A committed relationship with the opposite sex...

[sqa7742]

I've been ruminating. I've always loved women, but my lust goes all over the map. I've always been looking for a woman with the same mindset...

But where do you look, eh? Or when do you drop the question... "So, are you bi? I am." How did some of you bi couples out there find yourselves together And how do you manage your sexuality that goes outside of the relationship?

I'm just "curious."

;)

[justafriend]

A good question. Most of my relationships have been with straight women and the two I came out to didn't take it too well. I think it would be nice to be in a heterosexual open bi relationship. I'm curious too.:tongue:

[DiamondDog]

I can usually tell if a man/woman is bi or gay, or het, and I'm very accurate with my gay/bidar and my ability to read people.

It's not something that can be taught.

While I'm out and open about myself to mostly everyone, and I have had and will continue to have relationships with gay and bisexual men, I simply won't have relationships or seek out relationships with heterosexual women.

Mainly because I don't want that type of a relationship with a woman and most hetero women are afraid/threatend by bisexual men even if they're a fag hag and most of their close male friends are gay men.

Maybe that is a bit harsh but it is the truth.

If I were ever in a LTR relationship with a woman it would have to be open or else I'd cheat and just eventually wind up leaving her for a romantic relationship with a man, and there would be a period of time where I wouldn't want sex at all with her or be sexually attracted to her for as long as half a year, as I'll go through periods where I simply don't want sex with women at all and the idea disgusts me.

Also I don't even think I could live with a woman or that I'd even personally want to.

I've had sex with hetero women and many of them get WAY too attached to me when what we agreed upon before having sex was that it was just a hook up or a one night stand and we'd both go our own ways and that would be it afterwards. I've had some hetero women stalk me or say how I was her boyfriend after we only had sex once as strangers and I had one crazy woman tell me how she was LOL "in love" with me after we had sex once and I'd only met her hours before we had sex together, and we'd agreed that it was a 1 night stand and nothing more but she went back on the deal and wound up stalking me and it was all this stupid drama and a big mess.

Some hetero women are open to bisexual men but most hetero women don't want an open relationship and don't want their husband/boyfriend having sex with other men or other people besides them.

Also many women think that they can change a man and that if he marries her that he'll NEVER have lustful or romantic thoughts about another man again and that's not how it works.

[kitten]

As with any part of a relationship, communication is very important. However, some people are very emotional and forget what has been said and get all weird on you.
Taking your time meeting people/women. Wait until you feel there is some trust and talk about fantasies, realities, expectations...but mainly accept yourself and get comfortable talking about what bi means to you and how you like "it".
I was so very shy about what to say and how to say what I felt, desired and needed. Talking here in chat and on the forums has helped me come out of that shell and be more able to use my gay/bidar and to feel confident that I am not weird or unusual. And I am more able to talk "it" with others.

Thanks to all my friends here who have helped me find my confidence!

Best wishes and I hope you find what you are looking for.
Good things do come to those who seek and wait for the right moment.

hugs,

[ForbiddenWindow]

I've been committed to an awesome girl. While my sexuality goes all over the map like's been said before. I'm actually pretty scared to do anything about it since i'm not good at hiding secrets but I have managed to hide that much for sure.

I'm in a position where I dont want to loose my awesome gf, so for now. I'll just continue to be myself and just keep my fantasies to myself and share them with friends here.

[warmpuppy]

Before my current marriage, I dated a terrific, very sexy girl who seemed to have no limits. One day, out of the blue, she told me that she had this wild fantasy to watch two guys make love. Up to that time, I had never told her about my bisexuality.

I was more than happy to help her live her fantasy. I later found out that she was also bi, and very addicted to sex...some of it very kinky.

I wish things had worked out for us, but there were other issues that prevented a LTR. It sure was fun while it lasted. <sigh>

[the mage]

Your sexuality will not leave you in peace until you're very old at which point coping with death takes over.
The cravings are too much to ignore. That simple suppressed reality is making churches and lawyers wealthy and has for centuries.
Attempting to alter your, or a mates basic desires will end in failure by either cheating or separation or depression.

