Do you always know who is attracted to you?

[viajero]

How good are you at knowing if you have a chance with someone? In my younger years I wouldn’t try unless I had a very clear signal. Through the years I’ve been surprised on many occasions. On several occasions a guy who I’d end up having sex with a guy I thought had to either be straight or just not interested. In all cases the guys did not cruise like gay men do. I’d get to know them through conversation and then at some point the conversation would turn sexual. Because of these experiences I’ve become a bit bolder.

It is not just with men. There are times when I meet a woman where she becomes very flirtatious and asks me a series of personal questions. Other times I might initiate small talk for no other reason than to be friendly. I assure you I have no desire to pick them up at yet they send me a vibe that seems to say “back off”.

I don’t cruise much at my gym because I know too many people and don’t want to attract attention. I haven’t been going there as much as I use to because I have found plenty of outdoor sports to keep me in great shape. Yesterday, however, I injured myself and thought a little spa activity would help.

When I arrived a sexy beefy guy heads to the showers. I chose a shower near him but not beside him. The way he washed himself seemed particularly suggestive. He turned to face me while he washed the critical areas and seemed to spend plenty of time there. Later I sat beside him in the Jacuzzi. He uses the Jacuzzi to massage his rear end.

Now I have to admit I was getting a bit curious. Not once, however, would he look my way so I thought he was either very discrete or I was picking up signals that he was not sending. I had a hunch it was the latter but due to my past experiences I wasn’t sure. We were both spending far more time in the spa than most guys would. I started to notice certain guys following me around.

My last shower was timed with his. When one of the guys following me chose a shower beside me I decided I had had enough. I went to dry my hair. The beefy guy finishes and takes the hair dryers beside me. I ask him if he was working out an injured back. While he answered my question he seemed a little put off by my question.

Meanwhile the guy who had grabbed the shower beside me was timing his departure with mine. He asks me an obvious question about directions when I reach my car. This is the second time that has happened to me at this gym. The time before, the guy was already in his car. He stopped it, got out and asked an obvious question about directions. Unlike today, this guy paid me some compliments and invited me back to his place after I gave him the obvious answer. In both cases I gave them a friendly and helpful answer without being standoffish. While they did not interest me sexually I admired their efforts. Whether it is a flirtatious woman or a bold guy I don’t want to discourage their behavior. They would have to be a bit over the top in their approach for me to act otherwise.

[still_shy]

I never have a clue when people are attracted to me, unless they just come right out and tell me. If you find out any answers, let me know, it would make life a lot easier :)
But, on the other hand it sounds to me like you have a pretty good idea who is attracted to you. The thing is, they are obviously interested in you on some level if they are inviting you back to their place and asking you personal questions---even if it's just on a friend basis--it is worth a shot to find out.

[Pearlindarkwater]

Sometimes, in particular I find that for me its harder to distinguish between friendliness and flirting with the same sex (for me that is women). It might be different for a guy though. heterosexual women tend to be a lot more touchy-feely with other women than heterosexual guys do with other guys. : )

[Bi_Druid]

I 'spose the critical word in this question is 'always'.

Not wanting to sound big headed, but there are times when I'm literally having to beat them off with a large stick, or a disgusted glare and the odd remark of blatant disinterest if such a tool is otherwise unavailable. Marked this probably has something to do with the sorts of places I seem to find myself frequenting...certain clubs and saunas and specialised beaches (not always for 'cruising/pulling' purposes, honest). I've practically given up on certain other sites I used to use, after discovering the wonders of pre-emptively blocking those who I know are gonna try their luck regardless and get awfully upset when I reassure to them my total disinterest; has left me with few profiles left worth looking at, but I digress.

However, I must admit there are many a times when I just really don't know if they are showing interest in me, or just being friendly, or polite, or none of the above and it's all in my head. Most embarrassing with the latter most, as this often relates to the people that I myself am actually interested in. Ho hum

I guess the only way we're all ever gonna 'always' know is if everyone was far more forward about their personal intentions towards each other. But of course, many people, I fear myself included, may find such overt forwardness offensive in some cases.

