Girls, I need some sex advice and an honest opinion.

[Promising Galahad]

Girls, when having sex with a guy for the first time what do you like? Is there anything you feel a guy should not do while having sex with you for the first time?

I've been dating this girl for about 3 months now and we are getting close to having sex. We've taken it slow because I really like her alot and I have not pushed or pressured her in the least.. She's alot younger than me (I'm 36 she's 22) and I don't want to do anything to scare her off. She is really cool about me being bi and she doesn't mind the age difference. Bottom line is, she is probably the coolest and most beautiful girl I've ever been with. She looks like a Victoria Secret Model and she doesn't even know it(I find modesty super hot) She is smart, compassionate, and treats others like they are her long lost best friend.

So, anyway my question. Usually when I have sex with a girl I spend alot of time with foreplay. In the past I will stick my two fingers slowly into her vagina and gently massage. I then will take my fingers out of her and taste my fingers. In the past this has turned both me and my female lovers on but I have done this only after a long period of time and after we've slept together awhile. I am curious if any girls here would find this to be a major tunroff for a guy to do the first around. Another thing is this. Would any girl find it weird or disturbing to have a guy rim them on their first time having sex? I guess what I am trying to say is I am WILD about this girl and have been dreaming about having sex since the day we met (over 3 months ago) I think I am very anxcious to be with her.

I've heard from her girlfriends that she really likes me alot which makes me feel good. They also tell me that she is very horny and is always telling her friends that she wants to fuck me and has since we met. This has surprised me because she hasn't really made any move. We've kissed and done some light groping,but nothing really heavy as of yet.She just wanted to take things slow, which I totally respect and think it will make sex even better.I also think this is a sign that she is serious. I think we're gonna be having sex very soon and would like some honest feedback. Any advice is also welcomed. Girls, what do you expect and like when having sex for the first time? What should I do and not do? I'm playing this extra careful because this is not like the others. Many thanks!

[The Barefoot Contess]

Wow, you must be so excited! Congratulations on having found such a special person, and on being so determined to make things work out.
As for your questions... of course every person is different, and each one likes different things... I know that does not help much. What I am trying to say is that, first, how about asking her? To me it is not a turn off if a guy asks me what I like the first time we have sex. Besides, it is not as if this was your first date. You have done some things, and you know her a little. How open do you think she is to experimenting? If she is open, then chances are she will also be the first time, but I might be wrong. I particularly like doing different things, not too vanilla, and it really makes no difference to me whether it is the first or the tenth time. Another way of asking the same question is starting to do something and either ask if she likes it or "read" her body language. It should be easy to say if she is enjoying or not, and besides, she is there to tell you also if she likes it or not.
But, as I said, each person is different. What you suggest would be perfectly fine with me, but maybe not for others. In my experience with guys, for instance, some of them love it when the first time I give them a blow job I play with their ass at the same time, and others do not even want hear about it. The first time I was with my ex we did anal, and fisting, and it was perfectly fine with me. He asked before trying anything, though.
Foreplay is always good, so that is a must. Really, everything you do with care and love should be ok. Well, maybe S&M would not fly :rolleyes:
Best of luck.

[Promising Galahad]

Hey thanks. I agree 100%! Communication is key and I hope we can talk our way through it just to see what she likes. I am more of a giver in all my relationships and I just get excited pampering the ones I love, so its really what she's comfortable with. I guess my biggest fear is I'll do something that will make her uncomfortbale. A guy sticking his tongue in her ass and licking it might either turn her off and she'll think I'm a disgusting perv or she'll really like it and discover how much I really like her. Who knows? I think alot of bisexuals are overly passionate,God knows I am.I get arroused easily with the smell,touch,and so on of a man or woman.Thanks again for the feedback.

(who do I send the bill to?LOL)

[DiamondDog]

Countess is correct, just ask her what she likes.

