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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Today, I understand that had I not discovered bisexuality when I did (and the way I did), there's probably a whole lot about sex that I might not have learned or would have learned it a whole lot later than I did. As I've shared, it often embarrasses the shit out of me knowing how much sex I've had with both men, women, and in different combinations. I've said that if there's something two guys can do to, with, and for each other that I haven't done, it's because I didn't want to do it and there are some things that I just will not do.

I look at the sex I've had and, sure, I've had some under, let's say, questionable morality. Have had sex with grown men, indulged in incest with family members - the first pussy I ate was my sister's - and my most regular male lover was my only brother. And I don't regret any of it; I carry no shame at all over what I did or who I did it with. It all opened my eyes and mind in ways that, perhaps, a lot of people never experience. I understand it. All of it. And I accept it and often think about how my life might have turned out if things didn't happen when they did or the way they did. Many experience this the way I did (or close enough for government work) and it makes them feel some kind of way - and not always good. I see so many men and women who are "late to the party," watch them struggle with things that shakes their whole lives up and my heart always goes out to them while being thankful and grateful that I learned all of this before I was even a legal adult.

I've been a serious student of bisexuality for damned near all of my life because even today, I still want to know why I am the way I am; I still want to know about everyone who is like me - what have they learned along the way that gets me to understand this bisexual thing even better and, as a result, gets me to understand myself better in this.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He was a master cock sucker and he loved sucking me... any time and no matter what I was doing. Sound like fun? It was... and wasn't; kinda hard to be puttering around the house, cleaning up, cooking, stuff like that and have him sneak up and pounce on me and it was so... irritating but I never stopped him. That guy would routinely suck me off several times a day and would have done it more than "usual" but he understood that I needed to have something left for my wife, who thought it was hilariously funny that he and I were so very much in love.

My biggest issue with him? Getting him to fuck me. Today, I fully understand he was all bottom but at the time, it just didn't click with me that he wouldn't want to shove his dick in my ass and "show me" how much he really did love me, not that I doubted that he did. But being in love means sharing and taking care of each other and when I asked him to fuck me and he said he couldn't, well, I wasn't hearing any of that. He insisted that he wasn't good at it and I'd have to actually make him fuck me and when he did, oh, my god - he was a lot better at it than he said he was. He didn't like fucking me and I knew it; it did eventually make me stop insisting that he fuck me but, sure, I'd drop the bald hint that, you know, this would be so much better if you'd cum in my ass.

Hell, I even got him to eat pussy. Well, the truth was he wanted to know what it was about pussy I loved so much and my wife volunteered to let him find out and despite what he said about not liking pussy, my wife and I agreed that he was more of a natural than he wanted to believe. I watched him fuck her one night and she loved every minute of sucking his dick and feeling it inside her... and I know it "killed" him to admit that pussy wasn't as bad as he thought it was. The three of us didn't have sex together all that often but when we did, it was heavenly and, of course, my wife was deliriously happy that she got a gay man to have sex with her.

He said to me one day, "You know, having her suck me off isn't that different from you doing it."

I said - and while smiling - "I know and I've always known that - and now you know like I do."

"Fucking her is different for me... but it's not as bad as I always thought," he said - while stroking my dick.

"You're gay... but you're still a guy," I said, reaching over to stroke him into hardness. "There just really ain't a rule that says because you're gay, you can't fuck a woman or doing it is so horrible."

And all of that taught me a lot of shit about sexuality and the hype and bullshit we tend to believe that isn't always the truth of things. Despite him being... reeducated in the ways of sex, I still spent a lot of time with my cock in his mouth and ass because I loved him... and having sex with him was the shit even when he'd manage to piss me off.

It killed me when he had to leave...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]And along the way, I was learning everything there was to learn about being bisexual and as you've probably seen from my comments and blogs here, I've learned a lot of shit about this. From the very beginning, I wanted and needed to know why I was like this, why it didn't make me much difference to have sex with a guy or a gal as well as why it was often different at the emotional level of things. Like a lot of guys who went both ways, sure - we'd get naked with a gay guy pretty quick but it was hard getting them to understand that I wasn't gay - I liked women and pussy just as much as I liked men and dick.

