[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I'd often find myself in one of those "who does it better" debates and my perspective of sex had long since learned that people can only do the best they can do and with whatever they had to work with; I'd had good and "bad" sex with both guys and gals so, again, it was one of those differences that really didn't make that much of a difference because, either way, I was still having sex. While many people I knew had their own thoughts about what sex was good and what sex was bad, I'd be indifferent about that aspect. A lot of guys would say that if they didn't cum, the sex was bad or if whomever they were having sex with didn't want to do it the way they wanted to do it, it was bad and a bunch of other stuff that, at least for them, would draw huge lines between good and bad sex and I found that sex was - and is - better for me without thinking in terms of good and bad; it's still sex and just the nature of it means it's either gonna be all that or it isn't, and depending on what and how we've learned to think about sex. I just didn't - and still don't - think about sex in the same way "a lot" of people do. Sucking cock or eating pussy? It's all the same to me and so was/is fucking someone and while that's obviously not the same as having a hard dick in my ass and getting creamed, it still just sex. Like most people, I'm not of a mind to have sex with someone I don't like for some reason but, yeah, I've done that, too, because I can set aside what I don't like about them so much in favor of having sex but, yeah - if I [B]really[/B] didn't like them, it just wasn't gonna happen.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I was seeing that how you thought about sex kinda shaped the way you had sex and while I - along with everyone else - had their favorite sex things to do, the only way I could see the two things as being different was if I thought of them as being different and beyond the obvious. To me, eating pussy was different from sucking dick... but the purpose was the same; fucking a girl in her pussy or her ass wasn't any different than fucking a guy in the ass since, duh, other than his mouth, the only place you could put your dick was his ass. Different sensations and all that but I kept returning to the root of it and now it was just a matter of whether or not it felt good or not so much and no matter who was naked with me.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]And sometimes, it wasn't even about whatever sex I had being good or bad in that sense. I had sex and if nothing else, I'd shoot my load and feel all kinds of nice before that happened... most of the time. There were always those moments where I'd wind up asking myself why I thought it was a good idea to have sex with this girl or that guy... and that was mostly over the way they were acting about it. I'd walk away from the not-so-good moments, thinking and feeling some kind of way about it, but the question I would keep asking myself was did I have sex? Yep. And I even recognized that most of the time, I didn't think it was bad until after it was over although I'd sometimes realize that before it was over with.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I'd just chalk it up to experience and lessons learned; whether I felt good, bad, or indifferent about it, what remained at the root was that I had sex. Being straight, bi, or gay, it turned out, were just ways to describe some stuff like feelings... but the sex was still the sex whether it was just boy/girl, boy/boy, or that special combination of, really, anyone who wanted to do it with and to me.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I'd often point out to others that when you get right down to it, the differences we make in this don't make a whole lot of difference because it's still sex... and I'd wind up rolling my eyes to hear them say, "Yeah, but..." and then followed by whatever their thoughts about sex happened to be and, really, trying to inject differences into it that, at least to me, didn't really exist, like, what's the difference between a girl sucking your dick and a guy doing it? The person doing it... the act itself never changes. What's the difference between fucking a girl in the ass and doing it to a guy? Same answer. Sure, pussies and assholes are obviously different but both can be fucked and filled up with sperm. Later in life, I'd become aware of that subliminal feel, that "vibe" you can pick up on from other people; females have a certain feel that's different from how guys feel and I had found out that some guys can and do "feel" like a girl or woman - how about that? Did it really change anything? Not really because sex, itself, was still at the root of it all and the only things that were different were how one wanted to go about having sex. Now it became a question of whether those differences really made a difference to me and I realized that they really didn't - but I was aware of them.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Even I had gotten into the "habit" of saying, "I really don't care who I'm having sex with... as long as I'm having sex..." and it was a sentiment - and a truthful one - that a lot of people couldn't make sense of and would lead to them asking, "Why would you want to have sex with another guy?" and then make the incorrect assumption that I was really gay. I'd respond - and without going into detail - by saying, "Because it's still sex - and who doesn't want to have sex?" And few people seemed to get it; they were - and still are - stuck and rooted in the whys and hows of heterosexual sex and the ongoing angst about things homosexual and, again, totally overlooking the "sex" part of the equation and guys, well, pretty much everyone knew that we are very much hard-wired to want to have sex and if it's with another guy, that works and even