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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]But I had already committed to this, had already given my word on it so there was no backing out... and I very badly needed him to fuck me. I felt the bed move, then felt him on top of me; felt his knob poking here and there as he sought to find my hole... then he found it and pushed... and I bit my lip to keep from crying out because it felt like he was trying to shove his leg into my ass. Oh, my god... it hurt so bad and I could feel my muscles trying to keep him out even as I tried to relax to allow him to get in.

"Do you want me to stop?" I heard him ask, his voice in my ear.

"No - keep going," I said and even started to push back against him. It felt like his dick was ripping me apart even when I felt him get past my anal muscles but, shit, he was so fat and thick that his dick just kept spreading me wider and wider until I felt his lower abdomen against my butt cheeks. He somehow got it all in me and it hurt like it I'd never been fucked before.

"Are you okay?" he asked, the concern clear in his voice.

"Fuck me," I said, fighting against the pain of having him in me. "Just fuck me..." I felt my whole body... surrender to him being inside me and when he started moving in and out of me, yeah, it still hurt like a motherfucker but was starting to feel good, too. Kevin laid down fully on my, kinda wrapped his arms around me as best he could, kissing my ears, my cheek, even my neck as he fucked me... and all I could do was moan and do my best to move with him, the pain almost forgotten but not totally so.

Soon - and I can't even tell you shit about time - he was fucking me faster, his very thick dick now moving easier in and out of me and I was lost in it, between the pleasure and the pain and I didn't want him to stop fucking me. It seemed like the moment that thought crossed my mind, I felt his dick swell in my butt - then felt the first shot of cum in me, followed by more spurts and him now fucking me in that out of control way. And my ass was back to hurting something fierce but I wasn't going to tell him to take it out; I couldn't. I promised and gave my word.

Kevin finished creaming me and slowly pulled out and I actually heard a popping sound when he got all of his dick out of me... and I could swear I could feel a cool breeze in my hole. I knew that when a guy fucked a guy in the ass, it could leave his hole gaped open before the muscles could remember they were supposed to be and stay closed tight; I even felt back there after Kevin flopped over onto his back and, yep - that fat, short prick had gaped my asshole wide open and I could now feel his sperm starting to flow out of me. And my ass just hurt and so much I almost asked him to stuff it back in and maybe it would stop hurting. Maybe. But I didn't get the chance to even think more about it because I heard Kevin say, "Come on... it's your turn to fuck me!"[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I didn't know about him but I was lost in the moment, concentrating on sucking his dick and, yeah, trying to eat all of it but I couldn't; my gag reflex and the need to breath wasn't hearing any of that so I kept doing what I could do, sucking on his knob and licking it while he did the same to me. Kevin was fucking into my mouth and it felt like his dick was getting harder and I knew he was about to shoot... but I shot first; it snuck up on me and I could hear myself moaning around his dick which maybe made him shoot a few moment later. I could feel him swallowing my stuff and he was digging his fingers into my butt cheeks hard enough for it to hurt but I couldn't pay attention to that because I was busy swallowing his stuff.

It wasn't that he had a whole lot of it; it was just hard to swallow with his very fat dick in my mouth but I managed to not let a drop of it escape. We let go of each other at about the same time and I spun around to once again face him to tell him how good that was - only to have his plaster his lips to mine and his tongue invading my mouth again.

I don't know or can remember how long we lay together like that, kissing and now humping up against each other. It was blistering hot... or maybe it was my imagination? We were both sweating a lot; his dirty blond hair was plastered to his head and my growing Afro had long since sagged and had been making me swipe it out of my face. In retrospect, I think we were doing this while waiting for one of us to make the next move, which got me thinking about my "options;" do I make the first move to fuck him and delay the moment where he was gonna try to get that fat dick in my butt? Or do I "let" him go first? The matter was made moot when he broke the kiss, stumbled out of the bed, and got a big jar of The Original Lube: Vaseline.