I've done BDSM with men and women who I've just met or the first time we've had sex and it worked out great but I've met people who are into that. :)

[onewhocares]

Dear Galahad,

First, thank you for being the type of man who would be considerate of the wishes and desires of your partner. Making love should be a pleasure for both of you and as such, your thoughts and foresight into what you would like to evolve will come back to you many times over. No two people make love the same way. In the past months I am sure you have an inkling of what she may or may not enjoy. For me, I like when a man takes the wholeness of my being into consideration. Stimulate not just her body, her senses, but most importantly her mind, for that in my humble opinion is the greatest organ of all.

Setting the mood is a nice touch also. Try and make the night a memorable one. As others above have said, communication, be it verbal and non verbal are key. I think if you have developed a rapport and are in unison, the journey to the place you want to be shall be one of mutual satisfaction. Lots of foreplay is always a wonderful appetizer for me, actually what about some nibbling on some raspberries or champagne to start the journey. Remember that you should let her make love to you too! A journey is much better when two people travel to bliss together.

Much luck and best wishes,

Belle

[Promising Galahad]

WOW!!! Belle, that was the most honest answer ever! Thank you for that. I'm actually kind of trembling (how weird is that?) Thanks for sharing what you'd like. That helps me alot. When ever her and I are together there is always deep eye contact. Its almost like its a stare off. I've never been like that with anyone. We do alot of smiling and grinning and we play with each others hands. At the movies the other night we just help each others hands,played with them,squeezed them, a few times I would place her hand over my heart and she seemed to really like that.By the way, thats something I've never done before. We kiss alot and we give each other hickey's too much. Luckily, she has long hair and cover it mostly plus she wears turltenecks alot this time of year. I'm not that lucky. I love the way her skin tastes on her neck and I even bought some victoria secret body lotion that she uses for myself so I can have some kind of smell of her around me when she's not here.

I think the sex is gonna be awesome and we are both I think bursting in a way.I feel nervous like I've never done it before which is unusual because I am always ready for sex and never shy away from it. EVER! Anyway, thanks for your input. It was a HUGE help.

[HighEnergy]

Aww, that's so sweet. Personally, as much as I'm not vanilla, I'd keep it that way for the first time around. Just relax and enjoy. Rimming her ass the first time might be a bit much given her age, but who knows. It seems like you'll have a long time to figure out when that and other kinks should come up. ;)

But the sexiest thing is open communication while you are getting frisky. I agree that setting the mood and all that is very romantic. I had a friend who went to all kinds of lengths to make the place just perfect and have all the perfect romantic snacks and all. I was really impressed, except I'm deathly allergic to smelly candles, etc and had to run out of the house and not come back for DAYS!

[Promising Galahad]

Hey Thanks! I guess this is why I prefer ong term relationships with women. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex with guys but I'd never go through this much trouble for a guy. I think I'm getting older and am getting out of my "fucking stages" and morphing into my "Making Love" stages. I want this to last and I want this girl to feel how much I like her and how knowing her in this short period of time has meant to me. Its so weird because there have been nights lately where I can't sleep. I think of her SO MUCH. I get grumpy when I'm not around her or can't email or speak to her. I've never felt like this towards someone.I think looking back, this may be a sign that I have not appreicated the relationships I have been in.

Anyway, Thanks HighEnergy for the advice.Does vanilla mean 1st time? I'm sort of out of it I guess(LOL)

[HighEnergy]

No dear, keeping it vanilla means don't bring out the floggers, ropes or anal toys the first night.

Yep, you are either deeply in love (or horribly codepedent) given the cranky thing. :tongue: You know, a girl really likes being wanted. Go over there and pounce on her tonight!

