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He went through that same crazy thing I was still going through. He wanted to suck my dick a lot; he wanted me to fuck him a lot. He was getting the hang of fucking me and because he wasn't shooting, god, I could suck his dick for long periods of time because it felt so good in my mouth and it was either better or worse because I had realized that we came from the same parents - we both got our dicks from them. I knew what the word "incest" meant and knew that it should never be done between brothers and sisters because it was very bad... but when our parents bothered to explain this to me - and because, I think, they knew I was "physically developed" enough to have sex, my kid logic said that, okay, me and my sister shouldn't be doing it but we were but what they told me specifically said that it was bad for brothers to do it to each other... but that was a dodge because I knew that boys weren't supposed to do it already.

And whatever fear I had at first vanished quickly because we were doing it as many times a day that we could get away with and, again, sleeping in the same bed made it easier. Later in life, I would wonder if my parents had decided to get us bunk beds for reasons other than finally giving us our own beds to sleep in but even then, it didn't stop us from being awake in the dead of night and winding up in each other's bunk and doing it. I recently commented on a post that I was sucking his dick when he came for the first time and the short version here was that it was a big and proud moment for both of us and i was smart enough to know that if there wasn't another guy who wanted to do it, my pain-in-the-ass little brother would always want to do it. He couldn't wait to shoot his stuff in my butt... and I couldn't wait to feel him do it. It was... "nastier" than it already was because we weren't just two boys - we were brothers but that made it a... good nasty? I had no words for how I was feeling about screwing my sister and my brother but I would intuitively understand some shit about sex that drove home some other shit about having sex.

It was only bad if you got caught doing it. My sister knew we were doing it and said that she wasn't going to tell - and didn't care - as long as I could eat her pussy and fuck her whenever she needed me to... and she needed me to a lot because, as she had said, she trusted me more than the other guys who wanted to fuck her. I was in a moral pickle and one that if our parents ever found out, I would be dead meat and maybe even literally.

As I've mentioned here many times on the various posts, our mom caught me fucking my brother and to this very day, I believe that she knew about it all along and had picked that moment to make it stop which, um, it didn't. It got weird between us after our mom threw our dad out because of his drinking problem and that moment affected my brother in some very bad ways and ways that would drive a wedge between us going forward and, again as mentioned here, we really did hate each other... except when we'd have sex. We could fight (and I'd kick his ass every time and with prejudice) and turn right around and deliciously suck and fuck each other - and go right back to fighting. We'd become adults and his life was still on that bad track and I was happy not to have anything to do with him but if he came looking for me, I knew why and he made no bones about seeking me out because he wanted some dick and, according to him, I still had the best dick he's ever had.

Sue me: Sex with my brother was very damned good and I'll say now that he handled his emergence as a bisexual better than I did because he saw no reason to think about it like I did. As I've shared here before, I didn't want to do it to him and at the time he started pestering me about it, we were still sleeping in the same bed and having him all up under me was bothersome because my hormones were telling me to just do it but there was always that threat of our parents catching us and I had nightmares about what they'd do to me.

He wore me down. Made me cave in. Pestered and bothered me about it until I finally said okay. Now, at this point, I had suspected that he might have been doing it with his little cadre of friends or, at the least, he'd been hearing about it and wanted to try it but I had had enough of him bothering me about it but in true big brother fashion, I was gonna teach him a lesson and starting with him sucking my dick and hoping it would make him barf or chicken out or something. And.. he didn't. We went to one of the hideouts us older guys used to have sex and pulled out my dick and said, "Put it in your mouth and suck it!"

I remember the look on his face... and it wasn't fear. He said, "Okay!" and went right to it and I would think later that it wasn't his first time sucking dick but I was still mad at him (but, really, mad at myself more) and he was still gonna pay for making me do this so when i was about to shoot, I didn't say anything and just let it happen, figuring that would freak him out... and it didn't. Oh, he was surprised but if it was possible to smile with a dick in your mouth, I could've sworn that he was smiling as he swallowed my stuff.

It was good... and I felt bad and a reality settled in on me: He wasn't going to be happy with just doing it one time and a truth that said that I wasn't going to be happy either. I sucked his dick - and knowing that he couldn't shoot - but it still felt good and he said that it did and I sucked him until I got tired and when I stopped he asked, "Are you gonna stick it in me now?" I... didn't want to but I wanted to. I put a lot of spit on my dick and smeared even more between his cheeks, got on top of him and said, "This is going to hurt..." and pushed my dick right in him. He didn't tense up. He didn't cry out. That little motherfucker said, "Oh! That feels good! Do it to me!"

