A serious question about how to get out of my situation.

[bemyonlyone]

Okay, no more bullshit, I am seriously asking how to end this situation.

I am 26 years old and I've never kissed anyone, never had sex, nor a relationship. Does anyone have any real advice for how to extricate myself from this situation? I really don't want to live like this anymore and I am open to ideas for how to get myself out.

I just don't want to live a life like this anymore. I want to be normal, or as close to normal as I can get after so many years of this.

[MarieDelta]

Okay, no more bullshit, I am seriously asking how to end this situation.

I am 26 years old and I've never kissed anyone, never had sex, nor a relationship. Does anyone have any real advice for how to extricate myself from this situation? I really don't want to live like this anymore and I am open to ideas for how to get myself out.

I just don't want to live a life like this anymore. I want to be normal, or as close to normal as I can get after so many years of this.

First off you need to meet people in real life. Go do something with a group of people you might enjoy being around. Volunteer to help out at the local GLBT center or go to your local gay/les bar. Perhaps you might enjoy going to a PFLAG (http://www.pflag.org/map/index.php?state=MA) meeting? They are pretty tame and you will get to know some folks.

Be friendly to those you meet, you dont have to sleep with them , but be open to the possibilty of a relationship with them.

The main thing is to get out and make friends, more than just nodding acquaintances.

[bemyonlyone]

This is going to sound really stupid but I'm not comfortable going to LGBT groups, et al. Being in those environments just creates pressure for me and will likely, in my experience, lead me to people I'd rather not associate with.

There is no PFLAG chapter here, which is just as well, based on my above statement.

I know it's my problem, but I'd rather meet people somewhere else. I know people say, a book club, blah...it seems like some people can meet someone just going through life.

I know it's connected to my trouble making platonic friends as well.

[MarieDelta]

This is going to sound really stupid but I'm not comfortable going to LGBT groups, et al. Being in those environments just creates pressure for me and will likely, in my experience, lead me to people I'd rather not associate with.

There is no PFLAG chapter here, which is just as well, based on my above statement..

That is fine, however , being bi means you *are* one of those people. Also what do you mean by "pressure"?



I know it's my problem, but I'd rather meet people somewhere else. I know people say, a book club, blah...it seems like some people can meet someone just going through life.

I know it's connected to my trouble making platonic friends as well.

Well then, go volunteer somewhere you are likely to meet the sorts of people you do like. Go join a book club , go to a bar. The thing is, go out and meet people.

You can make one hundred excuses, but if you keep doing what you are doing then you will still be where you are.


Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
--Albert Einstein

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You've already asked this and have been given advise on how to do these things, maybe its time you acted on then. Go back and look at some of the things that folks have advised and choose one or two that might work for you. Clubs, bars, organizations, swinger's groups and this group could all help you find something that might be right for you. Like I told you before as did others, go to a couple dating sites and place an ad in there. Grow, expand yourself a little, get yourself Out There and see what all the world has to offer. Cant do anything by not taking an active chance. Do it for You.
Cat

[bemyonlyone]

When I said that I didn't mean lgbt people. I meant just what I said--people I'd rather not associate with...smug people who have been out to everybody since they were born and think of people like me as losers and closet cases.

Pressure...I'm not sure how to explain it. I guess the pull I feel because I'm not 100 percent out to everyone yet, whereas people in those groups usually are, one more reason they wouldn't work for me.

[bemyonlyone]

You've already asked this and have been given advise on how to do these things, maybe its time you acted on then. Go back and look at some of the things that folks have advised and choose one or two that might work for you. Clubs, bars, organizations, swinger's groups and this group could all help you find something that might be right for you. Like I told you before as did others, go to a couple dating sites and place an ad in there. Grow, expand yourself a little, get yourself Out There and see what all the world has to offer. Cant do anything by not taking an active chance. Do it for You.
Cat

I did actually sign up on a dating site but nothing happened...lol.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ok, so does that mean youre just going to sit back and go, "Oh well, I cant do anything about it" and give up?? Or are you going to make up you're mind to be straong, and do something about it. No more excuses. Either you Are going to do something to change and better your situation, or you're going to continue on complaining about it.
Get out there and Do something. Quit being afraid. Maybe the LGBT community isnt for you, maybe it is..fact is you are never going to know unless you go experiance it for yourself.
Maqke up your mind and fix your determination then go ahead full.
Last I'm going to say on the subject.....
Cat

[Canticle]

bemy, Cat, Marie and many others, have given advice, but you always come back with a negative response. People are right, when they tell you, that if you don't go out to find these friends, who you want and need, they will ot come knocking at your door.

You have already told us that you work and go to school. For many, that is a starting point for finding friends. if not there, then, as others have said....clubs, volunteering somewhere, charity work....anything!

What are your interests? Go from that point. There has to be a beginning.

One question, which you do not have to answer, but I have not seen it asked. How come you are so very sure that you are bi? That could even be something to start a discussion thread about and maybe your feelings, about that, expressed in type, could lead to questions you might think of asking. Just a thought.....and you could start that on this thread...with no need to open another.

[MarieDelta]

When I said that I didn't mean lgbt people. I meant just what I said--people I'd rather not associate with...smug people who have been out to everybody since they were born and think of people like me as losers and closet cases..

Now I cant speak for your local groups. But most folks I've talked to in the lgbt community(in several areas) arent like that. Everyone goes through the coming out process, just part of life.

Dont be so quick to judge others.


Pressure...I'm not sure how to explain it. I guess the pull I feel because I'm not 100 percent out to everyone yet, whereas people in those groups usually are, one more reason they wouldn't work for me.

So what. Pflag is a anonymous organization, and lots of the "friends of gays/ lesbians" turn out to be gay and lesbian themselves. But it is a supportive atmosphere and, like any support group, everything said at the meeting is confidential.

But then you can come up with a thousand excuses. But you are still where you are.

Thats all I am going to say on this subject.

[bemyonlyone]

One question, which you do not have to answer, but I have not seen it asked. How come you are so very sure that you are bi? That could even be something to start a discussion thread about and maybe your feelings, about that, expressed in type, could lead to questions you might think of asking. Just a thought.....and you could start that on this thread...with no need to open another.

This is a silly question, I'm not going to answer it. Sorry, Canticle.

[bemyonlyone]

Now I cant speak for your local groups. But most folks I've talked to in the lgbt community(in several areas) arent like that. Everyone goes through the coming out process, just part of life.

Dont be so quick to judge others.



So what. Pflag is a anonymous organization, and lots of the "friends of gays/ lesbians" turn out to be gay and lesbian themselves. But it is a supportive atmosphere and, like any support group, everything said at the meeting is confidential.

But then you can come up with a thousand excuses. But you are still where you are.

Thats all I am going to say on this subject.

You say I'm judging...I say I've come across these people firsthand. They are so out, they've been to parades, they're so great, the world knows, they're so perfect.

I didn't say I wanted to join lgbt groups, I just said I wanted to get out more. I don't really like lgbt groups as a rule and a lot here don't like them either. Hell, most of the people here are in hetero marriages and have sex with the same sex incidentally...I get that I'm different from most here, but I have never been drawn to lgbt groups, especially since I don't have a friend of the lgbt persuasion to bring along so I don't feel so awkward.

[Canticle]

This is a silly question, I'm not going to answer it. Sorry, Canticle.

bemy, how can this be a silly question. You must have feelings, deep inside. You will not have awoken, some sunny morn and said ''OK, that's it, I'm going to be bi.'' No, if you think, or know yourself to be bi, then you must have asked questions of yourself, inwardly. Many people join this site and actually say...''Am I bi,'' and then tell of their confusion, or their reasons for thinking that they are bi.

Do you ask yourself such questions, for you keep asking them of others, about this and that and why haven't you been kissed yet. I asked that question, to maybe get you to sit back, as LDD suggested, think about things and then maybe come up with questions to ask. Questions which would receive answers and lead to further questions.

You obviously want to keep repeating the same text about the same problems and take no notice of advice or suggestions made. Like cat and Marie, I think enough is enough and I won't offer any more suggestions, either. There are good people here, living their lives and dealing with problems, but they can only advise you, on what they see you post. Every reply from you, is a negative one.

A Shame.

[Luffly1]

This is a silly question, I'm not going to answer it. Sorry, Canticle.

This was not called for. If you didn't want to answer her question you could have ignored it or said that you didn't feel comfortable answering. Being rude to the woman is not right when she is imply trying to help you sit back and look at your own situation. You yourself said you have a poor personality and it very much showed right here. Unless you grow up and work on your own self a little better you will continue to put people off like you just did with this statement.

Best of luck to you but I now have no desire to offer any advice to someone who may end up putting my advice down the way you just did to Canticle.

[bemyonlyone]

Okay. Canticle...I don't feel comfortable answering. Ok?

[Sue34C]

I have a serious answer...find a routine doing something you like around other people and then start meeting the regulars. What I mean is, for example, go to the same beach (we have a nude beach in Florida and people are very friendly there), or same coffee shop, etc., and start to establish a pattern. You'll soon notice that other people have the same pattern. Then, start talking to people - if you act friendly, people often respond friendly. Start slow - smile at someone, then when you've seen them regularly, wave. Once you've established this - say "hi". Strike up a conversation. I'm a huge flirt - people love it when you compliment them - sincerely. "Great blouse", "Did you change your hair? I love it.", etc. You can meet people anywhere when you are friendly - become a regular somewhere and you will meet people. Also, tell others that you are interested in meeting someone - the more people know, the more introductions/set-ups can be made. Good luck!

[darkeyes]

This is a silly question, I'm not going to answer it. Sorry, Canticle.

Not so silly Bemy babes..knew me wos bi fore me eva even kissed anotha girl..it wos in me..the way me looked at..felt for an wonted peeps a both sexes..the way me thotta a them..from age a bout 9 or 10.. me knew... didn kno wot it wos called..but knew...

[bemyonlyone]

I mean it's like me asking, "Canticle, how are you so very sure you're straight?"

[darkeyes]

ahhh now ther is an interestin question..who knos who we will meet 2 change our view of our sexuality...

..anyas nev been kissed? mmmmmmmmm... u sure?

[Jackal]

Okay by-passing the sexuality question:

You don't want to go to LGBT orgs. I would have suggested that because you have something in common with them. No, it's not a really good reason to start a relationship of any kind with people, but it's at least a place where you are not in danger of lynching.Most of the lesbian groups I know of really don't look poorly at people who aren't out for ever and ever and many of them were married to men at one point. You are bi but there aren't as many bi-bashing gays out there as you'd think, but anyway.

What is it that you like to do in your spare time that takes you away from the internet? Find a group that does that thing or is tangentially related. It's gonna suck at first but you have to put yourself out there. You're going to fall, and be awkward, but it will probably get better. It's like pulling off a band-aid, just do it! The first step to romance is usually making friends. The internet isn't really going to help you with people-to-people stuff though because you have to interact with people and not be able to just shut them off; and people misrepresent themselves on the net all the time.


Marie makes an excellent point, doing the same thing over an over and expecting a new outcome is just crazy.

[bemyonlyone]

I don't understand why people keep feeling the need to define my sexuality. It is what it is. I wish people would worry about their own sexuality and leave mine alone. I am what I am, I don't have to define myself or use labels if I don't want to. I am just attracted to who I'm attracted to. I'm sick of people trying to tell me what I am.

[Jackal]

I don't understand why people keep feeling the need to define my sexuality. It is what it is. I wish people would worry about their own sexuality and leave mine alone. I am what I am, I don't have to define myself or use labels if I don't want to. I am just attracted to who I'm attracted to. I'm sick of people trying to tell me what I am.

No one (here) told you what you are or what you aren't. You were just asked to define it. Yah, it's a little odd and I'm not sure how it was relevant but it's nothing to get upset over. If you want good advice, you need to give good background or the advice will just be generic and probably unhelpful.


Cynical Jackal says: "I don't understand why people keep feeling the need to define my sexuality... don't have to define myself or use labels if I don't want to. I am just attracted to who I'm attracted to. I'm sick of people trying to tell me what I am."

Yup, you're bi.

[bemyonlyone]

Some days I would rather just be "me" rather than putting any label on myself.

[Canticle]

This was not called for. If you didn't want to answer her question you could have ignored it or said that you didn't feel comfortable answering. Being rude to the woman is not right when she is imply trying to help you sit back and look at your own situation. You yourself said you have a poor personality and it very much showed right here. Unless you grow up and work on your own self a little better you will continue to put people off like you just did with this statement.

Best of luck to you but I now have no desire to offer any advice to someone who may end up putting my advice down the way you just did to Canticle.

Thank you Luffly

[Canticle]

I mean it's like me asking, "Canticle, how are you so very sure you're straight?"

If you asked me the question I'd answer you honestly. I know I am straight and always have been, always will be. I am not physically, sexually emotinally, or any other ''ally'' to women.

I like men....it's men I find attractive...especially George Clooney.

I can say that people, male or female, are good looking, have perfect bodies etc, but that is not the same as same sex attraction. It's the normal things people observe about others around them.

[brutal_priestess]

Right so I guess I'm going to ask the difficult question here:
How specific are you when it comes to gender? I mean, do you really want to be in a same sex relationship right now? Do you want to attempt to juggle both a gf and bf? Do you want to be with a man? These are the questions every bisexual must ask themselves.

Because...you know I believe one of the great things about being bi is not limiting yourself by anything other than whoever you happen to be attracted to.

[Canticle]

ahhh now ther is an interestin question..who knos who we will meet 2 change our view of our sexuality...

..anyas nev been kissed? mmmmmmmmm... u sure?


Yep, bemy actually asked a question...and she has an answer.....will it lead her to ask more questions of others on sexuality, or just the general...run of the mill rough time, we all have...just being human.

I was introduced to kissing by a man 28.5 years older than myself when I was 23......:rolleyes:;):):tong::tongue::bigrin:;)

[Jackal]

If you asked me the question I'd answer you honestly. I know I am straight and always have been, always will be. I am not physically, sexually emotinally, or any other ''ally'' to women.

I like men....it's men I find attractive...especially George Clooney.

I can say that people, male or female, are good looking, have perfect bodies etc, but that is not the same as same sex attraction. It's the normal things people observe about others around them.


Are you sure? Not even "straight-ally"? Please don't hit me! <shield> I can't resist the bad jokes.

Just out of curiosity are you heterosocial and have mostly male friends? When you said emotionally I thought maybe you meant that almost all of your meaningful human interactions were with men. Again just curious, feel free to disregard.

[Canticle]

Are you sure? Not even "straight-ally"? Please don't hit me! <shield> I can't resist the bad jokes.

Just out of curiosity are you heterosocial and have mostly male friends? When you said emotionally I thought maybe you meant that almost all of your meaningful human interactions were with men. Again just curious, feel free to disregard.

Well, the most meaningful relationship I have, with any human being, now, is with my younger son, who is my rock and even though he has a girlfriend (who I think will end up as his wife), I am his rock. We have always been close. I don't have that closeness with his sister and my other son is too much like me, but obviously, a mother loves her children equally.

I don't really get to socialise....but if I was keeping company with a lot of people, I would find it easier to talk to men. i tend to chat more with men in the chat room here, in pm, as long as it is about general things and also in other chat rooms. I've never liked gaggles of females and always wanted sons.......good job my daughter was number three...lol.

I don't think I could ever make a female my best friend, strange as it may seem. I have ''friends'' in the village, who are female, but purely a surface friendliness...not true friendships.

Yes, the most meaningful emotional contact I have had has been with men...forgetting my husband.....because we don't talk much if we can. The greatest friendship, I ever felt for someone...was for a man...but that is ...well...that is.

So yeah, I don't like females much.....they irritate me....and little girls...I still can't fathom ......except my daughter.

So bemy....you can make friends.....they don't have to be bosom buddies, male or female. Platonic, or not, friendship can be found. Love is something else. You have to allow that to find you.

[bemyonlyone]

Right so I guess I'm going to ask the difficult question here:
How specific are you when it comes to gender? I mean, do you really want to be in a same sex relationship right now? Do you want to attempt to juggle both a gf and bf? Do you want to be with a man? These are the questions every bisexual must ask themselves.

Because...you know I believe one of the great things about being bi is not limiting yourself by anything other than whoever you happen to be attracted to.

It really depends on the PERSON, not on their gender.

I only want to be in a same sex relationship now because I fell in love with my friend, a girl. I love her because she has so many qualities I find attractive and we both share a certain painful life experience that I am not going to share here.

I don't know if I would have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. I certainly think I would entertain the idea but obviously everyone would have to be informed and okay with it. Being totally inexperienced I can't even begin to imagine navigating that complicated journey.