[Promising Galahad]

LOL! I'm not codependant. I was afraid I was becoming a control freak.I just enjoy being around her. I have an advantage. Her friend and her sister have whispered some gossip in my ear.Nothing bad, just telling me that she talks about me all the time and thinks about me as much as I think of her.They also like me which is a good sign.I was afiad her sister and family might disaporove of the age thing but her sister says she really likes me and says I remind her and her sister of their Dad (I think thats a compliment)Anyway, thanks for clearing up the vanilla thing. Yeah, I'd never do that but thanks for the heads up. We're getting together Thursday night. We both are off for a week so I thought we'd rent 'Love, Actually'. She has never seen that and its my favortie Christmas movie. I'm cooking dinner and planning the night. Thanks again for your help!

[DiamondDog]

Hey Thanks! I guess this is why I prefer ong term relationships with women. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex with guys but I'd never go through this much trouble for a guy. I think I'm getting older and am getting out of my "fucking stages" and morphing into my "Making Love" stages. I want this to last and I want this girl to feel how much I like her and how knowing her in this short period of time has meant to me. Its so weird because there have been nights lately where I can't sleep. I think of her SO MUCH. I get grumpy when I'm not around her or can't email or speak to her. I've never felt like this towards someone.I think looking back, this may be a sign that I have not appreicated the relationships I have been in.

Anyway, Thanks HighEnergy for the advice.Does vanilla mean 1st time? I'm sort of out of it I guess(LOL)

Vanilla sex is sex that isn't kink related and where you don't do BDSM.

"vanilla" sex is based on heteronormative concepts of what sex "should" be, based on societal definitions. Ergo, if you are a bio-male who has penetrative sex with a bio-female in one of only several positions, then you might be vanilla. The same goes for very specific subsections of "gay" sex where one person is a "top" (penetrative) and one is "bottom" (receptive)... or in a "stone butch/high femme" dichomity where practices and/or assumptions about the mechanics mesh with the dominant paradigm. Everything else is, in my mind, just "Kink."

For myself that includes facial/body hair worship, cock worship, muscle worship, bondage/SM (crops, flogging, spanking, paddling, whipping, switches), licking men's armpits/having mine licked, facials, spitting on someone, piss, cruising/flirting with facial hair, giving a woman dominant oral sex, orgasm/ejaculation control, command, and denial, CBT, agressive kissing and biting, face shaving scenes, facial hair trimming scenes, blindfolds, SM done with leather gloves (i.e. light face slapping/choking that's consensual), erotic wrestling, cigars/cigarettes/pipes with tobacco, types of role play, puppy play, a leash/collar, Master/slave (again consenusal), commands, verbal, wax/ice, tactile (running pointy things over someone's body like fingernails/combs/etc.), body shaving, tit torture, uniforms/roles with them (cops, military, blue collar, and cowboys), leather, feet, dominant cocksucking, mouth/throat fucking someone, cage bondage, boot worship/licking, anal/vaginal fisting, rough sex, knife play (can be as simple as a cold butterknife), toys, felching semen out of a vagina/ass (I don't do this but I find it to be hot to fantasize about and watch in porn), two men double teaming a woman, a man and a woman double teaming another man, public sex, ejaculating in a hot beard, sounds/urethral stimulation (even external urethral stimulation), barbering/haircutting scenes, dominance/submission, denying someone else tobacco to smoke if they smoke, being active/passive, being boyish/exploratory, wolf role play, and gags.

A good friend of mine says that vanilla sex is any sex that isn't heterosexual vaginal sex where the man is on top in the dark and it's sex for procreation not pleasure. I agree with him and his definition of what vanilla sex is.

PromisingG-It's interesting that you feel that way that you do about men and women.

I'm the opposite, in that I get infatuated with men the way you do about women and I have fallen in love/gotten infatuated with some women but not as many women as men and it's not as deep and sometimes it's just wanting sex only. I feel more complete and happy in a relationship with a man.

Also I agree with the person who asked why you're not having sex with this woman if you know that she wants you to?

