My name is tara Scott's wife

[adventuroustara]

My name is Tara I am Scott's wife. Well it wasn't really a shock when I asked Scott if he was bisexual because I had suspected it for a long time. I just needed him to vocalize it so that we could talk about it open and honestly. I am okay with him being bi curious or bisexual. When we first started to talk in depth about him being curious or bisexual he needed the reassurance that it didn't change anything in our relationship. I loved the fact that he was open and willing to answer any questions that I had. I had never been in this situation before and it was very overwhelming. I just wanted to make sure that I didn't give the wrong reaction to anything that he was saying so he would continue to feel comfortable talking about his feelings. My only fear was that he would experiment without my knowledge but he was very assuring that he wouldn't do anything without my knowledge and my consent. I don't mean that he needs my permission but that we talk about it and feel it is the best thing for our relationship. I know I am just rambling...lol So that is where we are today. I sometimes wonder if he doesn't experiment would the curiousity be too much someday and he would have to try? Sure I like the idea sometimes of seeing him with another man but is that just a fantasy or reality? That is a big question. It's not like I can talk to our friends because it is way to personal. Ironic, isn't it that you can talk to complete strangers about such intimate things...lol I have even tried to search online to find websites to help me but usually they are all geared towards bisexual women. Must be a man creating them...lol Maybe, you guys can help us out understanding this situation. I didn't realize how common this occurs but it seems to be everywhere!!! I remember about 10-15 years ago this sort of thing was taboo. But I guess sexuality is everywhere. Maybe it has always been like this but everyone kept it in the bedroom and didn't talk about it. Anyways, I look forward to your reply and hopefully we can answer each others questions about bisexuality.

[JP1986UM]

Tara,

for so long I hid my bisexuality because I was fearful. I hid in secrecy. I was scared of being pointed at, banished, mocked, and rejected.

I am sure you are very scared, fearful you might lose your mate. My counselor told my wife this: Well, to be honest, if you left him, he'd likely go find another female before I settled in with another man.

It's pretty much true. The conflict comes in attractions and actions which follow them. What you two decide to do together is what you two decide. Every couple is different. There are Yahoo groups dedicated to mixed orientation couples I can give you if you PM me.

Its not a fearful journey. Since coming out, we've met some wonderful couples who are making it work and are so very much in love. They are active in their churches and are out only to whom they feel appropriate.

Don't panic, just breath. Its the start of a journey together, not a fall off a cliff. Just walk it together. There will be bumps, but hand in hand, you can handle anything.

[adventuroustara]

Hi there thank you for your in put on this. Sure I like the idea sometimes of seeing him with another man but is that just a fantasy or reality? And I sometimes wonder if he doesn't experiment would the curiousity be too much someday and he would have to try? Or should I let him experment and see what comes of it? I really need help understanding my hubby I can't picture him not in my life at all.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Honeygirl... the best thing to do is to just let him try it on, let him see if its something that he is going to actually like, or if it really wasnt his cup of tea after all. This can be done with you sitting back and watching quietly (Which I recommend WholeHeartedly, btw,,,oh my) or finding some that you are Both attracted to, and completely comfortable with and let both of you have some fun and excitement. Theres nothing like sharing a lover with someone you love. Both of you pleasuring him, having both the men pleasuring You, then watching or participating in pleasuing your honey with a male lover...
Is it gettin warm in here????
LOL
Just decide however you want to do it and make it a reality. Just never, never, fail to keep an open line of communication going at all times. Communication is Paramount.
Just go into it with a sense of adventure, excitement and fun, and I hope it turns out wonderful for both of you! ;)
Cat

[stargazer]

finding some that you are Both attracted to, and completely comfortable with and let both of you have some fun and excitement. Theres nothing like sharing a lover with someone you love. Both of you pleasuring him, having both the men pleasuring You, then watching or participating in pleasuing your honey with a male lover...


:tongue::tongue::tongue::tongue::tongue:

Very Well Said
It worked out for us just like that it was incredible and we still see him very often now for about 1 yr

[robbie09]

It is great that he is able to talk to you about his feelings, you are off to a great start. When I was first asked by my wife I went in to state of denial.

I am finding that as I become more comfortable with my bi-sexuality that my curiosity is growing, but I do not want to cheat on my wife. I would only proceed with her sanction.

As it has taken me time to become comfortable with bi-sexuality I expect that it will take some time for my wife to become comfortable with it. Hence I am taking things slowly and am prepared to wait for as long as necessary.

Good luck on your journey together.

[chuck1124]

I am always fascinated by the depth of feeling and understand I find on this site. Tara, you are an exceptional woman, to be able to understand your husband's needs and feelings. Yes, communication is the key. He may find that its not really what he wants, or he may enjoy it tremendously. Either way, you are there so share it with him and, hopefully, to enjoy it yourself. But you love him and accept him. That is fantastic. And, once again, my compliments to my friends on this site. We are all in this together.