We didn't really say anything to each other as I watched him scoop a huge glob of the stuff and slather it on his cock; I just turned over without thinking about it and raised my butt up so he could put some Vaseline in my hole. I either moaned or gasped as his finger went right into me good and deep and that, all by itself, felt wonderful... but I knew it was just preparing me to be fucked and part of me wanted to not have that fat thing trying to get inside me.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Kevin had the shortest and fattest dick I'd seen on a boy. Today, I'd guess that he was five inches or so hard - and he was seriously hard - but it was how fat and thick his dick was that sent a chill through me and I knew, in that moment, that I had committed myself to biting off more than I could chew - literally. Kevin and I weren't only the same age, we were the same height and build and I stood there gawking at the short, fat... club he had between his legs.

"Your cock is nice and long and fat!" he said as his eyes took me in.

"Yours is really fat!" I blurted out.

"I know... it makes it so hard to do it with other guys," Kevin said; clearly, it was something that bothered him. "They take one look at my cock and then they don't wanna do it... are you gonna still want to do it?"

"Yes," I said. "I promised that I would!" But in my head I was starting to regret having made that promise because I had no fucking idea how I was going to get that very fat dick in my mouth, let alone in my ass.

Kevin seemed to be calmed by my words and I just went over to him and hugged him; his body was fever hot even though it was quite cool in his room. And then, for a reason I couldn't explain, I kissed him lightly on the lips - it just seemed like the right thing to do. Kevin recoiled for a moment but then kissed me back and it seemed to me that the next thing I knew, we were on his bed, still wrapped up in each other and kissing.

It was the first time I'd kissed a guy... and it was both very weird and strangely good. Our tongues were roaming around in each other's mouth and we were kinda rubbing our bodies together; his short and very fat cock was stabbing me in the stomach and, um, I don't remember breaking the kiss and sliding down to take his prick into my mouth. I do remember my jaw muscles protesting as I opened my mouth as wide as I could just to get the head into my mouth... then, shit, I don't know why but I tried to get more of him in but he was so fat I couldn't get more than half of him in my mouth. That kinda bugged me because I had long since learned how to take all of a guy in - and no matter how fat or long he was... but something in my head said, "Just do the best you can!" I was so focused on sucking his dick that I was surprised to feel his mouth on my own boner.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Our moment finally arrived and in a way neither of us could have predicted - and, believe me, we tried to think of every way we could that would allow us to do what we both wanted and needed to do. Kev's parents were going somewhere they couldn't take him and they had asked him to ask me to ask my mom if I could come over to his place and keep him company while they were gone. Kevin had said that, at first, his parents were going to hire a sitter but he convinced them that not only was he 12, he had a friend who was also 12 and he would rather spend that time with me than with a sitter - and they agreed.

His dad came to pick me up early that Saturday morning and he was giving me [probably] the same instructions he'd given his son as well as when he thought they'd be back. Once at Kevin's house, man - it was all I could do to keep my cool! I was sure, as I was introduced to Kevin's mom, that he was thinking the same thing I was: The moment the coast was clear, we were gonna finally get to do it to each other! I think about that moment now and I'm surprised his parents didn't pick up on the fact that something was up - and I wasn't sure, then or now, that they didn't; we were both trying to act normal... which usually means not acting normal.

More instructions and mostly what to do in case of an emergency and maybe twenty minutes after I got there, his parents got in the car and drove away. When I turned to look at him, shit - he was already starting to get undressed! I said, "Wait - they might turn around and come back for something! Let's give them another ten minutes!"