I honestly can't think of any man I want to be with right now, but that could change in the future. My friend could break my heart next week and I would have to get over her, and I could fall for a man, I'm really open to either. I think sometimes the label "pansexual" describes me fairly well.

That said there are men I find attractive, I just don't talk about it much here because honestly, I don't know them and they barely know I exist and it's hard for me to think about having a relationship with them because when someone doesn't know you exist, it's hard to think about anything happening. A lot of guys I've liked in my life, to be perfectly honest, were jerks. Don't really wanna talk about that either :(

I definitely have issues with men, I won't lie there...but I am now beginning to also have issues with women (best friend broke my heart, I don't want to talk about that). So I guess it evens out.

It is hard to answer those questions, but thanks for asking them.

[bemyonlyone]

I am not physically, sexually emotinally, or any other ''ally'' to women.


wow...that's harsh...I really think women should stick together and support each other, but that's just me.

[Canticle]

How I hate typographical errors. The below should have read as the paragraph in italics.

If you asked me the question I'd answer you honestly. I know I am straight and always have been, always will be. I am not physically, sexually emotinally, or any other ''ally'' to women.

If you asked me the question, I'd answer you honestly. I know I am straight and always have been, always will be. I am not physically, sexually, emotinally, or any other ''ally'' attracted to women.

[bemyonlyone]

I would say attraction to a woman for friendship reasons, which heterosexual women have, falls under that. But that's just my opinion.

[Canticle]

I would say attraction to a woman for friendship reasons, which hetero women have, falls under that. But that's just my opinion.

Falls under what?

I hate me and any other straight people, being referred to as heteros! Straight yeah...fine...but hetero.....please say heterosexual.

And why should women stick together, just because they are women. People...human beings, should stick together.

[brutal_priestess]

It really depends on the PERSON, not on their gender.

I only want to be in a same sex relationship now because I fell in love with my friend, a girl. I love her because she has so many qualities I find attractive and we both share a certain painful life experience that I am not going to share here.

I don't know if I would have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. I certainly think I would entertain the idea but obviously everyone would have to be informed and okay with it. Being totally inexperienced I can't even begin to imagine navigating that complicated journey.

I honestly can't think of any man I want to be with right now, but that could change in the future. My friend could break my heart next week and I would have to get over her, and I could fall for a man, I'm really open to either. I think sometimes the label "pansexual" describes me fairly well.

That said there are men I find attractive, I just don't talk about it much here because honestly, I don't know them and they barely know I exist and it's hard for me to think about having a relationship with them because when someone doesn't know you exist, it's hard to think about anything happening. A lot of guys I've liked in my life, to be perfectly honest, were jerks. Don't really wanna talk about that either

I definitely have issues with men, I won't lie there...but I am now beginning to also have issues with women (best friend broke my heart, I don't want to talk about that). So I guess it evens out.

It is hard to answer those questions, but thanks for asking them.

Okay, good, thanks for being honest.

Now here's my :2cents:

First, you need to learn from past experiences but not let them rule you. Okay, men have hurt you, women of hurt you. People can be assholes but not everyone is. If you approach a potential suitor with such mistrust then it will always end poorly. Always. Trust me.

Another thing. This friend you're in love with...Is she that straight girl you were talking about in another thread? If she is, you need to move on no matter what. If she's straight then that's it. Over. Done with. Unless she's expressed a desire to explore outside of hetero then you need to keep it platonic. Quite frankly I'd leave her alone even if she did express a desire to explore. You're a bit too emotionally fragile imho to deal with being a notch in some chick's bedpost.

If she's not straight...then what are you waiting for? Make a move!

[bemyonlyone]

Sorry...I'm really tired. Straight. Heterosexual. Sorry.

I guess you're right, you say you don't even like women as friends, so I guess I don't know what I was trying to say.

[bemyonlyone]

Okay, good, thanks for being honest.

Now here's my :2cents:

First, you need to learn from past experiences but not let them rule you. Okay, men have hurt you, women of hurt you. People can be assholes but not everyone is. If you approach a potential suitor with such mistrust then it will always end poorly. Always. Trust me.

Another thing. This friend you're in love with...Is she that straight girl you were talking about in another thread? If she is, you need to move on no matter what. If she's straight then that's it. Over. Done with. Unless she's expressed a desire to explore outside of hetero then you need to keep it platonic. Quite frankly I'd leave her alone even if she did express a desire to explore. You're a bit too emotionally fragile imho to deal with being a notch in some chick's bedpost.

If she's not straight...then what are you waiting for? Make a move!

Men hurt me a lot in the past, even though I'm a virgin...and I find that most men interested in me are creeps who only want sex. If all he wants is sex I'm not interested, I'm not some plaything to be used. I am scared of men a lot, to be honest. It probably goes back to verbal and physical abuse from my ex-stepfather and boys picking on me all through school and making me feel repulsive. I never had problems with girls until...later.

My friend is straight. Yes, straight. I don't want to get over her. I can't. I've tried. It's impossible. I can't stop thinking about her. I know ...ugh, I can't even say it won't happen, can't even allow myself to believe it won't. I hold to foolish hope...knowing it's foolish. You are probably the hundreth person who has told me to move the hell on. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I've tried so hard to keep it platonic but if you only understood how impossible that was...

I can't walk away...it will only end when she smashes my heart into a million tiny pieces.

[brutal_priestess]

Men hurt me a lot in the past, even though I'm a virgin...and I find that most men interested in me are creeps who only want sex. If all he wants is sex I'm not interested, I'm not some plaything to be used. I am scared of men a lot, to be honest. It probably goes back to verbal and physical abuse from my ex-stepfather and boys picking on me all through school and making me feel repulsive. I never had problems with girls until...later.

My friend is straight. Yes, straight. I don't want to get over her. I can't. I've tried. It's impossible. I can't stop thinking about her. I know ...ugh, I can't even say it won't happen, can't even allow myself to believe it won't. I hold to foolish hope...knowing it's foolish. You are probably the hundreth person who has told me to move the hell on. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I've tried so hard to keep it platonic but if you only understood how impossible that was...

I can't walk away...it will only end when she smashes my heart into a million tiny pieces.

I understand not being able to get over strong feelings. More than you might expect, but you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Clearly this is the problem more than any other. You're hung up a girl who probably cares about you very much but not like that. Fine, you don't want to get over her, but what's the alternative? Keep hoping for a day that probably won't come or if it does come ends up being a "big mistake" for her and your friendship? Or do you suck it up before she shatters your heart and pursue someone attainable? I know it's a painful thought but you're still young and obviously these feelings are more agony than ecstasy. I think it would be better for you to move one rather than end up in a cycle of self-abuse as you wonder why your friend won't bend for you.

[bemyonlyone]

I am stupid and I don't know any better, that's all I can say...this has been going on for six months now...and I'm fully entrenched.

I have to let the heartbreak happen...I can't do anything but wait for heartbreak, all while pretending I could be saved from it, this time.

[brutal_priestess]

Listen, it's your life and you're in control of it. Yes, you can wait for the inevitable and that's your right, but why wouldn't you want to get out of a situation you believe to be heating toward pain?

Don't you believe that you deserve happiness?

[bemyonlyone]

If she could just feel the same... :(

[brutal_priestess]

*sighs*

Has she given you any indication that she might?

[Jackal]

If she could just feel the same... :(

But she doesn't and almost certainly never will (sexuality likes to prove 'never' wrong). Is she a good platonic friend to you? I don't know what you mean about not leaving this alone but if you mean you keep pursuing her you'll stop if you want to keep her as your friend. Yes, I've been in love with straight girls before. It wasn't ever going to go anywhere. I know it's hard to let it go and it's gonna take some time for it to stop being on your mind all the time. Kind of like losing someone you love, at first it's hard to remember a time when you weren't thinking about them, then its every day and so on.

This kind of shit is never easy.

If you want a same-sex relationship then you really might be better off looking in LGBT circles. I don't know where in MA you live but I know there are some bisexual centers in that state if you don't wanna deal with the whole LGBT world at large.

[bemyonlyone]

Honestly, part of me wants her for just that reason. I know I would be the first girl she's ever been with ...I would feel so special in that way...because she would be the first girl I'VE been with. With bi/lesbian women who have a history, they've been with girls before and are thinking "wow, you suck compared to Emily/Lisa/Tiffany"

Part of it is that I know she doesn't have a long past with lots of lovers. It's her ex boyfriend and that's it. I'm a virgin...I don't really want to get involved with someone who's fucked a million people. Maybe that sounds bitchy but it's just how I feel.

And as for indications that she might feel the same...plenty, but nothing really concrete or that go beyond what she's said--"I'm very shy and I don't make the first move." (not to me, read this on her myspace) It's very subtle little things that could mean she feels the same or that could mean nothing. So, I'm pretty much hanging over a precipice.

She's my friend but we've only been friends since we started working together 2.5 years ago. It's a risk I would absolutely be willing to take because I would always wonder what if.

I know it doesn't help that she actually told me she was straight...but obviously for her to say that to me (the day we met btw) there must have been some ambiguity on that point...

[bwitme]

hi just seeng if you would like to be friends

[brutal_priestess]

I'm trying to hold my sharp tongue at the comment about how you want someone with a short sexual/romantic history. I'll just say it doesn't make them any better. Hell, I'd even say it's better to be with someone with experience cos they at least know what they like and are more likely to know what you might like.

No...you can't take the "shy, unable to make first move" quote as a hint.

Does she sit too close to you? Subtly flirt? Are her touches and gazes lingering? Most importantly: Has she ever expressed any sapphic desires to you?

If you're willing to take the heartbreak then tell her the damn score. Either take your rejection or that chance you're so afraid of passing up. Whining about it and pining over this girl will do you no favours at the end of the day.

[Jackal]

Honestly, part of me wants her for just that reason. I know I would be the first girl she's ever been with ...I would feel so special in that way...because she would be the first girl I'VE been with. With bi/lesbian women who have a history, they've been with girls before and are thinking "wow, you suck compared to Emily/Lisa/Tiffany"

Part of it is that I know she doesn't have a long past with lots of lovers. It's her ex boyfriend and that's it. I'm a virgin...I don't really want to get involved with someone who's fucked a million people. Maybe that sounds bitchy but it's just how I feel.

And as for indications that she might feel the same...plenty, but nothing really concrete or that go beyond what she's said--"I'm very shy and I don't make the first move." (not to me, read this on her myspace) It's very subtle little things that could mean she feels the same or that could mean nothing. So, I'm pretty much hanging over a precipice.

She's my friend but we've only been friends since we started working together 2.5 years ago. It's a risk I would absolutely be willing to take because I would always wonder what if.

I know it doesn't help that she actually told me she was straight...but obviously for her to say that to me (the day we met btw) there must have been some ambiguity on that point...

Wow, those are some great assumptions about people with sexual experience you made there.....

Let's just leave that bullshit aside and ask the real question. Do you want her or do you really just want to be someone's first because of insecurities or perceived vulnerability? There seems to be a real high price on limited experience in your choosing a partner and in your attraction to her.

You said she broke your heart, and then you say that there are signs she might like you, what do you mean she broke your heart?

[bemyonlyone]

Did I say she broke my heart? She didn't. Sorry, I was misspeaking.

I do not want to be with her just because she's only been with one person, I just take it as one more sign that this could work.

The fact that she's never been with a girl is perfect because I would be her first, she mine. This is how I would like it to be. Regardless, I love her. And I didn't know she'd only been with her ex when I began to love her. So throw those assumptions away.

I'm sorry that both of you take offense at my wanting someone who has a short sexual past (one person is actually perfect because both people totally inexperienced can be awkward). What am I supposed to say? That I want someone who has slept with 900 people? Come on.

As for what she does...she looks at me a lot, and comes close to me. She also blushes, but I don't know if that's from me or someone else. She also sometimes trips over words when talking to me...I do the same thing (it's embarrassing). She seems very nervous around me sometimes. If she does feel the same she is probably very scared, which is something I understand, because I am also scared.

[brutal_priestess]

Actually I think she was talking about another girl.

Methinks this isn't her first time down this road.


What am I supposed to say? That I want someone who has slept with 900 people? Come on.


No one wants to be a notch but wow...just wow. Do they have to pass a litmus test, too?

[bemyonlyone]

Yes, there was another girl. My bisexual former best friend who did break my heart. She was a huge waste of my time.

Why are you judging me for not wanting to be with someone who has slept with a lot of people?

[Jackal]

Did I say she broke my heart? She didn't. Sorry, I was misspeaking.

I do not want to be with her just because she's only been with one person, I just take it as one more sign that this could work.

The fact that she's never been with a girl is perfect because I would be her first, she mine. This is how I would like it to be. Regardless, I love her. And I didn't know she'd only been with her ex when I began to love her. So throw those assumptions away.

I'm sorry that both of you take offense at my wanting someone who has a short sexual past (one person is actually perfect because both people totally inexperienced can be awkward). What am I supposed to say? That I want someone who has slept with 900 people? Come on.


Oh, no, no, no! I'm not taking offense at short sexual history as a preference. I'm taking offense to thinking that someone with a sexual history is going to be rating your performance against her roladex of past lovers while she sits on your face. Where exactly did you get that idea? For that matter where did you get the idea that someone who hasn't been with a girl is perfect for you because you haven't either? That is completely baseless and a really poor criterion for selecting a mate.

[bemyonlyone]

Oh, no, no, no! I'm not taking offense at short sexual history as a preference. I'm taking offense to thinking that someone with a sexual history is going to be rating your performance against her roladex of past lovers while she sits on your face. Where exactly did you get that idea? For that matter where did you get the idea that someone who hasn't been with a girl is perfect for you because you haven't either? That is completely baseless and a really poor criterion for selecting a mate.

It is, but to me it's romantic. I would be her first and she would be mine as well. I like the idea of learning with someone...

This applies equally to a bisexual woman who's never been with a woman and a man who's never been with a woman, either because he's only been with men or because he's never been with anyone.

[brutal_priestess]

Well, I can't knock anyone's concept of romance, but....

Listen, do you want help and advice or do you just want to whine? I'm trying real hard not to be a bitch but I'm tired and a little exhausted with this circular conversation you've created.

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions in this thread but it seems like you don't want to hear it. You seem hellbent to put yourself in an unhealthy situation and it doesn't seem like any amount of good advice can put you straight...no pun intended.

For lack of a nicer way to put it, help us so we can help you.

[bemyonlyone]

Well, I can't knock anyone's concept of romance, but....

Listen, do you want help and advice or do you just want to whine? I'm trying real hard not to be a bitch but I'm tired and a little exhausted with this circular conversation you've created.

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions in this thread but it seems like you don't want to hear it. You seem hellbent to put yourself in an unhealthy situation and it doesn't seem like any amount of good advice can put you straight...no pun intended.

For lack of a nicer way to put it, help us so we can help you.

I'm sorry. This is the reality of my life right now and it's not pretty.

I guess I will just wait until my heart is smashed, then ask for advice then. You're right, I'm not going to go find anyone else until my heart has been broken, and maybe even then I'll just hole myself up and hide from the world.

I know you must not think much of me now. I can't exactly blame you.

[TaylorMade]

Well, I can't knock anyone's concept of romance, but....

Listen, do you want help and advice or do you just want to whine? I'm trying real hard not to be a bitch but I'm tired and a little exhausted with this circular conversation you've created.

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions in this thread but it seems like you don't want to hear it. You seem hellbent to put yourself in an unhealthy situation and it doesn't seem like any amount of good advice can put you straight...no pun intended.

For lack of a nicer way to put it, help us so we can help you.


Tom Cruise beat ya to it, hon... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-oHuogx6_Y) :D

*Taylor*

[TaylorMade]

I'm sorry. This is the reality of my life right now and it's not pretty.

I guess I will just wait until my heart is smashed, then ask for advice then. You're right, I'm not going to go find anyone else until my heart has been broken, and maybe even then I'll just hole myself up and hide from the world.

I know you must not think much of me now. I can't exactly blame you.

OH MY GAWD!!!! She is not saying that. She is saying to get over your fear, look yourself in the mirror and think you're a sexy bitch so everyone else will think you're a sexy bitch and someone will sleep with you.

You're not going to get the straight girl - - she, by definition is straight and will not be interested. It seems you're not willing to take the risks and going after the unattainable because you're too scared to go out there and do...

David Thoreau did say most men lead lives of quiet desperation, but you're abusing the privilege.


And Cher has a final speech. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY)

*Taylor*

[brutal_priestess]

Tom Cruise beat ya to it, hon... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-oHuogx6_Y) :D

*Taylor*

(lol. I knew it was a movie quote but couldn't remember from where.)

But seriously...