without having the affinity for men - that's being all into men and men only or, yeah, gay. Even in the early days, everyone assumed that if a guy had sex with another guy, he likes men and in the same way he should like women... but gay men don't like women like that and, again, anyone who went both ways, well, who'd do that? A lot of people would, truth be told and I knew I was one of them and while feeling other than lust could be involved, wanting to have sex with someone was still at the root of things so as far as I was concerned, it was all the same to me. It was about whatever would make you cum and feel good; most of the time it'd be good, sometimes not so much but in the end, the question would always be, "Did you have sex?" and the answer was always, "Yeah!" A guy was fucking me one day and had asked me, "Do you like it better with boys or with girls?" The question broke the spell I was under - I was totally focused on what I was feeling and how I was feeling - and I think I might have said something it didn't make a difference to me but, later, his question came back to me and I tried to answer it for myself, remembered that I had said that it didn't make a difference and by the time I got tired of trying to sort out the pros and cons of sex with guys and gals, I saw that it really didn't make that much of a difference because either way, I was having sex.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It's called being bisexual but as I grew up experiencing sex with guys and gals, I realized that at the root of it, it's sex and that it didn't make "that much of a difference" who you were having sex with or who you wanted to have sex with. Oral sex is oral sex; fucking is fucking and no matter which hole is being used and, absolutely, guys can be fucked just like women can and women can get something they can use to fuck a guy, too. I would observe all the riffing, both pro and con, over sexuality and, back in that day, faggots and trannies were the highly touted topic of the times and, okay - personalities and other stuff certainly played into things but still, at the root of it all, it's still sex and not necessarily with the purpose of procreation... and more so when "natural-born men" can't get pregnant... but it can be fun trying. I was seeing that unless someone was against having sex, pretty much everyone wanted to and as evidenced by the teen-aged years where everyone except those who were against having sex were trying to get laid and, to that end, it wasn't - I guess 'unexpected' is the right word - to see both guys and gals wanting to have sex with other guys and gals - just not in the way we were told it's supposed to be. There's the whole emotional aspect that can be involved but setting that aside for the moment, it was about having sex, feeling good, having orgasms and letting sperm flow. But there were - and still are - a lot of people who couldn't seem to make the obvious connection; sure, it was kinda/sorta about liking someone enough to want to have sex with them but while people were arguing about the way it's supposed to be done, they just overlooked the fact that human beings liked, wanted, and needed sex; it was just that there were a lot of people who weren't all that particular about whether the person they were having sex with was, at the least, physically like themselves.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]As fucked up as it sounds, it really is okay to be afraid and conquering those fears, well, if it was that easy, everyone could do it. How to get past them? Use your intelligence and don't let your emotions run the show. Look at your fears then sit and think about how to best make them not be all that fearful and give a lot of thought about what fears are real ones and what fears are those that your mind has just made up. Afraid of catching something? That's what condoms are for - doesn't get any simpler than that. Worried about someone finding out that you got some dick? That's when you kinda plan things out... and then your plans have plans and those plans have their own plans - and then don't overly complicate things - believe me when I say that your fears will put your mind into overdrive and like you probably wouldn't believe. Take baby steps. For a lot of first-timers, it's a "slow" progression that goes from just being naked with another guy to being able to touch the other guy's body, to taking his cock in hand - or he's got his hand on yours and then, once one is comfortable with this, taking the next and big step of sucking/being sucked... then going with that for as long as it takes before graduating to fucking/being fucked - and that's if you can even go there to begin with. Don't let the other guy pressure or shame you into doing something you don't think you can do and, importantly, don't even try to make yourself do something that you're somehow pretty sure you can't do. I've heard horror stories from other guys about their first time and how the other guy "tricked" them; they said all we're gonna do is suck each other's dick... and then they guy is trying to fuck them and to say it got ugly is an understatement. Know that you can say no at any time you want to and for any reason... and if the other guy doesn't like it, he just doesn't like it and if he starts busting your ass about it, don't listen to him - and I know that's not easy either. If you can't, [B]it does not make you less than a man[/B] and don't let them tell you anything different. But there's still that fear of not knowing about the other guy, isn't there? Is he gonna do right by you or are all of your fears going to show up at the same time? The truth is there's no way to really know - you have to be able to trust the other guy... and not so much trusting him at the same time and, yeah, one should [B]always[/B] be prepared to protect themselves because another truth is some