I started sex at age 10.
I have lived in full time relationships since age 20 with 3 different women. The first was super kinky and it showed me the play but she was dumb as a post.
The second was a traditional marriage with me in the closet for years not even seeking man play at all.
Then it came back...
It was a great marriage and we were and are still friends but when I finally came out it changed her too as she had been hiding her own desire behind the suburban fence.
My hiding led to her hiding which led to sexually unfulfilled people living together as friends. That is not a marriage.
We parted with tears but not anger.
My current Lady now knows all about me from the start. I told her all about my play before we touched each other. She enjoys the kink and my submission to her desires. She has seen the quivering trembling mass of excited nerve endings a man can become when its really good.
She has talked to me at length and understands the dynamic of man play but stil l it does not turn her on to see it. Its that simple. So I play with men apart from her.
Because of that I will always desire her, and ache to quiver and sweat for her too.

[biwords]

Your sexuality will not leave you in peace until you're very old at which point coping with death takes over.
The cravings are too much to ignore. That simple suppressed reality is making churches and lawyers wealthy and has for centuries.
Attempting to alter your, or a mates basic desires will end in failure by either cheating or separation or depression.

I started sex at age 10.
I have lived in full time relationships since age 20 with 3 different women. The first was super kinky and it showed me the play but she was dumb as a post.
The second was a traditional marriage with me in the closet for years not even seeking man play at all.
Then it came back...
It was a great marriage and we were and are still friends but when I finally came out it changed her too as she had been hiding her own desire behind the suburban fence.
My hiding led to her hiding which led to sexually unfulfilled people living together as friends. That is not a marriage.
We parted with tears but not anger.
My current Lady now knows all about me from the start. I told her all about my play before we touched each other. She enjoys the kink and my submission to her desires. She has seen the quivering trembling mass of excited nerve endings a man can become when its really good.
She has talked to me at length and understands the dynamic of man play but stil l it does not turn her on to see it. Its that simple. So I play with men apart from her.
Because of that I will always desire her, and ache to quiver and sweat for her too.

Awww, Mage, I always knew there was a romantic in there somewhere! Your story really did kinda choke me up.

[the sacred night]

I can usually tell if a man/woman is bi or gay, or het, and I'm very accurate with my gay/bidar and my ability to read people.

It's not something that can be taught.

While I'm out and open about myself to mostly everyone, and I have had and will continue to have relationships with gay and bisexual men, I simply won't have relationships or seek out relationships with heterosexual women.

Mainly because I don't want that type of a relationship with a woman and most hetero women are afraid/threatend by bisexual men even if they're a fag hag and most of their close male friends are gay men.

Maybe that is a bit harsh but it is the truth.

If I were ever in a LTR relationship with a woman it would have to be open or else I'd cheat and just eventually wind up leaving her for a romantic relationship with a man, and there would be a period of time where I wouldn't want sex at all with her or be sexually attracted to her for as long as half a year, as I'll go through periods where I simply don't want sex with women at all and the idea disgusts me.

Also I don't even think I could live with a woman or that I'd even personally want to.

I've had sex with hetero women and many of them get WAY too attached to me when what we agreed upon before having sex was that it was just a hook up or a one night stand and we'd both go our own ways and that would be it afterwards. I've had some hetero women stalk me or say how I was her boyfriend after we only had sex once as strangers and I had one crazy woman tell me how she was LOL "in love" with me after we had sex once and I'd only met her hours before we had sex together, and we'd agreed that it was a 1 night stand and nothing more but she went back on the deal and wound up stalking me and it was all this stupid drama and a big mess.

Some hetero women are open to bisexual men but most hetero women don't want an open relationship and don't want their husband/boyfriend having sex with other men or other people besides them.

Also many women think that they can change a man and that if he marries her that he'll NEVER have lustful or romantic thoughts about another man again and that's not how it works.

With that attitude toward women, no wonder they feel a bit theatened.

[DiamondDog]

With that attitude toward women, no wonder they feel a bit theatened.
Threatened by what?

If you think my opinion is harsh or even *gasp* "misogynistic" try hearing what some gay men say about women.

Gay men like this make fish jokes about how a woman's vagina smells like tuna/dead fish or how the idea of having sex with a woman is akin to heavy scat play to them (when they're obviously NOT into scat and if faced between doing a heavy/"taboo" kink or sleeping with a woman they'd pick the kink). Some dislike hetero women who go to gay bars and act like they're so "cool" because they have gay male friends who give them fashion/beauty tips or how these women can sometimes fall in love/lust with gay men and try to sleep with them or "convert" them, when it doesn't work that way.