So much for me teaching him a lesson. When I shot my stuff in his butt, he actually sighed and giggled a little and when I pulled out, the only thing he said was, "I can't wait for us to do it again!" And the "harsh" truth that I couldn't wait either. That night and under the cover of darkness, we did the same thing we'd done earlier that day but this time, he climbed on top of me and after some... difficulty getting his smaller dick in me, we managed it and he screwed me and it felt... wonderful. Better than when my friends screwed me. We didn't get much sleep that night and, in retrospect, I don't know how we didn't get busted because even now, I can recall how noisy we had been.

I still had to deal with feeling bad for (1) being pestered into doing it, (2) doing it, and (3) understanding that I liked it. It would be a lot of years before I would really understand why it was so good and understanding what it meant to create a monster.

I remember the last night I spent with him and that's when he told me that they would be moving away and pretty soon. I felt... crushed. it wasn't fair! Of course, I didn't want him to go any more than he had wanted to go but, yeah, I knew the deal behind that one - you go where your parents go and if you don't like it, well, sorry about that and you'll get over it.

We... made love for the last time and I'd realize that it was what we'd been doing all along. We sucked and fucked each other until neither of us could get hard again and it was comforting - but hurtful - to be cuddled up with him as we drifted off to sleep. Yeah, we did it again when we woke up but there was still that air of sadness around us and it was hard to hold back the tears but we both managed to.

I would and do remember being at the breakfast table and his mom asking us what was wrong and why were we looking like a couple of Sad Sacks and we kinda shrugged and mumbled something about being okay when, clearly, we weren't but that made sense given the news he gave me. We get finished with breakfast and just before we were about to go outside, his dad took me aside, saying that he needed to talk to me.

He explained why they were moving - he'd gotten a really good job and, well, they had to go where he was going to be working and I understood that. He had said, "I know how the two of you are such good and close friends..." and I nodded to acknowledge that but a moment later, my "heart stopped" when he said, "And I know how really close the two of you are... and it's okay, okay?"

I almost pissed myself! He knew what we were doing all those nights we spent together? One look at his face told me that, yeah, he knew and had known all along! My stomach felt watery and my knees were shaking but he just smiled at me and told me to always remember what it was like to have sex with someone you really, really cared about and to understand that it was all for the better. Now, go outside and catch up with him before he starts to worry!

A few days later, they - he - was gone. It bothered me, too. It was like breaking up with a girl you really liked but not that bad but, yeah, it sucks to lose a friend like this. For a while, having sex with the fellas wasn't the same or, really, it didn't feel the same even though it would be good sex and with plenty of jizz expended in the doing. But, as they say, time heals all wounds and, well, that's what happened. I still missed him and his friendship but I had the memories that helped ease the hurt and pain of it all. Did I really love him? I can't really say because I don't really know. We were... made for each other. That first kiss happened... because it was supposed to and, yeah, I can still remember how it took my breath away.

We were... special together and in a way I'll never forget...

When he shot his stuff in me, man, I can't even explain today how it had made me feel. I would think that maybe, just maybe, I had fallen in love with him... but it didn't actually feel like that and I've never been able to really make sense of how I felt in that moment.

He'd pulled out and kissed me "for real" and said, "That was so nice!" And I had to agree with him. But now it was my turn to screw him and, well, it had to happen even if I didn't really understand it at the time. While he had screwed me while I was on my stomach, it just... made sense to do it to him in the position girls liked to do it and... it felt so right. He didn't flinch or cry out in pain as I entered him and, again, later on, I would recall how it felt like my dick was made to be inside of him; I would recall how he wrapped himself around me and kissing my face and lips as I fucked him and I wanted it to go on forever and I felt that he did, too, but I couldn't hold it back and a part of me didn't want to and I came in him and it would be a great many years later when I'd cum in my new boyfriend and I'd feel the way I did that night.