It's not that I think less of you bemyonlyone, it's just you're wearing hard on my sympathetic nature. I wish you'd see the forest and stop bashing your head into one tree.

[bemyonlyone]

Blah...forests. :(

[Long Duck Dong]

3 bits of advice....

1) get off the net and stop living your life on it..... if you want help, go and get it..... be serious about getting help or stop wasting peoples time, there are people out that that actually want help, not attention

2) there is a difference between loving the ones you can not have, and refusing to have the ones you can love...... if you do not want to socialise with people.... fine.. but also accept you are the reason you are alone cos you choose to be alone....

3) there is two places you can be.... on the net or out in the world.... learn the difference between them.... cos on the net, you can move from forum to forum, playing the emo card..... but in the real world, you have to be responsible for your life.... your real life.... and its harder to hide the truth in the real world

[Jackal]

It is, but to me it's romantic. I would be her first and she would be mine as well. I like the idea of learning with someone...

This applies equally to a bisexual woman who's never been with a woman and a man who's never been with a woman, either because he's only been with men or because he's never been with anyone.

Kay, 1. people learn together no matter what. You haven't been with them, and they haven't been with you. Everyone is different.

2. The inclusion of gender specifics about these hypothetical peoples' experiences speaks to insecurities. If you find someone, does it honestly matter if they've been with a woman?



I'm sorry. This is the reality of my life right now and it's not pretty.

I guess I will just wait until my heart is smashed, then ask for advice then. You're right, I'm not going to go find anyone else until my heart has been broken, and maybe even then I'll just hole myself up and hide from the world.

I know you must not think much of me now. I can't exactly blame you.

I'm trying to help, I really am but stop wallowing in self-pity, it never helped anyone do anything.


Well, I can't knock anyone's concept of romance, but....

Listen, do you want help and advice or do you just want to whine? I'm trying real hard not to be a bitch but I'm tired and a little exhausted with this circular conversation you've created.

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions in this thread but it seems like you don't want to hear it. You seem hellbent to put yourself in an unhealthy situation and it doesn't seem like any amount of good advice can put you straight...no pun intended.

For lack of a nicer way to put it, help us so we can help you.

Seconded. You have to be willing to bend bemy, things aren't just going to align for you.

[bemyonlyone]

Kay, 1. people learn together no matter what. You haven't been with them, and they haven't been with you. Everyone is different.

2. The inclusion of gender specifics about these hypothetical peoples' experiences speaks to insecurities. If you find someone, does it honestly matter if they've been with a woman?


I'm not convinced of the first point...

And I am insecure, sure, but who isn't? I don't really care about experienced people's experiences, because the right person for me will be someone who has had no or few partners.

I particularly would like a woman who has not been with another woman. Men, I'd prefer just one other woman or better yet, none. Keep in mind I have been saving myself for 26 years...I think I am allowed to have these standards. I didn't sleep around and neither should the person I give my virginity to. I do like the idea of being someone's first woman...particularly my friend's. It has nothing to do with being insecure but more to do with how I feel about her and what she is to me. I would hate to imagine that she had been with a woman...and since I know she hasn't, it's good. :bigrin:

[TwylaTwobits]

I'm not convinced of the first point...

And I am insecure, sure, but who isn't? I don't really care about experienced people's experiences, because the right person for me will be someone who has had no or few partners.

I particularly would like a woman who has not been with another woman. Men, I'd prefer just one other woman or better yet, none. Keep in mind I have been saving myself for 26 years...I think I am allowed to have these standards. I didn't sleep around and neither should the person I give my virginity to. I do like the idea of being someone's first woman...particularly my friend's. It has nothing to do with being insecure but more to do with how I feel about her and what she is to me. I would hate to imagine that she had been with a woman...and since I know she hasn't, it's good. :bigrin:

I am not biting my tongue anymore. My god get a fucking clue. Every single thread you've started on this board has included the bemoaning fact you are a virgin who has never been kissed. Now you say it's because you wanted it that way... fine that's a personal choice. But don't jack people around by wanting sympathy cause you have never been kissed then throw it up when they tell you to move on cause it's not gonna happen about the situation with the one you are obsessed with.

You have been given good advice, you choose not to heed it. We don't give advice to a bi man on how to MAKE his wife accept his cheating, why would we give you advice on how to MAKE a straight woman gay? Please actually think about what you are doing to yourself? You have latched on to someone who works with you and think she likes you. You have posted clearly that she has no contact with you outside of work and that she has not encouraged you in your feelings, in fact she has told you she is straight. In her mind it's probably settled, she let you know she is straight and not interested in that kind of a relationship, but will you actually take the hint? No. You have posted about a couple people in your life, this straight girl and a gay guy you have a crush on. Is there a reason you always lust after the unattainables?

Follow the advice given by people, live life don't just spend it on the net whining cause you can't have what you want.

[Jackal]

I'm not convinced of the first point...

And I am insecure, sure, but who isn't? I don't really care about experienced people's experiences, because the right person for me will be someone who has had no or few partners.

I particularly would like a woman who has not been with another woman. Men, I'd prefer just one other woman or better yet, none. Keep in mind I have been saving myself for 26 years...I think I am allowed to have these standards. I didn't sleep around and neither should the person I give my virginity to. I do like the idea of being someone's first woman...particularly my friend's. It has nothing to do with being insecure but more to do with how I feel about her and what she is to me. I would hate to imagine that she had been with a woman...and since I know she hasn't, it's good. :bigrin:


Yes, everyone is insecure but there are matters of degree. Couples do learn together; this is where experience comes into play. You said that you were unhappy not being in a relationship, now you're saying that you were saving yourself, one sounds intentional the other sounds situational. Not being a virgin does not mean someone has slept around or do you really plan on settling down with the first person you sleep with?

You keep coming back to how much you like that this friend of yours hasn't slept with women; does she have any other traits you really like? That's why I say it's insecurity, it's sounding less like saving yourself and more about wanting to be someone's first woman (coming on the heels of suggesting that you'll be measured against everyone she's ever fucked ever) they aren't the same thing. Sure you're allowed to have these standards, it's about why you have them and that you're aware of how you express them and what they're doing to your options.

You're 26, lets say that your dating pool has people from 19-35; a lot of those people are going to have slept with someone (not having some thing inserted into your body does not make you a virgin btw). I'm just saying that there's multiple partners, and then there is sleeping around. It just seems like you're focusing on one trait.

[brutal_priestess]

I'm not convinced of the first point...

And I am insecure, sure, but who isn't? I don't really care about experienced people's experiences, because the right person for me will be someone who has had no or few partners.

I particularly would like a woman who has not been with another woman. Men, I'd prefer just one other woman or better yet, none. Keep in mind I have been saving myself for 26 years...I think I am allowed to have these standards. I didn't sleep around and neither should the person I give my virginity to. I do like the idea of being someone's first woman...particularly my friend's. It has nothing to do with being insecure but more to do with how I feel about her and what she is to me. I would hate to imagine that she had been with a woman...and since I know she hasn't, it's good. :bigrin:

Okay, so the picture is becoming clearer to me.

She's just a work friend...you've also crushed on a gay man...I have to be honest here it sounds like you're more interested in perpetuating your misery than actually solving your "problem".

Being bisexual does not give you the freedom to attempt to convert gay men and straight women just cos you "love" them. While I understand that you can't choose who you fall for but it seems like all the energy you put toward unattainables has you passing up perfectly fine opportunities.

And that big grin? How can you be so proud of having such a narrow viewpoint on sexuality? People don't really compare new lovers to old, at least not when it's getting done, unless it's supremely bad or sublimely amazing. Really, that's more after the fact because sex is...an intense thing. When you're in the midst you're not exactly...Um, in your right mind? I mean, you're in control, but it's like getting right down to the most feral part of yourself. You're breaking down all the bullshit.

Sex, in and of itself, is not romantic. Who you're with (sometimes) is what makes it romantic.

[bemyonlyone]

Yes, everyone is insecure but there are matters of degree. Couples do learn together; this is where experience comes into play. You said that you were unhappy not being in a relationship, now you're saying that you were saving yourself, one sounds intentional the other sounds situational. Not being a virgin does not mean someone has slept around or do you really plan on settling down with the first person you sleep with?

You keep coming back to how much you like that this friend of yours hasn't slept with women; does she have any other traits you really like? That's why I say it's insecurity, it's sounding less like saving yourself and more about wanting to be someone's first woman (coming on the heels of suggesting that you'll be measured against everyone she's ever fucked ever) they aren't the same thing. Sure you're allowed to have these standards, it's about why you have them and that you're aware of how you express them and what they're doing to your options.

You're 26, lets say that your dating pool has people from 19-35; a lot of those people are going to have slept with someone (not having some thing inserted into your body does not make you a virgin btw). I'm just saying that there's multiple partners, and then there is sleeping around. It just seems like you're focusing on one trait.

Okay. I haven't saved myself by choice. My chance, I happen to have saved myself. It just happened. But now that I'm in this situation, I may as well be with someone who hasn't slept with everyone in the world.

You, TwylaTwobits, are not in this situation. You don't know how she acts around me or how she is in general, so you really cannot say that.

To brutal priestess: I NEVER said that being bi gave me the right to try and convert people. Keep in mind that I have had feelings for numerous straight guys who didn't give me the time of day, and my bi former best friend who had emotional problems and liked every girl but me.

So please don't accuse me of something I didn't do. Obviously the fact that she hasn't been with a girl isn't why I want her, it's just an added bonus. Yes, I liked a gay guy, but he made it clear that he finds women disgusting.


Sex, in and of itself, is not romantic. Who you're with (sometimes) is what makes it romantic.

Never said I thought sex in and of itself was romantic. If I thought that, I'd go fuck anyone, instead of wanting to make love to my friend, who has an amazing sense of humor(despite a rough life), is smart, and is everything I want in a person.

And "just a work friend" to reply to that...she has said she is scared to ask people to do things. She told me this in a pointed way, which makes me think I should ask her to do something. It's like she was asking me to ask her. I want to.

[TwylaTwobits]

ROFLMAO I am putting you back on ignore before I go copy all the posts about K, Walmart and your lazy landlord. Get a life, while there is still time.

[Canticle]

''And "just a work friend" to reply to that...she has said she is scared to ask people to do things. She told me this in a pointed way, which makes me think I should ask her to do something. It's like she was asking me to ask her. I want to.''


Uh???? Bangs head against wall!!:banghead:

[Jackal]

Okay. I haven't saved myself by choice. My chance, I happen to have saved myself.
You, TwylaTwobits, are not in this situation. You don't know how she acts around me or how she is in general, so you really cannot say that.

And "just a work friend" to reply to that...she has said she is scared to ask people to do things. She told me this in a pointed way, which makes me think I should ask her to do something. It's like she was asking me to ask her. I want to.

Saving yourself means intentionally abstaining, from every other post you've made here there isn't intent involved. No Twyla isn't there, but she does read what you have to say about the situation.

"It's like she was asking me to ask her" - else where you were complaining that she never gave you her number or would socialize outside of work. That's a work friend and I say this without humor or malice, you are deluded. You need to get help. You bounce to extremes and project what you want to hear on this girl. Does she not give you the time of day or does she give you signals? She's told you its straight and you're seeing it as there must have been a conflict with her heterosexuality. Straight means, no, nien, nyet. Again, you need professional help because you're either just making this shit up or you have a real problem.

[rissababynta]

''And "just a work friend" to reply to that...she has said she is scared to ask people to do things. She told me this in a pointed way, which makes me think I should ask her to do something. It's like she was asking me to ask her. I want to.''


Uh???? Bangs head against wall!!:banghead:

That's how I felt too except I think I just did a facepalm.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Things that make you go "Hmmmmm" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder)



*waves at everyone*

[bemyonlyone]

Things that make you go "Hmmmmm" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder)



*waves at everyone*

Yes, I have that, and so does my sister. She just has the kind that made her make out with a zillion boys in high school.

My friend gives me signals AND doesn't give me the time of day, comes close to me AND won't talk to me, shares intimate facts about her life AND doesn't want to spend time with me outside work.

People here told me to just not talk to her. I tried that. She acted upset and said "I haven't heard anything from you all day." I walk away and try to stay away from her and she comes near me.

I can't help how I feel about her, I wonder just what you all think I should do.

[bemyonlyone]

''And "just a work friend" to reply to that...she has said she is scared to ask people to do things. She told me this in a pointed way, which makes me think I should ask her to do something. It's like she was asking me to ask her. I want to.''


Uh???? Bangs head against wall!!:banghead:

Okay fine, maybe I'm wrong, maybe she's just telling me that anecdotally...and she wants ANOTHER friend to ask her to hang out.

[csrakate]

I can't help how I feel about her, I wonder just what you all think I should do.

Every single person has recommended that you walk away from this girl yet you continue to argue that you can't...so why ask at all? Why prolong this discussion? You don't want advice...you want permission to carry out this delusion of yours and you want someone else to say that you're on the right track with this girl. Well, you aren't, dear, and you're only fooling yourself if you continue.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Yes, I have that, and so does my sister. She just has the kind that made her make out with a zillion boys in high school.

My friend gives me signals AND doesn't give me the time of day, comes close to me AND won't talk to me, shares intimate facts about her life AND doesn't want to spend time with me outside work.

People here told me to just not talk to her. I tried that. She acted upset and said "I haven't heard anything from you all day." I walk away and try to stay away from her and she comes near me.

I can't help how I feel about her, I wonder just what you all think I should do.


Someone I love dearly has this condition, Also my mother is Bi-polar with sub-diagnoses, This is something I have dealt with my whole life and one thing I will say is that you are old enough to be aware of your illness and symptoms as to know when you need help for those things that are symptoms of your affliction. It's time to grow up and get a handle of it yourself if you ever wish to manage anything that resembles a healthy normal life.

Your infatuation with this girl is not because she is who she is, or what she does, its just a facet of your obsessive nature. She could be replaced with anything, A puppy for instance. Your mind is focused on it, because if its focused on her and accusing her of misdeeds and misunderstandings, its not focused on you and your inability to understand what a regular friendship is and normal human interactions, to you its easier and makes more sense to make it all about her and others not understanding, than it is to get to the core of the obsession and gain tools to deal with it.

The members here need to try and not take your responses and lack of acknowledgment as a personal attack or disrespect to their genuine responses.

BPD is an illness, the people that have it don't recognize that what they do is abnormal or hurtful most times, unless they are in attack/defensive mode.

And don't belittle your sisters diagnosis, BPD has many symptoms, not every one carries the same set and every one deals with it in their own way, and your way is no less destructive than hers.

It's time to take a step back.... and think... and stop being swallowed by something that you can actually handle. Once you get a grip on yourself, people will be less turned off or scared away of you. But in the end, its going to start with you and your choices.

And it's better to do it now, so when you actually have the opportunity to gain a loving relationship with whomever, it will have a healthier start, than ultimately punishing someone for failing to meet your expectations, or forcing them to deal with coming to grips with your condition, before they even understand what it is.

From what you have written, you still are in the throws of BPD and incapable of a healthy bond. Maybe this girl is fortunate enough to have a psychic sense that something just isn't right. Either way, getting proper help, will only benefit you for the future.

[bemyonlyone]

My feelings for her are no less valid because of what I have.

And BPD can't be treated easily, or by regular psychiatrists. So it's hopeless. Too bad I have the unkissed virgin at 26 kind as opposed to the tons of sex kind. Oh well.

[csrakate]

There are no different KINDS of BPD..but simply how it manifests in your life...so NO...you did not get the "26 yo virgin" kind. Despite the diagnosis, you still have some responsibility for your own life and you shouldn't allow this to give you carte blanche to blame your life on your illness. BPD may not be easy to treat, but it won't get treated at all unless you take the steps to get some treatment. Psychiatry may not be a perfect science, but you will never find help as long as you think it is hopeless.

BTW, you can have all the feelings you want for this girl...doesn't mean it gives you the excuse to wallow in self pity because it isn't returned.

[gfofbiguy]

My feelings for her are no less valid because of what I have.

And BPD can't be treated easily, or by regular psychiatrists. So it's hopeless. Too bad I have the unkissed virgin at 26 kind as opposed to the tons of sex kind. Oh well.

And this is what my dad always said about having the PLOM's - the "Poor Little Ol' Me's", or crawling into the pity bag and pulling in the strings after you.......only YOU can get yourself out of your mire, and crawl out of the pity bag and actually DO something about your problems and relationships - just like everyone else has said. Everyone here has given you extremely good advice, but like Kate said, you only want permission to carry on the way you have been and, from what it looks like where I'm sitting, an audience to moan to about the situation.