Yes my opinion about some hetero women may be a bit harsh but it's the truth and it's what I've experienced and what I've heard from hetero women and gay/bi men who I'm friends with.

What I wrote about how lots of women who are in relationships with bi men how they want to change a man or how once he marries her that he'll never lust or think romantic/sexual thoughts about men again, that's true too. Just look at the topics about this subject that come up and that people have posted about here.

Look at mainstream society, gay/bi/queer people are hated in western society and in most socities. Even in America and Canada and in big American/Canadian cities too. If you think that gay men are biphobic or feel threatened by bisexual men trust me, they're nothing compared to how lots of straight women feel about bi men. I know lots of bi men who have gotten divorced and have came out to their kids and other family members but not their ex wives. I also know tons of closeted bi men who simply won't talk about this with their hetero wives/girlfriends and for all their wives/girlfriends know their husbands/boyfriends are "straight" and will deny being bisexual/non-het/into men sexually to their spouses/girlfriends until their dying day or as long as they're together and the husband/boyfriend doesn't get found out or discovered.

When I have sex with women or if I were to date a woman it's sexual for the most part since for the most part I get things out of having sex/relationships with men that I simply can't get from women at all, and that if I were in a relationship with a woman I'd just be pining for a man or a loving relationship with a man.

I don't see anything wrong with this since I'm honest and up front and nobody gets hurt. There are lots of women who don't want relationships with men and are just into casual dating/1 night stands, and who only want some dick or a male fuck buddy.

I've fallen in love with women before but I don't want to have a relationship with a woman since the majority don't want their husband/boyfriend having sex with other men, acting upon his urges for sex with men, or just saying "Wow Look! That muscle stud with the tattoos and goatee is REALLY hot! I'd do anything to suck him, cum all over his chest, or plow him!".

Plus I'd always be telling myself that I'd settled for less, that I only did this because of what other people/society thought, and deep down I know that I'd be happier and in a more stable relationship with man instead of with a woman.

If I were with a woman in a long term relationship or married, I'd constantly be checking out men or wondering "If only I'd married a man, my life would be better!" or I'd be thinking "What would my life be like if I had married a man?" or "Man I'd LOVE to do him! But I can't since I'm in a closed/exclusive relationship." Or even if I were in an open relationship with a woman where it was the type where we only had sex with other men when we're both there, I know I'd meet hot gay men who are attracted to me and I'm attracted to them but they wouldn't want to have a MMF 3 way since they're gay.

I'm already out of the closet, and I'm sure as hell not going back in ever again!

I know I could date and have long term relationships with women but I don't want to swear off men forever, or be told that I can't ever have sex with a guy alone again, or fall in love with a guy.

I can't stand the idea of not ever being able to kiss a man ever again, have him hold me or be held by him, or have sex with a guy or fall in love with him and I know I'd eventually cheat or just end up in a nasty divorce if I were married to a woman.

3 way relationships don't work for the majority of people and I've yet to actually see one that has lasted for a decade or more.

Even the Master/slave or Sir/boy/Dad types that are found in gay 3 way BDSM relationships don't seem to work in reality and work better in theory. The relationship dissolves and everyone's back at square one.

I'm a realist. Open relationships seem good in theory but I know that someone usually just wind up getting hurt, feels left out, or jealous and that no amount of communication can fix these things or that people who are in open relationships do lie and harbor secrets and it's foolish to think that people in open relationships don't or aren't more likely to do this.

I even have friends who are all about their open relationship with their spouse, or who think that they're the best way to be for everyone even serial monogamists, yet even they tell me that if they had to they'd divorce their husband/wife, close the relationship forever, or stop having an open relationship if their partner wanted it.

There are TONS of bi men who only want casual sex with men and nobody around here seems to say how that's bad, or that these men are somehow "wrong" for not being able to fall in love with men, or how they're "bad" since they don't want to have relationships with men but only fall in love and have relationships with women. Or I've seen posts by bi men who say how they only like a guy's cock and the idea of kissing a man disgusts them or that they think of a guy as a live dildo and nobody says anything about this.

Before you play the "he's a misogynist" card/false psychoanalysis please note that I've known this about myself since I was 16 (what I wrote about how if I were to marry a woman or get into a Long term closed relationship that I'd cheat or just leave for a serious one with a guy or end up in a nasty divorce), and it's better that I'm honest instead of just staying in the closet or just flat out lying and trying to be heterosexual or lying and saying that I would be monogamous with a woman when I know that I can't be in a closed/exclusive relationship with a woman.