[Promising Galahad]

Thanks DiamondDog.Yeah, I know biguys who are like you. I am fluid in that but find certain people bring sides out in me at different times. Right now, I am on another planet. I am physically and emotionally attracted to this girl. I also think whats cool is she is fascinated by my bisexuality. She asks alot of questions and thinks its interesting. Thats a first for me. Most girls are turned off and I'm curious if her age has anything to do with that. I've been told by some other bi guys that younger women are less judgemental and more open to new ideas. Who knows?

[innaminka]

Dear Galahad,


Setting the mood is a nice touch also. Try and make the night a memorable one. As others above have said, communication, be it verbal and non verbal are key. I think if you have developed a rapport and are in unison, the journey to the place you want to be shall be one of mutual satisfaction.

Belle

As the writers have said - you've obviously established a rapport with her and sex is a completely normal step in any relationship.

Hell - first time with anyone should just be fun! Communicate, but don't get too hung up about techniques and outcomes.
Just shag happily anf have fun.
In response to your original question - just appreciate that good sex involves two people - and it appears you're more than aware of it.
Don't worry - just have fun!

Probably good advice - perhaps first time, unless explictely invited, stay away from her botty - that will occur naturally later if its to her liking.

[Bluebiyou]

Just go with it!
Sex with a virgin... I don't see the attraction for the Islamic 72 virgins reward for ... debatable moral means...
I like Jeff Dunham's 'Walter' response of "gimme 72 slutty broads who know what the hell they're doing!"
Just do it. It can't and won't be 'right'. Nearly impossible. She'll nearly certainly encounter pain and pleasure.
Don't be so sensitive as to heed her every feeling.
On the other hand, if she's clearly REALLY hurting (and your feelings support the fact you understand this), then stop, adjust. You may have to whack off before, during, or after.
On one hand, be gentle; on the other, just do it.

Good luck and best feelings to you both.

[Promising Galahad]

Hey everyone, thanks for the replies! Christmas came early for me. (no pun intended) The other night we spent the night together and all went well. I'm head over heals about her. She let me do what I wanted and it was awesome. I kept asking her is she was okay with everything I'd do. She laughed almost everytime and said yes.She thought the fact that I was nervous was cute. When I got to the back I slowly began. She is very ticklish and squirmed only because of that, but after a while she was relaxed and got into it. She had never been rimmed before and I think she is now gonna expect it on a regualr basis, which is fine with me. She has only has sex with 2 guys and only in missionary. So, I must have been the biggest man whore she'd ever seen. She used a really sexy shower gel that morning and this was at 7:00ish at night and I could still smell it. It made things even hotter. We talked alot so I know what she likes, which is pretty much everything. I think it may have been the best time I had ever had.Anyways, just wanted to let you know. I think I kind of got lucky. I was gonna hold back but once we got into it I can tell she was pretty wild and had a kinky side to her. Another thing is I have a big moaning fetsih. I moan pretty loud and love hearing my partners do the same. Not sure if anyone here saw the Kim Kardasian sex tape, but she moaned more than Kim did in that video. This was a huge turn on. She is loud VERY loud! Not sure about you guys, but this just makes it all worth while for me. She is so shy and I don't think I have ever heard her swear, but in the sack she talks so dirty it would make a locker room full of men blush. I've never heard the words, "Cum", "Fuck", and "Cunt" screamed as loud as I did that night. Anyway, thanks again for the advice! Have a Horny Christmas!!! :bipride:

[onewhocares]

Well Gallahad, I am glad that your first night together was all you expected it to be. I am happy to hear that this special lady also liked what you had to offer and am proud that you asked HER what SHE wanted. See...I told you being open and honest would come back to you several times over.

[sexylioness]

There is no need for me to add my :2cents: because everyones advice has been great so it's no need for me to repeat it... don't you just love all of these people:)/
I do want to say Congratulations on finding that special person. I too am in a similar situation as far as the age, I am 34 and he is 21, so I wanted to commend you on being so attentive to her needs. I will say don't over think this, most of the time the best things happen when not planned. You being as affectionate and attentive as you are already puts you a step ahead in the game. Good luck, enjoy and remember FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY!!;)