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Look. I'll suck your dick, happily and gladly. If fucking is on the menu, I'll gladly assume the position and take the dick and, in both cases and situations, as long as you're not being rough with me - and I do mean MY version of what that means - then we're going to have a good time but if I tell you to ease up, well, you only get one warning. If I tell you to stop, please, do us both a favor and stop because this is supposed to be fun and satisfying and... don't test me. Don't push your luck.

You treat people the way you want to be treated. A little "rough?" Sure, I understand that, and I can accept it. You start playing "power/dominance" games with me, we're going to have a problem and one you don't want any more than I do. It's... regrettable. It shouldn't happen and I don't have any illusions in this: Some guys think that their rough way to have sex is the way it always has to be and they don't think or expect someone to resist and fight back. I shouldn't have to let another guy know that I'm just as much of a man as they are but I grew up having to point that out to guys.

I didn't put up with it because I didn't have to. Cease and desist immediately and if you don't, shit. Don't test my resolve. I've... had my share of having to resort to violence to protect myself during sex because you have to in that situation. In the end, this shit is... an occupational hazard when you're about having sex with other men.

csreef, thanks again for what you said - I really do appreciate it.

Once things got going on the internet, my god - I was coming into contact with a lot of men who either wanted to "beat a guy up" or be "beaten up" during sex. I was sucking a guy off one day and he hauled off and slapped in the face and I was kicking his ass before I realized that I had even moved.

He didn't understand why I kicked his ass... because he thought that this is what cocksuckers like. Saw it watching porn. Now a lot of the shit I experienced as an adult started to make sense. Not only had some men learned some bad habits, but they were also learning more of them watching porn. I... understood this but early experiences had already taught me that I didn't have to put up with it.

And I wasn't going to. Like, I'm sucking a guy's dick and when I stopped to swallow and catch my breath, he slapped me in the face with his dick. I told him, "Don't do that." He did it again and asked, "What the fuck are you gonna do about it, bitch?"

He found out. I'm sure he woke up wondering what happened. Homie don't play that shit. Both men and women proved that they could be into some... shit. Had sex with a woman who neglected to tell me before the fact that she was into BDSM pain and, okay, I'll hurt someone in defending myself... but to do it on purpose? I made her happy since, you know, I know how to cause lots of pain but... I threw up because this wasn't the way I was taught to treat women during sex. I'd have guys checking me out online and hitting me up and into the very rough stuff and saying that if I was a real man, then I had to take it.

Bullshit. Okay. I grew up with sex starting with some wrestling but no intent on causing harm but it was about... dominance. It was fun, made us all hot and horny and the sex would be delightful. But, yeah, some guys wrestled as a prelude to rough sex and, I guess, figuring that if they can best you like this, then you'd be compliant to whatever they felt like doing... and I wasn't having any of it.

Throughout it all, the violence was just something could happen and you learned this and if you didn't learn how to deal with it, then you'd be victimized and the only way this makes any sense is if you actually like being victimized, brutalized, manhandled, slapped around, etc.

I grew up learning to not let this happen to me. It's really not something that an apology is called for: It just was what it was and for a lot of reasons; some "made sense" while most of it didn't, both then and now.

Many of my male and female friends got sexually brutalized by those assholes cornering them and forcing them to have sex with all the guys in attendance and if they didn't comply, they'd get beaten up until they complied and the sex was very rough and caused a lot of injuries to pussies and assholes. One such group tried that on me and the fight was epic. I'd said no, they say they were gonna pull a train me anyway and... I badly hurt most of them. Broken bones; dislocated joints; I heard that the guy I snap-kicked in the balls needed surgery.

Word got around to not try that shit with me but, yeah, some guys would and I couldn't let them get away with it. Now, if you think it was bad in the early days, being an adult didn't make things any better. Even when I'd gotten taller and all that, there were men who saw a skinny guy and since they were bigger, they thought they could do whatever they wanted to. I had reasoned, from the early days, that big guys and guys with big dicks felt this way; there were guys with smaller dicks who I thought were rough because they had small dicks and that they had something to prove.