[RockGardener]

My guy was afraid to come out to me. He was afraid I would think he was gay or something. When he finally came out to me, I was very accepting of him. How could I reject him for it when I am also bi? I encouraged him to be with guys, in fact, we have been with guys together. It is just a part of him. It turns me on to see him with a guy. Tara, if your guy is only bicurious, don't push him to explore, just allow it to happen naturally. If he does decide to explore, set down mutually agreed on guidelines. If you want him to explore on his own, let him know that. If you want to "supervise", let him know that too. Listen to him as to what he wants if you decide to explore together. Like Cat says, communication is paramount! Jealousy is not fun. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

Rock

[Realist]

I agree, that is exactly how my GF and I conduct ourselves. Although neither of us have another lover, right now, we are open and able to communicate our interests and needs with each other. What a wonderful freedom that gives us!

[12voltman59]

Tara--welcome to our site---I am one of the older hands on deck here---both in terms that I have now been here for four years now--and in my age as this is another "zero" year for me!

While I am unmarried and didn't have the situation of how to not only deal with my "desires" to try sexual things with another guy at a time I figured had to be unusual since I was in mid-life and not a wet behind the years young buck, and to also try to figure out what effect those "desires" might have on my most important interpersonal relationship and on the person I love.

I had lots of things to figure out regarding those "desires" and how they would fit into my life since I knew I had to make the leap and try being with other guys----whatever the source of those desires----it was not to be ignored and tamped down any longer. I had to know if engaging in sex with another guy "was for me" or not. I have found the answer to that question and its a clear "Yes." I still have to work out where I go from here now that I know and what place being with other guys in a sexual or even possibly an emotionally intimate manner will play in my life from this point on. I am still working on that.

Before coming here--the other "bisexual/bicurious" sites and chatrooms I had found were too intimidating--they were all about hooking up and such----there was no "navel gazing" that I am wont to do on many things---and I sought such a place that I could actually have conversations with other people in the same boat--should I find them--since I figured I was going nuts.

I found this site and found that as a guy in middle age--it was not at all unusual that I wanted to "take a walk on the other side of the street" if you catch my drift! :bigrin: I found, much to my relief, that many other guys of my relative age range also found themselves with the same "desires" as I possessed.

As I think you have already found---this site is a good place for those of us going through this process to have the ability to talk to others in the same situation and to sort things out without the pressure of this being a purely "hook up" site like so many others seem to be.

We do have a "community" here.

I hope that this site will help you and your hubby out in this--once again--WELCOME!!!

[FalconAngel]

Welcome, Tara.
You are among friends here. Many of the folks on this site are in similar situations. My wife is straight and I am Bi.
It happens, so you are not alone. and it is good that the two of you talk about it all because that dialogue is critical to the relationship and maintaining the honesty needed to make things work.

Talk about how you want to approach the situation of him being with a man, because there are a lot of options and ways to go about it. Knowing how you feel about him playing with another man and how he feels about it will make it easier to sort out how you handle it.

Others may also offer, so feel free to ask us anything you want about this. We have been where you are now.

[vittoria]

One question...

Who is Scott?

Is he a member here?

[alegrias]

I am always fascinated by the depth of feeling and understand I find on this site. Tara, you are an exceptional woman, to be able to understand your husband's needs and feelings. Yes, communication is the key. He may find that its not really what he wants, or he may enjoy it tremendously. Either way, you are there so share it with him and, hopefully, to enjoy it yourself. But you love him and accept him. That is fantastic. And, once again, my compliments to my friends on this site. We are all in this together.

I couldn't have said it any better.

[etncple]

Hi Tara, my wife felt the same as you when I told her about wanting to try bi after many years of thinking about it and that I had a couple of experiences years earlier before we met. Actually she revealed she also had a curiosity about women...lol. She also wasn't sure how she would feel seeing 2 men but she said lets give it a try and see how it goes. Well, the first time she watched me and another guy, she ended up jumping in to help after a short time. Needless to say she liked it.

Since you are both open to it, give it a try and see how you both feel afterwards. Do discuss what you both feel comfortable about and agree together on any "rules/boundaries" either of you have. Also, take your time and find someone you are both comfortable with. I hope it works out for you both and you both have fun ;)

[lv69cpl69]

The thing you should be glad of is unlike others here he didn't cheat on you then come out. if he is honest like that you 2 are lucky... if you share things it might make both happy. I say all this but We have never done it yet either. so we will see.

