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Well, over a year ago I wrote a 4 part blog on how it all began, well that is the past , I am definitely no longer at the beginning, am I at the end ?
Oh hell no, if anything this roller coaster is heading to the top of the hill and preparing for the high speed thrill and the loop de loop.

So, I took a few months away from all social media and spent more time learning me. Some may have noticed I deleted the more x-rated photos and placed ones that I feel have some sexy to them (as much as I can), without tapping into my inner whore, although she is fun.

They just were not who I am anymore. Yeah, I know, thats like the school slut saying I am not easy now, I have virtue, yeah right ! I think many that are like me, and play two different gender roles, go through the phase of showing everything God gave them, then kind of back away from it. Sort of a attention thing, but what do I know, I am a crossdresser, not a shrink

During the last couple of months, I went on 4 dates, been out in public numerous times, and even once did a stand up routine as Jazmin ( a open mic type of thing), strangely, I had guys I figured would be President of the homophobia club come up and tell me they enjoyed it and even did a few pictures with them, 2 of them even bought me a drink, said it was worth the laugh, especially the joke about dating and cars

What was nice, the dates I went on, the guys were not just trying to get their cock sucked and go home, we actually went to dinner, movies, the whole thing, although it was strange to dance with someone and feel their boner on your hip, now I know how all those poor girls in high school felt. Most of them seemed to be guys that wanted to go out, and have company and a companion who understood them more than genetic women usually do, and they could be open and free about their bi-side, although one, I tried to find the words to say dude, you are gay, you are so gay you are Marvin Gay and there aint no closet high enough. Poor guy seemed like he was trying so hard to hold on to some heterosexuality, I wish him the best.I did give him the number to a friend that is good with talking to people who are coming out

During this time, I learned we are no longer in 1982. Multiple times I was in stores and felt people looking and thought, oh shit, here it comes, but the guys, were all polite and respectful even using feminine pronouns, I mean almost 100% of the time. It was like the men were live and let live, and what ever is good with them, as long as it doesnt impact their lives.

now the women, damn, I didint know some of them could squint that hard, some serious evil looks, outside of clubs, I only talked to one female. She had a Trump 2020 bumper sticker and yelled to me, which caught me by surprise, she wanted to know where I bought my dress. So we spent a few minutes and logged onto my amazon account from my cell phone so I could send her a snapshot of it, she even said thank you and hugged me when she left.

The worst people to deal with were in the clubs, girls/guys like me, damn you wanna talk about some catty bitches, it was worse than a high school cheerleader locker room trying to one up each other. Outside of the current NFL, I had never seen so many prima donnas in one spot.

But I did find a chill relaxing club that wasn't all techno music, little bit older crowd. Been there like 5 times now and usually there is only two or three like me.

Now, let me tell you the benefits of wearing leather pants and a corset with 6 inch heels, your ass dont pay for drinks, its like a dream come true, if I had known this years ago, could have saved a ton of money. The negative, with only a few of us and 20 to 50 guys, you dance a lot, I mean a lot, you are wiped out at the end of the night. It's cool though, most of the guys just seemed to want to have fun and relax

So, am I gonna live my life as a girl, hell no, I still like playing with boobies and kissing a women between the thighs, and maybe sometimes borrowing her pantys, with permission of course

what it does mean, I am closer to coming to grips with who I am, I am much more comfortable and relaxed, and I don't worry what others think.

Unless someone says my dress makes my ass look fat, then we got issues

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]And I always wanted to play. I always wanted to be the patient, to have a hard dick in my mouth as well as sliding in and out of my ass. I wanted to taste sperm, to feel it being pumped into my ass and feel it oozing out of my butt and, yeah, the bigger the dick in my ass, the more the sperm would ooze out. And while the adult men who fucked me wasn't of a mind to play "Doctor," in the end, it didn't make any real difference since I could either suck them off or relish in the discomfort of having their "huge" pricks stretching my asshole out, feeling them very deep inside me until their dick would swell so much it would often make me gasp - then that crazy, insane pumping feeling would be happening inside me.

