The Second Coming Out

[fred fencesitter]

Does anyone know anyone who once identified as gay but now identifies as bi? I'm especially interested in stories involving men, since it's less common than with women. How did friends -- gay, straight, bi -- take it? Did the Second Come-Outers feel that they always had some hetero attractions, or that this was a new phenomenon? Did they feel like they were betraying the gay community?

[wellred]

Howdy Fred,

Your thread poses the infamous "Ugly Duckling" question: "Am I defined by my inner being or by the label that others bestow upon me? Depending on the perspective and the framing of information, a case may be made for either, neither, both or somewhere in between. If this seems confusing and murky, it is intended to be so.

One can always lay judgement on another's thoughts, feelings, actions, and patterns of life. One can always be looking for acceptance from others. Life is messy. Yet, perhaps, a more comfortable position is to trust whom you are without the need to wrap your package it tidy whites.

Life rarely remains constant. As we fully live, hopefully, we are in a state of constant exploration and discovery -- much to the disconcertion of our friends and family. Find compromises that work best for you. Keep them wondering.

[Alaskan Couple]

I think maybe I'll rearrange the question a bit in order to try and make a point;

Does anyone know a guy who once identified as straight but later discovered that he had attractions to other men? How did their family/friends react? Did they always think deep down they might have homo attractions? Did they feel like they betrayed the straight community?

When rephrased into the straight guy discovering his bisexuality, it doesn't sound so dramatic I think. Point being is that all humans are on a path of discovery and in my opinion one would rob themselves of a portion of life if they didn't embrace the new discoveries life sends.

I do want to touch on this idea of a "gay community"; In my opinion it is a fallacy to believe that there is such a thing. There are simply some people in the larger society who happen to be gay. There is no "bi community", there are simply a diverse group of humans who happen to be bisexual. There is no "straight community"...etc. Frankly there are a good number of folks in this so-called "gay community" that I wouldn't spend a moment with...and the same for all the other so-called "communities". I ask; how can one betray the "gay community"? Could one also betray the "bi community", or the "straight community"? All of this "betrayal" sounds rather silly to me. If simply being true to yourself is somehow a betrayal of such a "community", then I would say let the betrayal come sooner rather than later.

Bottom line; seek your peace inside your own heart and not from those who would condemn you...regardless of who they might be...