I'm sorry about your situation, and your diagnosis - my brother has a very severe form of bi-polar disorder and I know how difficult it is to get help, but there IS help out there if YOU are PROACTIVE in seeking it.

Time to iggy......and I don't do that lightly, but I've wasted enough of my time reading these threads.

[littlerayofsunshine]

My feelings for her are no less valid because of what I have.

And BPD can't be treated easily, or by regular psychiatrists. So it's hopeless. Too bad I have the unkissed virgin at 26 kind as opposed to the tons of sex kind. Oh well.

Feelings and obsession are two different things. I never said your feelings are invalid, nor is the girl in any way responsible for your feelings. You feel what you feel and that's all that matters to you. Another symptom. And shame to say there is no different kinds of BPD, there's Just BPD with other things that also require attention and all the more reason for you to see help if you have underlying issues.

Belittle my response if you wish, That doesn't matter to me at all. After all what do I know? I've only been married to someone with BPD for 10 years. I'm the only one out of everyone who ever proclaimed to love him, to still be at his side. I've dealt with the mood swings and the obsessions and the manipulations and emotional attacks and insults that come with PBD.

I gave my response out of kindness. I don't really give a fuck what happens to you dear.

One day you will understand, because one day there will be no other things to distract you and you will only have inward to look at and the longer you wait, the longer the ugly webs of neglect will take to unwind..

[bemyonlyone]

Thanks.

BPD is UNTREATABLE...someone has told me this already. Regular psychiatrists won't even try. So what can I do about it? There is nothing that can be done.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Thanks.

BPD is UNTREATABLE...someone has told me this already. Regular psychiatrists won't even try. So what can I do about it? There is nothing that can be done.

And just who is this someone?

[bemyonlyone]

My online friend whose wife is a psychiatrist. For what's it's worth I've never been officially diagnosed. He just told me I have it and I do seem to have all the symptoms, including reckless spending and out of control eating and extreme anger that is difficult to manage. He told me not to bother with a therapist because they won't even try.

[littlerayofsunshine]

My online friend whose wife is a psychiatrist. For what's it's worth I've never been officially diagnosed. He just told me I have it and I do seem to have all the symptoms, including reckless spending and out of control eating and extreme anger that is difficult to manage. He told me not to bother with a therapist because they won't even try.

Why let others make a joke out of you. It's almost laughable "An online friend who's wife is a psychiatrist". Kate is the wife of a mental health professional, I'm the wife, who's husband has received mental health services years ago, never had to go on meds, and is in a healthier frame of mind now and has tools and skills, not to mention that I learned how to deal with it.

But yeah trust your "friend".... I mean he has the degree by separation I suppose.

[bemyonlyone]

Well I already went on meds and have to go back on them again because nothing is working. I don't have the support that others may have. Unfortunately, for some, medication is the only way to make things feel even okay.

I went to three or four therapists and none could help me. I was going to go back to therapy but I really wonder why since nothing has helped me.

He's not my friend anymore. I don't really trust him but I do believe that whatever I have must be difficult to treat since no therapist could help me.

[csrakate]

This is total bullshit...no professional would refuse to treat you unless YOU, yourself proved to be a non-compliant patient. Don't expect anyone to believe that you can't get help....you are obviously choosing not to get help. Then again, if your diagnosis came from this "online friend", chances of you truly having this disorder are a bit slimmer.....how could this person diagnose you...sigh....

You truly have an answer for everything, bemy....it's just that the answers don't add up to anything worth a damn and it's sad since so many here were trying to lend you a helping hand.

[bemyonlyone]

I tried to get help before. I saw a therapist when I was 18 who said I should have had a relationship by then and that I didn't have a healthy or normal adult sexuality. I saw another therapist when I was 22 who tried to convince me that my former best friend (who had by that time abandoned me) loved me back and would come to see me again. I saw a guy when I was 23 who put me on meds which helped until I went off them. In terms of therapy itself he didn't really talk to me much or help me, but medication did work somewhat. It didn't make me happy, it just took the edge off my anger and made my moods more stable.

[littlerayofsunshine]

You have to hunt to find the right one, you can interview and ask questions before you become a patient.

Do you know it took me 10 years to get diagnosed with migraines?

Home work and research. That's your job, not theirs. You are using one of the greatest resources for information right now... The internet. You can start there. Research in your area and surrounding area.

No one mere mortal here is going to be able to serve you appropriate here. Your issue is not just a bisexual issue.

Now, I'm done with this thread. I pegged you, I said my piece, you know everything I said is without malice or ill intent. Nothing else can be done.

Its your world, we just live in it.

Good luck to you.

[Canticle]

I tried to get help before. I saw a therapist when I was 18 who said I should have had a relationship by then and that I didn't have a healthy or normal adult sexuality. I saw another therapist when I was 22 who tried to convince me that my former best friend (who had by that time abandoned me) loved me back and would come to see me again. I saw a guy when I was 23 who put me on meds which helped until I went off them. In terms of therapy itself he didn't really talk to me much or help me, but medication did work somewhat. It didn't make me happy, it just took the edge off my anger and made my moods more stable.


Young lady, do you have an answer for every single thing, which is said to you and an answer always in the negative, It seems as if you do. You are not wanting advice. I am beginning to believe that you know exactly what you are doing. Winding people up!

People have given you advice. It's tossed to one side and you have a comeback and add a little more. You are enjoying your misery, if there actually is any, for new people keep popping up and are added to the story.

What you are spewing is crap and you know it. Unfortunately, you don't seem to understand that others, can also see it is crap. Grow up and if you do have a problem, get it sorted. There ARE people who can help you.

Littleray gives good advice, Kate too and so many others have tried to make you see that you need help and that you need to understand that your co-worker is just being friendly. She is behaving like a perfectly normal young woman......by what you tell us.

[brutal_priestess]

Not sure why I'm continuing on with this. I've always been a sucker of a challenge, I suppose.

If you interact with therapists as you have interacted with us in this thread (for all intent and purposes, we have been giving you free therapy), I'd wager it's no fault of the doctors. You seem to have a lack of desire or inability to listen.

To review:

*We've suggested you get involved with the LBGT community.
*In regards to this "friend" we've encouraged you to run for the hills.
*We've suggested you get involved in any kind of public gathering or group or community or hobby...anything to meet new people.
*We've encouraged you to get help in regards to your diagnosis.
*We've encouraged you to be more open with potential suitors.

Everything, you've shot down. There's always a reason, an excuse, a pity party to be thrown. What are we missing? What do you want out of this thread? You've been given solutions, but all it seems you really want is to whine and stroke your own dick.

[Jackal]

Thanks.

BPD is UNTREATABLE...someone has told me this already. Regular psychiatrists won't even try. So what can I do about it? There is nothing that can be done.

I call bullshit. Not just on this statement but on all of your statements. I think Canticle is right, you know what you're doing. I've seen this shit before; there is no advice you don't have a negative answer for because you don't want advice -- you want attention.

Even I can't buy that someone is stupid enough to think that 'my online friend who is married to a shrink' would be accepted as valid medical advice. Assuming that you really do have BPD, do you think you're the only one on earth, on this forum -- that has it?

[bemyonlyone]

I guess I do want attention, I admit it. Nobody in the real world cares and I just want to know that someone is listening and cares.

I realize that isn't going to happen, because nobody cares about a complete stranger. I do appreciate that people are trying to help.

Getting involved in the LGBT community is hard, and it's something I've never really done. I mean in some ways I already see myself as involved. I believe in causes that affect the LGBT community. I came out to some people. I call people on their homophobia. I guess I just don't gather with other lgbt people in a group. And there are some reasons for that. Stupid as it sounds, I don't want any women there to think that I'm interested in them or that I'm available, and even though those groups are not dating groups, sometimes people get confused on that point.

I know your dislike of sex discussions (brutal priestess), so I kept it vague.

[bemyonlyone]

Also, you say my friend is straight and not attracted to me, which I absolutely believe and understand...however...

Can anyone offer insight on why, when I walk away from her and stop talking to her, she comes near me and talks to me? Can someone explain why she came over and complained that I wasn't talking to her when I tried to take the advice of someone here? Why does she look at me? Does she just want attention?

Also, how am I supposed to stay away from her when she won't stay away from me?

Please think about these things.

And no she is not just a work friend...she is my friend.

[elian]

I think what canticle is getting as is that if you are unsure of your feelings JOURNALING can help - writing down a diary, writing poetry - anything that can help you draw out what you are feeling if you are having trouble putting it into words - After these many posts I think you may be sure of yourself anyway so maybe journaling isn't of value to you.

I get it, your sexuality doesn't define who you are as a whole person. Personally I might go to a PFLAG meeting because I think that the response you are likely to get there vs at some sort of club or bar is more supportive - if you have issues with your sexuality.

If you JUST want to be kissed or held or fondled then a club and a one night stand might be the thing, but if you want to build a lasting friendship that MIGHT (no guarantees) eventually develop into a relationship..that takes work..you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable to some degree.

Folks already suggested volunteering with like minded people, or finding a recreational activity you like to do in a public place (board game night at the library even?)

I don't like to proselytize but If you are a spiritual person I would suggest checking out your local Unitarian church. Each one is slightly different but you will find a gamut of people from Atheist, Buddhist, Hindu, Pagan, Humanist, Christian and everything in between. If you are specifically Christian UCC ad MCC denominations are more accepting of GBLT folks - which I hope would translate into a more liberal faith in general. They usually have tons of activities going on - if you'd rather not care for the bar scene.

I would stop putting yourself down for what you think is a lack of experience - you are who you are and that's OK. There was a time in my life that my biggest concern was getting out of my parents' house. I had work, and school - and not much time for anything else since I was working to PAY for school. I also had a lack of experience with relationships that used to bother me quite a bit.

I spent my free time buried in the computer, finally one day I decided that I was tired of being alone - I needed to do something with my life. I joined the UU church and started volunteering IT support at an organization that helps female offenders who are ready to return to the workforce. I used facebook to get back in touch with a few good friends from high school. I even tried a personals site - it was OK - there was no "serious relationship" but the guy I met there is still a decent friend.

I have had my share of one night stands, which although educational - only enforced the fact that what I knew I really wanted was a long term companion.

I've met a few folks through here - all of them some distance away - current bf I met on here - I've finally found someone with a big heart, who actually cares for more that just a one night stand. We don't get to see each other very often because it is a little distance. I don't know if I can still be 70 years old and doing this sort of thing but for now he means quite a lot to me.

It was never easy, take one step forward, two steps back, make a wrong turn - each of us, no matter how much experience we have seems to stumble at times..nothing to be ashamed of in that.

To have the right attitude about relationships you need to learn to really love and accept yourself for who you are first. If you cannot show love to yourself - how can you really know what it means to love someone else? Love is different then lust. The right attitude is critical - if you date someone for the wrong reason you could actually do more harm to yourself and others than good.

Trying to hold on to love is like trying to save rays of sunshine in a box for a rainy day - love and happiness aren't things you can possess - although they ARE things you can share with others.

It's never perfect, and I never expect that it will be - the world is many shades of grey, not black and white. The truth is that every one of us is fallible - there is no fairytale knight in shining armor - even knights have to take off the armor every once in a while.

As an introverted person I tend to get nervous around groups of people I don't know. If I am invited to a party I do try to go even if I'm nervous about it. If I try a new activity I do my best to go into each situation with no preconceived notions - if you don't have a really strong idea of how things OUGHT to be then it is hard to be disappointed if things don't work out exactly the way you think they should.

Even with all of that I still do not regret that I put myself out there, made myself vulnerable because I think it is better to have lived my life - even with disappointment, loved and cared for someone - than not at all.

(See here? This long rambling post is Journaling - sorry for that but it helps me define who I am in words - helps me clarify who I am, what I believe - gives me confidence when others affirm what I am saying)

http://www.uua.org/

[Canticle]

Also, you say my friend is straight and not attracted to me, which I absolutely believe and understand...however...

Can anyone offer insight on why, when I walk away from her and stop talking to her, she comes near me and talks to me? Can someone explain why she came over and complained that I wasn't talking to her when I tried to take the advice of someone here? Why does she look at me? Does she just want attention?

Also, how am I supposed to stay away from her when she won't stay away from me?

Please think about these things.

And no she is not just a work friend...she is my friend.


Hold on a minute......you told us that you didn't socialise with the young woman outside of work conditions. You said that the young lady, would not even invite you to her home. Get your story right.

You think about it....she is behaving in a NORMAL manner. She is young, she is being friendly, she is chatting about the things all young women chat about. You, I think, are imaginng things which don't actually exist.

Also, let me tell you this....from what I have observed. you are not stupid. You have a good command of the English language, be it your story is repetitive. You are fairly intelligent. That is what I am reckoning. You are playing mind games. Drop the act. If you are really 26, then most of us have been around, a darn sight longer than you and we can read you, like a book.

Move on love, you've tried your best and your best hasn't worked.

[Jackal]

I guess I do want attention, I admit it. Nobody in the real world cares and I just want to know that someone is listening and cares.

I realize that isn't going to happen, because nobody cares about a complete stranger. I do appreciate that people are trying to help.

Getting involved in the LGBT community is hard, and it's something I've never really done. I mean in some ways I already see myself as involved. I believe in causes that affect the LGBT community. I came out to some people. I call people on their homophobia. I guess I just don't gather with other lgbt people in a group. And there are some reasons for that. Stupid as it sounds, I don't want any women there to think that I'm interested in them or that I'm available, and even though those groups are not dating groups, sometimes people get confused on that point.

I know your dislike of sex discussions (brutal priestess), so I kept it vague.


It's official then:
http://curbjaw.com/images/Forum/attention%20whore/attention%20whore3.jpg

You are no longer a person; you are a lolcow, and an attention whore.

Have a look at this, according to this there might be some saving yourself.

http://dualinity.wippiespace.com/pics/attention-whore-advisory-system.jpg

You have trouble keeping your story straight. If you tell the truth, you don't need a long memory.

[elian]

Also, you say my friend is straight and not attracted to me, which I absolutely believe and understand...however...

Can anyone offer insight on why, when I walk away from her and stop talking to her, she comes near me and talks to me? Can someone explain why she came over and complained that I wasn't talking to her when I tried to take the advice of someone here? Why does she look at me? Does she just want attention?

Also, how am I supposed to stay away from her when she won't stay away from me?

Please think about these things.

And no she is not just a work friend...she is my friend.

People are the sum of their parts and their experiences - some of their behaviors they are well aware of and some of them they may not realize.

I cannot tell you WHY your friend behaves a certain way. I have lots of friends with quirky behaviors, because I still consider them friends I tolerate the things that make them individuals.

There have only been a handful of people I've met that I've really chosen to distance myself from - it hurt at the time in some ways but for my own health I needed to do it.

Work is tricky, I try to get along with everyone at work simply because we are part of a team and everyone I work with are my customers. That is precisely why for the most part the folks I work with ARE acquaintances - we try hard not to talk politics and religion too much around the lunch table.

There are some folks where I work that are pleasing to the eye, but you will find that in every situation - I just smile and say hello and keep it professional..I think as you start to get more involved in other activities outside of work the pressure you are feeling around your "friend" at work should hopefully ease.

There are some same sex straight people I've met that are damn cute, i also know they are 100% straight - there is NO WAY they would do anything - unrequited love (or lust rather) is a feeling that will drive you crazy but learning to deal with those emotions is a part of being human..I'm not sure anyone can teach you how to deal with that - except might suggest keeping a private journal.

[elian]

..you don't have to be an activist to "get involved" with other people - there are moderate people who might even identify as straight that are accepting of others regardless of their sexuality. Quite frankly if your goal is to just go out and seek more friends your sexuality is only one part of who you are.

Only if you are seriously considering a relationship with someone do they need to know your preference.

[brutal_priestess]

I know your dislike of sex discussions (brutal priestess), so I kept it vague.

It's not that I have an issue with sexual discussion, it's just that I've gotten really put off when I come to this forum and nearly every single thread on the first page reads like a porn site. Happily, there's seems to have been a sea change, which is why I've been a bit more present.

[Jackal]

It's not that I have an issue with sexual discussion, it's just that I've gotten really put off when I come to this forum and nearly every single thread on the first page reads like a porn site. Happily, there's seems to have been a sea change, which is why I've been a bit more present.

I agree, I love sexual discussion, but there as to be more than just talking about basic, physical actions. It's not an interesting topic for me.

[12voltman59]

It's not that I have an issue with sexual discussion, it's just that I've gotten really put off when I come to this forum and nearly every single thread on the first page reads like a porn site. Happily, there's seems to have been a sea change, which is why I've been a bit more present.

