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Thirty-eight years ago today, we buried my one and only brother. He had died a violent death at the hands of his girlfriend and over some dumb shit. I can remember that moment and like it just happened earlier today except, thirty-eight years ago, it had snowed, then rained a little, and I remember trudging through the mud and muck in the cemetery and those of us who were pall bearers couldn't do the task given us because it was muddy and slick and none of us wanted to drop him. I'd spent two summers, back when I was in high school, working in a cemetery and, yeah, I'd seen pall bearers drop the casket and, yeah, you can probably imagine what happened and especially with the cheaper caskets.

Weird thought, huh? Anyway, those of you who have read what I've written here knows that my brother was also my lover and that I don't make any bones about it and more so when the only time we got along was... when we were having sex. It used to bother me that my best memories of him were those when we were naked and taking turns making each other cum; remembering how he pestered me continuously before I gave in to his request that we do it to each other and, really, just like other brothers in our neighborhood were doing. I didn't want to. Our parents would murder me if we got caught doing it to each other. I caved in... and I would find that I didn't regret him defeating me in this and, yeah, the only thing he had ever beaten me in.

Of course, I remember other things about him and good things, too; we... didn't like each other after our mom tossed our dad out because of his alcoholism (and other shit I'd learn about one day). He felt our mother was wrong and he was pissed with me because I agreed with what she had done and when she sat me down and explained to me what she did and why she did it and more so when I was the oldest and I needed to know before she explained it to the rest of my siblings. My brother had a fit and an even bigger one when he found that we weren't on his side in the matter. His life went downhill after that and I wasn't going to let him talk shit about our mother and like it was all her fault that our father was gone. We became enemies and mortal ones at that... except the one thing that continued to bind us other than our blood.

We both loved having sex with each other. Those moments when he'd "give me grief" because my dick was longer and fatter than his and him wondering why since we had the same father and me asking him what difference it made and he'd agree that it didn't make a difference and we'd get to the business at hand or, sometimes, get back to it.

I knew I had dodged a bullet. I head on home, my stomach full of three loads of cum, and the only thing I'm thinking about now is not running into my mom and having to explain why my pants are ripped up beyond repair. The funny thing is that when they first confronted me, I wasn't afraid, but I was kinda shaking because the adrenaline that had been running through my veins had finally worn off.

As I let myself in, I was thinking about what could have happened if they decided that fucking me was in order. Having taken the measure of their dicks, I knew I could take them in my ass with no problem including Guy #2's thick fireplug of a dick; I'd had bigger and thicker in my ass and even just a couple of days ago. My mom was upstairs in her room and I heard her yell down for me to make sure I locked the door and I yelled back that all the doors were locked for the night and went to my room and seriously counting my blessings because this whole encounter could have gone seriously wrong.

Three days later, I'm once again walking home from my girlfriend's house and along the same route I always took. I got to the last block and... three guys jumped out of the darkness - again. I thought, "Oh, shit..." and was easing into a fighting stance when I heard a familiar voice say, "Oh, hell no - it's that crazy motherfucker again!"

They walked away without another word. A shame because if they had asked, I would have sucked them all off again; if they had wanted to fuck me this time, okay. But they were quickly walking into the darkness like they really had someplace else to be. I laughed to myself, shook my head, and went on home to find my brother waiting for me so we could have yet another fun night with each other.

Guy #2 steps to me and shoves his dick right into my mouth and I guess he was expecting me to gag or something but I didn't; I grabbed his ass and pulled him toward me so I could get all of his dick in my mouth that I could since, like the others, he still had his pants and underwear on.

"Oh, shit," one of them said. "This motherfucker is seriously crazy!"