But among us boys? Sure - let's play. Any time. Anywhere we could get away with it. One dick or several of them. Again, being versatile - in today's terms - was just a matter of course; you sucked and fucked and you got sucked and got fucked and the only exception was the one gay kid among us; he only wanted to suck and be fucked and we were all too happy to accommodate him whenever he'd eagerly volunteer to be the only patient us "doctors" were gonna see.

I'll end this by saying that it wasn't until I was much, much older before I realized how... unique my childhood was in this respect, that the lot of us getting bitten by the sex bug at almost the same time was both kinda normal and not so much. Back then, none of us thought much about it, didn't worry about anything other than getting caught and, for us, it was really pretty normal for us to have so much sex with each other and, sometimes, more than we were having sex with girls. Even between the ages of 9 and 15, I had sucked more dick and gotten fucked more than any girl I knew... then or now.

And mostly because we figured out how to take a childhood game and turn it into a reason to have sex with each other.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The truth was that we were all some very nasty critters. Voracious cock suckers and with a lack of refraction in those early days, we could suck and fuck each other for long periods of time before dicks just refused to get hard again by that I mean it would be an hour or more before dicks could get hard again. And while I loved being sucked and love to fuck my friends, I realized that I liked - loved - being the one to do the sucking and the one being fucked in my ass. It wouldn't be for a few more years before guys weren't so... versatile as we were in our younger days and while I still got fucked a lot - and sucked even more dick - it was disappointing to run into guys who didn't want to fuck me and no matter how much I'd beg them to... and, yeah, sometimes, I would beg big time for him to stuff his dick in my butt and cum inside me.

Sometimes we'd skip the game-playing and just ask, "Do you wanna do it?" but there were still some times when we'd be sitting around thinking and talking about what to do and someone would say, "Let's play Doctor!" - and I was all for it. My god... I was such a slut back then! Sometimes we'd literally flip a coin - if we had one - to see who would take what role first... but a lot of times, I'd just volunteer to be the patient first and I'd want to "hurry" through the testicle test, spend just a little time getting my temperature taken orally, and get right to having my temperature taken rectally... so I could zone out and revel in the nasty feelings of having another boy fucking me and shooting his sperm into me... and repeating as necessary.

And depending on where we happened to be - likely in one of the many abandoned apartment buildings we'd claimed as our club house - the isolation would lend itself to dicks being sucked repeatedly and asses being fucked and creamed. And to have more than one "doctor" put his thermometer in my butt? Sheer heaven and during summer, my god, there were a lot of days when I'd be on my way home and still have spunk leaking out of my butt and/or my stomach would be growling because all of the sperm I had consumed and the only real thing I worried about was one of my parents looking at me and asking me if there was anything wrong with me or I didn't look okay to them.

And maybe they knew; I kinda thought that they did and just didn't say anything even though I got to learn that, sometimes, when they'd tell me to go outside and don't get into any trouble, that could have also meant to not get caught having sex - with anyone. I don't know and I guess at this point in my life, it doesn't matter.

Shit... even when my brother and I got busted in the act, the beating I expected to get never happened... and I thought there were two possible reasons. One was our mother was so mad that beating me would have resulted in some very serious injuries... or she had known it all along and even getting caught in the act, beating the shit out of me would have served no real purpose.

But before that eventful day, we played "Doctor" and with disturbing frequency...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I can't begin to explain how exciting it was to know what was gonna happen when someone wanted to play "Doctor;" the only thing more exciting, for me, anyway, was playing "House" with a girl and one I knew would say, at some point, "We should try to make a baby!" Even more fun when it "just made sense" to taste the place where the "baby" was gonna come out and kinda like playing "Doctor" with a girl. So much fun to lick, suck and kiss her down there and she squirming and giggling and telling me how good it made her feel and just being patient while waiting for her to let me know she was ready for us to "make our baby."

And, you know, sometimes that had to be done several times before the stork would bring us our bundle of joy... just sayin'.

