What are you prepared to deal with?

[proseros]

While in these throes do devine and wail sweet child
And therein bare comforting
-------------------------------------------------

OKay. Noone is perfect.
But we all want "perfect" relationships, partners and sex, and we all KNOW there is, never was and never will be anything but perfect happiness with whatever we have-whatever we get that is good for us.

So aside dropping your draws, ladies, gents-Just what are we looking for?
And what kind of package are prepared to deal with, physically, perceptually, intellectually, socially, sexually, emotionally and psychologically?

Do you know your limitations? Do you really know what is right for you as a bisexual man or woman? How many boxes of skeletons and what kinds of perceptble and imperceptible issues can you share with your partner or a prospective partner?

There is a LOT of love here but there is also a lot of well- LUST.
"Stick pins in my penis and fuck me" Yeah okay-

But I'm not in the best of physical or mental or other health.
Do YOU still love me?
Can you love him?Her?Them?

What are you prepared to deal with?

[ambi53mm]

What are you prepared to deal with?

Damn near anything...what about you?

Ambi:)

[jeancarleo]

I take one day at a time. Life is full of misteries we could be ready or not it just happens. We just gotta do our best for anything we want in life =):bipride:

[proseros]

Perhaps I haven't been clear.

Besides sex, what defects or shortcomings are you prepared to deal with, conversely is there anything you are bringing to the table that a prospective partner will need to learn to deal with?

Such as:

chronic or managed mental illness (bipolar disorder, autoimmune disease, epilepsy etc.) physical or medical issues (amputee, cancer survivor, questionable person history, etc.) Things that within the context of your relatinship require you or them to accept and tolerate a level of maintenance, either of you or them.

I for example have a neurological disorder. It is very painful and not pretty to look at or have to deal with-Any one who is not prepared to deal with that kind of thing emotionally and inteligently is in for something of a ride.

And again: My last relationship involved bipolar disorder. I had to learn to deal with it maturely and intelligently. At first I did not understand it and didn't even believe it. But I had to learn that it really existed and bare my partner's suffering with her. We went through HELL with it.

As i've said we're noneperfect but we all want perfect. The question, for the sake of it all what are you prepared t o deal with?

[proseros]

Hey paws!

Funny thing I was thinking of you just as I was writing that post and there you are. I love when that happens...:three:

[jeancarleo]

Wup dawg?

I don't worry about those kind of things right now. I'm just enjoying my life in the love scene just looking for a bi girl and guy is what matters to me. Then after that we can worry about more things to come together. Love is important to me. My parents were divorced when I was six. My dad used to have paranoiaattacs when he was with my mum when iw as still a baby and my older brother was like 1 yrs old and i don't remember anything but it went away after some time with natural medicine.

I've been through a lot in my life that's a long story to tell but i can tell u about it if u would like to know on the yahoo IM.

[ambi53mm]

I gave your question some thought before answering Proseros. ..”Being prepared “ comes first from within. I can only base this on those things that I’ve had to deal with over the last 57 years of life and my reliance on my own ability to adapt and survive. Whatever has come my way I’ve had no choice but to deal with. Even if I made a conscious effort to not deal ..I’m still dealing.
What lies ahead, I don’t know, but I am confident I will be able just as I’ve always done, to deal with whatever it is in what ever shape or form it comes in.
For example: I’m in great health, married to the love of my life, living a very blessed life (by my standards). One inevitable reality is that we will watch each other’s bodies deteriorate as we grow older and one of us shall perhaps watch the other die. One of us may suffer a horrible exit strategy when that time arrives…Will it be hard to deal with when that time arrives? Absolutely. …Am I prepared? Yes, because my ability to “deal” comes from within, not from without…a lesson learned long ago. Do I have a pretty good ideal of my limitations LOL? …in the moment Yes but all things are subject to change and when they do… again it’s from within.. and I will deal it

Ambi:)

[kitten]

Hmmm... I work with the special needs children and see challenges everyday.

I also have a family that is local and requires a lot of attention so there are always challenges. I guess this topic is making me think hard about what I have faced (death, depression issues, monetary issues). But it also makes me realize that I just do deal with these things because it is part of being with the family and friends that I care about and love.