I had to admit that Guy #2's girth was giving me a bit of a problem but I put it out of my mind and focused on feeling him in my mouth. The hard-packed dirt I was kneeling was doing a number on my knees and the damned mosquitos decided to visit the scene and we're all getting bitten and I'm all itchy and I want to rub or scratch the bites but I didn't dare stop sucking Guy #2 because I sensed that he was the more violent of the three. I had a plan in mind that began with an uppercut to Guy #2's crotch, coming to my feet and taking out Guy #3 since he was practically down there with me as he watched what I was doing. Guy #1 would be momentarily stunned which gave me time to put Guy #3 down and then turn to #1 to finish the trifecta.

But I didn't need to execute the plan. After sucking off the first two guys, I had them all "in my power." Guy #2 is trying to hold back his cum and I was determined to have it and after a brief struggle on his part - he tried to move away from me but I wasn't letting go of him, he gave up his cum, which didn't taste all that good but down the hatch it went anyway. Now it's "moment of truth time." They're either going to let me go or they just might get it into their head to gang rape me which, um, on the one hand, sure - I could handle them all in my ass but it was the principle of the matter.

I got to my feet, looked at the three of them and asked, "Who's ready to go again?"

They looked at each other with that "he's fucking crazy look" then looked at me and Guy #1 said, "Nah, man, we're good... but you are one crazy-assed son-of-a-bitch!"

"You have no idea," I said. "So, um, I'm gonna jet, okay?"

"Not so fast," Guy #3 said.

"What's up?" I asked.

He answered me by pushing me against the pool entrance wall and literally ripping my pants open; he drops down and starts sucking me and his boys are saying, "What the fuck?" to each other. He went at me hard and fast and it was kinda painful; I said, "Easy..." to him and he actually eased up but he was determined to make me cum and maybe five minutes later, I came so hard that if they were going to fuck me up, that would have been the best time to make their move.

But nothing happened. Guy #3 stands up, licks his lips, and just nods at me. Guy #2 says, "If you tell anybody about this, we'll find out and we'll come looking for you!"

"So I can suck y'all off again?" I asked.

They gave me a triple dose of the "this motherfucker is crazy" look, looked at each other, and just walked way into the darkness.

Guy #1 gets instantly hard in my mouth; one of the other guys said, "Oh, shit! He's really sucking his dick!"

Hell yeah, I was. Despite the situation, he felt good in my mouth and now I was horny and it didn't take me long to get him fucking into my mouth. He's almost yelling at me to slow down and I thought about it but I didn't want to prolong this situation any more than it already was. Guy #1 is cussing and... he cums. Hot and salty and he had to grab one of his boys to keep from falling down.

"Who's next?" I asked and making a show of licking the little bit of Guy #1's cum from my lips. The other two are doing the "you go, no, you go" thing and if not for the serious of the situation, I would have been laughing but Guy #3 pulled his dick out and stepped forward so I could suck him off. Guy #3's dick was longer and a bit thicker than Guy #1 but nothing I couldn't handle. I "took him out" in under five minutes, which made the other two start busting his ass for cumming so fast; Guy #3 was pissed at getting ribbed and said it wasn't his fault that I sucked him really good.

Now it's Guy #2's turn. He's got this grin on his face that I can't make sense of but when he pulled out his really thick - but kinda short - dick, okay, I knew why he was grinning but what he didn't know was that I grew up sucking adult cocks that made his look skinny in comparison.

"Come on, bring it," I said while keeping an eye on the other two - and as I'd been doing from the start. "I gotta be home in a little while."

I knew there was still a chance that I'd have to fight them but after sucking off the first two, I also felt that once I got done with Guy #2, I'd be able to walk home without a problem from them.

The looks on their faces were priceless. I figured there was one of two possible outcomes: They'd get freaked out over me being agreeable to their demand or I was going to be sucking all three of them off. In retrospect, I could have taken that moment of them being stunned to haul ass home which, again, was only a single block away - but there was also a chance that they could catch me and I didn't want to think about what might happen.

"You serious?" one guy asked.