Sometimes, we'd play a short "pick 'em" game to see who would be the doctor or patient first... and a lot of times, I'd just volunteer to be the patient so that the doctor would play with my balls and state that my ding-dong was fine since, um, it would be very hard and sticking up. Then it would be time for the doctor to stick his thermometer in my mouth... and, I figured out many years later, that moment alone would cause me to have an orgasm running all through me as I did my best to "hold" the thermometer in my mouth and it would take a lot of moving around to make sure it was in the right place and I'd know when it was because my doctor would say that he was gonna do it... and my mouth would get flooded with salty-sweet sperm. But the exam wouldn't be over; I just had to wait a few moments before he could put his thermometer in my butt.

And once it was in there, I was in heaven. I just loved feeling the doctor's weight on my back, feeling his dick moving in and out of me; so comforting and, sometimes, I'd just zone out and the only thing I was aware of was his dick deep in my butt and his body against mine. I'd sometimes feel his dick shudder, get a little bigger... then the squirting would happen and it was so damned good that, sometimes, I didn't want him to stop shooting his stuff into me. And even when he eventually did, sometimes, I didn't want him to take it out - just keep in there until it got hard again - and shoot more stuff into me.

I was telling my protege, the guy I'm mentoring in things bisexual, about those moments and he said, "Damn - you were one seriously nasty critter!"

Yeah, I was...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Sometimes, conditions were such that only taking one's temperature orally was the only way it could get done, depending on where we happened to be and all that. Thinking back to those moments, we just seemed to understand that it didn't take a long time to insert one's thermometer into someone's mouth and, uh, squirt in the "candy" and that we could do that pretty much anywhere we could be out of sight for a few minutes.

And because I had become totally and completely hooked on sucking dick, I loved it when the "doctor" would insist that my temperature be taken, pull out his thermometer, and stick it in my mouth; the "rules" said that one did not grab the thermometer and put it in your mouth; as the patient, your job was to open your mouth and let the doctor put it in. I recalled this... and starting laughing again to think about how serious we were about the rules of the game... while doing something that broke all of the rules.

We'd gotten slick about wanting to play the game and when we were around adults who would probably beat the shit out of us for talking about sex - then take us home so our parents could beat some more shit out of us. We'd say something like, "I'm not feeling good - I might need to see the doctor..." and we all knew what that meant and the reply was usually like, "Okay... well, let's go see if we can find one!"

Realistically, we weren't as slick as we thought we were; I was sure that any adult who might have overheard us knew what we were talking about. Sometimes if we were overheard, an adult would give us a funny look and sometimes we'd get a look that wasn't funny... like they knew what we were talking about doing and were okay with it. And by okay, well, maybe I need to explain that a bit more.

It wasn't that the adults didn't know we were playing games and "experimenting" on each other with this sex thing - they knew; the thing was to never get caught doing it and sometimes, they'd even warn us not to get caught by saying something like, "You boys go on somewhere and behave yourself and don't get into any trouble..." which lead me to believe, when I looked back at those early days, yeah - they knew we were having sex with each other and those words really meant, "Don't let us catch you doing it!"[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It is with a modicum of embarrassment to say that I - we - played "Doctor" a lot. As I sat and thought about this, I felt myself grinning and shaking my head trying to remember - or figure out - what part of this sex-fueled game I liked the most. Being the patient and getting to the temperature taking part was so much fun since I got to suck dick and get fucked - and the former patient proved that his testicles were just fine and dandy and as evidenced by the mouthful - or butt-full - of spunk I'd wind up getting.

It would be hilarious to be lying on my stomach, the "doctor" has his thermometer in my butt and moving it around and I'd asking him - and by ritual - if I was gonna be okay. Depending on the "doctor," he might tell me I'm very, very sick so more time taking my temperature was needed or, as one "doctor" told me, "You'll be fine in a couple of minutes..." and right before he shot his stuff into my butt.

And he was right - I was fine! But, um, sometimes, I was still "sick" and required more temperature taking.

Since I was the first among us to shoot sperm, I found myself taking a lot of temperatures and a lot of my patients were very eager to get the "candy" afterward because, as we all knew, when a real doctor finished checking you out, a piece of candy or a lollipop was always given. Sometimes, in our game, we'd run to the store - if we had a few pennies - and get some candy just for that purpose which helped to get the taste of the baby making stuff out of one's mouth.