Challenges create strength and strength to me means a deeper relationship.
so, I suppose i would say - bring it on!

hugs,

[Skater Boy]

I'm not really in a position to make any great demands of, or impose any unreasonable conditions onto my potential partners. And to be honest, I don't see the need to. For me, all that matters is that I like them, and that there is some degree of chemistry between us. I've met people who many would consider unappealing that I've felt quite attracted to, and vice versa. The only definite limit that I must impose is that my health (both physical and mental) are not threatened. But otherwise, if I liked the person enough, I would probably be willing to work through most difficulties.

[diB4u]

I'm not really in a position to make any great demands of, or impose any unreasonable conditions onto my potential partners. And to be honest, I don't see the need to. For me, all that matters is that I like them, and that there is some degree of chemistry between us. I've met people who many would consider unappealing that I've felt quite attracted to, and vice versa. The only definite limit that I must impose is that my health (both physical and mental) are not threatened. But otherwise, if I like the person enough, I would probably be willing to work through most difficulties.


True well said there skater, there is a few things that I wouldnt or couldnt deal with, the only one is if the person or persons had poor personal hygiene.
Even if it was the hottest person or persons alive, if they dont bath then that is a big no no for me... Apart from that yeah just like you I'm not in a position to demand anything, as long as the other person likes me for who I am and I like them for who they are- like you said the minor details can be worked around it.

[the mage]

While working in McLeod house years ago I met 2 wonderful people, both of whom were physically wracked and in wheelchairs. With out the ability to feed them selves these 2 people fell in love.

Humans are amazing. We can see thru a lot of ugly to find love.

[innaminka]

What are you prepared to deal with?



Its Sunday morning here - stinking hot (again) and I'm not prepared for anything!
Two teenage daughters still bum up at 10 am and a husband dispatched to the shops.
Its far too early to deal with anything. :bigrin:

Wrong! Actually I'm preparing very carefully to once again bare the bod (almost) as i squeeze into my swimming costume. :eek::eek:
This task (these days) takes great mental strength and the development of a very thick skin. :

[DiamondDog]

I'm not prepared to deal with heroin/opiate addiction, alcoholism/drug abuse or addiction, someone having HIV, a physically and psychologically abusive individual who can't control their anger/emotions, and kleptomania all in one single partner or at all.

[dafydd]

I'm not prepared to deal with heroin/opiate addiction, alcoholism/drug abuse or addiction, someone having HIV, a physically and psychologically abusive individual who can't control their anger/emotions, and kleptomania all in one single partner or at all.

maybe that might change if you fall in love.

d

[DiamondDog]

maybe that might change if you fall in love.

d

I have fallen in love.

Those are all bad qualities and someone who has ALL of them would not be a good person to date, or even think of getting into a serious relationship with.

If someone's been clean for 10-30 years that's one thing.

But I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who is a drug addict, a person who abuses drugs and goes on binges, or an alcoholic.

[dafydd]

I have fallen in love.

Those are all bad qualities and someone who has ALL of them would not be a good person to date, or even think of getting into a serious relationship with.

If someone's been clean for 10-30 years that's one thing.

But I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who is a drug addict, a person who abuses drugs and goes on binges, or an alcoholic.

I totally disagree. Having HIV is *not* a bad quality and to think it is, is to be totally driven by fear and insecurity. I had a relationship with a man with HIV for 2 years. I have never felt safer (in terms of sexual health) as I always knew what i was dealing with. Unfortunately in our current STD climate, discriminating against potential lovers because of HIV could leave you cutting off some very worthwhile men/women who could have a positive impact on your life. I understand why someone would be nervous about dating someone with HIV but to say it is a bad quality is wrong. I hope you rethink.

d

[DiamondDog]

I totally disagree. Having HIV is *not* a bad quality and to think it is, is to be totally driven by fear and insecurity. I had a relationship with a man with HIV for 2 years. I have never felt safer (in terms of sexual health) as I always knew what i was dealing with. Unfortunately in our current STD climate, discriminating against potential lovers because of HIV could leave you cutting off some very worthwhile men/women who could have a positive impact on your life. I understand why someone would be nervous about dating someone with HIV but to say it is a bad quality is wrong. I hope you rethink.

d

Being friends with someone who is Poz is fine but I wouldn't have sex with someone who is HIV+ or who I think is.

There's nothing wrong with this either since many people who are HIV+ refuse to date, get into relationships, or even have sex with people who are HIV- since they don't want another person to get the horrible disease.