"If sucking y'all off is going to allow me to go home in peace, sure, I'm serious. Who wants to get sucked off first and where are we going to go?" I asked. In my mind, the joke was on them because, duh, I was a rabid cocksucker and confident that none of them had anything in their pants that I couldn't handle.

"This motherfucker is crazy," the third guy said.

"Are we gonna do this or what?" I asked. "My curfew is up in an hour and I'd rather suck y'all off than to face my mother for being late."

They surround me and lead me into the darker areas of the park and by the entrance of the public pool, which was even darker. Well, okay - I'm going to be sucking dick.

"If you bite any of us, you're a dead man!" the first guy said.

"Let's just get this over with," I said and deliberately sounding bored. Now it was a matter of any of them being brave enough to pull their dicks out as well as still thinking about defending myself with extreme prejudice - and there were plenty of weapons lying around the pool's entrance I could use. The four of us just kinda stood there for a good minute before Guy #1 unzipped and pulled his dick out and without a word - or a look at the other two, I got to my knees and took him into my mouth.

Way back in the 1970s, I lived in the projects and in an area where gangs were popping up all over the place. A couple of them were just guys trying to be tough but their bark was worst than their bite... but two of them were very well known for their violence and would roam their turf looking for a reason to terrorize anyone they could lay their eyes on. One gang snatched a mentally challenged kid off the street and drowned him in the swimming pool that was inside the park I lived across the street from. They were all arrested, tried, and sent to prison for life but the message was clear: Stay out of the park unless you couldn't avoid it.

One night, I was walking home from my girlfriend's house - she lived like five blocks away - and pure habit had me walking along the outside of the park. I'd noticed that the lights over one part of the sidewalk were out - again - but didn't pay much attention to it. I was a block from home when three guys jumped out of the darkness and confronted me. I instantly went into self-defense mode, thinking that they might take me out but I wasn't going out easily and I was going to have company.

They tried to roust me for money but I proved I didn't have any and I didn't have anything of value on me. One guy said that they should kick my ass anyway and my flight or fight instinct kicked into high gear and my martial arts training had me visualizing what I was going to do to defend myself. However, one guy, I dunno, recognized me - but I didn't know any of them - and told his boys that I could fight using that "kung fu shit" and it gave his partners pause. I was hoping that they'd just give up trying to fuck with me and let me go... but.

"Let's make him suck our dicks!" one of them said. The guy who seemed to know who I was said, "Yeah - if you suck us off, we'll let you go!"

I smiled and said, "Okay - who's first?"

I'd let it go to my head to have guys tell me that I could (a) suck dick better than some girls and (b) I could take all of a dick down and when girls couldn't or were afraid to. Which, of course, I got my feelings hurt really bad when a guy told me that I was lousy at it even though he did cum in my mouth. His words hurt but they also grounded me and I was determined that no one was going to ever tell me that again.

With some guys, I learned that if they were taking too long to cum, all I had to do was start going deep on them and, man, I felt a great sense of pride and accomplishment to feel their dick pumping their cum into my mouth while moaning and groaning like a demented ghost. It was kinda hard to let a guy fuck my mouth because I wasn't in control of what he was doing but a girl taught me how to wrap my hand around a guy's dick to keep him from putting too much of it in my mouth and, of course, it worked and while it made some guys mad, I didn't really care because I hated having my throat feeling all raw and sore because they weren't being... considerate about shoving all of their dick in my mouth or trying to.

And all of this was before I saw the movie everyone was talking about: Deep Throat. What a ruckus that movie made! I remember being in San Francisco in a theater and watching it and... I wasn't impressed. She wasn't doing anything that I hadn't learned to do except now I knew it was called deep throating and for obvious reasons. Still, when it came to sucking dick, I was still driven to be the best I could be at it and if that meant deep throating a lot, that's what I'd do. Along the way, I learned some stuff about going deep, like breathing through my nose and being relaxed and definitely don't try to force it down and, just as important, don't let him try to force more dick in my mouth than I wanted to deal with.

