parkwings
Sep 8, 2007, 4:23 PM
Now that some time has passed, I've realized that my past male/female relationship may have been on shakey ground from the get-go, why? Well....
Firstly, my ex(female) knew I was bi/gay from the start, there were no lies.
In the beginning, I tried to not masterbate about men out of respect for her-I would 'save up' all my urges, and only have sex with her. After a while I realized this could not work permanently.(I was not acknowledging/repressing something that I KNEW was in me) I mentioned this to her and she advised me not to worry too much about it, just not to cheat in real life. I said 'OK'
So,..then I allowed myself to masterbate about men when she was out...then I'd feel guilty and wierd when she came back..again, NOT a good long term solution. I'd think, If I'm always masterbating to men, is it a good idea to stay with a woman? It seemed a bit 'off' to me.
Now, stage three, I allowed myself to masterbate/fantasize freely, all the while, our sex life was good. I would masterbate about men, yet would think about her, her body while we were having sex/making love.
Then, as time progressed, and the relationship came to a crossroads, I realized that I could not give her the fidelity she required.
I would've been repressing a lot of myself. I started to get depressed, stressed, irritable, not the way one should feel at the prospect of embarking on a journey as a couple.
That was the start of the end.
In retrospect, when you consider the values and needs of the two people involved here, it was somewhat of a mis-match, as far as a LTR goes.
She was a str8 lady who eventually wanted the serious commitment of marriage or similar union.
I, on the other hand, am someone who is in flux, and may end up not even dating women anymore.(after this experience)
I sure learned a lot from this though, and I'm sure I'll continue to learn as time passes, even if it is sometimes tough. :tongue:
Firstly, my ex(female) knew I was bi/gay from the start, there were no lies.
In the beginning, I tried to not masterbate about men out of respect for her-I would 'save up' all my urges, and only have sex with her. After a while I realized this could not work permanently.(I was not acknowledging/repressing something that I KNEW was in me) I mentioned this to her and she advised me not to worry too much about it, just not to cheat in real life. I said 'OK'
So,..then I allowed myself to masterbate about men when she was out...then I'd feel guilty and wierd when she came back..again, NOT a good long term solution. I'd think, If I'm always masterbating to men, is it a good idea to stay with a woman? It seemed a bit 'off' to me.
Now, stage three, I allowed myself to masterbate/fantasize freely, all the while, our sex life was good. I would masterbate about men, yet would think about her, her body while we were having sex/making love.
Then, as time progressed, and the relationship came to a crossroads, I realized that I could not give her the fidelity she required.
I would've been repressing a lot of myself. I started to get depressed, stressed, irritable, not the way one should feel at the prospect of embarking on a journey as a couple.
That was the start of the end.
In retrospect, when you consider the values and needs of the two people involved here, it was somewhat of a mis-match, as far as a LTR goes.
She was a str8 lady who eventually wanted the serious commitment of marriage or similar union.
I, on the other hand, am someone who is in flux, and may end up not even dating women anymore.(after this experience)
I sure learned a lot from this though, and I'm sure I'll continue to learn as time passes, even if it is sometimes tough. :tongue: