The Sun: Coping with Bisexual Issues (WTF!?)

[glantern954]

This article really blindsided me. It starts off saying everyone has the potantial to be bisexual and then goes on to say that almost all of us are really transistioning to gay.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidre/sextherapy/2469004/Dear-Deidre-Coping-with-bisexual-issues.html

:eek:

[robbie09]

Wow. This is going to be an interesting thread!

I am married with three children and am trying to deal with my "gay feelings" which I have suppressed for many years. I am sexually attracted to my wife but I am also sexually attracted to men as well, allthough to a lesser extent. I am in counselling to better understand my feelings.

At the moment I identify as being Bisexual but recognise that this does not give me a "license to cheat".

Based on this article it appears likely that if I continue along the path of sexual exploration that I will discover that I am in fact gay.

Am I on a "one way journey" like the "thousands of others"?

[texasman6172003]

Interesting thread,Thanks. Butt to me it's a load of BULLSHIT..I am NOT on the road too being Gay.I love Pussy way too much too be going down that road. Asking me too give up Pussy would be like asking a real Texan too give up there BBQ :0.. It AIN'T gonna happen!! :)....

[IanBorthwick]

Seriously, GL...how many of these are they gonna keep popping up before they join us in the 21st century? It never gets ANY easier to see this BS slapped on us over and over. It's not like we can have an intelligent conversation with them, as there is no way to rebutt was a talking head with no qualifications says about us when the talking heads WITH qualifications are just as ass backwards.

[texasman6172003]

Well Ian,I guess the Mother Fucker's think we like the taste of BULLSHITT,:bigrin:.

[12voltman59]

From the way things are these days in terms of politics and such---I falll on the "liberal" side---

That being the case-while I often rally against the myths that those on the right spin---- to be "fair and balanced" I have to point out and challenge one of the big myths spun by the arbitors of cultural issues on the left--they hold that while "gay is good!"---they also hold the notion that "bisexuality really doesn't exist---when people say that--they are simply not to the point they totally recognize and accept that they are gay!"

The column by this "sex expert" is but one more example of how widespread and entrenched this "truth" is held by those on "the left" side of the dial!

God help ya if you challenge a status quo "given" such as "bisexuality isn't real!"

[texasman6172003]

Well Volty both the left and right think their way is the right way,LOL.

[Bi-Zarro]

I don't think this has anything to do with "left" and "right." I think that (a) there's jealousy among some gays and lesbians of bisexuals because of our "heterosexual privilege," and (b) fear of us by some in the "straight community," because if it really is possible to be attracted to both men AND women, then some avowedly straight people might have to fess up to their own repressed and submerged same-sex desires, which they desperately don't want to do.

[_Joe_]

I still like to tell folks we all turn bisexual at one point when we full comprehend we can double our chances at getting laid.

[SaraSaurus]

I have to say, I'm getting sick and tired of people telling me I'm not really bisexual. What kind of crap is that? Just because some people are going through a transitional phase doesn't mean we all all. There are people who are married for 30 years, have the 2.5 children and then discover they're gay, by her reasoning does this mean all straight people are gay too?

And was it just me or did she seem rather negative view of bisexuals? Its true that many bisexuals have open relationships but that doesn't mean we all do and that doesn't mean they're always unhealthy. Some people manage to make it work quite well for themselves. I just feel like she was pinning all of us as cheating manipulative bastards who are hiding in the closet.

Sigh

[allbimyself]

I don't think this has anything to do with "left" and "right." I think that (a) there's jealousy among some gays and lesbians of bisexuals because of our "heterosexual privilege," and (b) fear of us by some in the "straight community," because if it really is possible to be attracted to both men AND women, then some avowedly straight people might have to fess up to their own repressed and submerged same-sex desires, which they desperately don't want to do.

Another issue that some homosexuals have with bisexuals is we give, by our very existence, in the minds of some, credibility to the argument of "homosexuality is a choice." When in fact, we, just like they, have no choice in what our sexuality is.