I had to learn that if a guy said he liked rough sex, just walk away. The wolves in sheep's clothing would reveal themselves at some point and if they started the rough stuff, I'd ask them nicely to take it easy... but if they ignored me, well. Most of the time, I'd just walk away but, sometimes, these guys would be so arrogant that they wouldn't let me walk away... and learned that they should have.

While I understood that some folks liked it rough to really rough, I'm not one of them and to assume that I am - and for whatever stupid reason they'd think that - well, things could get ugly and years of training put me in a certain mind-space about violence being directed at me in any way. No means no; if I tell you in the beginning that I don't want to be fucked, don't try to fuck me - how simple and understandable is that? If I give you a warning not to be holding my head and fucking my mouth and you go right back to doing it, we're going to have a problem - but one I'd hope we can settle with words and like grownups but, yeah, again - when some guys got their dick hard, they were pretty unintelligent, to put it that way.

If I tell you to stop, just stop. I was learning a lot about men and their attitudes about having sex. Like you've seen me write here before, early on, I started learning a lot of the same things women learned to hate about us. Being too rough; trying to do shit to us that we didn't like, want, or agreed to and then trying to force the issue and like we had no say in any of this. I learned why some girls/women just laid there and took it and while that sounds like a dumb thing to do, it was better than getting your ass kicked or it wasn't worth any violence or drama hopping off.

But when you weren't just going to let it happen, you asked for it to stop and if it didn't, you made it stop. No means no; stop means stop and right the fuck now.

It didn't take us long to find out what guys didn't know how to do it right and by right I mean not being really rough and once they were identified, they were avoided; if a girl didn't want to do it with a guy, chances were you'd better not do it with him either.

One kid I had sex with asked me afterward why I hadn't roughed him up and was miffed that I hadn't; it confused me because, of course, I was told not to do that (with girls) but he told me that most of the guys who he let fuck him were rough and pretty much beat him up and, gasp, made his asshole bleed! There came a time where a lot of guys... learned to be wolves in sheep's clothing. Sweet as punch before the fact but the moment their dick got hard, anything but sweet. I was used to being able to tell a guy, if I thought he was fucking me too hard, "Not so hard, okay?" and he'd ease up but there were guys I would say that to and... they try to fuck me harder. Called me names. Wanted to beat on me.

Oh, hells to the no! I learned quickly that just like getting into a real fight, if I didn't defend myself, I was going to get my ass kicked so when some guys started acting like total assholes and figured that they could do anything they wanted to me so if I told them stop and they didn't stop, I made them stop. Their excuse for it? They thought that's the way guys are supposed to have sex with anyone because that's what they were told.

I took the martial arts because, as Mr. Myagi taught Daniel, you learn how to fight so you don't have to. I was that kid who looked like a pushover... until those who tried to mess with like that learned that I wasn't. Guys who were bigger than me just felt that they could have rough sex with me and there was nothing I could do about it and, well, they found out that I could and I would do ANYTHING I had to do to defend myself from being manhandled and guys not stopped when I asked them to.

Shit, the guy who drugged and raped me treated me better than some guys did (although I did try to kill him). Still, even though I thought and believed that it was some seriously fucked up shit to have to defend yourself having sex, that... was just how it could be and, again, sometimes, you didn't know that it was going to be like getting your assk kicked until he started trying to kick your ass.

I remember punching a guy in the face because he slapped me on the ass while fucking me doggy style. I had to apologize; it was an automatic reaction. Oops. I uppercut a guy in his balls for grabbing my head and forcing his dick down my throat; he wouldn't let go of my head so I made him let go. I would learn that some guys looked at me like I was a sissy which meant girly which meant they could do anything they wanted and there was nothing I could do - and because that's how they treated girls. Sadly, a lot of girls wouldn't or couldn't fight back... but I wasn't a girl.

You try to give me the rough trade shit, I hope you have insurance. I couldn't figure out, in the beginning, why guys were like this but it became clear to me that I couldn't let them hurt me and like they were doing to others. Like, there were a bunch of guys running around and "pulling a train" on unsuspecting victims and if you're not familiar with that term, it's what we call a gangbang today.

csreef reached out to me with some kind words re the violence I encountered having sex with men and I begin this by saying how much I appreciate what he said.