I am not bitching at you BP--but I have to wonder when you come to the site, look at the board and find it full of nothing but sexual stuff----hell---many of us hardly ever post anything sexual up at all--in fact we post up just about everything else but--now I would not be surprised if you complained that some of us are posting up nothing but political and social issues stuff and not enough about sex since people like me, FalconAngel and others--we post up all kinds of non-sexual stuff!!!

I swear I do try to reframe from posting up so much politcial stuff--really I do---I just can't help myself!!!!:bigrin::bigrin:

[brutal_priestess]

Uh, I think I first started sniffing around about a year ago.

Honestly, it was like...Yeah, a few good threads but also a lot of threads with titles that made me blush. Eheh. I'm no prude (seriously!), but I was a bit god-smacked by how happily folks nattered on about such things on a public forum. I've been more sexually open on boards that had "hidden" forums, but even then it was only after posting there for a looong damn time.

It's cool, but I shy away from it as a general rule. Many of you may be surprised to learn that I am quite depraved. :tong:

[Jackal]

Uh, I think I first started sniffing around about a year ago.

Honestly, it was like...Yeah, a few good threads but also a lot of threads with titles that made me blush. Eheh. I'm no prude (seriously!), but I was a bit god-smacked by how happily folks nattered on about such things on a public forum. I've been more sexually open on boards that had "hidden" forums, but even then it was only after posting there for a looong damn time.

It's cool, but I shy away from it as a general rule. Many of you may be surprised to learn that I am quite depraved. :tong:

More importantly, Reno is the hotness.

[brutal_priestess]

:eek: My geekiness has been exposed! What ever shall I do!


:bigrin: Heh. I was wondering if anyone would ever catch on to my avvie. I ♥ all things Shin-Ra

[Jackal]

:eek: My geekiness has been exposed! What ever shall I do!


:bigrin: Heh. I was wondering if anyone would ever catch on to my avvie. I ♥ all things Shin-Ra

I've known for a while, I just kept forgetting to mention it. Me too. Reno and Rufus are my faves though.

[brutal_priestess]

I've known for a while, I just kept forgetting to mention it. Me too. Reno and Rufus are my faves though.

:bigrin: I adore Rufus. He and the Turks were 97% of the reason I bought Advent Children when it hit Stateside. Have you read "On the Way to a Smile"? It's this novella penned by one of the game's original writers and fills in the time gap between FF7 ocg and AC (including how Rufus survived!).



Eheh...I think this thread just hit the derailment express.

[elian]

IF you were to walk in off the street and look at the thread titles on this forum they do sound kind of raunchy - but if you dig for a little bit you can find more than that.

[bemyonlyone]

Fine, I'm delusional, she's just being friendly.

I think the best I can really do is pretend I believe this fully and act accordingly, even if I don't really believe it right now.

I don't see how my stories conflict. Yes, she's never given her phone number, never invited me to her house, etc.

But she also acts in the way I've described. Those things don't conflict at all. Both are true.

Why is it assumed that she can't possibly act that way that I've described if I don't have her phone number? We don't socialize away from work, but when I see her at work, she does act that way. She actually came over and said something to me because I wasn't talking to her. I have no idea if she was really mad or just messing with me, but...eh.

Honestly I don't always like being around her. Some days I would love to just stay far away from her the entire day.

It's not even so much that I want attention...I just want someone to listen, not even as a therapist, but as a friend. But I know I've made no friends here. :(

[Wrenn]

This is truly pathetic.

[bemyonlyone]

This is truly pathetic.

Well, thank you anyway for your insightful and very helpful contribution.

[cliffordmontero]

i am sorry, but after so many posts saying nearly the same thing, and after seeing countless responses of good sensible things to do to help change your situation and your endless supply of negative response, i feel that really there is nothing anyone here can do for you. You need help in real life. Us internet people can do nothing for you that you want to hear. We have countless tales of personal experience in relationships that your virgin state just hasn't even approached. And yet you discredit everything that is suggested to you. You need to unplug the computer, sell it, and use that money for a therapist. Nothing we say will help you because you refuse to listen. I am sorry if this seems attacking to you or something but its the truth. you complain and ask advice on how to get out of your current situation, but then refuse to do anything different. you must find something, some point, to change. if you change nothing, nothing will change. there is no magical prince or princess who will come and sweep you off your feet. leave your comfort zone, because clearly staying in it has lead to your current unhappyness. this is my final response to your incessant whining about things.

[Jackal]

This is truly pathetic.

Isn't it though? It is giving me a good laugh at this point.

[bemyonlyone]

You do not have the right to call me pathetic. You don't even know me.

My love life is not great, that is true. But I am trying in other aspects of my life. I have a job that I have held for two and a half years. I am in school and trying to graduate. I am not pathetic. Just because I'm behind in romance doesn't make me a failure. And I'm here to get support, not to be spoken down to. So if you're going to call me pathetic or laugh at me, I don't want to hear from you.

[Jackal]

You do not have the right to call me pathetic. You don't even know me.

My love life is not great, that is true. But I am trying in other aspects of my life. I have a job that I have held for two and a half years. I am in school and trying to graduate. I am not pathetic. Just because I'm behind in romance doesn't make me a failure. And I'm here to get support, not to be spoken down to. So if you're going to call me pathetic or laugh at me, I don't want to hear from you.

We know what you tell us. You should re-read your posts if you think the pathetic and woe is me tone isn't what you're projecting. Especially when it comes to you romantic status. You don't want support, that would mean actually taking the advice you ask for. Instead of coming up for all the reasons you can't do this or that or the other. You said it yourself, you want attention. You talk down to plenty of people in this thread alone, you get what you give.

[bemyonlyone]

You do realize that "taking the advice" isn't as easy as that?

What advice have I really been given? Get professional help? I plan to do that. Maybe I'll join an lgbt group but honestly I am scared to, especially with no friend there for support. Joining an lgbt group alone when you're still not comfortable with your sexuality is no picnic.

[elian]

It took me a while to write that rambling mess of a post - I hope you will at least consider some of what I've written. By no means am I an expert, but in there are some of the things I've managed to muddle through learning in the short time I've been here. Change doesn't have to be immediate, but if you think about some of the ideas folks have suggested maybe you will come to find one you can feel comfortable trying.

Ever consider taking dance lessons?

[cliffordmontero]

I know I said my previous post would be the last one I make in response to bemyonlyone's constant self victimization. But since she posed the question "What advice have I really been given", I feel the need to play "Copy+Paste" for a few minutes.


First off you need to meet people in real life. Go do something with a group of people you might enjoy being around. Volunteer to help out at the local GLBT center or go to your local gay/les bar. Perhaps you might enjoy going to a PFLAG (http://www.pflag.org/map/index.php?state=MA) meeting? They are pretty tame and you will get to know some folks.

Be friendly to those you meet, you dont have to sleep with them , but be open to the possibilty of a relationship with them.

The main thing is to get out and make friends, more than just nodding acquaintances.

Go meet new people, that's a novel idea. People who have been through or are going through or have loved ones who have been through exactly what you have gone through.


bemy, Cat, Marie and many others, have given advice, but you always come back with a negative response. People are right, when they tell you, that if you don't go out to find these friends, who you want and need, they will ot come knocking at your door.

You have already told us that you work and go to school. For many, that is a starting point for finding friends. if not there, then, as others have said....clubs, volunteering somewhere, charity work....anything!

What are your interests? Go from that point. There has to be a beginning.

One question, which you do not have to answer, but I have not seen it asked. How come you are so very sure that you are bi? That could even be something to start a discussion thread about and maybe your feelings, about that, expressed in type, could lead to questions you might think of asking. Just a thought.....and you could start that on this thread...with no need to open another.

If meeting people in the LGBTQ community is too scary then meet people with other interests that you share. AMAZING


I have a serious answer...find a routine doing something you like around other people and then start meeting the regulars. What I mean is, for example, go to the same beach (we have a nude beach in Florida and people are very friendly there), or same coffee shop, etc., and start to establish a pattern. You'll soon notice that other people have the same pattern. Then, start talking to people - if you act friendly, people often respond friendly. Start slow - smile at someone, then when you've seen them regularly, wave. Once you've established this - say "hi". Strike up a conversation. I'm a huge flirt - people love it when you compliment them - sincerely. "Great blouse", "Did you change your hair? I love it.", etc. You can meet people anywhere when you are friendly - become a regular somewhere and you will meet people. Also, tell others that you are interested in meeting someone - the more people know, the more introductions/set-ups can be made. Good luck!

OMG Social networking why didn't I think of that!


I understand not being able to get over strong feelings. More than you might expect, but you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Clearly this is the problem more than any other. You're hung up a girl who probably cares about you very much but not like that. Fine, you don't want to get over her, but what's the alternative? Keep hoping for a day that probably won't come or if it does come ends up being a "big mistake" for her and your friendship? Or do you suck it up before she shatters your heart and pursue someone attainable? I know it's a painful thought but you're still young and obviously these feelings are more agony than ecstasy. I think it would be better for you to move one rather than end up in a cycle of self-abuse as you wonder why your friend won't bend for you.

End the cycle of self abuse . . . what an idea!


3 bits of advice....

1) get off the net and stop living your life on it..... if you want help, go and get it..... be serious about getting help or stop wasting peoples time, there are people out that that actually want help, not attention

2) there is a difference between loving the ones you can not have, and refusing to have the ones you can love...... if you do not want to socialise with people.... fine.. but also accept you are the reason you are alone cos you choose to be alone....

3) there is two places you can be.... on the net or out in the world.... learn the difference between them.... cos on the net, you can move from forum to forum, playing the emo card..... but in the real world, you have to be responsible for your life.... your real life.... and its harder to hide the truth in the real world

WOW 2 distinct ideas, get offline and live your life, acknowledge you're where you are because you choose, separate online from reality (sorry but i think LDD's first and third point are too closely related to call them separate ideas)

AND THAT IS JUST THIS THREAD . . . if I went through your every thread and every post and pulled the countless suggestions that have been made to you out this post would be seemingly endless. Come to grips girl. As a man who as been through just about everything, been on both sides of unrequited love, raped, financially abused, physically beaten, forced into homelessness, and countless other things that are far too personal for this particular thread I have to say "GO GET A DAMN LIFE". Seriously, if you don't get your whiny ass out there and have some life experience you will never grow to be more than the sad sack you are today. Do I regret letting what has happened to me happen? HELL NO. Because those life experiences made me the man I am today and I am happy with him. You need to learn to get out there and LIVE YOUR DAMN LIFE. Have some experiences, make some mistakes, and learn from them. Get away from this girl that has made your life stagnant for so long and do something. Start looking for a new job , maybe a transfer to a different facility, whatever it takes to get away from this person you objectify. Because until you learn to move on from these kind of situations, you will never be nothing more than a depressed virgin. Do you want to grow out of that at 27 or 72 or end up in the grave as that? Its all up to you.

[Long Duck Dong]

they are seperate.... there is living ya life on the net...... and there is separating the net from reality.......

ie, you spend 18 hours a day online basically living online........ and separating net from reality, try using harry potter spells on the housework and wonder why it doesn't work...... then you start asking people on the net if they can smell your dinner and see who just turned up at the front door even tho your computer is in the back of the house........

[brutal_priestess]

Joining an lgbt group alone when you're still not comfortable with your sexuality is no picnic.

If you're still uncomfortable with your sexuality why on earth would you think getting in a relationship a better option than joining a support group?

[elian]

If you're still uncomfortable with your sexuality why on earth would you think getting in a relationship a better option than joining a support group?

Please allow me to share a story about the LGBT "community" ..

A gay teen "Jim Wheeler" committed suicide after experiencing hate crime in one of our local high schools and hateful speech in the local community. The family and community wanted to show a movie "Jim in Bold" to celebrate Jim's life and make a statement that homophobia hurts people. The Westboro Baptist "Church" decided to picket this movie because it "glorifies the gay lifestyle and encourages homosexual behavior" - as if simply watching a movie can turn you gay.

I did not like what WBC stands for, and I knew some friends were going to a counter-rally being held to show support for the movie. I decided to go to the counter-protest against the WBC. I'm NOT out. I was nervous as heck to be there knowing the press and video cameras were there - or thinking someone I know might recognize me.

I am glad that I did - what I found were not judgmental people at all - but a group of people from my good old state of "Pennsyltucky" (the conservative rural part between Philly and Pittsburgh) who celebrated diversity and affirmed all people. It was true, moderate, tolerant people really did exist in my neighborhood.

It was a wonderful day, our at least 50 people to the WBC's 5 or so protesters showed up and for one day I really felt as if I was appreciated just for being me.

I wanted to relate my experience because it seems to be in sharp contrast to bemyonlyone's experience with LGBT groups..I hope that she wouldn't let one bad experience color her whole life view of LGBT.

Don't get me wrong, almost every LGBT person I know personally has suffered quite a lot and sometimes there can be a tendency for drama, but it's unfair to label every LGBT person as superficial and judgmental because every person is different.

I suspect what WBC was really afraid of is that when you put an actual FACE to someone who is gay - when you personally hear the story - and realize that "gay" people aren't all that different from anyone else - then it becomes hard to demoralize and isolate that nameless/faceless group in the way that allows extreme fundamentalists to jealously guard the power and privilege they covet so much.

Training in the martial arts isn't about being able to kick the crap out of someone - anyone can hit someone over the head with a big stick, I think TRUE power comes from knowing how to exercise discipline and compassion. Our most divine power is the power to love one another as we would choose to be loved, and to help one another in times of need.

[brutal_priestess]

It can be hard to be a bisexual among homosexuals, but I have to agree with Elian. When dealing with the community on a whole, I usually find myself more welcomed than faced with jeers of disapproval. It's the individual assholes that have gotten under my skin at some point or another...some times, I get bitter.

[bemyonlyone]

If you're still uncomfortable with your sexuality why on earth would you think getting in a relationship a better option than joining a support group?

Because I know what feels right and what doesn't. Being with her would be wonderful. Sitting awkwardly among strangers while I explain that yeah, some people don't know and no I've never marched in a parade...how does that feel right? Why am I being singled out when there are quite a few here far more closeted than me? And I've never even had sex and I'm not as closeted as some people who have had sex with men and women.

To Cliffordmontero: thanks for calling me a sad sack. That really makes me feel good. As for my friend, I do not objectify her. Why would you accuse me of something as disgusting as that? I love her. I do not see her as an object, but as a complete human being, please allow me to clear things up on that point.

Obviously, I am not going to look for a new job. I would get paid less anywhere else, and I would miss all of my friends, the only people who make the job bearable. This is the only job I've been able to keep and my friends are a large part of that.

I have been through unrequited love many, many times. And I've been through other things that I'm not going to talk about here. So please don't make it sound as though this is my only problem and I'm some privileged person who just sits on the internet all day. I work and go to school and it takes up much of my time. I am actually stressed out right now because of finals.

I should mention one thing I haven't done is be on the other side of unrequited love. Nobody has ever loved me that way. I do have a stalker of almost 12 years, but his feelings for me are purely seeing me as an object, he feels no love or emotion for me at all. If he did, he wouldn't come to my workplace and make me feel unsafe and ask me out repeatedly when I've said no repeatedly. He's been bothering me since high school.

[brutal_priestess]

Because I know what feels right and what doesn't. Being with her would be wonderful. Sitting awkwardly among strangers while I explain that yeah, some people don't know and no I've never marched in a parade...how does that feel right? Why am I being singled out when there are quite a few here far more closeted than me? And I've never even had sex and I'm not as closeted as some people who have had sex with men and women.



Let me explain why it would be a bad idea to get in a relationship over going to a support group: A relationship is not just about your happiness. It's about the other person's too. For better or worse you get to know someone when you're with them, which is the whole point I guess. What if you discover some thing about her personality that bothers you? What if you can't make her happy no matter how hard you try? What if the sex is bad? (Yes, that is a possibility no matter how much you care about someone and it can drastically colour any relationship.)

And let's just suppose you're right about this chick wanting to branch out with you. She's going to be confused about her sexuality, too. Probably even more than you are since you're somewhat out of the closet. Are you prepared to deal with her crisis of identity as well as yours?

At least in a support group, barring of course common civility and courtesies to the other members, all you have to do is worry about yourself. You can be a little selfish and single-minded.

Really, for as harsh as many of us-me included-have gotten with you, we're trying to help. You need to figure yourself out first, not jump into a clusterfuck of a relationship, which is undoubtably what this relationship would become if you really attained this girl.

[bemyonlyone]

And let's just suppose you're right about this chick wanting to branch out with you. She's going to be confused about her sexuality, too. Probably even more than you are since you're somewhat out of the closet. Are you prepared to deal with her crisis of identity as well as yours?