[glantern954]

I wasn't going to reply to the article, but I couldn't help myself. Anyone else interested in responding can email the "writer" at: problems@deardeidre.org

Here was my response:

Was your article "Coping with Bisexual Issues" a victim of a terrible edit? Judging from the title I was expecting a serious piece addressing some of the issues we bisexuals face. It starts with saying we all have the potential to be bisexual and ends with saying that most bisexuals are really gay. Talk about bait and switch! This certainly happens, but there is a whole community out there you obviously know nothing about. No offense, but maybe you should take a few sexuality courses from within the last 10 years.

[sailin]

totally lazy way to write an article, based on assumptions and very little thinking. no research or time involved.

[IanBorthwick]

Here's the letter I sent her....



In all the reading on sexuality tossed our way as Bisexuals, yours has at the very least been the most muddled piece of codswallop I have ever read. First you start off saying bisexuality is incredibly common, then diffuse it to 1 in 20, then it becomes we're all gay and lying not only to the world but to ourselves. I'd first like to ask you whether this was an error in printing, an error in your education or whether you did ANY research whatsoever and printed what seemed like the people who read your paper wanted to hear? And moreover, what ARE your qualifications for writing this drivel? In the US we have our own "Know-Nothing" do-gooder writer called Dear Abby, and she's as clueless as you are on human sexuality.

You do no one a favor writing what they want to hear if it's a lie, and allow me to elucidate you and improve your understanding on this: the blind cannot lead the blind, and your piece gives every indication your blind. If all you have is opinion and no real data you cause more harm than good. Moreover, if the research you are citing is as shoddy as some of the sensationalistic nonsense of the past 5 years, then it's also not fact. In an age where Gays and Lesbians are gaining both political and social equality, the last thing we need is someone muddying the waters further on a completely separate type of sexuality. We are not in between, we are not half and half, and we are not responsible for your confusion. Never have been. I would recommend doing more than cursory reading on the Kinsey scale if you wish to truly understand Bisexuality, which is what it appears you have done.

We're stuck dealing with your definitions because you've shoved them at us and pinned them to us. Now, whether you like it or not, you HAVE TO get it right. You and those like you created the pigeonhole you want us in, now you have to make sure the wording is correct, the understanding is there and the last details are set or you have no right to open your mouth.

Our community is poised on the edge of a knife, one we did not place ourselves on. We are faced with the very real possibility of losing the backing of the Gays and Lesbians that once were our most staunch allies. Pushing on us yet further and misrepresenting our existence as a lie has a classification. It's called Bi-Erasure. We've dealt with it for ages in silence, now we are demanding to be heard and seen. It's our right and you are impinging ON that right by writing the misinformation you did.

My father and mother each had saying applicable to this:

Mom- If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all.

Dad- If you can't help, DON'T hinder.

Looking forward to that "personal reply free of charge"

[Nick_C]

Deidre is clearly a moron.

[12voltman59]

I don't think this has anything to do with "left" and "right." I think that (a) there's jealousy among some gays and lesbians of bisexuals because of our "heterosexual privilege," and (b) fear of us by some in the "straight community," because if it really is possible to be attracted to both men AND women, then some avowedly straight people might have to fess up to their own repressed and submerged same-sex desires, which they desperately don't want to do.

Bi-Zarro---I am afraid that these days--there is hardly any area of discussion that does not have a "left-right" aspect to it---in this case----this sex columnist in a broad, macro sense, holds a "left side" view regarding homosexuality-----if she were someone of "the right"--she would have in all probability focused her discussion that anything smacking of homosexuality was bad, wrong, evil etc. That she is a sex advice columnist for a secular newspaper means she is someone from "the left" as those who view the world from the "right" side of the spectrum would have it.

She appears to accept homosexuality as a normal and probably an OK thing----as someone who works as a gatekeeper of ideas "on the left"---she had to on one hand, acknowledge the letter "B" in the GLBT moniker in the spirit of being open minded and accepting of all things as good liberals are supposed to do---but then in the next breath---- she backhands the notion that bisexuality is a reality and that anyone who claims to be bisexual is someone who is really transitioning from being straight to being gay but just hasn't reached the point they finally accept and recognize they are in fact, gay.

