Jazminedress

We live in a modern world. In this world, it seems people want to label everyone and everything, and honestly, I can't always make sesnse of it all, and probably don't want too.

What am I, what label is proper for me, what category do I fit in, which group will accept me ?

Really, who cares, I am me, thats who I am.

I knew from an early age I was different, even back in 4th grade, I enjoyed changing in the locker room with other kids. I was always wanting to kiss someone, so, I guess I had a touch of an oral fixation rather young, and I didnt seem to discriminate between the sexes

My first hand holding was 6th grade. I sent a message through a friend, to get a message to her best friend that if she liked me, I would like her back, at third period, we met at her locker to make it official, after 7th period, we broke up.

My first real kiss was at the skating rink, I went in for the kiss, she stuck her tongue in my mouth and freaked me the hell out. 2 minutes later I was back for more. I lost my virginity freshman year. We were on an explorer scout camp out (co-ed), 3 guys sharing a tent, seperate sleeping bags, and this girl climbed into mine.

We started touching and I rolled over, she grabbed me and put me inside her, my buddy Craig put his hand on my ass and asked me if I was fucking, I said yeah, I think so.

She had the best 7 1/2 seconds of her life that day. I had multiple more relationships, but I was always less interested in banging than I was going down on the girls. I ended up with a decent reputation because I was enthusiastic about doing it.

Highschool went on, Army, jobs.......but I still had lingering desires. I would watch pornos, I always wanted to see the close ups of the girls receiving, and usually found my mind wandering to wishing it was me.

I had no one to speak to about this, no one I could trust. One night, the desire got overwhelming, so scared as I was, I drove by the local gay bar. A guy pulled up next to me and we drove to a park. He took the lead and reached in my pants, and started stroking, not knowing what to do, I did the same thing.

He went down on me for a minute, so I tried it too, then we just whacked each other off......he said thanks, and walked away.
4 years later, at work, a guy started talking to me, I didnt know much, and he suggested we get together and talk business. I knew he was gay and was hoping.

Keep in mind, there was no internet, no way to do anything discrete, no cell phones, no way to stay unknown.

I got there, we talked, and he started rubbing my shoulders. We went into the bathroom, I got on my knees and started sucking, he lifted me up on the bed and we ended up in a 69. I was scared, but really wanted to get laid. We worked it for about 30 minutes, but could never get more than two inches in, he was just too big, and I had never had anything there before. We ended up jacking each other off, then he told me he wasn't looking for a one night stand, but love........that ended that.

I got married, had a kid, didnt stray of course, got divorced. Then the night of the second Tyson Hollyfield fight, my neighbors came over to watch it on my big screen. 2 minutes later when it was over, she offered to take my dog out, I said I could do it, she did it anyways.

While she was gone, her husband told me she always wanted a three way, and since i am their best friend, would I consider it. She looked like Mariah Carey on that old album cover witht the fly away black dress, so, I said hell yeah, I figured it was drunk talk.

She came back, he told her I said yes, next thing I know he is stripping, her shirt was off and kissing me. We pulled the couch out, and started having fun. I decided to test the waters, and while he was in her, I started licking her clit, she went wild, and I got the benefit of a penis and vagina at the same time, I was in freaking heaven.

He came on her stomach, and I was able to get a little taste without anyone noticing it. I started kissing her, and he started stroking my dick, i thought, great, we are doing this. We did all the usual stuff, and he asked me to fuck him, being a friend, well, yes, but I couldnt get him to do me.

We had a few meet ups like that, but I remained a virgin.

More time goes by, and I get my first real computer, and end up on a bisexual message board where I met some gay and Bi guys. One guy we would exchange pictures, another one who was gay actually came over to my house.

Actually he called himself a male lesbian, I have no clue to this day what that means......does he see himself as a girl and only wants sex with girls ? then why is he here with me.

Apparently, he was only into stroking each other, I did go down on him though. he had an interesting penis, had a good curve upwards. I did talk him into trying to fuck me, he did for about two minutes, but said it wasn't his thing, dammit.

I had a few other male to male encounters, some oral and stroking...............but something was always missing. I enjoyed my female hook ups, I enjoyed my male hookups, but I did not see my self as bisexual or gay or hetero.

The reality was, I was in constant flux. Finally one day, a girlfriend left some clothes at my house, while she was at work, I kept looking at them, and finally gave in and tried them on, 5 minutes later I came like I never had before.

After that, i always kept some lingerie around for nights alone. It wasn't always, sometimes a month, sometimes 6 months, sometimes a year, where it would call to me to wear it. I joined this board and read a lot of posts, but never really interacted with anyone.

About a month ago, i was talking to one of my customers, and the talk got a little more at hinting certain things, and I thought I would go for it, I sent him a picture of me in black lace pantys, he really got into it.

After that, i purchased a bunch of other clothes, and when I have time alone, been practicing dressing, and taking pictures. Soon I am meeting my friend when some other stuff arrives to try and take some good pictures, especially with the encouragement from some people here.

So, what does that make me ?

Bisexual, crossdresser, transexual, transgendered, all the above ?

I honestly have no clue. Personally, I dont buy into the labels, I am just me. Sometimes I enjoy being en femme and my thoughts go to other men at that point.

When in regular clothes, I think about women. I am not transitioning to anything...............I intend to stay who I am.

What label fits me, well, none of them, the only label that fits me is "Happy"

And, I wish that same label on everyone else, i guess my point is this. I have seen some posts that lead me to believe some people are going through changes and trying to figure them out. Some are trying dressing, some are exploring same sex hook ups, some are trying threesomes and foursomes.

Don't worry about what to call it, I wasted a ton of time in life trying to figure that out, just, try what makes you happy, and explore and learn who you are personally, not, who someone else says you are, just be happy