decades. Yes the one drug is amphetamine but that's not the same as methamphetamine or crystal meth at all, and it's in a low and controlled dosage that the person is monitored by a doctor or medical professional while they are on the medication.
Have your son see a medical doctor, or a psychiatrist to actually make sure he has ADHD. The school might care about your kid but they're not medical or mental health professionals.
Yeah, I think it would take more time getting to a point where trust would be established to such a level that would alleviate any risk concerns enough to try something like this. Putting it that way makes the situation you described still within the realm of possibilities.
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