THANK YOU for acknowledging the possibility that she could feel the same, something that nobody else here seems to be able to do.

I am very aware that she would be very scared and dealing with identity issues. I know relationships are not just about one person. Am I prepared to deal with whatever may happen? Yes, I believe I am. I am prepared for the fact that she would be confused, scared, and unable to tell anyone, especially her mom, who I think is not okay with lgbt people. Knowing that her mom is not okay with it, which I've gathered from how her mom has acted towards me, gives me information that will help me a great deal, because I've been there--my mom's not okay with it either and lives in denial about me. I already know how to deal with it, I have thought about how I will deal with it many, many times. Being in a relationship is not like being in some support group full of people you don't truly want to be around. Maybe if it was people dealing with the same issues I'm dealing with it could be halfway bearable...but if it's people who are like "HERE I AM, I'M NOT ONE BIT SCARED, I TELL THE WORLD, I'M SO PERFECT" I would have a hard time dealing with that.

I have not been in any offline lgbt support groups, I admit that. And yes, I do have a certain idea about how people in them will act. Maybe I should get over my fear, but it's so hard.

[rissababynta]

THANK YOU for acknowledging the possibility that she could feel the same, something that nobody else here seems to be able to do.

I am very aware that she would be very scared and dealing with identity issues. I know relationships are not just about one person. Am I prepared to deal with whatever may happen? Yes, I believe I am. I am prepared for the fact that she would be confused, scared, and unable to tell anyone, especially her mom, who I think is not okay with lgbt people. I already know how to deal with it, I have thought about how I will deal with it many, many times. Being in a relationship is not like being in some support group full of people you don't truly want to be around. Maybe if it was people dealing with the same issues I'm dealing with it could be halfway bearable...but if it's people who are like "HERE I AM, I'M NOT ONE BIT SCARED, I TELL THE WORLD, I'M SO PERFECT" I would have a hard time dealing with that.

I have not been in any offline lgbt support groups, I admit that. And yes, I do have a certain idea about how people in them will act. Maybe I should get over my fear, but it's so hard.

BP quote seemed more like a hypothetical thing to me...

[csrakate]

Maybe if it was people dealing with the same issues I'm dealing with it could be halfway bearable...but if it's people who are like "HERE I AM, I'M NOT ONE BIT SCARED, I TELL THE WORLD, I'M SO PERFECT" I would have a hard time dealing with that.

I have not been in any offline lgbt support groups, I admit that. And yes, I do have a certain idea about how people in them will act. Maybe I should get over my fear, but it's so hard.
What you are expressing isn't a fear, it's a bad attitude. How dare you assume that these people feel this way? They have issues, fears, concerns and life altering situations to deal with just like you. Do us all a favor and DO NOT join one of these groups....you obviously have nothing to offer them in exchange for the support that you need.

[bemyonlyone]

What you are expressing isn't a fear, it's a bad attitude. How dare you assume that these people feel this way? They have issues, fears, concerns and life altering situations to deal with just like you. Do us all a favor and DO NOT join one of these groups....you obviously have nothing to offer them in exchange for the support that you need.

What am I supposed to be offering? I would be going there for help, not to give someone something.

[csrakate]

What am I supposed to be offering? I would be going there for help, not to give someone something.

Here you go...can't get much simpler than this...the definition of a support group from Wiki:

In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy.

Of course, we already know that you would be unable to adhere to the part that I highlighted....

[rissababynta]

What am I supposed to be offering? I would be going there for help, not to give someone something.

I think you just sort of proved her point...:/

[bemyonlyone]

Well, thank you very much.

Someone whose life is filled with love and people who care about them would have more to offer than I would, that's true. Someone would just have to pick up my slack, I think.

[Jackal]

What am I supposed to be offering? I would be going there for help, not to give someone something.

That right there is why you're not ready for a relationship. Support groups are about -- get this -- group support, not a bunch of people playing therapist and shoulder to only one person. Give a little, get a little.

[bemyonlyone]

That right there is why you're not ready for a relationship. Support groups are about -- get this -- group support, not a bunch of people playing therapist and shoulder to only one person. Give a little, get a little.

I am 26 years old. I have been ready for ten f***ing years.

[rissababynta]

I am 26 years old. I have been ready for ten f***ing years.

Yeah, we get it we know how old you are. And no, you may be ready to get laid...but for a relationship not so much. Relationships are about give and take, and your knee jerk reaction to a support group was "hmm, IF I do this, what can I take...cause I'm sure as shit not gonna give." If you can't even look past that with a support group, then you sure aren't going to do too much better in something heavier like a relationship.

But eh, whatever, you'll probably tell me I'm wrong one way or another anyway :tongue:

[littlerayofsunshine]

Garlic and Crucifixes can not save you!! Beware! (http://lisakifttherapy.com/mental-health/the-mental-health-place-a-mental-health-blog/five-emotional-vampires-and-how-to-combat-them-by-judith-orloff-md//)

[bemyonlyone]

Yeah, we get it we know how old you are. And no, you may be ready to get laid...but for a relationship not so much. Relationships are about give and take, and your knee jerk reaction to a support group was "hmm, IF I do this, what can I take...cause I'm sure as shit not gonna give." If you can't even look past that with a support group, then you sure aren't going to do too much better in something heavier like a relationship.

But eh, whatever, you'll probably tell me I'm wrong one way or another anyway :tongue:

I'll be fine in a support group. Geez. Once I can find the guts to go to one.

Do people realize that the want for a relationship comes from loving someone, which I do? Yeah, think about that.

It's also silly to tell me I'm not ready when people much worse than me are in relationships. I am not selfish and I am very giving...but not knowing me in real life it's hard to know that.

I have given a lot of time and attention to my friend, so with her I am not going to be selfish, not one bit. I even bought her a birthday gift that I didn't have the courage to give her, because I didn't want her to think I was obsessed with her.

I give her a lot.

[rissababynta]

It's also silly to tell me I'm not ready when people much worse than me are in relationships. I am not selfish and I am very giving...but not knowing me in real life it's hard to know that.

I have given a lot of time and attention to my friend, so with her I am not going to be selfish, not one bit. I even bought her a birthday gift that I didn't have the courage to give her, because I didn't want her to think I was obsessed with her.

I give her a lot.

One...when you type a post in a forum you have every chance in the world to sit there and think about what you say before you send it. It's not like having a thought pop into your head and just letting it spill out of your mouth, which is why a lot of people prefer chatting to people because they can get thoughts out easier. If you can show that you have an abrupt and poor personality online, than you are right I don't know how you are in real life but I honestly DON'T want to know.

Second...when people talk about giving in a relationship they are NOT talking about giving gifts so that was not a great example.

[bemyonlyone]

Um, you think I have a poor personality, that's just you. I have several friends online who would think differently.

If you don't want to know, fine. That's great.

It isn't that I gave her a gift, it's that I was thinking of her.

[Luffly1]

Um, you think I have a poor personality, that's just you. I have several friends online who would think differently.

If you don't want to know, fine. That's great.

It isn't that I gave her a gift, it's that I was thinking of her.

It's not just her and I believe the point was that there is more to giving in a relationship than thinking about what you can buy.

[Luffly1]

[QUOTE=bemyonlyone;166337

It's also silly to tell me I'm not ready when people much worse than me are in relationships.

.[/QUOTE]

This made no sense. It's like saying "so many other people in school are getting F's so if I am getting a D it's ok." And if these people that are "so much worse" than you were here moaning on and on like you are, how do you know people here wouldn't tell them the same thing?

[bemyonlyone]

It's not just her and I believe the point was that there is more to giving in a relationship than thinking about what you can buy.

Yes, I am aware that it is her, and everyone else on this forum, and everyone on my body modification forum, and people in other forums. However, I do have people who like me who I talk to online.

I know that there's more to giving than gifts.

[elian]

What you are expressing isn't a fear, it's a bad attitude. How dare you assume that these people feel this way? They have issues, fears, concerns and life altering situations to deal with just like you. Do us all a favor and DO NOT join one of these groups....you obviously have nothing to offer them in exchange for the support that you need.

bemy, don't be afraid to go to a support group - just go twice - sit down and try to listen more than you speak ... you don't even have to say anything if you don't want to but either way the experience won't be wasted.

The whole "I'M IN A PARADE" thing, well some young LGBT people die because they are cut off - isolated and lonely They see their peers ridiculing gay people and their self esteem is ground so low into the ground they figure they are worthless in this world - it is not true. Gay pride parades can be flamboyant - I don't like flamboyant either but the parades try to bolster people's self esteem..and in that situation it's like going to a party.

People talk trash on line all the time, but like Kate said, I hope what you will find from a support group in the real world are real people - with a mix of emotions and experiences who are simply just trying to live their life..hopefully one of them will say something you can relate to - and you will find it a worthwhile experience.

People do have limits, but if it is a good support group you may find that they are willing to give time and ears to you without asking for anything in return at least for a while - hopefully one day as you become more confident in your identity giving back to others in the group will be second nature.

I wouldn't go to a support group JUST to find a date but obviously you are hurting at least a little around the issue of your preference and your frustration about relationships and the way you feel you are being treated.

I never said she didn't have feelings for you, I avoided talking about the whole issue all together because it's just bad practice to date someone you work with. Have to be REALLY sure it's what both of you want because if something goes wrong in the relationship you either have to continue to work with the person or find a new job. What would you put on your resume that won't look suspicious on a job interview? Not that she is, but dating a supervisor is even more inappropriate and some HR departments have formal policies against it.

I don't have a right to judge anyone but the fact that you bought a present for her and are hiding it seems to show that you could benefit from the help a support group might provide.

[Canticle]

Elian, you are such a sweet, nice, patient guy! Methinks you are too sweet, nice and patient, but nevertheless, that is what you are! :)

Question for my fellow ladies.....Anyone been venting steam, through their ears, today! :rolleyes:

[darkeyes]

Elian, you are such a sweet, nice, patient guy! Methinks you are too sweet, nice and patient, but nevertheless, that is what you are! :)

Question for my fellow ladies.....Anyone been venting steam, through their ears, today! :rolleyes:

U betta effin believe it....:(

[elian]

Canticle, growing up I was in different abusive situations, I learned not to trust anyone or anything except for myself, through the eyes of a child I thought at the time that I was more of a parent then my parents and my self-esteem was flat from people constantly poking at it.

It took the patience, kindness and love of other people, a whole lot of introspection, time and some faith that at least some of them believed in my potential and wanted me to succeed that finally got me to see that I was worthy of being loved and having the same rights I saw other people who took them for granted enjoying.

The other thing that helped is that I used to whine a lot, one day I was whining about a chronic drainage problem with my downspouts at the house leaving water in the crawlspace - and I finally made up my mind that I could either whine about the problem, or I could dig a trench, lay some pipe and learn to actually SOLVE it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm also a realist, but I stubbornly cling to my naive view that the world can be full of grace, and that grace doesn't necessarily have to come from the divine. If I didn't have that faith, I'm not sure I would be here to write this today.

[bemyonlyone]

Thanks, Elian.

I think I've already stated here that if she and I got together I would find a new job immediately. Dating someone you work with is a bad idea and not something I'm going to do. If we did agree to be together...I would find a new job.

Still not sure on the LGBT group...I know people die and commit suicide because of isolation, so I know the groups are important, but I am messed up over them in a lot of ways, just because of people I came across who were like I described.

Part of me hates it, it's so true that you can either be out or closeted but you can't be halfway. I am halfway...and it's been horrible. I don't really know how to make the rest of the journey but the truth is once you come out you can't go back in, so there's only one way for me. It's hard when you've never even been with anyone.

[csrakate]

Canticle, growing up I was in different abusive situations, I learned not to trust anyone or anything except for myself, through the eyes of a child I thought at the time that I was more of a parent then my parents and my self-esteem was flat from people constantly poking at it.

It took the patience, kindness and love of other people, a whole lot of introspection, time and some faith that at least some of them believed in my potential and wanted me to succeed that finally got me to see that I was worthy of being loved and having the same rights I saw other people who took them for granted enjoying.

The other thing that helped is that I used to whine a lot, one day I was whining about a chronic drainage problem with my downspouts at the house leaving water in the crawlspace - and I finally made up my mind that I could either whine about the problem, or I could dig a trench, lay some pipe and learn to actually SOLVE it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm also a realist, but I stubbornly cling to my naive view that the world can be full of grace, and that grace doesn't necessarily have to come from the divine. If I didn't have that faith, I'm not sure I would be here to write this today.

But YOU, my dear man, pulled YOURSELF up by your bootstraps and stopped whining....and I am sure that those that listened to you whine finally got tired of the whining, stepped back and insisted you learn to stand on your own. Otherwise they would have been enabling you to manipulate your way around taking responsibility for yourself. Give yourself credit where credit is due. You can have beliefs in grace yet never lose sight of your own strength and recognize it for the attribute that it is. Hopefully someone may see you as an example....but it is not your fault if that message isn't received.

[Jackal]

Yes, I am aware that it is her, and everyone else on this forum, and everyone on my body modification forum, and people in other forums. However, I do have people who like me who I talk to online.

I know that there's more to giving than gifts.

At some point you have to stop blaming circumstance and realize that the only thing all of your failed relationships have in common is you.

[bemyonlyone]

At some point you have to stop blaming circumstance and realize that the only thing all of your failed relationships have in common is you.

I didn't realize I had a "relationship" with all the people on the forums I went on.

[Canticle]

Canticle, growing up I was in different abusive situations, I learned not to trust anyone or anything except for myself, through the eyes of a child I thought at the time that I was more of a parent then my parents and my self-esteem was flat from people constantly poking at it.

It took the patience, kindness and love of other people, a whole lot of introspection, time and some faith that at least some of them believed in my potential and wanted me to succeed that finally got me to see that I was worthy of being loved and having the same rights I saw other people who took them for granted enjoying.

The other thing that helped is that I used to whine a lot, one day I was whining about a chronic drainage problem with my downspouts at the house leaving water in the crawlspace - and I finally made up my mind that I could either whine about the problem, or I could dig a trench, lay some pipe and learn to actually SOLVE it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm also a realist, but I stubbornly cling to my naive view that the world can be full of grace, and that grace doesn't necessarily have to come from the divine. If I didn't have that faith, I'm not sure I would be here to write this today.

.....and those bad experiences, followed by the kindness you found from other people, gave you that inner strength and make you the very nice chap, that you are.

agreeing with everything Kate said, too.

[Canticle]

I didn't realize I had a "relationship" with all the people on the forums I went on.


Relationship......a definition....from an on line dictionary


''re·la·tion·ship   /rɪˈleɪʃənˌʃɪp/ Show Spelled[ri-ley-shuhn-ship] Show IPA
–noun
1.a connection, association, or involvement.
2.connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3.an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4.a sexual involvement; affair.


Origin:
1735–45; relation + -ship

—Related forms
pre·re·la·tion·ship, noun


—Synonyms
1. dependence, alliance, kinship. 2. affinity, consanguinity. Relationship, kinship refer to connection with others by blood or by marriage. Relationship can be applied to connection either by birth or by marriage: relationship to a ruling family. Kinship generally denotes common descent and implies a more intimate connection than relationship: the ties and obligations of kinship.''

A relationship is not just a romantic attachment. You have a relationship with parents, children, other relatives, friends, neighbours, the people who work in the local store, or the restaurant you visit regularly, also with teachers, ministers, people on and off line. These....and many more, are all relationships. One even has a relationship with ones inner self.

[bemyonlyone]

Well it can't be a very positive relationship, since people here can't stand me.

And I know relationship doesn't just mean romantic.

[julbug]

Well it can't be a very positive relationship, since people here can't stand me.

And I know relationship doesn't just mean romantic.



I know I haven't posted to your questions before, but I've been reading this thread for a while now and a lot of the same people who are trying to help you, have helped me . I am a straight partner whose husband is bisexual, so I don't know what you're going through emotionally with coming to terms with your sexuality. But relationships are relationships and many of the friends here have been giving you good advice that you just shoot down or put down and whine about. In any relationship you need to be secure in yourself before you can be secure with others, especially, if you believe the girl you are interested in is afraid to admit to being curious or bi. Instead of focusing on finding a relationship, you need to find yourself and gain confidence. Its hard, I know, but you can do it if you put your mind to it. You will hear alot of people talk about therapy and support groups, Ok not your thing. How about self-help books? The fact you obsess about people who are unatainable, makes me wonder if you are really ready for a relationship. Just some questions you may want to think about.. Is it because you have an issue with commitment and therefore by being attracted to the unreachable, unattainable, it saves you from every commiting to anything?

