devastated, not sure if this is the right place for this.

[bemyonlyone]

I got kicked out of another bisexual community somewhere else.

Here's my problem. I am 25, about to turn 26. I am a total virgin, as in, never been touched. I've never had a relationship, never been on a date, and never kissed.

I've been in love with my friend at work for almost six months now. I think I had feelings for her long before but pushed them away because she was straight.

She's been acting really weird, I think she knows I have feelings for her. Yesterday I said hi and she didn't even turn around! She didn't even acknowledge me. Yet today she wants to be friends again. She's driving me insane. Every time I try to get a break by ignoring her, she comes and talks to me again. I feel like maybe she doesn't even consider me a friend, but something to play with or maybe nothing at all. I don't like having my heart tossed around like this. She knows how I feel about her, I know she's straight. Why can't she just either ignore me or be my friend. I'm tired and in a lot of physical and emotional pain right now so I'm not articulating myself well but basically I'm at the end of my fucking rope...


please help.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ditch this woman since she loves to play mind games as mostly all women do.

Say What??? What kind of a generalization was That??:eek:
Cat

[bemyonlyone]

But when I try to distance myself she always comes back to me again, so I can't avoid her. ARRGH!!

I am not aggressive, I am about the shyest girl you could ever meet. I have never done anything even remotely forward to her.

I don't see how she's saying she doesn't want to be friends anymore...

[Annika L]

...she loves to play mind games as mostly all women do.

*cough* Care to rephrase that? Or would you prefer to leave the statement as is and undermine any validity your post may have had?

[bemyonlyone]

This is kind of why I liked the forum I was on before, only women. *sigh*

I do NOT think all women play games, as I am a woman and I don't. She might be playing games, I don't know and I can't ask.

I should also mention that I am still at this job only because of her AND were we to get together, I would immediately quit and find a new job.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hon, sounds like you are being toyed with. Ignore her for a couple of days and see what she does. Next time she ignores you say, something. Dont let yourself to be treated like that.
Good luck
Cat

[thatcher29]

bmoo, isn't it strange how some people instinctively know how to torment us? Odds are your friend doesn't even know what she's doing to you. My advice is to be simple and direct. Tell her how you feel and ask her to make a decision. Believe me, your life and your feelings are valuable and you shouldn't waste them on someone who's toying with you.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol ok I am a male,.... so my opinion may be way off track

the feeling I get, is that you are valuable to them as a dear friend and somebody they can trust, but they do not want to give you false hope that there could be anything more than just friends.....

however, something in the energy is not clear cut.... and its not around you, its around the other lady, and its a secret she is hiding... what it is, I will not assume or quess at.... but it centers around her connection to you...
that is why I say that you are valuable to them

what I am seeing is that your feelings may appear to be played with, but the other person is trying not to do that, but also trying not to lose one of the few trusted friends she has.....

its hard to look beyond the heart and just using the intuitive when the heart can cloud judgments, but cats advice is sound advice, subtly distance yourself from the person, and you may find answers to what is going on, that you may not have seen before

[Billys_gurl]

Hubby and I are giving a joint opinion. We both agree with Long Duck, and Cat. Just let her go for a while and see what she does. I know its torment, and it will be SO hard to do so. Believe me dear, I know the boat you are rowing. I was 25 before I EVER did anything. When I finally did, I went a little crazy. Too much fun equaled a bun, if you know what I mean. So please take the good advice you are getting, and take the other with a grain of salt. You might be surprised, also, to find that someone you didn't even think about might ask you out. It's hard when you know what you want and they don't seem to want you. Find someone else to hang with, who knows, she may get jealous and run to you. We also think W.R. needs his butt relocated off his shoulders because the poo is running out of his mouth.:tong:

[bemyonlyone]

I'm thinking about it more and feeling a little less upset...it doesn't make what happened okay, though.

I've noticed that she really doesn't like it when I withhold my attention from her. As soon as she notices me doing it she will come right up to me. The only way to make her pay attention to me is to take attention away from her. And I can do it for hours if necessary.

She will look at me, come closer to me, and in other ways demand attention from me. It's really irritating. Then once she has the attention she will act like a brat.

It could have to do with the fact that she's 22 and I'm almost 26. The age difference is something that I haven't been able to ignore. Nor can I ignore the fact that I'm mixed (half black, half white) and she's white. These two things about me that I can't help, my age and ethnicity, even if she were interested in a woman, might make her think a relationship with me wouldn't be possible.

Also, I need to mention at this point that her mom (ugh) is becoming aware that something is going on and showed up one night at the store and was watching me like a hawk. VERY uncomfortable.