'spose that means it's back to the good old Mind Reading 101 classes then. lol

[eddy10]

I readily admit I do not have a clue when it comes to "reading" peoples intentions. I will never be a good poker player. My wife is just the opposite. She can read me and others like a book. So, she keeps me posted with what 'she thinks' I need to know. :)

[viajero]

Sometimes, in particular I find that for me its harder to distinguish between friendliness and flirting with the same sex (for me that is women). It might be different for a guy though. heterosexual women tend to be a lot more touchy-feely with other women than heterosexual guys do with other guys. : )

Ah but what I experience with some foreign men may be closer to what two women in the US encounter. Some foreign men don’t have all the barriers that straight American men do. I’ve noticed, for example, that French and Italian men will be very friendly towards you at a party or in a bar if you are talking to attractive women. I met my French brother-in-law that way. I was talking to the best looking woman at the cocktail party. Later that evening he met my sister and made a point to keep in touch with me. He was living with two openly gay men and a female. He did not suspect I was gay for quite some time nor did he suspect any of my friends. This from a guy who had attended a gay marriage! (He told me later that as a French guy in NY a gay marriage is a cool avant garde thing to do.) I’d invite him to gay parties but we always had a few women. In no time they would surround the handsome heterosexual French men and he’d go home with one of them. He had not had his first date with my sister so I just let her know he was most definitely straight and not at all shy with women. One night he starts asking me if any of my male friends have girlfriends. I slowly explained who was dating whom. He looked shock and asked about me. I told him the truth and then a real look of panic took hold followed by “what about your sister”? I gave him her number and told him to call her and find out for himself. She told him that she was indeed straight but was thinking of joining a convent. They have two handsome sons. The elder is going to college in England. He looks so much like his dad in his youth and has his share of gay friends. We also both share a passion for foreign languages and outdoor sports. I hope I can live closer to him soon. I had fun having a beer with his friends in college.

[bisexualinsocal]

About 90% of the time.

[NYRangersFan]

i never know if anyone is attracted to me... infact i don't think anyone is... so yea... i'm not really what people want lol... so unless they say they want me...and not always in those words... i donno if they do

[Summerlin1973]

Do you always know who is attracted to you?


in a word, yes.

[gfofbiguy]

I've always been pretty oblivious to who's attracted to me, unless it's pretty much spelled out to me in no uncertain terms LOL

[Papelucho]

Usually.

I don't have much experience with guys, but one guy gets really nervous and talkative when I'm around, which is a sign. Another guy always asks me how I'm doing with a smile and positive tone, which is a sign.

As for women, there are different signs. When they touch their hair, it can mean that they're attracted. Most subtle acts of grooming for women can be an indicator that they're interested.

Dilated pupils are a sign of attraction, and eyes that flicker down the body towards the crotch are a sign of interest too.

[bisexualman]

I usually don't have a clue. It is nice to hear others have the same problem. My wife usually has to tell me when someone is interested in me. This should be very interesting since I am recently out and have no clue how to pick a guy up. Never really picked anyone up. They always made the first move, second move and usually had to be direct the third time.

[jem_is_bi]

When they come so close, I feel their body heat.
When, they smile and brush against me in the right places.
When, their voice goes soft, sweet and sexy.
Oh god! When they get naked and talk dirty to me.
Then, I always know who is attracted to me.

[shameless agitator]

I pretty much have to be hit over the head before I catch on. It's not even that I miss it when people flirt necessarily, I just don't generally think they're serious. I flirt with people all the time jokingly, so sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing when they're doing the same thing & when they're actually trying to let me know they're interested. My ex had to pin me to the wall & stick her tongue down my throat before I caught on.

[diB4u]

No I dont...

Seriously how can a person tell if its with the person of the same sex.

I'm hopeless even when men like me...

Yet I can see attraction between others... yet myself nope lol.

:tongue:

I dont pick anyone up, i normally wait untll someone says something... Thats probably why im single lol.

[wutheringheights]

I've found that I know virtually nothing.
I've blown so many opportunities by extensive procastination, dithering, psychological masochism, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Kids, don't be like me.