I know that not all individual gays believe that bisexuality is "unreal"--but taken in toto---the arbitors of "Gayness" hold firmly that bisexuality is nothing but a myth at worst and at best, persons identifiying as "bisexual" are really at a waystation stop along their discovery they are not straight but gay, with the hope those misguided and misinformed "bicurious" people will at some point come to accept they really are gay and live a gay life.

Going back to my starting point----in the macro view of things---everything that falls under the "GLBT' umbrella is by definition on the "left" side of the social spectrum irrespective of the individual politcal and ideological views of those who consider themselves as falling under the GLBT banner ---on the right side of the spectrum----the overarching philosophy regarding non-straight sexuality is that anything falling under the GLBT label is unacceptable behavior-- according to this world view at the most extreme----people who fall under the GLBT label are evil, immoral, misguided people who CHOSE to be this way and are living a "lifestyle" and that such things are not an innate part of human nature but are abominations to be condemmed, and ulitimately--prohibited!! On the "right" side of things---it doesn't matter if one considers themselves to be G-L-B or T--its all wrong and bad!!

Discussions of what the definitions of each of the letters in G-L-B-T are---is an "in family" discussion for those who, from the macro aspect of things, consider themselves to fall under this broad umbrella designation.

Like most families----"we" seem to have our degree of differences and we have our own particular views of "what the meaning of is-is!"

[IanBorthwick]

And here, my friends, is the personally written response I got from Deidre.....


Hi there, thank you for your feedback on my leaflet on bisexuality. I have received a wide range of responses and as ever will give them all careful consideration.

All the best,

Deidre

This e-mail (including any attachments) is intended solely for the intended recipient. It may contain confidential and/or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, any reliance on, use, disclosure, dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail or attachments is strictly prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please notify the sender by telephone +44 20 7782 6000 and delete the e-mail and all attachments immediately. NI Group does not accept liability for any virus introduced by this e-mail or any attachment and you are advised to use up-to-date virus checking software. While I make every effort to ensure the advice and information I provide is accurate and up to date, my service cannot be a substitute for consulting your own doctor, solicitor or a face-to-face counsellor. I cannot be held responsible or liable for claims arising out of our correspondence, nor if I have been misled about the facts and circumstances.


End of line.

Now, who's with me on laughing their heads off?

[_Joe_]

When the "sincere" reply is less than half of the legal disclaimer, it's also given teh technical term of "bullshit"

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Clearly shows that some dumb asshole knows not of what they speak, so that have to use fillers and sensationalism to make a colum(sp) look ligit.
You are suppose to write about what you know...she obviously has no clue what so ever...Get the facts and get a clue, Lady.:rolleyes:
Cat

[Bi-Zarro]

Bi-Zarro---I am afraid that these days--there is hardly any area of discussion that does not have a "left-right" aspect to it---in this case----this sex columnist in a broad, macro sense, holds a "left side" view regarding homosexuality-----if she were someone of "the right"--she would have in all probability focused her discussion that anything smacking of homosexuality was bad, wrong, evil etc. That she is a sex advice columnist for a secular newspaper means she is someone from "the left" as those who view the world from the "right" side of the spectrum would have it.

She appears to accept homosexuality as a normal and probably an OK thing----as someone who works as a gatekeeper of ideas "on the left"---she had to on one hand, acknowledge the letter "B" in the GLBT moniker in the spirit of being open minded and accepting of all things as good liberals are supposed to do---but then in the next breath---- she backhands the notion that bisexuality is a reality and that anyone who claims to be bisexual is someone who is really transitioning from being straight to being gay but just hasn't reached the point they finally accept and recognize they are in fact, gay.

I know that not all individual gays believe that bisexuality is "unreal"--but taken in toto---the arbitors of "Gayness" hold firmly that bisexuality is nothing but a myth at worst and at best, persons identifiying as "bisexual" are really at a waystation stop along their discovery they are not straight but gay, with the hope those misguided and misinformed "bicurious" people will at some point come to accept they really are gay and live a gay life.