[Billys_gurl]

Sweetheart by her 'demanding' your attention when you withhold it, and then acting like a brat when she gets it, she is playing with your heart. It's not hers to use like that. If she is interested in you she is playing WAY hard to get. This is my opinion only, but it seems to me she is stringing you along to see how far you will play along. I'm sorry but this is not a friend or anything, what she is doing is hurting you deeply and she apparently enjoys it. Your age and ethnicity should have NO bearing on who loves you. You are only 4 years apart for heavens sake. Its not like your my age, 37, and she is 22. I honestly hope that you will realize that NO ONE deserves to be treated as she does you. As for her Mother, ignore them both. Simple advice, but hard to do I know. I think that she has been told how you feel, and she told mommy. Now, if she knows you are in love or lust, either one with her, she is using that attention the wrong way. If you know for certain that she has no interest in you and is straight as an arrow for men only you need to get away from her. If need be you find a new job, new friends, whatever. Its advice that is easy to give but hard to digest. Please keep me informed because I hate to see anyone hurting like you are. I had a hard time for awhile and know how you feel, really.

[Billys_gurl]

Her mom probably knows that you've hit on her daughter at work and that her daughter has said things like, "Sorry but I'm straight." or "Sorry I'm not interested in you since I'm not bisexual or lesbian" and that you're not getting the message and that her daughter does not like this and how it makes her uncomfortable to be around you.

Why are you bringing race into the topic? She's not interested in you since she's straight and is just behaving normally by having to talk to you while working with you and wants you to know that she's not interested in you or hitting on you when you talk to her.

Just find another woman to date or date a man since you're supposedly bisexual.

What part of the OTHER GIRL KEEPS COMING BACK TO bemyonlyone did you miss in this thread? She HAS ignored her, distanced herself and all that and the other girl comes to her. bemy isnt throwing herself on her in the backroom or anything. She's a confused young lady looking for help, and your just rubbing her face in it that the girl is straight. We all know that, she does too. And the supposedly bisexual comment was rather mean.

[bemyonlyone]

Yeah, that supposedly bisexual comment was really rude. So I'm not allowed to like women now? Whatever.

Men have treated me just as badly tbh.

And it's not as easy as just finding someone else. It's not flipping a switch.

p.s. I am shy as hell and never hit on anyone, so get your facts correct. I act shy and nervous around her and that's how she found out, not because I hit on her. And why her mom knows--that's anyone's guess as I know she does not discuss me with her mom.

As for the race issue...yes, okay, I went off on a tangent and it has nothing to do with anything. My mind wanders to it though, it's inevitable.

By the way I'm not sure how straight she is tbh. She's said and done things that leave me wondering.

[bemyonlyone]

Sweetheart by her 'demanding' your attention when you withhold it, and then acting like a brat when she gets it, she is playing with your heart. It's not hers to use like that. If she is interested in you she is playing WAY hard to get. This is my opinion only, but it seems to me she is stringing you along to see how far you will play along. I'm sorry but this is not a friend or anything, what she is doing is hurting you deeply and she apparently enjoys it. Your age and ethnicity should have NO bearing on who loves you. You are only 4 years apart for heavens sake. Its not like your my age, 37, and she is 22. I honestly hope that you will realize that NO ONE deserves to be treated as she does you. As for her Mother, ignore them both. Simple advice, but hard to do I know. I think that she has been told how you feel, and she told mommy. Now, if she knows you are in love or lust, either one with her, she is using that attention the wrong way. If you know for certain that she has no interest in you and is straight as an arrow for men only you need to get away from her. If need be you find a new job, new friends, whatever. Its advice that is easy to give but hard to digest. Please keep me informed because I hate to see anyone hurting like you are. I had a hard time for awhile and know how you feel, really.



I know I should just accept that she's straight, but I know how shy she is about approaching others and I know her ex boyfriend hurt her really really bad, so maybe she's just scared of relationships in general.

I'm not saying she's :flag2: but I just keep getting signals that I can't quite interpret. She's not being clear. She's not saying "look, I'm straight, forget it." The time she said she was straight was actually when we first met and I was like "huh? why would I think you weren't straight?" I feel like something happened in her past, someone accused her of liking girls, a girl liked her, or something happened that made her sensitive to this.

She's really uptight about sexuality too if that makes a difference. She blushes constantly if anyone even mentions sex, so...

[OmegaGray]

I don't have any advice, as I haven't really been in your situation, but I can give an internet <hug> and tell you I sincerely hope things work out for you. I'll be rooting for you--good luck! :)