"Good idea!" he said. We spent the next ten minutes bouncing off the walls and once those ten minutes had passed, Kevin was moving like he was shot out of a gun, calling over his shoulder to me, "Come on!" I thought that he had forgotten that I'd never been to his house... so I didn't know where his room was and that dawned on him because he came back to the top of the stairs to guide me and with a silly look on his face. Once in his room - and I was only maybe a second or two or three behind him - Kevin was already naked but had his back to me, calling over his should for me to hurry up and get naked, which I did. My dick was already painfully hard and as I stood there looking at his, um, skinny butt, it felt like it was getting even harder. I couldn't wait for him to turn around so I could get my first look at his dick! Then he turned around... [/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"Kevin" and I had met at the local Y and quickly became friends and even more so when we both revealed that not only had we done it with boys, we both liked it a lot. So it just made sense that we do it to each other and spent a much of any time we could spend together talking about it and how much fun it would be to see each other naked. Kevin was... reserved, maybe even introverted, didn't easily engage in conversations with others but we hit it off right away and I think that because we were both... nerdy, that trait was what attracted us to each other.

It wasn't that we didn't want to do it to each other because we did but one of the lessons life teaches you is that whenever you [B]really[/B] want to do something, whatever it is will be very hard to do. It seemed to me that every time we made a plan to finally get to sucking and fucking each other, something always came up to keep it from happening; the cock-blocking was so bad that even when we'd be at the Y - and not necessarily together - we figured that we could at least get to see each other naked in the shower room but fate - I guess - always threw a wrench into even that simple thing.

If we were nothing else, we were patient. I had to admit that, at the time, I hadn't wanted to do it with a boy as much as I wanted to do it to him and, of course, have him doing it to me and Kevin eagerly echoed this sentiment; we'd both wind up saying that when - not if - we finally got to do it, it was going to be outstanding. We had long since agreed that we were gonna do it all; we were gonna suck each other's dick until we shot the stuff into each other's mouth and we were definitely gonna stick it in and fuck each other and both things as many times as we could.

After all, we were piling up a lot of lost time to be made up. We both even confessed that we'd lie awake at night and think about doing it to each other while masturbating and it didn't surprise me when Kev confessed that he'd figured out that if he gathered up all of the stuff he shot and put it in his mouth, he wouldn't leave any evidence behind for anyone to find; we both thought that our parents telling us over and over not to play with ourselves was... dumb.[/SIZE][/FONT]

I watched a film recently called Boy Erased which confronts the practise of conversion therapy. For those that haven't heard this term before, it's the practise of converting a person's sexuality from bi/homosexual to heterosexual using religion as a means to "re-educate" the individual. I thought this "therapy" had died out many years ago but it seems it's still alive and well, practised in 38 states in America if I remember rightly. Parents send their children to these "clinics" where men with no formal training, qualifications or real experience "treat" them. It was quite shocking on a number of levels, the fanaticism level of those preaching their religious rhetoric and the fact that parents would trust the physical and mental well-being of their children with these nut cases.

The movie made a number of claims that bisexuality and homosexuality are choices. It uses the metaphor that no one is born a footballer, they learn to be a footballer so therefore no one is born bisexual or homosexual, it's their upbringing and family life that cause it. You may not be born a footballer, but you may be born genetically "gifted" to be predisposed to be good at sport and therefore become a footballer so whilst you weren't born to be a sports person your genetics may lead you there. The choice for them is whether or not they want to play football regardless if they're good at it or not. I feel for me, this is the same when it comes to my sexuality. I believe my genetics predisposed me to same sex attraction and the only choice I had was to whether or not to accept it and act upon it. For many years I would not accept it, I pushed it to the back of my mind but genetics are a hard thing to fight. I didn't learn to have same sex tendencies nor did anyone make me have them. I just had them and I had them from as early as I can remember.

In NZ, conversion therapy costs $200+ per hour according to the article I found and is still legal. The government had looked at banning it but thought this would be a ban on religious freedom and it seems protecting the rights of the individual never came in to the decision making process. Children are often sent to these "camps" against their will. I find this appalling for a country that is supposed to be a world leader in LGTBQ rights. I personally believe it should be banned! It's claiming there is something wrong with being bisexual or homosexual but there is nothing wrong with being either. It's nature.