We didn't get much sleep that first night. In the morning, it was... different. I would realize later that we were more... connected than we had been before last night. It wasn't love - or I didn't think it was but I could sense that we both had... feelings for each other. We went through our day talking about what had happened last night and if you were to have heard us talking about it, you would have thought that we'd been doing it to each other for a long time. He had this... smile on his face that was so... beautiful; he'd laugh about something and it was infectious and I'd find myself either laughing or smiling but the one thing we both had on our mind was that bedtime wasn't getting here fast enough.

Once we climbed into his bed, we were already naked and we hadn't even bothered to look for our PJs. It felt so good having his body close to mine and feeling his erection against my stomach and he made me laugh when he said, "Your cock is hard!" and, well, yeah, it was. I showed him how we could suck each other's cock - er - dick at the same time and, again, you would have thought that he'd been doing this for a long time and as I had been. Even though there was the risk that we could get caught doing it, there was no sense of urgency that I can remember but we weren't exactly taking our time, either. I would, one day, understand that some guys are just... a natural at sucking dick and my friend was such a natural; I even remember that when I came in his mouth the night before, he didn't complain or make a face or anything like that - he just swallowed my stuff and smiled at me once he was done doing that.

This time wasn't any different. His dick felt so good in my mouth and I was really into sucking him so I could taste his stuff again and it seemed to take a very long time (but it really hadn't) for me to feel his dick stiffen and his stuff shot into my mouth and it was like I couldn't get enough of it. We fucked each other and it was better than the first time and I couldn't get over the fact that until we'd done it the night before, he'd never done it with a boy and, according to him, had never thought about it. He said, "I just felt like we had to..." and I knew I'd felt the same way. Was it love? I still don't think it was but it was... deep. We sucked and fucked each other all through the night and going to sleep, well, it never occurred to me that we should go to sleep and yeah, we were some very tired puppies when we came down for breakfast and I would remember thinking that what we'd done made losing a night of sleep worth it... and then some.

I was friends with a lot of guys and guys that didn't mind doing it... but this was so different. Again, I would think that maybe we were really in love with each other but I would also understand that we had a special... chemistry that made having sex with each other feel like nothing I'd felt before. That Sunday night was even more special because I'd be going home in the morning and, well, it made both of us cry. I remember the tears rolling down my face and I was spooning him from behind and just holding him when I felt him grinding his butt against me before he said, "Put it in me like this..." and I did and, man, did it ever feel good doing it to him like this. I would realize that we were "having a moment" and one that meant so much to the both of us and it had done my heart so much good to do it to him while comforting him by reminding him that there would be other weekends.

It broke my heart when, a month later, he and his family moved away.

I often think that those of us who are into sex with guys knows that one guy who is... just perfect for it and in every way imaginable. There was this one guy I grew up with and, as the saying goes, we were tighter than white on rice and you just couldn't help but like the guy. He was smart and funny and just so outgoing that if you were having a bad day, just him saying hi to you would make your day better.

We did a lot of things together and, um, once I found out how good it felt to get some dick, oh, yeah - I wanted him; I wanted him to know what I now knew and even more so when I'd seen him naked quite a few times. Later on in life, I would realize that I had feelings for him that was more than friendship but in that moment, well, I really liked him and, really, how could you not like him?


I was spending the weekend with him which was always a joy and a lot of fun and more so when we had so much in common with each other. One the first night, we were lying in bed and reading the newest SpiderMan comic I had gotten and we were close to each other as we read it and just having a good time doing it. I remember how... comfortable it felt being that close to him and how good it felt. We were about maybe halfway through the comic book when, in a moment where we were looking at each other, he leaned forward and... kissed me lightly on the lips. It was the weirdest thing, too! It caught me off guard but, okay, you kissed girls but boys didn't kiss... did they?

I had asked him, "What was that for?" and he said, "Because I really like you and, um, it just seemed to be the right thing to do." From my perspective, one moment we were lying close to each other and in our PJs and the next moment, we were both naked and I can remember... how totally natural it felt. We sucked each other off and it was... magical - and I know I'm sounding corny by saying it but that's how I felt. When we were talking about it, he admitted that he'd never done something like that before but he, too, felt that there was something special about our friendship and that's what made him kiss me and, by the way, I had kissed him back... and it made me feel wonderfully dizzy and lightheaded.

It just seems equally normal for us to fuck each other and, at the time, I'd never been screwed with so much... tenderness before. It took him a moment to follow my instructions on how to put it in me but he got the hang of us and it was so good and it was like we were supposed to do this and should have been doing it all along.