Also about my comment about how I'll go through periods where I find women disgusting or how I don't want sex with them for sometimes as long as 6 months well, that's what happens. I don't have any control over it, that's just how things are and how I am. I go through periods where I simply don't want sex with women at all and then I'll go back to being equal and I'll want sex with both a man and a woman at the same time. I've written in ad nauseam about this topic on this board.

[kitten]

DiamondDog,

Your honesty is always appreciated and your perspectives give balance and realism is so many ways.
Thank you. It is awesome to know someone (through the site) that is so very in tune with himself. I bow down to you.

:bowdown:


hugs always,

[parkwings]

I always appreciate Diamonds posts because he seems to be totally honest..which is a hard commodity to come by. :tongue:

[truelove201]

:female:
I always appreciate Diamonds posts because he seems to be totally honest..which is a hard commodity to come by. :tongue:

:female:I would agree with that.

[moonlitwish]

I'm glad to read DiamondDog's post because how he feels about women, I feel about men...
I am attracted to very few of them and for months at a time the thought of sleeping with one to me is gross. I love women. I get something out of relationships with women (romantic or sexual) that no man has ever provided. I am living with a wonderful man now that I love to death, but know that if I agree to a LTR with him, I will always desire a woman and be left wanting, even if it's just 'the grass is greener' complex. When I'm in a good relationship with a woman I do not desire a man except to get down shit I can't reach or move stuff I don't feel like moving. It doesn't make any sense, and I'm glad someone else feels the same way.

[Diana_TS]

This is a very deep subject with some very honest answers. Let me give you a perspective from a bi/gay male who has been happily married to a straight woman for over 42 years.

I have known since before I was married, as a teenager, that I had tendancies toward the gay life. Back then if you had such feelings it was immediately thought you were gay (queer in those days). I completely ignored and refused to accept these feelings and convinced myself I was completely hetro and met my wife and fell in love with her. We married and after about a year it was obvious to her, because of my being open with her during our conversations during sex, sex talk. She started dressing more and more revealing, until I was coaxing her into being somewhat of an exhibitionist in her dress in public, especially when we went clubbing at night.

This eventually led to her having sex with other men, sometimes threesomes with me involved, but only in a MFM role, never in a MMF role. For approximately 15 years we had a very active sex life, but never with another woman involved, always other men, but with only my wife being serviced or servicing the other men or me.

I soon became more and more aware of my desire for men, but kept it hidden, letting it slip every once in awhile during sex, that I had certain urges. She became aware and is still aware of my bi feelings, just not how strong they have become.

Am not very experienced in bi/gay sex, but do have some experience, am not a complete novice. Things change, jobs, family settling down, etc, and after those wonderful 15 years my wife decided to end that part of her sex life. She didn't stop completely all at once, it just seemed to taper off until a few years ago, we became that "normal thing" that society accepted as marriage. Apparently "someone" on high decided this was the way for all of us to live....ugg.

Sex has become very boring to me now, and almost non existant between the wife and I. I still love her dearly and would never hurt her. But have come to realize that sex with a female is just not very important to me and probably has never been. Society restricted me to a hetro lifestyle for all those years. I now know that I am if not gay at least bi leaning heavily toward the gay lifestyle, and have accepted that fact and hate all the years that I have missed.

Now my situation is that I have to stay in the closet, venture out occasionally when the right situation presents itself. Would rather be celebate then hurt or lose my wonderful "straight" wife.

I admire a person like DiamondDog, who has learned early in life what his heart tells him he is, and can accept it so openly. Obviously I am one who didn't follow his advice about the female persona as he sees it. Yes I agree most women seem to get attached too quickly and can really get serious in a hurry, instead of enjoying what the two of you have, sexually, and leave it at that. But I disagree with Diamond that it is a one way street, gay men also tend to be the same.

Bi Men are not prone to this mindset and probably will not become too serious or attached to a person with an eye for a LTR.

So in closing I like to look at a sexy woman walking down the street, but am not interested in having sex with her. I am strickly interested in men and my wife now, but in different ways. I love my wife, but sex is strickly a M2M proposition in my mind. Of course I am also a private cross dresser, and have a strong feminine streak in me that really comes out while dressed. This last makes me extremely interested in looking at sexy women to get some hints as to how I would like to look and act but again it is more like a woman checking out another woman in that regards.

A committed relationship for me is my marriage, however, If I knew then what I know now would never be able to be in a committed relationship with a woman, a man, yes if the relationship was open and I was able to have sex outside that relationship.:2cents::bipride::rainbow:

[lookn0ver]

i don't know if this has been said yet but i need to comment before i forget what i'm thinking...< // // // # ~ ~~ after reading this initial post and some of the answers and testimonies(which i was totally entertained (by the way) to have read and i will go back and finish the whole thread...in the meanwhile, here is my take for what its worth if someone can vibe with me on this for a quick sec.
firstly... i am what i am...if that is good enough for god to make use of then who am i to argue with how god said it should be.
...this is not a question.
now if i am what i am then what use of labels do i need? meaning if i am in the closet becoz i cannot be upfront with my life partner about my sexual dreams i may at some point act on maybe on a whim...what of it? i cannot guarantee anything of this life and how fate can play into the mix.

there also seems to a factor about trust and betrayal...i would think if you intend to commit some form of betrayal to trust your partner may expect from you because of the agreed terms of your LTR somehow communicated at the beginnings of SAID LTR and then you are bound to uphold the terms of your mutual agreement of marriage vow (be it how ever innocently made)....its all so illegal and binding and not very human to force yourselves to live a way you cannot...but you do have priorities and one of them is SELF we all self serve don't we in one form or another...it is what makes us happy and we believe in not hurting other people....''basically !!". and so here we are WHO WE ARE trying to live life because it will reveal meaning to us as we choose to live on...and we have dreams and personal emotions which is OURS and ours alone to feel and try to become our true natural selves which will cause us all to BE AS ONE ...one day i hope at least.
but in the meanwhile we are on the path ("A" path) to evolving spiritually how ever that may be played out and we see ourselves lightyears ahead of the fashionably accepted norm of new western world thinking MANKIND (which is a farse) which plastic rules restrain us being who we'd wish to be in many areas,SEXUALITY &WHAT~NOT! Preferrence being one of seemingly governed emotions because of the existing A way in which such things are narrowly viewed and expected to be adhered to by any and all individuals... you do what you want to do and i'll do what i want to do because i can (if I want to and can get away with it)
some situations are cookie cutter MOST are not and you have to wing it how you intend to go about being what YOU ARE...the obvious answer is again you are what you are and nothing will ever change that whelther you fly it proudly or hide it in shame and or anything inbetween ...its YOU !! and who else would you need to be?
''Life is a crap shoot ,don't gamble with it''...which of these statements is the more correct? you decide and good luck brother and sister.

as long as you don't intentionally plan to hurt everyone its then ok to be what you are...even if its stoopid and immoral to anyone else...you just don't have to tell them if its none of their beewax...but if you have an already made agreement, then you should dream twice about possible outcomes before you cross the void. THINK !! what if you have not thought of everything before you involved yourself a relationship that may not be worth perfecting any further...then GO FOR IT!!! if your so inclined and it won't matter. for you the rules can never apply...so if your a BI~liever in a HETO~HOLE you got no one to blame for not being where you feel you must be and if you don't COME OUT or can't come out...who the hells business is it
anyways??? THE ANSWER TO THIS EASY !!! ... whom ever is having the relationship in question is whose business it is IF THEY KNOW or NOT KNOW or HAVE REASON TO KNOW or HAVE NO REASON TO KNOW... giving people HIV is bullshit...going outside your relationship zone is stoopid at best to have sex with unknown people is bullshit (and most everyone has done this) or our parents would never have had us if they didn't take a leap of faith somehow for LOVE ...and maybe this where i am going with all this....ITS ALL ABOUT LOVE isn't it AND THEN ONE MIGHT SIMPLY SAY ''love is what love is''
and you just can't argue with love...LUST has some pitfalls and still people find it worth risking everything as it is for and in the end isn't LUST always short lived?.
i have been at almost every place in this bi book and i am constantly replaying past encounters and relationships of yesteryears in my soul's mindeye to see why i did what i did and how i could have created fate, cheated fate,defeated fate, twisted fate,enlisted fate,carried out fate... these get cuter as we go on down the line but ''FATE '' to me seems to the common denominator here and is the force your wisdom must surely cum to respect... just remember ,if you can't be safe at least you can be sanitary.
DON"T HURT ANYONE... mostly of all YOU !

