bi-curious and confused

[mercedes67]

I've written recently on this site and the response was wonderful. Thank you everyone for all the advice.

I have something else I want to talk about...Are there others of you out there who are bi-curious and as confused as I am? I think I am bi-sexual(I find women attractive) but I'm not sure. This happened to me late in life(40), hence the confusion. I don't know why I've started to have these feelings and its kind of scary. I also have to admit that I'm a bit ashamed of these feelings although I know I shoudn't be. Please don't get me wrong, I don't think bi-sexuality is wrong...on the contrary I think we should like(or love) whoever we want. It's just my own insecurities that I'm trying to deal with. I think this site is great for people like me who are curious and confused. Any comments out there?

thanks for letting me vent. :kay:

[DiamondDog]

Go out and have sex with a woman and see what it's like.

You might either like it or not like it at all.

If you're married/have a BF or whoever, don't cheat, instead just talk to whoever you're with about yourself.

[MikeC]

Perhaps my own experience will help. When I was about 21 ( and horny), I wasn't having any luck meeting girls, and decided on implulse that a male friend might be willing to give bi sex a try ( he was). I had to get drunk in order to even consider it, but the end result was that we had sex twice, with the second time ending in a 69. Afterwards, I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, shame and fear. I didn't want to be found out, or to become known as "gay", which I'm not.
For many years, for religious and societal reasons, I surpressed my urge to try it again. Gradually, with the encouragement of a bisexual wife who sees no problem with it, I tried it again, and this time, sober. It was wonderful! Although my first encounter after so many years was limited in what happened, I knew immediately that I wanted to try more. Eventually, I met another man with whom I had an 8yr relationship. Together, we learned the bisexual ropes, and by the time our relationship was over, there wasn't much we hadn't done together. I no longer have any guilt feelings, although I'm still in the closet to most people. I simply consider it two friends sharing something we both enjoy.....sex with the same gender.
Unfortunately, my male friend decided to move back to Italy in July. We stay in touch, and we've both encouraged each other to find suitable replacements for each other. I'm hoping that I can have that same kind of relationship again.
I encourage you to go at your own pace, but ask that you not make the mistake that I did in waiting so long to try it. It can open up a wonderful new world to you. Then again, it might not, but you'll never know until you try. Good luck!

[mfanycomb]

Diamond Dog's suggestion was my first reaction also.

But then I started thinking. Some of the men I've experimented w/ were lousy lovers. They were out for an orgasm & then ready to hit the door or into a fetish that did not excite me. So if you end up in bed w/ someone who doesn't compliment you sexually you've learned nothing about your own sexuality. You also risk thinking you are not really bi when you might be bi.

My first sexual act was w/ my best friend when we were 11. I spent many years thinking about the possibility of being bi, but considered myself straight. I didn't act on this until I was in my 50's.

I noticed that there were a lot of older guys that were apparently changing their straight lives to include bisexuality. I ascribed this to various reasons in their backgrounds: a wife who wouldn't participate in sex; early sexual experimentation w/ a friend they wanted to try again; sex as a reason to be w/ another man because women were so different; escape from the bribe/beg syndrome of sex w/ women, etc.

But you know as we age our primary sexual hormone level lowers. Women pump less estrogen. Men secrete less testosterone. Women also have testosterone and men, estrogen. Therefore the relative balance of these chemicals levels, making us more balanced or less inclined to be very masculine or very feminine.

At least those of us who have passed 40 might look at this as the reason we are more inclined toward bisexuality.

I have seen no academic studies on this. But I bet it is a primary variable in our changed sexual stances.

[lovedoctor]

Mercedes,

I totally understand how you feel. I didn't have my first bi experience until my mid twenties, and it hadn't even been a consideration at the time. I was with a couple and one thing led to another and well, I kind of enjoyed it. My second time was a lot of fun as well. I'm not attracted to guys really, but the sexual impulse is fun from time to time. I'm super closeted about it because frankly I don't want to go through the judgement from friends and family right now. I have no issues with bisexuality, but at this time don't feel the urge to share with others I knew before I decided to begin exploring this side of myself.

I would just continue to explore your interest and see where it leads. Don't be in a hurry and take the time to find the right partner.

Good luck!

[innaminka]

You are not alone. There's been some excellent advice given.
In my experience, and I'm mid-40's, bi-curiosity is not an unusual phase in a woman after the pressres of home-building/child rearing become less.
A woman, all of a sudden has time to explore her own sexuality.
Often this results in a bonanza sex-wise for you and your husband, or altenatively a restlessness in yourself which can demonstrate itself in different ways.
Bi-curiosity being one of those manifestations. Its very, very normal.
The desire to be with, perhaps love another woman seems to appear far more amongst women at that age than men. It certainly does not mean you are lesbian, however.
Whether you decide to act on this is completely up to yourself, but be reassured you are amongst a multitude going through similar uncertainties.
Enjoy it if you can.