So back at he beginning of my journey and finding my niche,, I use to keep track of my guys on white boards.. yes I kept them at my place and yes I rated the guys.. scale 1-5 kept name phone numbers, length, girth, positions they liked, agility meaning willingness to try new things,, and stamina.. then my own thoughts.. I would rate each category 1-5 then average them into final score..
Didn?t take long to figure out that the white board was not a good idea.. most guys don?t want to know they aren?t the only guy you are having sex with and see that they may not be the high score on the board., so white board out little black book in.. I have learned a lot over the years from keep track of every guy I have had sex with., I am very blunt and straight up honest with them about everything,, but now only if they ask questions.. that seems to be a better way!!
So I just updated the book as I was on the road this last couple weeks.. I do not update every time I have sex,, usually only after the first time.. I usually check I when I have a date coming just to refresh the things he likes and if any dislikes.. if for some reason there is a big change I will try to update only to keep track.. so I have been traveling for a couple weeks and met and had sex with 1 guy in Arizona that I will be hitting up when I get back there next month and I met 4 guys that were staying in the same hotel I was in in Nebraska.. actually pitching to the same company I was.. we had two really good nights there and one in Kansas we were all going there next to the same company.. then I spent 2 days with 2 of them in Missouri.. will be with all four Thursday in Washington can?t wait!!! Can you say gang bang!!!
So just for grins and giggles I decided to count up how many guys are in my little black book.. now don?t think I am bragging or trying to be any thing like that., but over the last 15 years I have had sex with 347 different men at least one time.. holly shit!! I about fell off the couch!! Wow I am a slut!!! That averages out to be basically two new guys a month plus all the replete sex.. no wonder I love my pussy so!!

Tonight is suppossed to be my last night in San Diego, thank god. Sadly, no nookie for me last night at all, and I even had on tight leather pants and a corset, jeeeez.

Thats okay. So what did I learn with my grindr and silver daddies experience.

For one thing, I really learned a new appreciation for what real women go through. I mean, I knew about some of the stupidity, but I didn't know how bad. I have asked a few and they described exactly what I saw.

Now, I believe the phrase "Toxic masculinity" is complete BS, hands down crap. There is nothing wrong with being masculine or masculinity. The reality, no matter the gender, there are assholes. We could come up with a cute bumper sticker slogan for woman to show how awful feminine is, but it would upset the politically correct crowd.

The truth is simple, jerks come in all flavors

I did meet some nice guys, but in talking, eventually it comes out that trans and CD is a fantasy fetish. You don't even have to be passable, although people that are, I can't imagine the crap you deal with. At first, I thought it was cute, hey, who doesn't want to be an object of desire, but overall, it becomes weird.

From guys who immediately send a dick pic demanding to know if you like it, too guys who don't realize every CD and Trans is not trying to live a pornstar life.

I think with social media, there is a growing, and large already population of people who cannot seprate real world from online. As much as I enjoy my internet porn, it's not good for some people. I saw soo much, from wanting to spank, to use of terminology, to grabbing a throat.................all the crap you see online porn, its like they think this is reality

For way too many guys (when it comes to CD and Trans) they think this is their porn debut. What you dont realize, take it slow, be sensual, (freaking give back) and you could have some mind blowing sex. The wanting to bang at 100mph an hour, the comments of suck that big dick bitch, really, dont get you anywhere.

A gay last night, first text, you horny, send me your address, I am willing to dump a load in you as long as you suck me first. Ummmmmm dude, you aint that good looking, and go F yourself.

I went to two known gay bars, and I have a habit of listening in. You would think in theory, the LGBTQ community would want all us included right ?

Listening to probably 25 different people over two nights

- WTF are all these "bi" people doing in our bars now, make a damn choice
- oh look, more trans shit in our bars, cant they just act like men
- just what we need more of, guys who are married coming here

None of that was directed at me personally, but you could hear the disdain for bisexuals, it wasn't the older guys, it was the under 40 crowd. One little queen asked me why I don't just chop off my balls and become a woman if I want to be so bad. I explained, I have no desire, I am happy as a man............then he called me a freak of nature.

I will say, an older gay man, I think he said he was 81 (But damn he was in great shape) grabbed him by the front of the shirt and told him everyone is welcome, to take his drunk ass elsewhere, then apoligized to me, so that was cool.

I truly believe after my experiment, we have three groups with three different problems and some overlap.