[proseros]

Well DD I certainly agree there's no reason for anyone to volunteer themselves as drama management. Naturally noone wants to be in a relationship like that [even though- lol -hetro relationships are notorious for enabling things of one kind or another]; though I am not referring too much to dealing with behavior as much as managing circumstances, either that exist or may arise. Chronic or mental illness should remove nothing of the love in a relationship as long as partners retain the courage to work together in managing the issue at hand.

There may even arise issues [referring to the poit you have made] that point to the manifestation of certain kinds of behavior that could change the function and context of a relationship and may be unfamiliar and require education and management. Grief or depression may inititate a relapse of drug or alcohol abuse as well as some chronic illnesses (particularly)- again the example of cancer or some other ailment; a checkered past may affect relationship context or there could be unresolved emotional issues which, while perhpas not so evident in the relationship still do require conscientiousness and education in coping with them.

I suppose I am getting at "just what kind of partner can you be for the person you love?" Are you a good care-giver, or comforter? Are you parental and have patience to work through hurdles that may threaten to diminish the general quality of the relationship, and is one able to adapt one's character and purpose to keeping and strengthening the bonds that exist and are the foundation of that relationship.

It is hard enough that enough time has been lost coming to terms, and then defining the applicable terms of one life and style and acquiring a relationship that builds on the "right" standards for you and your partner(s) to love by.

But we are none perfect and in life and shit unfortunately does happen.

[Skater Boy]

I totally disagree. Having HIV is *not* a bad quality and to think it is, is to be totally driven by fear and insecurity. I had a relationship with a man with HIV for 2 years. I have never felt safer (in terms of sexual health) as I always knew what i was dealing with. Unfortunately in our current STD climate, discriminating against potential lovers because of HIV could leave you cutting off some very worthwhile men/women who could have a positive impact on your life. I understand why someone would be nervous about dating someone with HIV but to say it is a bad quality is wrong. I hope you rethink.

WOW, I have to admire you Dafydd. I think HIV+ would probably be included in my condition of not being a potential health risk to me. I'm just not sure that I could willingly put myself in a position where I KNOW that there is an increased risk of harming myself, and perhaps fatally so. I suppose if I had already been in a relationship with that person for some time, and was certain that I loved them with all my heart, AND THEN found out that they had HIV, it *might* be a different situation. But then again, maybe not. I think I should say that I'm already a bit of a hypochondriac, and if I get the slightest ailment, I tend to panic and book an appointment at the GUM clinic. I just don't think I could mentally cope with having a HIV+ partner, even if I'd like to think that I'm open minded enough to appreciate love wherever it may present itself.

[diB4u]

WOW, I have to admire you Dafydd. I think HIV+ would probably be included in my condition of not being a potential health risk to me. I'm just not sure that I could willingly put myself in a position where I KNOW that there is an increased risk of harming myself, and perhaps fatally so. I suppose if I had already been in a relationship with that person for some time, and was certain that I loved them with all my heart, AND THEN found out that they had HIV, it *might* be a different situation. But then again, maybe not. I think I should say that I'm already a bit of a hypochondriac, and if I get the slightest ailment, I tend to panic and book an appointment at the GUM clinic. I just don't think I could mentally cope with having a HIV+ partner, even if I'd like to think that I'm open minded enough to appreciate love wherever it may present itself.



LOL Skater thats funny... me too people say im a big time hypocondriac, but I'm not I just have a weak immune system And working with Kids is a bad combination....


Ahh Skater I do see where your coming from but if you was in said scenario and your partner said they was HIV+ after some time, chances are that you would be.... i know it depends on the exposure and a person's genetics... I know someone who had HIV for only a few years and died, but another person who is still alive and kicking for over 20 years plus.

Acturaly you've got me thinking now Skater... Bad boy you lol...... The idea of sex full stop is a mind filled for STI's as it is...let alone Cervical HPV.

[Skater Boy]

Ahh Skater I do see where your coming from but if you was in said scenario and your partner said they was HIV+ after some time, chances are that you would be.... i know it depends on the exposure and a person's genetics... I know someone who had HIV for only a few years and died, but another person who is still alive and kicking for over 20 years plus.

Acturaly you've got me thinking now Skater... Bad boy you lol...... The idea of sex full stop is a mind filled for STI's as it is...let alone Cervical HPV.