guys, well, they can behave very badly when their dick gets hard. It's okay to be afraid but the truth is that if this is something you really want and have to do, you're gonna have to learn to not let your fears run the show. Be aware of them but keep in mind that your fears are only real [B]if and when[/B] they ever show up... and they might not. And until they do, they're not all that real; you're not going to turn into a gay guy and if catching something nasty scares you, use condoms; if you fear being caught or otherwise outed, well, you need to carefully - but not overly - think about how you want to go about doing it and keep in mind that some guys draw suspicion and even out themselves because they tend to do things that they normally don't do, like some guys who aren't known to hang out with the fellas is suddenly hanging out with some guy or, really, anything that is outside of their normal routine. Think first... then act if you must... or if you can... and if you can't, just don't.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It gets even more real if, for his first experience, the guy wants to suck cock and, again, I've had guys go through some shit just to touch my dick and go through even more shit in the exact moment they take me into their mouth - and some of it ain't what I'd call pleasant. I've had guys throw up on me; one guy was so scared that if he could have shit himself, he would have - but all he did was fart like you've never heard anyone fart before. I've seen guy literally piss themselves and, of course, I've seen them cum and even without any contact being made. I've seen them break down and cry or otherwise just lose it. And I've also heard guys say, "Fuck it..." and just do it or, yeah, say, "Fuck it..." and they don't do it and then say, "I just can't. I want to... but I can't." This happens and I'm not bullshitting you about it and now, at least for me, it's about getting them to be okay about not being able to go through with it... and that's not easy, either. Maybe you think sticking your dick in a guy's ass is easy... and for some guys, it is... but for others? I've seen guys ready and willing to fuck me and the moment they try to get it in me, goodbye erection... and it's not coming back. I've had guys be so highly strung that they've shot their load all over me before they even got anywhere near my ass; I've felt them unload the moment the head of their dick makes contact with my hole and the same thing before they even get the head in. I've had guys get the head in, push a little more in and lose it and, of course, this is pretty much every man's worst nightmare and, usually, one of the main things they were fearing. Now I'm telling them that it really is okay - losing your erection or busting a nut super early? It happens. Let's take a moment and just relax, okay? It's not gonna help anything if you start kicking your own ass about it. That's not easy either because, intelligently, a guy can and does understand this... but emotionally? Train wreck and an epic one.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I've sat and talked and watched guys process this intelligently and decide - and without any urging on my part - that they can do this. They're confident and kinda/sorta not so afraid... until - and if they've decided that I'm the one to give them their first experience - the dicks come out. It's not really real at this point because, really, who hasn't, in some way or the other, seen another guy's dick before? With those guys who want to have their first male blow job, I wish I could really tell you about the look on their faces as I carefully begin to blow them; I wish I could put into words just how nervous and afraid they are; not only do they know that this ain't supposed to happen... but even if they've had women suck their cock before, they believe that this is so different that I've seen guys break out into cold sweats, throw up, start crying or laughing kinda hysterically. I've had my mouth just about on them and they've changed their mind because they just can't overcome whatever fears and anxiety that's now taken control of them. I've seen guys so hyped up that all I've done was to wrap my hand around them... and they've blown a load that's so huge that we're both surprised and I've gotten a guy into my mouth and a moment later, here comes that gusher of sperm and, yeah - it's one of their fears made real and now I have to let them know that it's normal and perfectly okay - it happens and, besides, you just did what I wanted you to do: Cum.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It just makes convincing a guy that there's "nothing to be afraid of" a damned difficult thing to do. Not only do guys worry about becoming "instantly gay," they're also afraid of looking like a coward and fears not being able to "man up" and deal with the dick. And, yes: I've even talked to guys whose main fear was that if they do this, they're going to really like it. Yeah, I know - that doesn't seem to make sense but it does speak to how well a guy knows himself and, "usually," guys who know that they have the tendency to get "carried away" with something are usually afraid that they're gonna like this and to the extremes. I have told guys, "Look... if you don't think you can do this - and for whatever reason you can't - then don't do it; it's really that simple. You have to be confident that you can and that whatever risks or whatever that's scaring you so much are things you can deal with - and if you have to face them at all because sometimes, those fears never appear." I've had guys tell me, "You make it sound easy..." and I'll tell them that my experience makes it sound that way... but it's anything but easy and I know that. And now we get into the moment of truth part of all of this...[/SIZE][/FONT]
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