[jamieknyc]

Many times I have been oblivious when someone was attracted to me. But I don't look for it, either.

[darkeyes]

Mostly... 1ce ya learn 2 read peeps body language ya can usually tell.. its not infallible cos sumtimes we get the readin rong..but how peeps look atya, stand, touch or no, how they interact wiv not jus u..but the peeps around them.. the ansa can b gleaned...

We all giv off signals wich tell our feelins an our attitudes...jus open the book an read...

[**Peg**]

not a clue ! :(

[Eddie altamonte]

not a clue ! :(

I kinda get a vibe sometimes but for the most part it is very hard to tell. BTW Peg so you are clear I am totally attracted to you! lol

[diB4u]

not a clue ! :(


Me and you both my dear... me and you both...

Recently there was this heavy flirting, at least I think there was, staring me and this very attractive woman... Who happens to live near me, now who knows if it was flirting or not, but I did see her blush..

[darkeyes]

I kinda get a vibe sometimes but for the most part it is very hard to tell. BTW Peg so you are clear I am totally attracted to you! lol

Peg is reely luffly...but u make sure ya leave me granmumsie alone in future Eddie..me mite get annoyed..tee hee:tong:

[Lisa (va)]

Normally I would say yes, and to a certain extent I guess you can tell who thinks you are at least attractive (not necessarily wanting a relationship). But there was this one person that just seemed not to notice I was even there, but I did want to at least be friends with (liked his mannerisms). Fortunately, with some encouragement from another, he did finally ask me out, and I still very much love him till this day.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Ninnian]

If you've seen teh movie "Hairspray" ( actually I found it disappointing) I think Im most liek the lead gals Dad when he said something like ..
" You were talking to me for 5 years before I realized you were flirting!"

Other peeps? yeah, Im dialed in. Me? Totally clueless.. to teh point liek some others on here... I have to be nearly knocked on teh head and then be Told why they did so.

Its embarrassingly like my personal fashion sense- I havent a clue what looks good on me, and most things I have that are fashionable mny Hubby bouht me. My friends now know to ask " Oh,I liek that~! Did your hubby get it for you?"

Nin:tong:

[Cesca]

No I cant always tell. I have always found it easier with men but often I think it is an animal attraction in their case and not one where they care particularly about who lies inside the skin. Maybe thats unfair but it is the impression they give and not wholly without good reason do I say that. I think it is more true of men around my age and younger, but its not something they ever entirely lose.

When it comes to women sometimes I have been able to tell, especially when they make it blatantly obvious. In some ways women are becoming more like guys and maybe thats a good thing. However more than once has word got back to me via friends about a missed opportunity on an evening out because neither I or another girl noticed the signals we were sending each other, or having noticed them, didnt believe what our eyes and minds were telling us. Youth, lack of self belief and timidity possibly. Certainly lack of experience.

[someotherguy]

I know it if they try to undo my pants. Everything up to that point is a mystery to me.

[chick_a_dee]

I have a strong sense for those that are attracted to me(male). If it's not with the eye contact, it's the undivided attention a man gives me during conversation. The suspense begins not knowing what their next move will be.

[darkeyes]

I know it if they try to undo my pants. Everything up to that point is a mystery to me.
Call me a lil cynic ifya like hun..but guys tryin 2 get ya knicks off don necessarily mean they attracted 2 ya.. jus that they horny..the 2 don necessarily equate...:tong:

[**Peg**]

I kinda get a vibe sometimes but for the most part it is very hard to tell. BTW Peg so you are clear I am totally attracted to you! lol

lol thanks for making that clear Eddie :bigrin:

[**Peg**]

I know it if they try to undo my pants. Everything up to that point is a mystery to me.

ROTFLMAO good one

[jem_is_bi]

Call me a lil cynic ifya like hun..but guys tryin 2 get ya knicks off don necessarily mean they attracted 2 ya.. jus that they horny..the 2 don necessarily equate...:tong:


With a hand in my pants, I tend to overlook such distinctions.
Plus, I need a many repeat experiences before I decide which it is with a statistical significance of p > .001, assuming equal a-priori probabilities.