Had my parents sent me to one of these camps when I was growing up had they ever had an inclining of my true sexuality it would not have worked one iota. Preaching the bible to me would have the opposite effect, you'd be better of hitting me with it. It seems for this to work, the individual must have a strong religious upbringing so that can then be used against them. I did not have this and besides, my parents, whilst I'd believe they'd be disappointed to have a bisexual son, would never had entertained such a barbaric idea. As an adult, there's simply no chance I'd ever consider it. I'm not broken! I'm bisexual!

Unfortunately for the teenage boy in the movie, his parents weren't as liberal as mine and sent them to one such camp when he finally had the courage to tell them he was gay, I wish I had that courage. Did it work? No. He left. He saw it for what it really was, a sham and an expensive one at that. The toll it takes on the boys in the movie is obvious, with one committing suicide after he was beaten by his parents with a bible after falling for temptation. This camp did not allow pornography, physical touching or masturbation but it's not made clear which temptation he fell for. I'm particularly screwed on that last one, they'd definitely get me on it. The movie had quite an ironic ending with the leader of the camp leaving and moving to another state to live with his husband. Yes, it was a true story and for the teenage boy, he confronted his father a few years later with an ultimatum, except him for who he is, a gay man or not be a part of his life. His father chose to try and accept his child instead of never seeing him again.

How would have you felt had your parents sent you to conversion therapy? Would've it worked? Should it be banned?

I once asked a question on the forums that if you were able to take a pill to become straight, would you? I said I wouldn't. I still wouldn't. It's taken me a long time to see that I'm not broken. I'm just different.... but really am I that different? How many have buried such feelings and desires like I had over the years? As humans we form close relationships all the time with the same sex, how many would have the potential of turning in to something else if there wasn't anything metaphysical or societal to stop us? I guess we'll never know. I often feel that the only difference between many men and I is that I have accepted and embraced my same sex attraction and that this attraction may be quite a bit stronger. Some people believe that everyone is innately bisexual, I'm starting to subscribe to that notion, controversial as it is, but that's a blog for another time.

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I couldn't tell you how long I fucked him; time didn't mean shit... but my cock buried in his ass as deep as I could get it did. At one point, I had raised up and looked between us to see my cock in his ass - and in time to see his hard cock shudder - then a flow of sperm oozed from him. There was something... sensual watching his dick pumping away and I could feel his anal muscles contracting around me with each spurt...

And I lost it; the feeling snuck up on me without any warning. I went from watching him cum to being bitch-slapped by cumming myself and then being hit by the sensations so hard I think I stopped breathing for a moment (or I don't remember breathing). I pulled out and flopped down next to him spent and more than sated; I looked over at him and he looked... happy? Satisfied? As I looked at him lying there, I saw his dick was still kinda erect even though he had spilled... so it made sense to me to go down on him again. He didn't even try to resist and it didn't take long for him to get fully hard - then fill my mouth with cum in a few short minutes.

It was like he had nutted with me inside him... but that didn't really "finish him off," if you know what I mean - but now he was finished. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I got back, Jesse was still lying there and I asked him, "Am I gonna have to put up with you hitting on me after this?"

"No, you won't," he said - was he crying again? "We're good."

And we were. The next day, it was like I didn't exist to Jesse, not in that dismissive way, mind you. He was still personable and all that but the flirting and other stuff? Just gone and he didn't even hint or suggest that we get together again. And that was fine by me. One of the guys that Jesse had pressured into giving up the dick said to me, "Wow, you must've done a number on him! He's like a different person!"

Before I left the assignment, I had a few words for Jesse and along the lines of, okay, he's magnificent in bed... but he should cool it with the heavy flirting and propositions because if being with me made him feel some kind of way, there were other guys who'd make it their purpose in life not to make having sex with them a good thing. "Just be careful what you wish for, Jesse..."

I didn't feel bad about having sex with him; I just felt bad about him being able to get to me like he did... but I got over it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]You know that watery feeling you get in your gut when you know you're about to do something that, perhaps, you shouldn't be doing? I had it big time and even worse as I pulled into the parking lot of Jesse's apartment complex and parked next to his car. It got even worse because he literally exploded out of his car, taking me by the hand and pretty much dragging me with him to his place. Once inside, he closed and locked the door - and I suddenly felt like a trapped animal! I was standing there planning escape routes when Jesse asked, "Well? Do you like what you see?"