But if I didn't learn anything, it's that when some guys get their dicks hard, there's no telling how they're going to behave. There were guys who had a lot of misconceptions about having sex and one of those misconception was that sex always had to be rough. I would often hear guys talking about the sex they were having with other guys and how it had to be rough because we're men and we can take it better than women could or would... and, to me, that was bullshit since one of the other things I quickly learned was how I liked to have sex.

I knew and/or encountered guys who had issues with their sexuality and felt that they had to take out their anger issues on other guys. I knew and/or encountered guys who felt that they were on a mission to teach faggots a lesson on what it meant to be a real man and I couldn't figure out how they were teaching such a lesson when if I'm a faggot for sucking dick and being fucked, um, what does that make the guy I'm having sex with?

I had bi friends who'd tell me that they got with a guy and... pretty much got mugged and even raped as well as being made to do things that they didn't want to do or had agreed to and the thing that came to my mind was something my mother would say about being able to defend myself: You should never let someone make you do something you don't want to do. One of the things I said to csreef in my reply to him was that it didn't take me (or others) very long to realized that if you allow someone to make you a victim, you will always be seen as one. So being able to defend myself became a priority and like I also told csreef, I did not want to come home all beaten the fuck up and having to explain to my mother why I let someone kick my ass, let alone how that came to be.

I've had to defend myself against unwanted advances coming from men who, as far as I was concerned, didn't know how to have sex. Even in the younger days, a lot of my friends would tell me whatever their fathers told them about how to have sex with a girl and how they had to let her know that he was a real man by just having their way with her and if she resisted, beat her ass and keep having your way with her.

If you're frowning at this point, you should be but this was the mid-1960s and there were a lot of angry guys running around who were so fucked up in the head that women refused to have sex with them so for a lot of them, having sex with males was the answer but if they were brutalizing women via sex, they just transferred that behavior to having sex with men... and I wasn't having any of it. If you forced someone to have sex, this was the wrong way to have sex and it made sense to me that if I was being told to be gentle with girls, that meant that since I was having sex with guys, too, I had to be gentle with them.

Okay, being told by both that they weren't going to break told me I was being too gentle and I understood that but there is a difference here; you can be "rough" without literally kicking someone ass trying to have sex with them.

Maybe that moment never shows up. And maybe - and I might even say "usually" - it will and... now what? You want him, he is giving you every sign that he wants you so that much isn't really in question but whether going for it and it ruining the friendship is the BIG question. I've always believed that if you're close friends, short of getting into a really major confrontation that comes to blows? Nothing's going to hurt it but, yeah, it can.

It's a judgement call. I've had a friend tell me that another friend hit on him - what should he do. I've told them that if you're really friends, go for it and both of you have to make sure that the friendship doesn't go away or, really, if you don't mind, it never matters all that much. It's just sex - it ain't like you're gonna marry each other. Or they'd be... asking for a friend. Stop me if you've heard this one. And I'd sometimes find myself "jumping the gun" and just being direct. If you're the friend who's really asking - and I knew you were anyway - do you have a guy in mind? And if it's me - and most of the time it was - I'd already decided to go for it... because we're friends and what are friends for?

End of the day, it's just sex. Shit, man, we're such good friends that I know your lady's pussy and whole body like you do since you shared all of this with me! No, it's not really gay and, fuck no, I'm not gay... but I do suck a mean dick. If we're really good friends, I wouldn't object to being fucked. It's up to you; it's not going to change my mind about our friendship one way or the other.

My very gay boyfriend was a friend before he was my boyfriend. When I found out that he was in love with me, I didn't hesitate to have sex with him... because we were friends, after all; I just also happened to be the object of his desires. Such is life.

Is it worth the risk? I wouldn't dare tell you that is it because sometimes it just isn't. I've guessed wrong about friends. Embarrassing at the least, end of friendship at the worst. Him running around and blabbing my secret? I could care less because I learned a long time ago to not give a fuck about what a hater has to say and it changes nothing about me. If you have a friend and lusting after him, just be careful and if nothing else, trust in the strength of your friendship and if you think it's not that strong, then unless he brings it up, just leave having sex with him alone.

