Coming out to a new friend and potential love interest advice

[Karasel]

Ok, I met this guy about a week ago. We are friends right now, it's almost like we've known each other forever and I'm getting the feeling that he likes me. I like him too, he is sweet, funny and we have a lot in common.

It's just I'm so used to everyone knowing about my bisexuality, I never had a "coming out" problem in a long time. The guy is in his early twenties and is a virgin, I'm not sure if my sexuality will be a problem for him, but I want to tell him before (when/if) things gets moved into the romance category. I just kind of need help on the timing of things, I don't think my sexuality will be a problem for him, but just encase it is a problem for him I don't want him to randomly find out later down the road.

[Realist]

Kara, as one who used to hold these secrets as close as anyone can, I can tell you that those secrets always came back to bite me. Whether or not the person ever found out, sooner, or later, there was pain.

You do what you feel is best. Only you can make the right decision for you. I can't dictate what anyone else should do, but for me, the secrets became poison.

This is just my thoughts: We're in a new era and people are a lot more knowledgeable than when I was young. Maybe he'll be OK with it, maybe not, but at lest if he knows up front, you both will have a chance to make the right choices ..............before your hearts make it rougher to do what needs to be done.

[Karasel]

I agree completely. It just is something I'm not used to. I'm used to everyone knowing about this, and no I'm not sure how I'm supposed to tell this guy.

[rochester69ny]

I noticed a couple things in your profile. First of course is that you are fairly young and very nice looking. The other is you rated yourself a 5 on the Kinsey Scale. This would indicate that you're bi but with a slight preferemce at least towards women. If this is truly how you feel then you certainly want to consider telling him before you become intimate. Of course if he's like a lot of guys he probably won't be bothered at all by it and may even be turned on by it.

Just my opinion of course, but I wouldn't want to see you become to emotionally attached to someone and find out afterwards that he is not accepting of your bisexuality. You are who you are and you can't deny that part of you and be true to yourself or anyone else at the same time.

If things continue going well between you and you decide you'd like to sleep with him, perhaps you could have an intimate conversation with him and ask him what his feelings are towards bisexuality. Be fair and explain to him that it is part of who you are and maybe even ask him if he is OK with that.

Just my :2cents: Hope it works out well for you! :)

[xtopherix]

Oddly enough, my best experiences with coming out to individuals have been the product of completely unplanned moments; "by the way, I'm bi." Another good thing to remember is that if the someone that you're coming out to has a problem with an open admission of your orientation, they're probably not the sort of person you want to be hanging around anyway. That's my view of it. I think it was Dr. Seuss who said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

[onewhocares]

Kara, as one who used to hold these secrets as close as anyone can, I can tell you that those secrets always came back to bite me. Whether or not the person ever found out, sooner, or later, there was pain.

You do what you feel is best. Only you can make the right decision for you. I can't dictate what anyone else should do, but for me, the secrets became poison.

This is just my thoughts: We're in a new era and people are a lot more knowledgeable than when I was young. Maybe he'll be OK with it, maybe not, but at lest if he knows up front, you both will have a chance to make the right choices ..............before your hearts make it rougher to do what needs to be done.

WHAT HE SAID

Belle

[onewhocares]

I noticed a couple things in your profile. First of course is that you are fairly young and very nice looking. The other is you rated yourself a 5 on the Kinsey Scale. This would indicate that you're bi but with a slight preferemce at least towards women. If this is truly how you feel then you certainly want to consider telling him before you become intimate. Of course if he's like a lot of guys he probably won't be bothered at all by it and may even be turned on by it.

Just my opinion of course, but I wouldn't want to see you become to emotionally attached to someone and find out afterwards that he is not accepting of your bisexuality. You are who you are and you can't deny that part of you and be true to yourself or anyone else at the same time.

If things continue going well between you and you decide you'd like to sleep with him, perhaps you could have an intimate conversation with him and ask him what his feelings are towards bisexuality. Be fair and explain to him that it is part of who you are and maybe even ask him if he is OK with that.

Just my :2cents: Hope it works out well for you! :)

WHAT HE SAID TOO!

Belle

[drawingboard3]

I've personally always found it easier to bring difficult things up randomly and spontaneously in conversations that have nothing to do with the subject matter - haha.

For instance, if you're talking about your friends, say something like, "my friends are great. They all accept the fact that I'm bi...", or something like that.
Sure, it catches the person a little off-guard, but it's much easier and a lot less on-the-spot than sitting the person down and saying, "look, there's something I need to tell you..."

[Seeking4664]

I've personally always found it easier to bring difficult things up randomly and spontaneously in conversations that have nothing to do with the subject matter - haha.

For instance, if you're talking about your friends, say something like, "my friends are great. They all accept the fact that I'm bi...", or something like that.
Sure, it catches the person a little off-guard, but it's much easier and a lot less on-the-spot than sitting the person down and saying, "look, there's something I need to tell you..."

I think drawingboard is right. Its all in the way you approach it. But if you can't be yourself with him...why be with him?? Isn't the object to find someone who accepts you for who you are, not what you are, who loves everything about you, or can at least accept it? Good luck in whatever you do.
Jess

[Karasel]

I don't know how he feels about sexuality. He seems to be open-minded, I do know a few guys who doesn't like lesbian/bi women. So I'm a little nervous, I hadn't had to do this in awhile.

[darkeyes]

I don't know how he feels about sexuality. He seems to be open-minded, I do know a few guys who doesn't like lesbian/bi women. So I'm a little nervous, I hadn't had to do this in awhile.