Going back to my starting point----in the macro view of things---everything that falls under the "GLBT' umbrella is by definition on the "left" side of the social spectrum irrespective of the individual politcal and ideological views of those who consider themselves as falling under the GLBT banner ---on the right side of the spectrum----the overarching philosophy regarding non-straight sexuality is that anything falling under the GLBT label is unacceptable behavior-- according to this world view at the most extreme----people who fall under the GLBT label are evil, immoral, misguided people who CHOSE to be this way and are living a "lifestyle" and that such things are not an innate part of human nature but are abominations to be condemmed, and ulitimately--prohibited!! On the "right" side of things---it doesn't matter if one considers themselves to be G-L-B or T--its all wrong and bad!!

Discussions of what the definitions of each of the letters in G-L-B-T are---is an "in family" discussion for those who, from the macro aspect of things, consider themselves to fall under this broad umbrella designation.

Like most families----"we" seem to have our degree of differences and we have our own particular views of "what the meaning of is-is!"

Your understanding of "left" and "right" is different from mine. The Sun isn't a left-wing paper. If it was it wouldn't have such obvious corporate advertising. I mean, it's owned by Rupert Murdoch. And it's a sensationalist tabloid.

The mainstream European right is generally less overtly anti-queer than the mainstream American right, anyway. I don't think most Tory or Christian Democrat MPs really care about sexual orientation issues.

I've been a left-wing activist for most of my adult life. I haven't noticed any notable anti-bisexual feeling among people who consider themselves leftists. Everyone fully accepts everyone else's sexual orientation, whatever it might happen to be.

[diB4u]

Ahh the Sun newspaper... LOL where do i start.

The reading age of this newspaper is 10, so, they like to know things clearly and simply. The reading age of say the Times is 14, like the Gaurdian too.


The sun newspaper unfortunantly is just sooo working class and hetro designed and run...

[Nick_C]

And here, my friends, is the personally written response I got from Deidre.....


[i]Hi there, thank you for your feedback on my leaflet on bisexuality. I have received a wide range of responses and as ever will give them all careful consideration.

All the best,

Deidre

Presumably "careful consideration" = head off for a liquid lunch and ignore them.

[Bi-Zarro]

And here, my friends, is the personally written response I got from Deidre.....


Hi there, thank you for your feedback on my leaflet on bisexuality. I have received a wide range of responses and as ever will give them all careful consideration.

All the best,

Deidre

This e-mail (including any attachments) is intended solely for the intended recipient. It may contain confidential and/or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, any reliance on, use, disclosure, dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail or attachments is strictly prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please notify the sender by telephone +44 20 7782 6000 and delete the e-mail and all attachments immediately. NI Group does not accept liability for any virus introduced by this e-mail or any attachment and you are advised to use up-to-date virus checking software. While I make every effort to ensure the advice and information I provide is accurate and up to date, my service cannot be a substitute for consulting your own doctor, solicitor or a face-to-face counsellor. I cannot be held responsible or liable for claims arising out of our correspondence, nor if I have been misled about the facts and circumstances.


End of line.

Now, who's with me on laughing their heads off?

I got precisely the same "response."

[DiamondDog]

Just ignore them.

There are more hateful people to concentrate on besides some stupid UK Tabloid.

[glantern954]

I got the same response here. A friend of mine pointed out the following sentence that I must have just read right by:

"Later on, as they become more comfortable with the opposite sex, their
sexual feelings will start to focus on them, if they are predominantly
heterosexual."

So she technically did try to touch on it, but it still assumes that a bisexuals can't prefer the same sex and maintain an opposite sex relationship. According to this those people can only be gay.

Anyway...not meaning to beat a dead horse. Thanks to thse who emailed them.

[AlternatingRed]

It rather depends on just exactly what you define a bisexual to be, because the term is somewhat loose. Many bisexuals don’t seem to understand that we are not all the same. There are many categories of bisexual, and I have to agree with the sun, to some extent, regarding some bisexuals. And alarmingly, the bisexuals they refer to do make up the largest single group or type of female bisexual ( I have no idea about male bisexuals ).

:flag2: