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There's a difference between being careful and discreet... and being paranoid. When being able to go online and get some dick blew up, oh, my god... how many guys did I come across who were so paranoid about other people finding out that they were into getting some dick that they were loath to give much in the way of information that I could use to make an informed decision about them?

A lot of guys. The fakes and flakes and trolls were one thing, guys who like to play the game but didn't have it in them to... shit or get off the pot. I learned to spot these guys more often than not. The ones who drove me crazy were the ones who were so concerned about protecting their identity that I wondered why the hell they were here and trying to get the dick they wanted. In my mind, if you were hiding stuff about yourself, hmm - what else could you be hiding?

Man... all this "Secret Squirrel" stuff still makes me roll my eyes because you can't get anything without giving something. One guy wanted to meet... in another state. Said that he'd only tell me where we were meeting when I was on my way and in that general direction. Then he said that when we met, I couldn't ask him anything about him. I said, "Yeah, I'm not doing that." and he got pissed off and got to ranting and raving about how he needed to protect his identity because of his family and all that and all I said to him was that it was abjectly stupid to walk into a situation and not know anything.

I understand being discrete. Paranoia, on the other hand, ain't gonna help you. Distrusting guys out of hand isn't going to help you. When the WWW came to be, guys found that being anonymous was a great thing; you could be online with a made-up name or handle and go fishing for dick but if someone "took the bait," well, how can you expect to make the connection if you're not going to say anything that will convince the other guy that you're not some... axe murderer?

When you go online and you're unwilling to give out information for the other guy to be able to make an informed decision, oh, like, what your name is for a starter, chances are you're not going to be getting a lot of action. I mean, I wouldn't come right out and give some guy my address or anything like that but I'd tell him what my name was, and I wouldn't give him a fake name. Let's get a dialog going and work toward earning each other's trust so that we can do what we're trying to agree to do. And with the understanding that if you can't trust me with your name, well, that's not a good thing from where I'm sitting. I get going to some out of the way place to do the deed and, as an aside, I know some stuff about that and stuff that I don't think some guys think about when they're behaving like they work for the CIA and meeting for sex is like spy work.

I've met a lot of guys who'd had sex with their brother or brothers. I don't think ill of them because of it and not because I was "just as guilty" as they were but because I understand some stuff about this that others might not agree with because, yeah, it's a sin but it remains true that... brothers can decide that it wouldn't be all that bad if they were to have sex. It has always happened and right now, somewhere in the world, two brothers are finding out that having sex with each other isn't bad... even though it's bad.

If we have a brother, we are expected to love each other and, well, yeah, it doesn't always work the way we're told it's supposed to. We're supposed to be bonded to each other and I learned that having sex with my brother, despite my initial reluctance to, bonded us; I just don't think our parents thought that we'd bond in this way... but maybe they did and after getting caught having sex with him by our mother, I was sure that she knew what we'd been doing and chose that moment to make us stop... which we didn't but I learned some stuff just the same.

It's... not right but the truth is that it has never stopped anyone from doing it. It's trust; it's really the devil you most certainly know and better than anyone else you know. It's even convenient and as fucked up as that might sound. The fact that it's a very bad thing to do... um, makes it kinda thrilling but I've felt that if you're supposed to love your brother - and you learned to love each other by making love, well, hmm. I know I have a way of looking at this that some would find disturbing but it's a fact of life; not all brothers get to this point in their relationship as brothers, but the fact remains that... some do because as fucked up as it is, it... also makes a lot of sense.

We... need to talk about such things and more so when this is the reason why someone is bisexual. One has to ditch the guilt and understand that this is how life can be. And if this offends you, well, I'll apologize for that but this is a part of life that I will never coat with sugar.

We both had to get home; otherwise, I could have spent all night sucking his dick and being sucked by him. He calls me later in the evening and one of the first things he said was, "I am so glad to know someone who... knows about this and doesn't judge me for it."

"I'd be a hypocrite if I did," I said. "When my brother and I got started, I had a lot of reservation including how wrong it was but one of the things that came to mind was that he was a boy and just like the other boys I was happily having sex with and the only real difference was... he was my kid brother. I'd known that he was doing it with his cadre of friends and it took me a while to figure out why he wanted to do it with me since he could with them. I even asked him about his and all he did was shrug and said that, at the time, it was what he needed to do."

"And... I stopped letting it bother me," I continued. "We could and did fight like rabid dogs... and would turn around and have amazing sex with each other - and start fighting again. It was a stupid way for us to behave but like I said, I got it into my head that if this was the only way we could get along, it made sense for us to keep right on doing it... that and he was really good at it."

"Did the two of you actually fuck?" he asked.

"We did because it also made sense to," I said. "We... trusted each other and even when things went south between us. He would tell me that even though he'd been fucked by a lot of guys, none of them could do it and make it feel good like I could... and the funny part was that I could say the same about him. Even after we became adults, it was like a routine; if he came over to my house, it wasn't because he wanted to stop by to just say hi and how're you doing and... we'd have sex and I probably wouldn't see him again until he wanted to have sex with me. I... got used to it. When we were younger, we both agreed that doing it to each other was... easier because, if nothing else, if we couldn't find a guy to do it with, well, we had each other for that since, at first, we slept in the same bed until we got bunk beds and, later, we shared a room and, well, if nothing else, it was... convenient. But it was more than that and we both understood it."

He told me about having sex with his brother and that they, too, fucked each other but he said, "Now that I can really talk to someone about this, I... don't feel all that guilty anymore."

"I understand," I said. "It was what it was and, unless I'm wrong, you seem to be well-adjusted and it hasn't affected your relationship with your wife. There's just no sense in feeling guilty over something that you wanted to do and if your brother hasn't been feeling guilty about it..."

"Then I shouldn't either," he said, finishing my sentence. "Okay, it's getting late again so... see you at the gym?"

"Sure," I said. I hung up thinking that he was probably going to be okay about this. We would get together to have sex and I remember the first time we fucked each other and it was so good. It sucked when the company sent him to our California office but that too was what it was.

Having sex with your brother is... a sin to end all sins other than screwing your sister and knocking her up. I understood that... this is how things can happen, it's how some of us learned about sex and learned to be bisexual. I understood the guilt that could be felt but, again, feeling guilty about something that's over and done with - but didn't seem to be all that guilty when it was going down - never made sense to me. I used to tell myself that I should feel horrible about having sex with my brother but the truth was... I didn't. No more than I felt guilty having sex with my sister and the girl who taught me how to eat pussy and that, man, this ain't bad at all!

It... happens. It remains a part of life that we don't talk about and always assume that it's seriously bad. It's how some guys discover bisexuality and... it was what it was. It's only a real problem if it was a problem to begin with. But reality say that once it's done, it can never be undone so feeling guilty about it... doesn't make sense and more so if two brothers decide that, hmm, this really wouldn't be a bad thing for them to do.

I'm in the shower and "thinking ahead" to sucking Bill's dick when the door opens and... Bill slips in beside me.

"Do you mind if I join you?" he asked.

"I don't but, um, the folks operating this place might," I said.

"I just... need to touch you," he said.

Yeah, it was risky and could get us kicked out of the gym and maybe even fired but I said he could touch me but all that was going to do was make me hornier and it would be best that we go somewhere that's not here.

He ran his hands all over my body and it was all I could do not to jump his bones right there and then. After a couple of long minutes, he said, "I got a room across the street so we can go there because... I really need to suck you."

"Let's go, then," I said. I hurried through the rest of my shower, dried off and dressed and met Bill at the motel across the street. Once we got into the room and naked again he looked as if he had something to say.

"Is it weird that I was thinking that if you were my brother, I'd still want to have sex with you?" he asked.

"I don't think it's all that weird; I've had a few guys say that they wish that I'd been their brother," I said. "I'm good with you and your brother being lovers because it's like I told you: A lot of guys have their first sexual experience this way and as strange as it sounds, if there's no harm, then there's no foul, if you know what I mean. Some guys get forced into this and, as far as I'm concerned, that's where it gets to be very wrong but that's not what happened with you and your brother and... I'm tired of talking."

I pushed him onto the bed and went right down on him and... I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't imagining his brother doing this to him and thinking that I could see why his brother would like sucking his dick because, to me, it was a perfect dick to suck. It didn't take me very long to get him to cum in my mouth and I drank down every drop he had to give but once I sat up, I was wondering if he was still thinking about his guilt.

I would find out after he gave me a damned good sucking that he was thinking about it.

"You... were right about my having to ditch the guilt," he said as we lay together. "I love my brother and loved him even more because of what we were doing; I learned a lot from him about a lot of things and he had let me know that it was really okay for me to like girls but to like guys, too."

"A lot of guys come to this conclusion," I said. "It's... just sex but it can allow brothers to bond with each other, too, and, well, you know how that feels, right?

"I do and I've always felt very close to him," he said. "I... called him while I was at work and... we talked about it and I told him what you said about not feeling guilty about it and he said that not only were you right but he's never felt guilty about what we'd done."

"Your brother's a smart guy," I said - then went down on Bill again.

It was now getting kinda late and I... had two women waiting for me in our bedroom. Bill said that he'd see me at the gym and he'd let me know if he still wanted us to blow each other. I had a wild night having sex with my wife and poly wife but as they slept, I was still awake thinking about Bill and the guilt he was carrying because his first sexual experiences was with his brother.

I knew that it was... nothing new. I knew the difference between right and wrong but sometimes, you can do something "wrong" and it's the right thing to do. I could have understood Bill feeling horrible about this if his brother had forced him to have sex but, according to Bill, that's not what happened. It wasn't that I didn't understand why he felt guilty about it but if committing this sin didn't stop either of them from doing anything, I didn't see a point in carrying the guilt around well after the fact. I laid there thinking about the times when I'd think that, yeah, me and him shouldn't be doing this and we had to stop but given the nature of our rather violent relationship, shit, I would see that if this was the only way we could get along as brothers, it... worked for me and on top of the fact that he was an amazing lover and there was no denying that.

I laughed to myself thinking about brotherly love and thinking that whoever said this probably didn't think about how that could really be... or maybe they did and just didn't mention it.

I see Bill in the gym after work and he looked like he'd had a rough day. We're side by side on the rowing machines and I asked him if he was okay and he said that he was... kind of. I stopped rowing and told him to come with me; I took him to a part of the gym where we could talk without anyone overhearing us and asked him what was bothering him.

"I... want you," he said. "But having sex with my brother still makes me feel bad! I don't want you to hate me!"

"Dude, get your head out of your ass," I said. "If I thought that what you and your brother did was a problem, I would have told you that last night. You gotta understand that it doesn't make any sense for you to think that I'd hate you for what you did... and when I was doing the same damned thing!"

"You have a point," he said.

"Duh," I said. "Look, if you still want to do this, let's get it done because all this exercise has me pretty horny."

"Bill, you're acting like you're the only one who did something like this," I said.

"But it's a sin!" he repeated.

"Yeah, it is but if you knew this before y'all started getting busy with each other - and you clearly got busy with each other - if it being a sin didn't bother either of you then, why would it bother you now?" I asked.

"Doesn't it bother you that you and your brother used to have sex?" he asked.

"No, it doesn't," I said. "Okay, I didn't want to because I knew that if our parents found out, I'd be dead meat, but he kept pestering me until I caved in and we got into it and, well, not only was it good but I would learn, one day, that when we had sex, it was the only time we really got along with each other. We both knew that we shouldn't have but we would agree later - and when we were both old enough to have a really serious conversation about this - that it was what it was and if neither of us minded, then it wasn't really a problem."

"Damn," he said quietly. "But you guys stopped once you got older, right?"

"Oh, hell, no, we didn't," I said. "We didn't stop until... he died a few years ago now."

"Damn - I'm sorry for your loss," he said.

"Thanks but I'm trying to understand what you having sex with your brother has to do with you wanting to have ora sex with me," I said.

"I don't want you to think that I'm some kind of weirdo freak," he said.

"Hah, I'd probably only think that if you were into wearing dresses," I said and laughed to try to lighten up this mood.

"Ugh, no," he said and laughed as well. "I... like you. I want to do this with you but I don't want you to think that I'm a bad person."

"If I thought you were a bad person, we wouldn't have been associating with each other from the start," I said. "It's not that big of a deal, Bill. It happened. You wanted it to, he wanted to, and I'm guessing you guys had a lot of fun with each other. That was then, this is now and... I'm not your brother... unless there's something our parents neglected to mention to us."

He laughed again and asked, "How can you be so... not guilty about it?"

"Because there's no point in it," I said. "We had great sex together and, again, it was the only way we got along with each other. It... meant so much to both of us that even after our mother caught us - and chewed my ass out so bad that I'll never forget it - we went right back to what we were doing."

"My parents would have killed both of us," he said.

"But you didn't get caught, did you? Neither of your parents sat the two of you down and let you know that they knew what you were doing and you had to be punished for it? I'm almost sure that somewhere along the line, you two talked about what you were doing and agreed to continue despite it being a sin and liable to get your asses kicked if your parent found out, right?" I asked.

"Yeah and, man, it sounds like you were there with us when we did talk about it," he said.

"Nah, it's just that even though we did get caught, it was something we'd talk about. We'd talk about stopping because it was the right thing to do but we were very good in bed with each other and, well, let's keep going," I said. "To be frank, we both knew it was wrong and we didn't care that it was."

"So, you don't have a problem with how I got to be bi?" he asked.

"Fuck no, I don't," I said. "I've had sex with a lot of guys who got started just like you did; I've had sex with women who spent a lot of time having sex with a sister... or a brother. It's only a problem if you keep believing that it is and if nothing horribly bad happened, well, there you go. I'll say that if you really want us to do this, I think you're going to have to ditch the guilt and stop thinking that you're the most horrible person ever born because, trust me: You aren't alone in this and you never were."

It took me a few to point out to him that if he trusted me enough to tell me that he was bi and that he was interested in having sex with me, if what he said was that important, well, just say it, you know, given that I now knew at least two things about him that I hadn't known before. After a long moment of silence he said, "The first guy I had sex with was... my oldest brother."

My mind thought, "Oh... is that all?" and I used my voice to say, "Okay - so what? Me and my brother used to have sex all of the time, well, after he got me to cave into his demands that we had to do it."

"But, it's a sin," Bill said quietly.

"Yeah, I know, Bill - so what?" I asked.

"I feel so guilty about it," he said.

"Okay, listen; first, who initiated this, you or him?" I asked.

"Um, I did because I saw him jerking off one night and... I just wanted to," he said. "He caught me watching him and asked why and I told him and he said that since he didn't have a girlfriend anymore, if I was sure that I wanted to do something, he was okay with it."

"So, it wasn't like he forced you to do anything; it wasn't like he used threats or other coercion to make you do anything, right?" I asked.

"Right," he said. "We, um, we did it for years and until he left to join the Army."

"And you were okay with everything the whole time?" I asked.

"Yeah - I learned a lot about having sex from him and he'd even told me that what we were doing would help me when I got around to having sex with a girl," he said. "But after I got married, I started feeling very guilty about it."

"If the two of you agreed to do this and there was no force involved and you... had fun and all that, what's the problem? A lot of guys have their first experience with a brother," I said. "I'm trying to understand why you're feeling guilty about something that happened a long time ago and something that you obviously wanted to do."

It took me a few to point out to him that if he trusted me enough to tell me that he was bi and that he was interested in having sex with me, if what he said was that important, well, just say it, you know, given that I now knew at least two things about him that I hadn't known before. After a long moment of silence he said, "The first guy I had sex with was... my oldest brother."

My mind thought, "Oh... is that all?" and I used my voice to say, "Okay - so what? Me and my brother used to have sex all of the time, well, after he got me to cave into his demands that we had to do it."

"But, it's a sin," Bill said quietly.

"Yeah, I know, Bill - so what?" I asked.

"I feel so guilty about it," he said.

"Okay, listen; first, who initiated this, you or him?" I asked.

"Um, I did because I saw him jerking off one night and... I just wanted to," he said. "He caught me watching him and asked why and I told him and he said that since he didn't have a girlfriend anymore, if I was sure that I wanted to do something, he was okay with it."

"So, it wasn't like he forced you to do anything; it wasn't like he used threats or other coercion to make you do anything, right?" I asked.

"Right," he said. "We, um, we did it for years and until he left to join the Army."

"And you were okay with everything the whole time?" I asked.

"Yeah - I learned a lot about having sex from him and he'd even told me that what we were doing would help me when I got around to having sex with a girl," he said. "But after I got married, I started feeling very guilty about it."

"If the two of you agreed to do this and there was no force involved and you... had fun and all that, what's the problem? A lot of guys have their first experience with a brother," I said. "I'm trying to understand why you're feeling guilty about something that happened a long time ago and something that you obviously wanted to do."