Such a great sense of accomplishment to have a guy's down as far as it could go... and he cums while deep in my mouth and throat. Learning to not panic over not being able to breathe - and to keep breathing through my nose because, um, I did find out a few times what happened when I failed to do that and... it wasn't pretty. Coping with the very weird feeling of not really swallowing his cum because he's so deep that it just slid down my throat and, hopefully, into the right "pipe." Feeling it throb and pulse. Man, what a rush.

I could teach others how to do it and even when they were sure that they couldn't. Learned that it was easier for guys than it was some girls because our mouths are "bigger." And one of the important things I learned was that when someone was taking me deep, it was easier for them to do it when I'd just stay still and let them do it. And also learning that there are some guys who do not know how to get their dick sucked.

I learned to go deep on a guy early on and it's a lesson I have never regretted learning.

One of the "silly" things we used to do having sex was daring each other to put all of someone's dick in your mouth and keep it there for as long as you could. For a bit of time, "sucking dick" was just having your mouth on the head of the guy's dick and licking and sucking on it until, in the beginning, he got that good feeling - and you could feel his dick going through the motions of ejaculating but, nope, nothing - or he shot his stuff into your mouth. I'm not sure how I learned or was taught to put more than the head in my mouth but back then, if you dared me to do a sexual thing, not only would I do it but everyone knew I would. Put it all in my mouth? Sure! Those first times were... eye-wateringly interesting as my gag reflex didn't like a guy's dick that far "down my throat" than it did when I had to stick a finger way in there so I could throw up - and with my mom the nurse watching.

After that, being able to deep throat my friends was both fun and exciting and more so when, usually, when I took all of them down, they'd shoot their stuff pretty quickly. I remember sucking an older guy's dick and it occurred to me, while I was sucking him, that his dick wasn't all that big or long and I could do to him what I could do to my friends and maybe he'd like it. Oh, he liked it just fine because the moment my nose hit his pubic bone, he shot his stuff and... I didn't, in retrospect, take into consideration that this older guy could shoot more stuff than my friends could or did.

It's a wonder I didn't choke to death on it. Well, I kinda did and when he heard me kina choking, he backed up a little and that allowed me to swallow his stuff or, really, the stuff that hadn't already flowed out of my mouth in my moment of distress. I thought he was going to be mad at me but to my surprise, he wasn't and he even asked me how I knew how to do that. I... wasn't of a mind to tell him how I knew because (1) he assumed that I'd never sucked dick before and (2) if I told him that I learned it by sucking my friends, he could have ratted me out to my parents.

I didn't even think about the fact that he could have ratted me out anyway. I think he was very impressed, though. He sucked my dick and I shot my stuff almost immediately because, of course, he could eat my whole dick with stupid ease even though he had said that I had a big dick for a kid my age. He didn't have a problem swallowing it but, yeah, he was surprised and I was feeling kinda... special. I sucked his dick again and used that to get better at putting it all in my mouth, sucking it, and being able to swallow stuff. Yeah, with some of the dicks I sucked, I couldn't get all of them all the way down but it wasn't for a lack of trying and I gagged a lot on the bigger dicks but I kept at it and because the guys I would suck really seemed to like that I could do that.

Guys would tell me that I was a good cocksucker and that made me feel proud and I used their praise to be as good at is as I could be. There was this one guy whose dick was "really long and fat" and I was struggling trying to take all of it in. He stopped me and asked, "Why do you keep doing that when you're having a problem doing it?"

"I want to be good at doing it," I said to him after he gave me some tissues to blow my nose.

He laughed and said that I didn't have to give myself problems in order to be good at it. He said I should only do what I could do but if I could do more, then fine. He gave me his dick to start sucking again and, well, he was right in what he'd said and I learned that if I didn't think about taking it all, I could take it all and I took all of his even though it was so thick that it felt like my mouth was splitting "wide open."