Guys are a strange breed Kara hun.. lots seem 2 b open minded bout female bisexuality until such times as ther girl gets interested in anotha.. then am afraid for many insecurity sets in an it becums ok for otha girls but not for thers.. or it goes bak 2 bein taboo.. seems it becums a threat 2 ther manhood for many an for othas its the proprietorial thing.. we r thers an thats the way it shud stay.. lotsa guys r fine wiv it.. not always for unselfish reasons ifya kno wot me means..

..so undastand ya nervousness ok.. but lil word 2 the gud.. 1ce me tried the gambit a not tellin a guy afta bein out for long time... begged an begged peeps 2 say nowt an they didn.. loved 'im a lot an married 'im.. it wos not a success.. me own selfishness, an me own needs came out eventually an summat had 2 give.. sum 1 ver close told 'im.. an since me wos havin an affair wiv anotha girl (the only extra marital affair me ev had) that wos that.. it wos a relief ok for me but not at the cost a the heartache me husband had 2 suffa..:(

Tellin is not essential.. it depends on how close the relationship gets an wetha 'e needs 2 kno.. it is more honest an fairer 2 both ofya.. an as has methinks been pointed out..if 'e isn ok wiv it.. then is 'e the sorta person ya wonna hav a relationship wiv ne way?

[Karasel]

Guys are a strange breed Kara hun.. lots seem 2 b open minded bout female bisexuality until such times as ther girl gets interested in anotha.. then am afraid for many insecurity sets in an it becums ok for otha girls but not for thers.. or it goes bak 2 bein taboo.. seems it becums a threat 2 ther manhood for many an for othas its the proprietorial thing.. we r thers an thats the way it shud stay.. lotsa guys r fine wiv it.. not always for unselfish reasons ifya kno wot me means..

..so undastand ya nervousness ok.. but lil word 2 the gud.. 1ce me tried the gambit a not tellin a guy afta bein out for long time... begged an begged peeps 2 say nowt an they didn.. loved 'im a lot an married 'im.. it wos not a success.. me own selfishness, an me own needs came out eventually an summat had 2 give.. sum 1 ver close told 'im.. an since me wos havin an affair wiv anotha girl (the only extra marital affair me ev had) that wos that.. it wos a relief ok for me but not at the cost a the heartache me husband had 2 suffa..:(

Tellin is not essential.. it depends on how close the relationship gets an wetha 'e needs 2 kno.. it is more honest an fairer 2 both ofya.. an as has methinks been pointed out..if 'e isn ok wiv it.. then is 'e the sorta person ya wonna hav a relationship wiv ne way?

Thank you for the advice. I'm still testing the waters, I have every intention or telling him. I am a very open person, but I haven't had this talk in a while and I'm dealing with a few butterflies.

At least today I found out that one his closest friends is a bisexual male. At lease now I know he should be able to understand my bisexuality.

[Karasel]

Oh, for the people on here that are interested. I have told the guy that I have had girlfriends and boyfriends in the past. He gave me a weird look at first, but I think he is fine with it and went back to normal conversation. Yay!

[darkeyes]

Oh, for the people on here that are interested. I have told the guy that I have had girlfriends and boyfriends in the past. He gave me a weird look at first, but I think he is fine with it and went back to normal conversation. Yay!

Gud onya sweets.:).. an gud for 'im an all...

[Karasel]

Yes, now if only I can get him over his "girl-shyness." He dated this one girl a few years back, who really messed him up.

[nccash]

why not mention some things you would like to explore ,with the right guy friend first.or say {that girl is pretty }and see if he is really into it.conversation should be your asset . chat with him like he is one of your girlfriends and be yourself .if he is into it he will let you know .you have nothing to lose by being proud of who you are . dont be ashamed that you have tried new things. he should love you for who you are .we all see what works for us evenually. love

[Karasel]

He has discretely asked me if I were single. He seems to be interested. But his past girlfriend was such a psycho... He's a little cautious. I'm thinking about talking to some of my friends (who are also his friends) - and see if they have any advice.

[citystyleguy]

i always like direct honesty; though i found out later, someone who was interested in me, made the decision in the same way. invited me over one evening for dinner, and knowing that i like cook, made it a shared evening of planning and prep, then let the food and vino flow smoothly, casually, but not enough to make anyone lose their common sense, then asked the questions directly, "so, i have heard rumors about you!", etc.

you can use the reverse, but more to the point, make it a shared time of common interests, but in a situation that you are in control of and can direct the conversation; your point in this to bring out what he is interested in, how broad our his beliefs, whatever you think can help bring this issue of love interest to an understanding.

best of luck, just dont let it last too long before the opportunity passes you by!

[Karasel]

He did mention wanting to play Unreal Tournament with me (which is like one of his faves, and I'm pretty good at it). I'll probably do that and see what happens.

[xxxbody44]

I have been on both sides of the fence. My first marriage I was only 20 at the time, I didn't tell her I was bi. That was 15 years of hell.

The second marriage, I told her the second time I took her out that I was bi. It was a much better, I didn't have to hide anything.

For me it's always better to be up front. Hope things work out for you.

[Karasel]

I have been on both sides of the fence. My first marriage I was only 20 at the time, I didn't tell her I was bi. That was 15 years of hell.

The second marriage, I told her the second time I took her out that I was bi. It was a much better, I didn't have to hide anything.

For me it's always better to be up front. Hope things work out for you.

He knows I'm bi, and he's seen one of my ex-girlfriends (who I'm still friends with) -walking around. He pays it no mind, or at east he tries to. I told him I'm an open book and he can ask me anything.

He does know that I like him, and we've agreed to get to know each other a little better before we go any further.