Bisexual men- many times not accepted, or understood by the gay community or the hetero, they just dont get it. Then add in majority(I am guessing) are not out, or married, but have overwhelming desires, and they are stuck in a hard place. Then you have all those that want to set themselves free but, because of the way all society treats them (gay or straight) they are terrified to be who they really are.

CD- we face the same issues as bi men, but we have added flavor. There is this thought that we are a weak little sissy boys, or we want to be women, or we are just mentally ill and fooling ourselves. Not too mention too many that think we deserve what ever we get and we are really nothing but wanna be little whores, instead of people expressing our sexuality.

Trans- I have said it before, its hard to speak on this, because I am not part of that world. But, from what I have seen (gay and straight) unless trans are needed for a protest, many times look down on the. Honestly, no, I don't get wanting to be another gender, but it's not my life, I don't have to get it and my approval is NOT needed. But when you consider they are changing their body physically, they are dealing with legally changing everything..............I have ni understanding of how difficult that can be, I cant.
Then I see all the comments and guys, who think they are nothing more than a novelty act or a blow up doll ?
I have learned a very new appreciation for the trans community.

So, whats the bottom line ?

Keep in my , this is my own opinion, and I can take the flaming, doesn't bother me. I think the bi community needs better representation. What I mean by that, I have been to LGBTQ events, and other than in passing, we are the ones sitting in the corner. If we are going to be there, we need more of a voice. The gay community is different than us, the hetero community is different than us.
But, we need to be more visual when we can, and help others understand, we are all alike, no matter who, everyone has struggles , everyone has highlights...........................we are all just people

except that guy that wanted to ejaculate in me, then leave it in until he pees..........................ewwwwwwwww....................screw that guy.

So, sorry so long, just remember, I am a guy who does a personality switch to an entirely different gender and manner of dressing, so, in the end, I could be partially insane, who knows. I could be completely off my rocker, probably, but all I have in my life is my own experiences.

One thing I will say, I have heard comments, get this forum running right or shut it down. For the new people coming out as bi, CD's, trans.................I ahve looked at other forums, I have been out in the world dressed.

This place is a fantastic and quality safe haven for many. You all do a great job, from greeting new comers, to joking around, to giving advice. I like that we have a place where a new CD can talk too some of us and realize, they are not a freak of nature.

A young new bi guy, or even older for that matter, can find people who think like they do, and maybe feel better about themselves. You all do that, whether you are a good person in the real world or not, at least give yourself credit, you do some good things here

So I came back to San Diego on Monday, just to spend the day here, then planned on Tuesday and home for a week..............but wait, there's more.............btw, some of my spelling is bad, spending a month in hotels, I am beat up and tired

A manager who has been on vacation, that should have been back Tuesday calls Monday COVID positive. So now we are scrambling to get me a hotel room for another week. Problem is, comic Con is in town, so the 3 rooms, open are like $500 a night.

I get back online, more for a distraction than anything. Start chatting with a guy, listed as 34, so not bad. But, the phrasing of some things he typed made me go hmmmmmmm. A suggestion, always listen to what your gut tells you. He shows up, he is like 19. I should have said no, but, figured at his age, it will be a quickie and why not.

So, he goes to kiss me and grabs me like he is in total control, okay, he is young, I rolled with it. His tongue was like all over me, I think I took another bath. We are messing around and he is commenting with the normal " You like that big dick" ?

Next we go to do it, he is asking to go from behind, and be in a certain way, I am thinking, skippy has seen 1 too many pornos. So we start doing it and he smacks me on the ass. I stopped right then and nicely informed him, I realize I didnt lay out the ground rules, but you do that again, I will break your hand.

So we go back to it, he is like going fast then slow, trying to move his hips, making sounds.................and me, I am laying there choking up trying not to laugh.

Then he is like " You like daddy's big dick ripping you apart"

At this point I put my face in the pillow and burst out laughing. He seemed to think I was moaning with pleasure as he doubled his efforts. To put things in perspective.

Solid hard, he was about 3.5 inches, nothing wrong with that, but daddy for sure does not have a big dick. Secondly, your balls just dropped about a year ago, so calling yourself daddy, uhhh no.

Finally he cums, looks at the clock and is like, damn, I went 15 minutes. I could see this kid having excel sheets at home tracking his performance. Once he left, I spent an hour just laughing and laughing and laughing