Is it because by reaching for the unreachable, your love life will always remain a fairy tale and the reality of knowing there could be a chance will not matter, because its just a fanatasy that is well-preserved? That way, there will never be broken hearts as there was really nothing to begin with. That way, there will only be happy memories of admiring, and loving the other from afar.

Sorry this was so long and I know I repeated a lot of what you have probably already heard, and don't want to hear,but doesn't that mean that the advice is good?

[Jackal]

I didn't realize I had a "relationship" with all the people on the forums I went on.

Interacting personally on multiple occasions with someone is a relationship. It's called relating to people and it goes outside the forums too.

[bemyonlyone]

Is it because you have an issue with commitment and therefore by being attracted to the unreachable, unattainable, it saves you from every commiting to anything?

Is it because by reaching for the unreachable, your love life will always remain a fairy tale and the reality of knowing there could be a chance will not matter, because its just a fanatasy that is well-preserved? That way, there will never be broken hearts as there was really nothing to begin with. That way, there will only be happy memories of admiring, and loving the other from afar.



Hi Julbug, thanks for your reply.

It sure isn't to avoid a broken heart, since my heart's been broken a few times and might get broken again soon.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I wish I knew, but this has been so hard. It's so hard to feel like part of me is missing, and I'm abnormal. It's also really hard to hurt like this and not be able to tell anyone because I don't have any lgbt friends or family I can be open about this stuff with. It's just me and people on the internet... it sucks a lot...and people think I'm stupid and whiny and I don't really know anymore.

[bemyonlyone]

Interacting personally on multiple occasions with someone is a relationship. It's called relating to people and it goes outside the forums too.

Okay...well I would like a relationship that goes beyond just someone yelling at me and telling me to stop whining and someone thinking I'm annoying...I want more than that obviously.

[csrakate]

Okay...well I would like a relationship that goes beyond just someone yelling at me and telling me to stop whining and someone thinking I'm annoying...I want more than that obviously.

Well..may I suggest that you quit whining and start listening to some of the advice that has been given? May I suggest that you stop lashing out at others and admit that your issue with this girl is causing you problems? You still fail to take any responsibility for how people perceive you....you want to blame others and play the victim...time to grow up, bemy....time to face the music and take a big girl pill!

[bemyonlyone]

Of course my issue with her is causing problems.

I will TRY to avoid her when I work with her this weekend. I will try. But I can't guarantee that she will leave me alone, in fact, she's not great at leaving me alone at all. I wish she would just give us both some space, which we need so badly.

[TwylaTwobits]

Then talk to your team leader at Walmart if you are so concerned that now she is bothering you when you try to ignore her. Of course this is about the tenth time you've contradicted yourself regarding this girl, you, your job, your status as friends, your status as anything other than coworkers, your status as anything other than a biracial, on the heavy side, and *to yourself* unattractive person. So just get offline and get a life as many have told you. Go out to the library, read a book, go to the movies, go do something other than sit and obsess. Or if you have to obsess, get it over with and tell her how you feel then do not come whining back here cause she again tells you she is straight and point blank not interested or worse yet, bi or gay but not interested in you.

[Luffly1]

Of course my issue with her is causing problems.

I will TRY to avoid her when I work with her this weekend. I will try. But I can't guarantee that she will leave me alone, in fact, she's not great at leaving me alone at all. I wish she would just give us both some space, which we need so badly.

Ummm, tell her that?

[MarieDelta]

http://thiseclecticlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/big_girl.jpg
.....

[bemyonlyone]

Then talk to your team leader at Walmart if you are so concerned that now she is bothering you when you try to ignore her. Of course this is about the tenth time you've contradicted yourself regarding this girl, you, your job, your status as friends, your status as anything other than coworkers, your status as anything other than a biracial, on the heavy side, and *to yourself* unattractive person. So just get offline and get a life as many have told you. Go out to the library, read a book, go to the movies, go do something other than sit and obsess. Or if you have to obsess, get it over with and tell her how you feel then do not come whining back here cause she again tells you she is straight and point blank not interested or worse yet, bi or gay but not interested in you.


I am not going to complain about her, she hasn't done anything wrong. She's my friend. And how have I contradicted myself? She wants to talk to me at work but doesn't want to do anything outside of work. She is my friend though I may not be hers.

Yes, I've dealt with racism and I've dealt with being fat...I don't really want to talk about those things right now though.

I can't tell her how I feel right now. It's much too hard. I wish I could explain how hard that is. And how scary that is for me right now. I'm just not strong enough yet.

It's not as though she hasn't guessed...the bad thing about liking a woman. Men sometimes are clueless...easier that way.

[bemyonlyone]

Ummm, tell her that?

How can I tell her that without hurting her feelings?

[TwylaTwobits]

We really tried to help you, but right now you must help yourself. You can't do that but continuing to argue online in this thread, this forum or any other. You need to get a life, hang out with friends you do have outside of work. Cause really a lot of us are just at THIS (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFG9dwolo3Q) point and tired of hearing it.


http://www.supermotors.net/getfile/449058/fullsize/attempting-to-give-a-damn.gif

[bemyonlyone]

I honestly don't have many friends.

[Luffly1]

How can I tell her that without hurting her feelings?

"Hey, I'm going through a lot of personal stuff right now and I just need my space away from everyone for a little while. No offence." There's always a way.

[TwylaTwobits]

I honestly don't have many friends.

Wonder why???

[bemyonlyone]

Maybe you should just put me back on ignore.

[TwylaTwobits]

LOL Doesn't matter you've pissed enough off they quote you so I can see the dramatic attention seeking behaviour. Go be Emo elsewhere we don't have time for pity parties there are people here that really need advice and they take it and OMG it fucking works. So get off the computer and do some laps or something, work on your body image, do something other than sit here pissing and moaning about someone you can never have.

[brutal_priestess]

I honestly don't have many friends.

Can I ask you a question? What do you and your friend talk about when you're at work? This has been something that's bothered me in your posting history. You can come off as rather...negative. I understand you're unhappy but is there any good in your life? Something that makes you happy (and don't say this friendship/girl because that would be a lie)?

If so, why don't you make a thread about it? That's easy isn't it? Share a pleasant experience, get more positive responses. As it stands it's true, it doesn't seem as thought you've made a lot of friends here, but maybe if you did something aside from bitch about your shitty life you might have a more positive feedback from members.

[bemyonlyone]

We joke around, talk about silly things, and talk about our lives. It's hard to explain it but we just click, on so many levels. We talk about almost anything.

now that I think of it, I haven't made one friend here or on the other forum I go on...which is actually unusual, usually I make a friend. Oh well.

My health, and having a place to live and enough to eat. And having a computer, because otherwise I would hold everything inside.

[brutal_priestess]

It can't be that difficult. Even at my lowest points I managed to still enjoy some things.

A TV show? A movie? Band? Author? Video game? Hobby? Anything?

[bemyonlyone]

I should think of more things.

[brutal_priestess]

*blinks*

Seriously?

You can't think of anything?

[bemyonlyone]

Oh! Piercings. The piercings I have and the ones I plan to get. Tattoos, too...eventually.

[brutal_priestess]

Well...there's already a thread about that. So much for that advice. Well, continue posting there.

Is there anything that makes you happy that doesn't involve the expenditure of money?

[bemyonlyone]

No, and that goes back directly to not having many friends and having a family that's totally ******.

Actually...I don't know.

And why did you change the question?

[brutal_priestess]

Because I was thinking about something that might not make you sad at any point. I mean, it sucks when you can't afford to get a new piercing or tattoo and what about the future?

At least like...with a book you're only sad for a moment when you lose interest in it.

[bemyonlyone]

But there's nothing like that, really.

[Canticle]

''We joke around, talk about silly things, and talk about our lives. It's hard to explain it but we just click, on so many levels. We talk about almost anything.''

You mean, you are now telling us that you do actually behave young women at work.....you chatter and natter to one another about the froth of life.

''now that I think of it, I haven't made one friend here or on the other forum I go on...which is actually unusual, usually I make a friend. Oh well.''

I think you understand why....only too well.

''My health, and having a place to live and enough to eat. And having a computer, because otherwise I would hold everything inside.;;

Sighs........

[Canticle]

Oh! Piercings. The piercings I have and the ones I plan to get. Tattoos, too...eventually.

I don't want to depress you, but are you sure that all these piercings and tattoos, which you want to get, will actually make you any more attractive to men, or women???

Just a thought.........

[bemyonlyone]

Yes, because she's my FRIEND. There are people I don't talk to, and they're not my friends. I am not closer to any other person in that place than I am to her. She is my best friend there. Whether she feels the same way...I will see. It seems like you're trying to say she doesn't care about me because she's just acting like anyone at work.

Yes, I know why nobody likes me. I am negative and unpleasant and complain constantly and bring nothing to the table except my own problems when everyone has enough of their own.

Not sure why you're sighing, I was trying to be positive. Whatever.

[julbug]

LOL Doesn't matter you've pissed enough off they quote you so I can see the dramatic attention seeking behaviour. Go be Emo elsewhere we don't have time for pity parties there are people here that really need advice and they take it and OMG it fucking works. So get off the computer and do some laps or something, work on your body image, do something other than sit here pissing and moaning about someone you can never have.

clap, clap clap.Kinda what I tried to say. Thanks Twyla for having the cojones to say it, but ya know she aint gonna listen..(bang head a few times more)

[bemyonlyone]

I don't want to depress you, but are you sure that all these piercings and tattoos, which you want to get, will actually make you any more attractive to men, or women???

Just a thought.........

No, but I don't get them for other people, I get them for me.

[Canticle]

But there's nothing like that, really.


How about baking....making cakes.....scones.....cooking.....using new recipes. Are you a good cook......if so...maybe you could volunteer to cook the food in the kitchens of a local hostel for the homeless...people worse off than yourself.

Please don't tell us you can't cook....Please!!!!

[bemyonlyone]

Sorry, I really am not a good cook.

Why, do I need to cook?

[Canticle]

No, but I don't get them for other people, I get them for me.

That's good, that's how it should be....but that is not what I asked.

[bemyonlyone]

I was unattractive without the piercings so it makes no difference whether I get them or not. Clearly, without them I couldn't get anyone. I'm not saying that with them I will, just that it doesn't f***ing matter.

[Canticle]

Sorry, I really am not a good cook.

Why, do I need to cook?


Why am I not surprised. Did you not understand the post...the question. Read it and then work out what I was saying.......Doing something useful...helping others...meeting people....making friends.

[brutal_priestess]

But there's nothing like that, really.

This...this astounds me. I'm sorry. That's very sad for you indeed. Music kept me alive and is one of my many passions. I mean, finding yourself in a song, even if it's just for that moment in time is so gratifying and theraputic.

[oldguy1969]

Here is something that may work, find your passion in life first then go out and do it. that way you will meet others with a liked mind and nature will take care of the rest. Basically it is communacation with others the attraction will happen. Or just pay a hooker if worse comes to worse either way you can get laid. craigslist.org is another choice there you will find others who may not have the time to seek others through the regular ways.

[bemyonlyone]

This...this astounds me. I'm sorry. That's very sad for you indeed. Music kept me alive and is one of my many passions. I mean, finding yourself in a song, even if it's just for that moment in time is so gratifying and theraputic.

I like music, I forgot to mention music.

[Canticle]

Yes, because she's my FRIEND. There are people I don't talk to, and they're not my friends. I am not closer to any other person in that place than I am to her. She is my best friend there. Whether she feels the same way...I will see. It seems like you're trying to say she doesn't care about me because she's just acting like anyone at work.

Yes, I know why nobody likes me. I am negative and unpleasant and complain constantly and bring nothing to the table except my own problems when everyone has enough of their own.

Not sure why you're sighing, I was trying to be positive. Whatever.


You were trying to be positive? OK! Are you being serious???????????

You are reminding me very much, in many ways, of someone I know, very well. You are the most negative young woman, it has been my misfortune to come across. You throw everything, back at people and if you do it on line, no doubt you do it real time. If you are being serious about what you are telling us, then you definitely need professional help and DON'T say that you do not!

I've noticed, that there does not appear to be, what would pass, in my eyes, for genuine emotion. Your posts lack any passion. I find that odd. They are too similar, the same thing, over and over again, almost word perfect. If you are just playing mind games and stringing us along, stop it now and get a life.

[brutal_priestess]

Here is something that may work, find your passion in life first then go out and do it.

Hey that reminds me! What are you going to school for? How much longer do you have to go? I mean speaking from experience that's a huge self-esteem boost: Accomplishment.


Oh yeah, and favourite bands?
(can't help it...music sharing, swapping, and talking is a total bonding ritual for me. Can't shake it.)

[Jackal]

Hey that reminds me! What are you going to school for? How much longer do you have to go? I mean speaking from experience that's a huge self-esteem boost: Accomplishment.


Oh yeah, and favourite bands?
(can't help it...music sharing, swapping, and talking is a total bonding ritual for me. Can't shake it.)

Also provides a good conversation starter that is neutral. For anyone not just the co-worker. Who if she isn't named soon is going to become Susan for easy reference.

[brutal_priestess]

Or Jane Doe. :tongue:

[julbug]

This...this astounds me. I'm sorry. That's very sad for you indeed. Music kept me alive and is one of my many passions. I mean, finding yourself in a song, even if it's just for that moment in time is so gratifying and theraputic.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a game, love is a riddle.."

One of my favorites and seems to fit her situation well

[brutal_priestess]

What's that from? It's familiar but I can't quite but my finger on it.

If bemyonlyone isn't opposed to harder sounds, I'd suggest she give death metal a chance. There's something very empowering about it. Or it's like...a lot of the subject matter forces you to think about shit more horrific than whatever crap you may deem tragic in your life.

Then again, I'd also suggest she read LeVey's Satanic Bible, but I tread with great care with such advice. Wouldn't want to offend anyone's sensibilities.

[bemyonlyone]

I should say my coworker's name, I know nobody here knows me, but there's that nagging voice in the back of my head that says someone might figure it out...you just never know on the internet. What if someone I know came here? You just never know...and people already know I work at a Walmart and know a few identifying details about me.

I'll just call her K, like TwylaTwobits in her bizarre ...um..."research" found out. K. We'll just call her K, her initial.


I've noticed, that there does not appear to be, what would pass, in my eyes, for genuine emotion. Your posts lack any passion. I find that odd.

mmkay then...um...right.

Death metal is a good suggestion, but I don't know about the Satanic Bible.

lol.

[brutal_priestess]

*arches eyebrows*

I wasn't really kidding about the Satanic Bible. It has nothing to do with devil worship, just personal empowerment and cutting through the bullshit of this puritanical society.

You should be glad I'm used to people not taking my personal beliefs seriously or having to hide them due to the ignorance of others, otherwise that little "lol" would have pissed me off.

[Luffly1]

I should say my coworker's name, I know nobody here knows me, but there's that nagging voice in the back of my head that says someone might figure it out...you just never know on the internet. What if someone I know came here? You just never know...and people already know I work at a Walmart and know a few identifying details about me.

I'll just call her K, like TwylaTwobits in her bizarre ...um..."research" found out. K. We'll just call her K, her initial.



mmkay then...um...right.

Death metal is a good suggestion, but I don't know about the Satanic Bible.

lol.

Satanists and the satanic bible get a bad reputation because they both have "satan" in it. :p

[Long Duck Dong]

thats cos of idiots that have never read it...... but read the net instead

the satanic bible teaches against causing harm to yourself and others, as suffering gains nothing.... and it doesn't support or endorse sacrifices and all that other stuff that extremist satanists do.....

in fact the satanic bible teaches that satan is not a god etc and do not worship him........lol.....

and the answer is yes, I have read it...... a number of times, .... and I will say one thing for it.... its not a work of contradictions like the bible is or the way that christians use it....

[brutal_priestess]

LOL!

I know, I know...It sucks sometimes, but whatever. In this country if you're not Christian, you're still treated like a freak.

edit: Thanks Duck. Reading the Satanic Bible gave me a backbone, something bemyonlyone sure needs.

[bemyonlyone]

*arches eyebrows*

I wasn't really kidding about the Satanic Bible. It has nothing to do with devil worship, just personal empowerment and cutting through the bullshit of this puritanical society.

You should be glad I'm used to people not taking my personal beliefs seriously or having to hide them due to the ignorance of others, otherwise that little "lol" would have pissed me off.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I really didn't. I have read about the Satanic Bible, it's just difficult because I'm influenced by a Christian past. Recovering Christian, if you will.

I really hope you don't think I'm ignorant, I'm not, really.

[rissababynta]

I have only read bits and pieces of it myself...but overall it is an interesting read.