Now comes high school and the question some of you have been asking: Is it worth ruining your friendship with a guy by having sex with him? The answer I learned was... it depends on the strength of your friendship. I had friends who I wouldn't have sex with if their lives depended on it. It wasn't a "compatibility" thing - they just weren't, let's say, up to my standards of understanding some stuff. Honestly, I could have had sex with them and I hated to see them literally hurting because they couldn't get their rocks off but I learned that I had to have... standards. If asked if I ever had sex with a dude, I'd lie to them and say that I never did because what I knew about them told me that if we had sex, it wasn't going to go well for one of us and that would've been me. I'd had one guy try to make me his bitch and I was supposed to drop whatever I was going to suck his dick and, well, he found out that I am no one's bitch and, besides, he couldn't fight but he could talk a good game. End of friendship. Others were freaked out because I was bisexual and vanished. I had to grow more tough skin but you can't make those kinds of friends like that.

Oddly enough, I had better luck with friends as an adult and especially after I got married; the majority of my friends were married or in a LTR and way past their "honeymoon phase" where the pussy... just dried up. Some of them broke off our friendship because they thought I was gay and nothing I said changed their minds. Your loss. Mine, too, but I was now... indifferent to it. Let me know when you grow up and get with the real program. When my wife and I opened our marriage, I could have a lot of sex... but made very few friends outside of the married guys who, even out of desperation, risked losing our friendship by asking me to have sex with them. But friends... come and go. Such is life. I have no "stranger danger" but, yeah, I'd rather have sex with a guy and we consider ourselves close friends because I know him - by and large - while guys I'd pick up or who'd pick me up I'd have to learn enough about them to make a quick and informed decision to get with them or not.

It's not unusual for a guy to "wind up" wanting to have sex with a friend; as a friend, you share a lot of personal things; chances are you've seen each other in underwear or even naked. You might even know what women he's fucking... including the one he already has. Friends... don't judge.

Most of my new friends didn't even live in my neighborhood but with the turf wars now going on throughout the city, being able to hang with them and have sex with them meant finding neutral territory or getting permission from the gangs who ran our respective neighborhoods and, yeah, you probably don't want to know what that could require but it did sometimes involve hard dicks.

I was dating a girl in another neighborhood but she told me to never try to visit her because of the gang. I wasn't afraid of them and I wanted to see her. Went to her neighborhood and ran right into the leader of the gang and, of course, he wanted to know why I was there and all that. I told him why and he was going to deny me permission to see my girlfriend - and I was ready to defend myself - but he said, "I'll tell you what. You suck me off, you'll be free to come see her whenever you want to."

He didn't think I'd do it. He had no way of knowing that I was damned near an expert at sucking dick. He and his boys make me follow them to some dump they called their clubhouse. He tells me that if I punk out, not only will I be kept out but the five of them were going to kick my ass. I'm thinking the odds are even but I say, "Okay - let's do this." I blow his brains out and his boys, too. I just made five new friends. Was I some kind of faggot? "No, I go both ways - duh, I do have a girlfriend." Being a teen at this time was hard so finding and making friends was a must and I was ready and willing to hold onto them for as long as I could and no matter what it took. One girl said, "Sure we can be friends... if you eat my pussy." Like the gang leader, she didn't think I would because not eating pussy was a "thing." I ate her so much that she didn't get a chance to tap out... because I put her to sleep.

Add on one more friend. My sister's friends... didn't like me for some reason even though I didn't think I'd done or said anything to them to make them not like me. They all found out that I ate pussy - and I'm sure my sister told them - and... now they're my friends, too. I wasn't boyfriend material to them but they knew that if they wanted their pussies eaten, I was the guy they had to go looking for. Yeah, they were using me and it pissed me off until it dawned on me that they might be using me... but I was getting their pussies to eat and to fuck.

Guys and gals like me were in hiding but we would connect, become friends, and good enough friends that having sex... just made sense and didn't harm our friendship all that much. I got to suck a lot of dick because of The Drought, that weird thing that happens where guys couldn't get pussy to save their lives; it wasn't a problem that I had because unlike them, I was a pussy eating fiend but when they found out that I sucked dick, I... made more friends or, at best, very casual sex partners. We used each other. Things weren't as... mutual as I'd grown up with but I'd adapted.

And then, we moved again.