Well, even more reason to practise SAFE sex and take any other relevant precautions. I'm afraid, I think in a similar way to DiamondDog (at least on this subject): I would not knowingly have sex with someone that I knew (or suspected) to have an infectious disease. But I suppose I could still have a non-sexual relationship with someone who did, as long as the risk to my own health was minimal.

Sorry if that seems selfish, but I've heard and read enough about the consequences of having STDs/STIs like HIV to cause me to be cautious.

[DiamondDog]

Well, even more reason to practise SAFE sex and take any other relevant precautions. I'm afraid, I think in a similar way to DiamondDog (at least on this subject): I would not knowingly have sex with someone that knew (or suspected) to have an infectious disease. But I suppose I could still have a non-sexual relationship with someone who did, as long as the risk to my own health was minimal.

Sorry if that seems selfish, but I've heard and read enough about the consequences of having STDs/STIs like HIV to cause me to be cautious.

HIV / AIDS is a terminal (fatal) condition. There is no cure and no vaccine.

Classified as an "Infectious Disease" and Virus.

Treatment for HIV does not mean that you will survive for a long period of time. Some survive for 10, 15 and 20 years while others die within 6 months to a year.

Some medications used for HIV for slowing of the replication of the virus are fatal and all are toxic. Also not all medications even work for everyone, continue working, or have minimal side effects.

[Bluebiyou]

Love, unrequited
Robs me of me rest.
Love, hopeless love
My ardent soul encumbers
Love, nightmare like lies heavy on me chest
And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers.

Falling down the bottomless pit in love...
Been there, done that. With a girl who was manic depressive. I loved her so much I rode that roller coaster with her for two years. I finally couldn't take it any more and broke up. I have no regrets of my decision and I wouldn't trade a single second of the time I spent with her. It was both heaven and hell.

[dafydd]

HIV / AIDS is a terminal (fatal) condition. There is no cure and no vaccine.

Classified as an "Infectious Disease" and Virus.

Treatment for HIV does not mean that you will survive for a long period of time. Some survive for 10, 15 and 20 years while others die within 6 months to a year.

Some medications used for HIV for slowing of the replication of the virus are fatal and all are toxic. Also not all medications even work for everyone, continue working, or have minimal side effects.

Some people can be silly on this issue. I know people who would not have safe sex with someone who HIV+, but every weekend, have unsafe sex with some piece of trade they meet who "assures" them they are HIV-. The answer is to always use a condom. You've probably got more risk of getting into a car accident then you have of contracting HIV if you practice safe sex. Condoms are very very effective. If I fell in love with someone with HIV it would only mean I would be that much safer in bed.

[DiamondDog]

Some people can be silly on this issue. I know people who would not have safe sex with someone who HIV+, but every weekend, have unsafe sex with some piece of trade they meet who "assures" them they are HIV-. The answer is to always use a condom. You've probably got more risk of getting into a car accident then you have of contracting HIV if you practice safe sex. Condoms are very very effective. If I fell in love with someone with HIV it would only mean I would be that much safer in bed.

yeah that is really silly and dangerous.

[diB4u]

Some people can be silly on this issue. I know people who would not have safe sex with someone who HIV+, but every weekend, have unsafe sex with some piece of trade they meet who "assures" them they are HIV-. The answer is to always use a condom. You've probably got more risk of getting into a car accident then you have of contracting HIV if you practice safe sex. Condoms are very very effective. If I fell in love with someone with HIV it would only mean I would be that much safer in bed.

Awww good for you hun... Yes that is true people do take that risk. You went into the relationship with proper guidence, and maybe even support. You did your research...

Kudos to you my friend.

[Skater Boy]

The answer is to always use a condom. You've probably got more risk of getting into a car accident then you have of contracting HIV if you practice safe sex. Condoms are very very effective. If I fell in love with someone with HIV it would only mean I would be that much safer in bed.

Just out of curiosity, what would happen if the condom happened to BREAK during intercourse? Would someone be at risk then?

Sorry if my question sounds ignorant, but you seem to know more facts about this than I do.