People seem to think that if you read the Satanic Bible, or if you are a practicing Satanist, you must be lopping off sheep heads, drinking the blood, then offering the head to the devil in return for immortality :eek::tongue:

[Long Duck Dong]

immortality ??? shit I spelt it wrong...... all this time I have been praying for immorality..... :banghead:....... :tong:

[brutal_priestess]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I really didn't. I have read about the Satanic Bible, it's just difficult because I'm influenced by a Christian past. Recovering Christian, if you will.

I really hope you don't think I'm ignorant, I'm not, really.

I grew up Catholic. Your point?

Sorry, sorry....

You've read bits of it and you got nothing out of it? I admit when I first read it, I was a bit uncomfortable because I was a practicing Wiccan at the time, but it stuck with me and eventually I turned to the dark side, so to speak.

[rissababynta]

I grew up Catholic. Your point?

Sorry, sorry....

You've read bits of it and you got nothing out of it? I admit when I first read it, I was a bit uncomfortable because I was a practicing Wiccan at the time, but it stuck with me and eventually I turned to the dark side, so to speak.

I don't think she said that she actually read bits and pieces of it. I think she said that she has read about it.

[brutal_priestess]

Oh. Well. You're quite correct.

*chuckles*

Well, that's a whole different story. Did you read it from an objective source, bemyonlyone, or through someone else's shades?

[bemyonlyone]

I read about it on wikipedia, so pretty objective.

And I'm in school for Comparative Literature...PLEASE...don't ask me what I'm going to do with it. I am so sick of that question! I am almost done with this semester (after finals, ugh!), and then I have one more.

[julbug]

brutal priestess

a little cheesey, the song is by Lenka titled The Show, but has some lyrics that seem to parallel her situation. would make a good theme song

[Gay2Bi]

People seem to think that if you read the Satanic Bible, or if you are a practicing Satanist, you must be lopping off sheep heads, drinking the blood, then offering the head to the devil in return for immortality :eek::tongue:

Oh, I only do that for fun. And it's goats. GOATS. You don't want to know what you'll summon if you use SHEEP. :eek: [shudders uncontrollably]

Seriously, I've read it too and agree with the basic premise - take charge of your life and stop being so uptight about everything. But that doesn't make me a Satanist, just a relatively well-adjusted individual striving for self-actualization.

[Gay2Bi]

immortality ??? shit I spelt it wrong...... all this time I have been praying for immorality..... :banghead:....... :tong:

Immorality is more fun. Immortality, I fear, would get boring after a while. I mean, what's there to do after the heat-death of the universe? You couldn't even roast hot dogs over the embers of dying stars anymore... :tong:

[TwylaTwobits]

Oh, I only do that for fun. And it's goats. GOATS. You don't want to know what you'll summon if you use SHEEP. :eek: [shudders uncontrollably]

Seriously, I've read it too and agree with the basic premise - take charge of your life and stop being so uptight about everything. But that doesn't make me a Satanist, just a relatively well-adjusted individual striving for self-actualization.

If I use a sheep could I summon a sheep shagger? might be cheaper if I could just summon LDD up from NZ than pay for a plane ticket to go back. (and before anyone gets all uptight that's a term aussies call kiwis and one LDD uses for himself all the time and well he's mine I can call him what I want)

[Gay2Bi]

And I'm in school for Comparative Literature...PLEASE...don't ask me what I'm going to do with it. I am so sick of that question! I am almost done with this semester (after finals, ugh!), and then I have one more.

Comp Lit is actually a fascinating subject. As a screenwriter, my stock-in-trade is universal story archetypes, and it's always interesting to see how the same basic ideas appear in stories from Gilgamesh to the latest blockbusters - although Hollywood does tend to dumb them down a bit. ;)

Do you have a period or style you like? I've always been partial to Celtic and Nordic legends, especially how the two share a lot of similarities, as well as how the Celtic origin stories seem to parallel the archeological evidence for the settlement of Ireland after the last Ice Age. But that's just me. :)

[bemyonlyone]

I like classical stuff, ancient Greece and Rome, but really, I like everything. :)

[Gay2Bi]

If I use a sheep could I summon a sheep shagger? might be cheaper if I could just summon LDD up from NZ than pay for a plane ticket to go back. (and before anyone gets all uptight that's a term aussies call kiwis and one LDD uses for himself all the time and well he's mine I can call him what I want)

Well, the last time I tried, I got this thing with tentacles, but I'd just had calamari, so that might have had something to do with it. I tossed it a few spare acolytes, and it seemed pleased, so I suppose no harm was done.

I think it was Lovecraft who said, "Do not raise up what you cannot put down" - or some such. I wasn't really paying attention. Something about Dragon's Heads and Tails. Just be prepared in case things go horribly, horribly wrong...

[TwylaTwobits]

Well, the last time I tried, I got this thing with tentacles, but I'd just had calamari, so that might have had something to do with it. I tossed it a few spare acolytes, and it seemed pleased, so I suppose no harm was done.

I think it was Lovecraft who said, "Do not raise up what you cannot put down" - or some such. I wasn't really paying attention. Something about Dragon's Heads and Tails. Just be prepared in case things go horribly, horribly wrong...

hmmmm maybe he'll have an extra cock and some horns on his head...well in that case I'd say double penetration and handles to hold on for the ride...but then I'm a well prepared witch :)

[Gay2Bi]

I like classical stuff, ancient Greece and Rome, but really, I like everything. :)

Ah, the Greeks! I fell in love with Greek mythology way back in high school. Mainly it was because I had a crush on Apollo - pinnacle of manly beauty and all that - hey, a boy can dream, can't he? :rolleyes: Still, the myths and plays, the philosophy and the science haven't lost their power to this day - even if some of the "scientific" principles seem a bit, um, quaint. Phlogiston, anyone? :tongue:

[Lady_Passion]

Men hurt me a lot in the past, even though I'm a virgin...and I find that most men interested in me are creeps who only want sex. If all he wants is sex I'm not interested, I'm not some plaything to be used. I am scared of men a lot, to be honest. It probably goes back to verbal and physical abuse from my ex-stepfather and boys picking on me all through school and making me feel repulsive. I never had problems with girls until...later.

My friend is straight. Yes, straight. I don't want to get over her. I can't. I've tried. It's impossible. I can't stop thinking about her. I know ...ugh, I can't even say it won't happen, can't even allow myself to believe it won't. I hold to foolish hope...knowing it's foolish. You are probably the hundreth person who has told me to move the hell on. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I've tried so hard to keep it platonic but if you only understood how impossible that was...

I can't walk away...it will only end when she smashes my heart into a million tiny pieces.

You want to find a way to shake off the obsession with someone who is unattainable in the way you desire. Not doing so is self-defeating and self-destructive. If she's straight, you'd be violating her space as a person and her obliviousness to your feelings for her is not deliberate. She probably has no clue, or if she does it may make her uncomfortable. Maybe she does pick that up from you but she's dealing with the best she can.

I also have a history of abuse, and can say first hand that what you don't address now will plague you later and as long as you don't confront it head on. I don't like most people, but not all people are bad. Go slow. Get out. Do something.

Next time you feel like doing something, mentally list what things you like doing. Then choose an activity out among people. Sometimes I just fly my power kite at the beach. The best of both for worlds for me 'cause I'm out doing something I like, and people keep their distance since they don't want it crashing on them. Inevitably someone will barge into my space anyway because of their interest in the kite. We say hello, talk briefly and move on. May never see each other again but it was a few nice moments and I'm back to doing what I like. That's one of many ways I compromise and avoided being reclusive, bitter, negative and overly cynical.

You can find something like that. You found your way here, so that's a step in the right direction. But let go of the keyboard and get out among people face-to-face. Life is waaaay too short to waste time waffling. Currently you're screwing yourself without a reach-a-round.

[Gay2Bi]

hmmmm maybe he'll have an extra cock and some horns on his head...well in that case I'd say double penetration and handles to hold on for the ride...but then I'm a well prepared witch :)

Nothing exciting like that every happens to me. Noooo. It's always battles to the death with Polytentacular Horrors from the Dawn of Time (tm). Well, okay, there was one Horror that had a very humorously placed tentacle, but I think that was a fluke. I guess I never draw the sigils quite right. :tong:

[Lady_Passion]

bemyonlyone, I would also suggest reading a book called, "The Gift Of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It explains 'red flag' behavior and teaches how to understand what or why a person fears certain things, as well as how to use it to your advantage. You can turn this flatness you feel around if you choose to.

People are constantly growing. If you choose to stagnate, you are resigning yourself to misery. Whatever is in the past, will always be in the past. You have control over your future, though. Imagine how you want your life to be, then "Be the change you want to see". There is no good or bad time. Start now and shake off the weariness of barely existing.

Counseling would be an excellent start and springboard if you don't already have a counselor. You don't have to stick with just one. You might go through several before finding a counselor you click with. But you should do that. And read that book. It changed my life so drastically that I keep extra copies and give them away.

[bemyonlyone]

If she was "dealing with me as best she can" then wouldn't she be relieved when I stopped talking to her, and avoid speaking to me as much as possible, as opposed to coming over to me and demanding that I pay attention to her? She got mad when I tried to avoid a conversation with her.

Thanks for the advice but please don't assume how she feels. Nobody but her knows that and her behavior doesn't tell that story.

[rissababynta]

If she was "dealing with me as best she can" then wouldn't she be relieved when I stopped talking to her, and avoid speaking to me as much as possible, as opposed to coming over to me and demanding that I pay attention to her? She got mad when I tried to avoid a conversation with her.

Thanks for the advice but please don't assume how she feels. Nobody but her knows that and her behavior doesn't tell that story.

Maybe she is so used to you talking to her that when she notices a drastic change in personality with no reasoning (because you won't just be honest with her about how you feel) she's curious to see why you are suddenly talking to her. It's normal. If i assumed that people could possibly want me based on that, I'm be screwing everyone :bigrin:

[bemyonlyone]

If she was really that uncomfortable with me, she wouldn't care.

[Lady_Passion]

If she was "dealing with me as best she can" then wouldn't she be relieved when I stopped talking to her, and avoid speaking to me as much as possible, as opposed to coming over to me and demanding that I pay attention to her? She got mad when I tried to avoid a conversation with her.

Thanks for the advice but please don't assume how she feels. Nobody but her knows that and her behavior doesn't tell that story.

No one is assuming how your friend feels. However you are undoubtedly externalizing rather than considering you need to look inward to change how things are.

If you scroll up, there are a couple of other posts intended for you :.)

[bemyonlyone]

Ah, the Greeks! I fell in love with Greek mythology way back in high school. Mainly it was because I had a crush on Apollo - pinnacle of manly beauty and all that - hey, a boy can dream, can't he? :rolleyes: Still, the myths and plays, the philosophy and the science haven't lost their power to this day - even if some of the "scientific" principles seem a bit, um, quaint. Phlogiston, anyone? :tongue:

Apollo was bisexual! ;)

Who would kick him out of bed? lol.

[csrakate]

If she was "dealing with me as best she can" then wouldn't she be relieved when I stopped talking to her, and avoid speaking to me as much as possible, as opposed to coming over to me and demanding that I pay attention to her? She got mad when I tried to avoid a conversation with her.

Thanks for the advice but please don't assume how she feels. Nobody but her knows that and her behavior doesn't tell that story.

What you fail to realize is that you cannot interpret her behavior either...you are drawing the conclusion that she has feelings for you when all she seems to be doing is being your friend. You work with the girl...of course she is going to wonder why you stop talking to her completely. No one has suggested that you not talk to her at all...You have to since you WORK together....but what we are suggesting is that you quit obsessing over her and that you stop interpreting the simplest courtesy from her as a return of your affection. It's not good for your job and obviously it isn't good for you. Your inability to get past all of this doesn't bode well for your future in your job.

[bemyonlyone]

What you fail to realize is that you cannot interpret her behavior either...you are drawing the conclusion that she has feelings for you when all she seems to be doing is being your friend. You work with the girl...of course she is going to wonder why you stop talking to her completely. No one has suggested that you not talk to her at all...You have to since you WORK together....but what we are suggesting is that you quit obsessing over her and that you stop interpreting the simplest courtesy from her as a return of your affection. It's not good for your job and obviously it isn't good for you. Your inability to get past all of this doesn't bode well for your future in your job.

Uh, yeah. I'm not going to get fired for feeling the way I do about her, 'kay?

I never said she had feelings for me, I'm just saying it's possible and I'm pointing out why it might be.

[rissababynta]

Uh, yeah. I'm not going to get fired for feeling the way I do about her, 'kay?

I never said she had feelings for me, I'm just saying it's possible and I'm pointing out why it might be.

When did she say you were gonna get fired...

[darkeyes]

Post no 227.. dont u think u are a tadge obsessed hun? Its not healthy and its quite dangerous.. 227 posts to get nowehere? We here to help each other, but I think to take 227 posts to achieve nothing is a waste of your breath and our time..

I hope you can sort this out hun, and that things look up, I really do but think you should call it a day for now as far as .com is concerned.....:)

[bemyonlyone]

Now people are trying to regulate my internet use?

I will tell you something. I am writing a final paper and I have to go online to research. Maybe I shouldn't hang out here so much.

Also, I wanted this thread to die but someone bumped it.

[Wrenn]

Now people are trying to regulate my internet use?

I will tell you something. I am writing a final paper and I have to go online to research. Maybe I shouldn't hang out here so much.

Also, I wanted this thread to die but someone bumped it.

Yes, I absolutely agree with you. You shouldn't hang out here so much. Please.

[bemyonlyone]

Yes, I absolutely agree with you. You shouldn't hang out here so much. Please.

I said maybe. And I meant while I had work to do.

Anyways...

[Canticle]

I said maybe. And I meant while I had work to do.

Anyways...


I can give you my very weak Broadband signal, if you want, if that will help. :rolleyes:

[bemyonlyone]

No thanks. lol.

[brutal_priestess]

We should let this thread die.

Oh well.

But to the point of this bump:


I read about it on wikipedia, so pretty objective.

And I'm in school for Comparative Literature...PLEASE...don't ask me what I'm going to do with it. I am so sick of that question! I am almost done with this semester (after finals, ugh!), and then I have one more.

Wikipedia is a fucking joke. It's good for basic facts and that's it.

Still...skimmed the article. It didn't suck but to me it seemed like the writer was smirking the whole time.

Whatever.

Well...what to you want to do with it? You need to have a plan taking a class like that. Are you an English major or something? Artists are suffering under this shit economy and I don't think you want to have a college degree and work at Wal-Mart for the rest of your life.

[bemyonlyone]

Hey, maybe we could pm or something about it, if you don't mind, I really do want this thread to go away...heh.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Guys...give it up. Its a train wreak.
We all have given her good advice and were nice and gentle about it, but she has come up with a million and one excuses as to why she cant do this, or try that, or to be happy in one form or another. We've tried, and that's all we can do. The rest is up to her to make her mind up over, and to impliment if she is going to continue her present course and have "Eeore Syndrome" like I told her, or if she's going to try and better herself and find a happy medium in and off the job. I know I'm going to catch flak for this, but oh well.
Cat

[Canticle]

Guys...give it up. Its a train wreak.
We all have given her good advice and were nice and gentle about it, but she has come up with a million and one excuses as to why she cant do this, or try that, or to be happy in one form or another. We've tried, and that's all we can do. The rest is up to her to make her mind up over, and to impliment if she is going to continue her present course and have "Eeore Syndrome" like I told her, or if she's going to try and better herself and find a happy medium in and off the job. I know I'm going to catch flak for this, but oh well.
Cat


Cat, you are right, we've all been right and we know that the advice given was sound advice. Yep....you'll get some flak........we all will.....helmets ready guys and gals!

[StCroix]

Okay. Canticle...I don't feel comfortable answering. Ok?

But this is the very problem, or at least the doorway of the problem. You raised the issue; you are completely anonymous here, and yet still back off even talking about it in as a hypothetical. Why? Do you feel anxiety at the thought of discussing directly what you feel? Anger? Depression? Whatever it is, you have built a wall around yourself with this feeling/feelings. You must begin to dismantle it or it will be more & more painful, more & more impossible, as the months & years go by.

Please, try.

[Lady_Passion]

bemyonlyone

http://www.hriptc.org/index.php

Find a place like this. They exist in various states, so there's no excuse not to locate one. At this point that's about all you can do, according to what YOU say.

If you really care about this friend/co-worker, you'll leave her alone. If you act on your impulses toward this young woman you're obsessed with, consider that might be viewed as stalking. You really, really need to get help.

[Doggie_Wood]

Superglue on the seat of a "Pitty Pot" one does not put, then on it sit.
The acetone has been given. If she doesn't use it - a chain jerker we have indeed.

Yoda Dog
http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w40/PLZKLLME0080/yoda.jpg