I was laughing to myself to recall how ingenious we were coming up with this idea... while seriously thinking that we really and probably hadn't done anything that the many guys who played the game before us hadn't already done and figured out; it still amazed me that we did figure it out.

I decided that I really enjoyed being the patient more than being the doctor. Not that it was bad to use my thermometer on a patient, mind you, but I had learned how comforting it was to have another guy's thermometer in my butt, feeling it moving around inside me, hearing him making "sex noises" (and trying not to laugh) - and then feeling his stuff shooting into me. Even better was when there was more than one "doctor" who wanted to make sure the first "doctor" properly took my temperature.

It was, by far, the most popular game among us guys... and I sucked a lot of dick, swallowed a whole lot of sperm, and got fucked. Our game of "Doctor" would often take hours to play even in the one-on-one mode since we could shoot our stuff and recover to go again in mere minutes. One session with one of my favorite "doctors" found me getting fucked four times in a row since my "doctor" just wasn't sure that my temperature was okay - and I hadn't thought it was, either. Of course, in all "fairness," he had to get his temperature taken four times as well since, um, it seemed he was just as "sick" as I had been before I'd been deemed to be "cured."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Being the constantly horny kid that I was turning out to be, having the game suggested would get me all tingly and excited, whether I was gonna be the doctor or the patient although, in all fairness and honesty, mostly everyone took a turn being the doctor and the patient because, you know, being able to use your thermometer to take someone's temperature is just as much fun as having your temperature taken.

It was difficult being the doctor, trying to be serious about the exam and temperature taking when you're giggling with expectation over what's about to happen; it was also difficult trying to play the role of the "sick patient," too. Eh, sometimes, the exam part - fondling a guy's balls and having him cough would take longer than the few seconds it actually took. As an aside, I had asked my mom, who was just beginning her career as a nurse, why the doctor would do that and she explained that he wanted to make sure that both of my testicles had dropped down - very important, she told me - and that I didn't have a hernia... whatever the hell that was. So many the guys I hung around with (and had a lot of sex with) didn't know this but now I did so, um, yeah - when I was the doctor, it was important to make sure my patient's testicles - and who knew that was what balls and nuts really were? - had dropped down although, it is to note that none of knew if someone's testicles had really dropped, let alone why it was so damned important.

I did find out that if your testicles had dropped, you were well on your way to be able to shoot the baby making stuff... and even if a guy was, well, it just made sense to make sure they had dropped, right? So very exciting to be aware that, a little later in our development, the proof that a guy's testicles had properly dropped would arrive when he used his thermometer to take your temperature.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]It was, hands down, my favorite childhood game to play. In my older years, I'd think back to those days, look at the games we played and how many of them were a prelude to having sex. Playing "House" with a girl would, eventually, lead to sex since, you know, that's what mommies and daddies do - but not always. Group games like Hide and Seek, Army, Cowboys and Indians, were good venues for having sex; if playing Hide and Seek and there were a couple of kids you couldn't find, well, they were probably off somewhere doing it.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Army/Cowboys and Indians would often go from the classic bad guys fighting the good guys (and kids saying they weren't "dead" when they really were) to the taking of prisoners who'd be "tortured" for information. Ah, the torture was rather nice most of the time![/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]But playing Doctor? Usually one on one, mostly with another guy and, well, you can probably imagine how much fun it would be for "the doctor" to give you an exam before using his thermometer to take your temperature. And while, for real, having a real doctor show up at your home - yeah, they really did make house calls - and fondle your balls then tell you to cough - and then shove a rectal thermometer up your butt - well, shit - that wasn't a whole lot of fun.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]But when one of your male friends wanted to do that? Oh, yeah - way too much fun... and made for even greater fun since, um, kids weren't supposed to be having that kind of fun yet... or at all. So, "let's play doctor!" turned into being a codeword for "let's do it to each other" and when I was thinking about this late last night, I wondered how we just seemed to know that this was a sex-game and a game with no other purpose. I also thought about how we'd be careful not to let any adults hear us bring up this game and I thought that we instinctively knew that an adult would instantly put 2+2 together and know we were talking about sex.

And, probably, because they had played "Doctor" when they were kids. Never fails to amaze me how we learn about sex.[/FONT][/SIZE]