[Bluebiyou]

Very low risk of HIV transmission... as compared to HEP C... PER OCCURANCE. My old nurse gf told me of 1/300 risk for stick or sex with HIV+.
Now, per occurance, this is low compared to, say ebola.
But DiaDog is right inasfar as the more you play unsafely...
You might cheat the devil for a while, but odds have a way of catching up with you. (Use Nancy Reagan's tough rhetoric - Just Say NO - to unsafe sex):). We ARE doing the 80's thing again, right?:):):):)

(stick = accidental hypodermic needle stick after use by HIV+ person)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I Am prepared to deal with most everything that a 'normal' everyday life can deal out, but I will Never again be prepared to deal with an abusive, loveless, celibate relationship that was based on lies, and infidelity. I Wont be limited, held down or held back in anything I want to do anymore. I Wont be shackled by somone else's insecurities and predejucies.(Sp)
Never again will be told that my bisexuality is a sick and twisted thought.
I Will persue a life of freedom and happiness for myself and those around me. :} I Will strive for a better life for me and my significant other.
I will seek out pleasure, and have as many lovers(both mentally And Physically) as I choose.
Guess thats me in a nutshell..lol
Live life to its fullest potential, and dont let Anyone tell you different, loves. :}
Cat

[Azrael]

What are you prepared to deal with?

Whatever it takes.

"Born of a broken man, but not a broken man"

-Rage Against The Machine

[Lateralus]

Whatever it takes.

"Born of a broken man, but not a broken man"

-Rage Against The Machine

LOVE that song! Anyhow, I can deal with almost anything mentally, as long as it doesn't pose a threat to me. I'm a lot more shallow when it comes to physical. I just can't see myself getting involved with someone that's paralyzed or has a contagious disease.

[the mage]

Just out of curiosity, what would happen if the condom happened to BREAK during intercourse? Would someone be at risk then?

Sorry if my question sounds ignorant, but you seem to know more facts about this than I do.

............NO question is ignorant...... Not asking is!!
I commend you ...
Your risk of infection from a person who is on HIV cocktail is very very low on a per incident basis, if a condom breaks during sex. MUCH MUCH lower than if you have a unsafe act with a person who does not know they are infected. THAT is the danger to you more than the diagnosed person.

There are in FACT at least 2 people out there undiagnosed for every one who knows. Always play safe.

The virus present in the blood of a successfully HIV suppressed person is of less danger than the semen. The semen will have about 1000 copies of virus per Cu/Ml if the blood tests show undetectable levels. (Undetectable is less than 50 copies its NEVER all gone)But that virus is weak, very very unlikely to infect a healthy person. In particular, for a woman, Vaginal sex is inherently less risky than anal sex. Anal sex with the infected means transmission of disease just about every time. It is why it spread in gays so fast.There is a chance of non transmission in vaginal sex, BUT don't risk it USE CONDOMS!
A UNdiagnosed person will have up to 500.000 copies or MORE of healthy wild growing virus which will get you. It does NOT matter if they are ill or not that means nothing., A healthy looking person can kill you faster than the thin, wasted looking man who is a long term survivor taking his or her meds.

Now, oral sex..... there is no virus in "spit" to speak of. Receiving oral from the infected is low risk if all is done with no cuts etc.
Having the infected cum in your mouth means little to your risk once the uncovered session starts. again however, Spit kills the virus as does throat acid and stomach gases. No cuts very little risk of HIV.
HIV virus is weak, surviving for only second outside the body even in ideal conditions. Old needles are not an HIV issue they are a Hepatitis risk.

[Fresia]

Bump it up!

[tenni]

I would like to be able to write that deception and dishonesty. Unfortunately, I moved the bar and let this happen. It did not me good. I hope to deal with deception better with honesty..time will tell.

[Melody Dean]

I would like to be able to write that deception and dishonesty. Unfortunately, I moved the bar and let this happen. It did not me good. I hope to deal with deception better with honesty..time will tell.

Yeah, I dealt with that recently too. I knew the whole time that he was a habitual liar, I don't know why I thought it would go away or be any different with me...

[pole_smoker]

I would like to be able to write that deception and dishonesty. Unfortunately, I moved the bar and let this happen. It did not me good. I hope to deal with deception better with honesty..time will tell.
What do you expect to happen when you do nothing but become a married man's fuck buddy, side piece, and booty call, and hook up with strangers? Or when you want a married bi or gay man that's into cheating on his husband or wife to be your emotional tampon when all you both really want is just sex as you yourself are incapable of having an actual relationship or loving anyone. You've done this tons of times and will continue to do it but that's your thing, and your ex wife that said how you hate women and need psychological help for dealing with your issues with women before she ran for the hills was right about you.