So the notion of ever falling in love with a guy was just so foreign and thought to be impossible... until it happened. Talk about getting your whole world shook up? I always had a... problem with guys who acted more like girls than girls did or would; didn't mean I wouldn't have sex with them but their mannerisms just bothered me.. and then I fell in love with such a guy. I already knew that love and sex played nice with each other but you didn't have to be in love with someone to want to have sex with them but I gotta tell you that it was very damned weird to be in love with a guy who really could out-girl most girls I knew - even my wife.

And having sex with him was... magnificent; like nothing I'd ever experienced before. More responsive than most women I'd ever had sex with. Kissing him was pure joy... and I didn't like kissing guys because I found out what a lot of women know - some men are just lousy kissers. His dick was pure heaven to suck and when I'd mount him and fill his ass with my dick, shit - getting it into him was easier than any pussy I'd ever fucked and most of the time, no lube was needed. Oh, yeah - I was madly in love with him but man, did he make me insane![/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]This was also about the time when HIV/AIDS hit the scene and there were few people who believe that this shit was for real. Even I thought that this new sexually transmitted disease happened to come along at a time when a whole lot of people were having sex - and just because they wanted to; if this was for real, I even thought it was something that might have been engineered since a lot of focus was being placed on underage sex, teen pregnancies and the clap was reaching near-epidemic levels.

If nothing else, it made me be a lot more careful about what guys I had sex with. But I still thought there was some "funny shit" going on with this. First, only gay men were getting this... then gay, IV drug users were coming down with this new and fatal disease... then just IV drug users... then, when a monogamous and very faithful couple was diagnosed with having HIV/AIDS, well, shit just got all kinds of fucked up and confused.

Didn't really stop me - or anyone else - from getting dick but, again, you got to be really and seriously picky about who you gave it up to and the watchword was if in doubt, put on a condom or just say no.

Between the ages of 25 and 40, wow. Getting all kinds of pussy and dick thanks to my wife demanding that our marriage be open; we even figured out that there were other couples who were like us - or wanted to be like us - and openly have mad crazy sex in that kinda complicated foursome way. I still remember when my best friend and his girlfriend played with us and in the heat of the moment, he was sucking on my dick like it was nobody's business. There was a lot of shit to get used to, like, watching my wife being eaten and fucked by other men and women while being likewise engaged myself.

And even when we weren't having sex with other couples, we still had each other and a whole city full of people we could have sex with. Maybe it was just my good luck or fortune but I was still getting "my fair share" of dicks and, still, without really having to do any hunting of my own - all I had to do was be in the right place at the right time.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I'd sit and quietly laugh to myself to see so many guys posturing about how they'd never have sex with another guy when hanging out with the fellas... but in private? Yeah... they needed to have a guy blow them, needed to fuck a guy in the ass; they needed to take a hard dick in their mouth and in their ass as well and it was always all good and under the "I won't tell if you won't" rules.

And there were so many guys who had never had sex with a guy before... and many of them wound up coming to me for that first experience. Things had changed so much that there were some times when I'd act like I had no idea what homey was putting on the table or outright lie and say, "I ain't into that..." but there were also a lot of times where I'd feel sympathetic and compassionate toward a guy who needed that sexual release. I could never figure out how those guys knew I could... help them out although some of them did tell me that they just knew I was the guy they needed to talk to.

And I'd suck them until they shot nice loads of spunk and sometimes I'd get to feel their dick pulsing strongly trapped inside my ass. I'd sit or lie back and watch them sucking dick for the first time - or, sometimes, the first time in a very long time - and, well, who doesn't like having their dick sucked? And, sometimes the thrill was watching my greased-up dick pressing into their "virgin" butts and fucking them until I emptied my balls into them. Sometimes they came back for more with me, sometimes they moved on to someone else but it didn't matter. I found it odd that I rarely had to go looking for dick - it would find me and even if getting some dick was the very last thing on my mind.

Like I had a sign on me that no one else could see.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]In later years, I'd have guys telling me that they wish they had grown up with me and I'd laugh and say that it would be a sure bet that you would have enjoyed every nasty minute of it.

Between the ages of 16 and 25, well, things changed and not always in good ways. Girls were obviously very worried about getting pregnant - I got my girlfriend pregnant when I was fifteen and despite what our parents said, we planned to have a baby together. Yeah... I was still fucking other girls when I could but there were still a lot of guys who couldn't get any pussy even if they tried to pay for it; that meant a lot of hard dicks and very full balls and I was more than willing to prevent my "brothers" from suffering from horrible cases of blue balls.