Huh? I refocused my eyesight to see that he was buck naked and standing where I'd last saw him and the bad part? I did like what I saw. Slender, practically hairless (found out later that he routined removed all of his body hair) and his cock was nice to look at; not big and fat but not thin and skinny - pretty average, I thought. I just nodded and he smiled and said, "Okay - time for me to get to work!"

He had me undressed before it really registered in my brain; to me, it was like I didn't notice that I was now naked until he said, "Your cock is beautiful and I'm gonna make love to it!" At this point, I knew I could have called it off and that I had the muscle to back it up if needed... but this wasn't so much about sex as it was about honor: If I say yes, then barring an emergency, I'm gonna keep my word because at the end of any day, it's the only thing that means anything.

Jesse knelt before me, cupped my balls and said, "I've been looking forward to this..." and covered me with his mouth; my brain was so strangely out of it that I hadn't even noticed that I was already very hard. I'll say this for the man: He wasn't just as good as his word - he was better than that. I'd had both men and women suck my dick... but not like Jesse did; he had me on the verge of exploding fairly quickly as he lavished a great deal of attention on my cock and balls. I tried to hold it back but his mouth was so talented and insistent and if it wasn't for the fact that he was palming my ass with both hands, when I came, I would have fallen to the floor like my legs had gotten chopped off. He pulled me even deeper into his mouth and I could feel him swallowing my sperm and, jeez, it felt amazing...

And I knew I was in trouble.

Jesse released me, licked his lips and said, "Yes... that's what I needed! And I need more!"

We made it to his bedroom and he didn't give me much of a chance to recover; once on the bed, he went right back down on me and something in my head said, "Fuck it - just go with it!" My own lust was awake and raising hell and I instinctively went to blow him - and he stopped me, saying, "Oh, no - I don't like that and it's my job to please you!"

And I wasn't hearing any of that. I wanted that dick in my mouth and made it clear to Jesse that I was going to have it whether he liked it or not. He didn't like it... and I didn't care as we wound up in a 69 with me on top and fucking my dick into his mouth while I sucked on his. Oh, he tried to get away and I stopped sucking him long enough to tell him, "No one is going to save you from me; remember... you wanted this..."

When Jesse came in my mouth, oh, my - he was very unhappy and I just knew he wasn't... and I still didn't give a fuck about that. I even said to him, "You should be careful what you wish for - ya just might get it. Now, you need to tell me where the lube is... because I'm going to fuck you."

He pointed to where it sat on his dresser and as I got up to get it, I looked at him... and he looked like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights as I applied lube to myself, then to him; since he was already on his back, I just lifted his legs, then slid my hands under his ass to lift him a little - then slid my dick right into his ass. He wasn't tight - but I didn't expect him to be but, holy shit - his ass felt really good around my dick (and just as he said it would).

And I fucked him. Hard and fast. Nice and slow. He writhed beneath me as if he was either enjoying himself or he was trying to get away from me. Wasn't sure which thing it was... still didn't care one way or the other as I drove deep into him and flooded his ass with sperm... and it felt glorious. No - not as good as pussy but, yeah, close enough for government work. I didn't pull out; I just propped myself on my elbows and looked down at him and asked, "Are you disappointed? Feeling better now that you've gotten what you said you wanted from the moment you first saw me?"

"I think I'm in love," he said - was he crying? Hmm.

I started to pull out but he said, "No - stay where you are; I want to feel you get hard inside me!"

Honestly? I didn't think that was gonna happen but Jesse's mouth wasn't the only talented thing on him as he used his anal muscles to not only keep me inside him but to urge me into yet another erection and, yeah, I was impressed. Once I was hard enough to fuck him, well, I fucked him... slowly and while I thought that busting another nut wasn't going to happen, it didn't seem to matter if I could or not.[/SIZE][/FONT]