[adventuroustara]

Honeygirl... the best thing to do is to just let him try it on, let him see if its something that he is going to actually like, or if it really wasnt his cup of tea after all. This can be done with you sitting back and watching quietly (Which I recommend WholeHeartedly, btw,,,oh my) or finding some that you are Both attracted to, and completely comfortable with and let both of you have some fun and excitement. Theres nothing like sharing a lover with someone you love. Both of you pleasuring him, having both the men pleasuring You, then watching or participating in pleasuing your honey with a male lover...
Is it gettin warm in here????
LOL
Just decide however you want to do it and make it a reality. Just never, never, fail to keep an open line of communication going at all times. Communication is Paramount.
Just go into it with a sense of adventure, excitement and fun, and I hope it turns out wonderful for both of you! ;)
Cat

Hi there thank you for all your help with me understanding my man. But I thinking about letting my man experment with a man while Im there with him do you have any ideas how about I going about it if so please help me I found my men one night dreaming out loud about having sex with another man in his dream.

[adventuroustara]

Hi Tara, my wife felt the same as you when I told her about wanting to try bi after many years of thinking about it and that I had a couple of experiences years earlier before we met. Actually she revealed she also had a curiosity about women...lol. She also wasn't sure how she would feel seeing 2 men but she said lets give it a try and see how it goes. Well, the first time she watched me and another guy, she ended up jumping in to help after a short time. Needless to say she liked it.

Since you are both open to it, give it a try and see how you both feel afterwards. Do discuss what you both feel comfortable about and agree together on any "rules/boundaries" either of you have. Also, take your time and find someone you are both comfortable with. I hope it works out for you both and you both have fun ;)

Wow very interesting over all. What should I do Im thinking of letting him try it with a man while Im there how would I go about finding a man or even letting it happen. And how would I word a add if Im going to post one please help me

[JP1986UM]

Hi there thank you for all your help with me understanding my man. But I thinking about letting my man experment with a man while Im there with him do you have any ideas how about I going about it if so please help me I found my men one night dreaming out loud about having sex with another man in his dream.


I am confused about this "experiment" with other men thing to be honest. What you seem to be asking is about a threesome. Well, that really depends on the both of you. Can you handle being there while your husband and lover is having sex with someone else? Could you entertain the fact that maybe, just maybe he might wind up loving this person as he loves you? That is the true essence of bisexuality, to be able to love two people regardless of gender both on an emotional level and sexual level.

So how would you feel if you know he's dreaming of another man? Unless he talks in his sleep, its unlikely. I dream of sexual activity with both my wife and other males all the time, but I don't shout Mike's name in my sleep. Or John or Alan or anyone else's.

(That was for illustration purposes people, I ain't a slut....yet.)

[etncple]

Hi Tara, if you are both thinking of a threesome then you need to talk about what you want to see/happen etc. Do you want to join in with him or just watch ? There are a lot of bi men who love having a woman watch so if thats what you want you need to make that clear with whoever you meet. Does he have a particular physical type he is attracted to ? Do you ?

As far as actually meeting someone, you can try the swinger sites or post an ad on here. A lot of guys on swinger sites looking for a bi hookup are married so, do you want someone cheating? This site seems to have more honest people than any other I have been on so I would look here first. You may want to post pictures but at least give an idea of what you both are looking for in your profile. Also, what about looking at profiles together ? The more you both share your ideas, feelings, wants/desires, questions hte more comfortable you both will be when the time comes. Maybe you could both chat on here together a few times to get some different view points

The range of feelings and desires in bi men goes from just wanting a quick bj to close emotional attachments. There is no right or wrong about what he would like or dislike to try but make sure to ask those you consider meeting what they are looking for, and be specific.

Always arrange a meeting for coffee or a drink first, with no guarantee of it going any further, when you finally do plan a meeting. This gives a chance to talk in person, grow more comfortable with the new contact and also for both of you to discuss it later in private. If both of you agree then you set up a date to play at a later time.

Sorry for rambling on so long :2cents:

[glansandlabia]

Tara,

I'm jelous of your husband. I finally really admitted to myself and my cousin (she is the one person in my life I have told everything) that I am bisexual. Embrace your husband tell him you love him and are there for him. I think my wife may suspect my desire for another mans dick but will probably never talk about it. Enjoy your relationship and who knows it may be something you both enjoy. Good luck!

[adventuroustara]

Tara,

for so long I hid my bisexuality because I was fearful. I hid in secrecy. I was scared of being pointed at, banished, mocked, and rejected.

I am sure you are very scared, fearful you might lose your mate. My counselor told my wife this: Well, to be honest, if you left him, he'd likely go find another female before I settled in with another man.

It's pretty much true. The conflict comes in attractions and actions which follow them. What you two decide to do together is what you two decide. Every couple is different. There are Yahoo groups dedicated to mixed orientation couples I can give you if you PM me.

Its not a fearful journey. Since coming out, we've met some wonderful couples who are making it work and are so very much in love. They are active in their churches and are out only to whom they feel appropriate.

Don't panic, just breath. Its the start of a journey together, not a fall off a cliff. Just walk it together. There will be bumps, but hand in hand, you can handle anything.

Hi there so what are the groups in yahoo that are dedicated to mix orientation couples. I have been trying to find groups but no luck must be looking in the wrong places