I did think it was funny that some of the guys I had sex with really would have their balls turn blue. I'd graduated from high school, enlisted in the USAF and despite the very strict rules about fraternization and homosexuality, still plenty of pussy to be had... and a whole lot of dicks and asses that needed attention. It was risky as hell - no one wanted to wind up getting a dishonorable discharge but it's no surprise that a lot of guys would rather risk getting one than to deal with the pain and frustration having blue balls brings to the table.

I didn't understand it (not like I do now) but there were more gay guys than guys like me; what I did know was that guys like me didn't want to be misidentified as being a gay guy. Those poor souls were pretty much being brutalized and it clicked in my mind that guys like me were becoming harder to find because of the way gay guys were being mistreated, abused and, in some parts of the country, murdered.

Being married with two kids was very serious business... but being a married man was like being a magnet not only for other women but for a lot of equally married guys. I was, at first, astonished at how many married guys wanted dick even though their wives were giving up the pussy, well, whenever she felt like it. Even I felt and knew that my wife could fuck me twice a day, every day but the need for some dick just wouldn't go away so there were still plenty of guys who felt the same way even though they'd act pretty weird and funny about getting some.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]If you've been reading, between the ages of 9 and 16, my god, I was literally a fiend for sex. Pussies, dicks - didn't matter nor did anyone, any place or time.

"Hey... do you wanna do it?"

Loved hearing that question being asked. Got to the point where I knew it was gonna be asked and I'd be in a "wait for it" moment, feeling the anticipation and the tingly comfort of my dick stirring in my pants while getting a bit of a rush over the sense of fear because getting busted having sex in that period of my life was something to be avoided.

I'd say that I had the good fortune to grow up with some pretty horny kids; once that train got rolling, there was no stopping it. Screwing girls was fun... but having sex with boys was even better and I'd also say that it was because we weren't supposed to do it to each other. So a guy would ask The Question and for me, the answer was always, "Yes! What do you wanna do?"

Didn't matter to me if it was sucking dicks or taking turns fucking; I'd drop my pants and stuff quick, fast, and in a hurry because I was shooting the "baby making stuff" and once I got over how fucking scary that first time was, yeah - nothing was better than being able to shoot it and every chance I got. It was just too much fun to have a guy shoot his stuff into my mouth or in my butt, listening to him making all kinds of silly noises that, at any other time, would be all too funny. Nothing got me more excited to be told, "I'm gonna shoot..." and the sheer anticipation of the arrival of sperm into my body was so delicious and exciting.

And the good part? All any of us had to do was wait five minutes and we were ready to do it again. There were too many days - especially in the summer - where I'd leave the house - or get thrown out by my parents - and I'd spend all of my outside time sucking dick, being fucked and eating pussy and fucking girls and delighting in hearing them giggle and keep saying, "Do it to me, do it faster, just shoot it in me!"

When I discovered that where I lived wasn't the only area of the city where kids like me were enjoying sex? Better than heaven! Go to summer camp? Plenty of dicks to be sucked and nice boy asses to fuck and those kids, who started out being strangers on day one, got to be good friends when they'd want to have sex with me. In my mind, it couldn't get any better than this, to not be one of those guys who were constantly begging girls for some pussy and not getting it because there were just too many boys who'd want to do it and want it done to them.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The word did get out and, surprisingly, I didn't get a whole lot of grief about being a cock sucker. The word also got out that when playing Truth or Dare, unless you really wanted to have an interesting time having sex, you might not want to dare me but you can probably imagine or remember what it was like to be in high school - I was getting dragged into Truth or Dare games even when I didn't want to play, being dared to eat every girl in attendance or to suck the dick of any guy brave enough to be sucked.

In later years, eh, it probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done and it did make me lose a few friends along the way... but I didn't regret it then and sure as fuck don't regret any of it now. For a few weeks in school, it made me nervous to see people looking at me, whispering behind my back and knowing what they were whispering about. Sure... it got me laid... a lot; for some reason, a guy who ate pussy and sucked dick was interesting and hot to some girls and I got to find out that a lot of the guys I knew very much liked to suck cock and be sucked.

My share of the cost of that apartment, by today's standards, wasn't a whole lot - something like $50-$75 dollars but there was a lot of us who pitched in to keep and maintain the apartment. And I sure as hell got my money's worth! We even got with the some of the members of the soon to be senior class after us and "sold" our apartment to them, something we profited in.

I have some very fond memories of my senior year and that apartment...[/SIZE][/FONT]