[parkwings]

I have'nt been a member here that long, but I have spent MANY hours on this site. Why?
Because I think real people's experiences are some of the best info/therapy one could ask for.
This is what I have gleaned so far:

1)Be Honest with yourself and your partner-Do not purposely trick people(this includes lies of omission)

2)Communicate lots.

3)Don't lie and screw someone elses life, for selfish reasons.

4)Your authentic sexuality and desire will never go away..untill you die.

5)There will be pain sometimes, but it's worth it to live and love honestly.

[Ally Kat]

I have'nt been a member here that long, but I have spent MANY hours on this site. Why?
Because I think real people's experiences are some of the best info/therapy one could ask for.
This is what I have gleaned so far:

1)Be Honest with yourself and your partner-Do not purposely trick people(this includes lies of omission)

2)Communicate lots.

3)Don't lie and screw someone elses life, for selfish reasons.

4)Your authentic sexuality and desire will never go away..untill you die.

5)There will be pain sometimes, but it's worth it to live and love honestly.

you got the gist of it exactly I think, we can all shut up now lol jk

[the mage]

Threatened by what?

If you think my opinion is harsh or even *gasp* "misogynistic" try hearing what some gay men say about women.

Gay men like this make fish jokes about how a woman's vagina smells like tuna/dead fish or how the idea of having sex with a woman is akin to heavy scat play to them (when they're obviously NOT into scat and if faced between doing a heavy/"taboo" kink or sleeping with a woman they'd pick the kink). Some dislike hetero women who go to gay bars and act like they're so "cool" because they have gay male friends who give them fashion/beauty tips or how these women can sometimes fall in love/lust with gay men and try to sleep with them or "convert" them, when it doesn't work that way.

Yes my opinion about some hetero women may be a bit harsh but it's the truth and it's what I've experienced and what I've heard from hetero women and gay/bi men who I'm friends with.

What I wrote about how lots of women who are in relationships with bi men how they want to change a man or how once he marries her that he'll never lust or think romantic/sexual thoughts about men again, that's true too. Just look at the topics about this subject that come up and that people have posted about here.

Look at mainstream society, gay/bi/queer people are hated in western society and in most socities. Even in America and Canada and in big American/Canadian cities too. If you think that gay men are biphobic or feel threatened by bisexual men trust me, they're nothing compared to how lots of straight women feel about bi men. I know lots of bi men who have gotten divorced and have came out to their kids and other family members but not their ex wives. I also know tons of closeted bi men who simply won't talk about this with their hetero wives/girlfriends and for all their wives/girlfriends know their husbands/boyfriends are "straight" and will deny being bisexual/non-het/into men sexually to their spouses/girlfriends until their dying day or as long as they're together and the husband/boyfriend doesn't get found out or discovered.

When I have sex with women or if I were to date a woman it's sexual for the most part since for the most part I get things out of having sex/relationships with men that I simply can't get from women at all, and that if I were in a relationship with a woman I'd just be pining for a man or a loving relationship with a man.

I don't see anything wrong with this since I'm honest and up front and nobody gets hurt. There are lots of women who don't want relationships with men and are just into casual dating/1 night stands, and who only want some dick or a male fuck buddy.

I've fallen in love with women before but I don't want to have a relationship with a woman since the majority don't want their husband/boyfriend having sex with other men, acting upon his urges for sex with men, or just saying "Wow Look! That muscle stud with the tattoos and goatee is REALLY hot! I'd do anything to suck him, cum all over his chest, or plow him!".

Plus I'd always be telling myself that I'd settled for less, that I only did this because of what other people/society thought, and deep down I know that I'd be happier and in a more stable relationship with man instead of with a woman.

If I were with a woman in a long term relationship or married, I'd constantly be checking out men or wondering "If only I'd married a man, my life would be better!" or I'd be thinking "What would my life be like if I had married a man?" or "Man I'd LOVE to do him! But I can't since I'm in a closed/exclusive relationship." Or even if I were in an open relationship with a woman where it was the type where we only had sex with other men when we're both there, I know I'd meet hot gay men who are attracted to me and I'm attracted to them but they wouldn't want to have a MMF 3 way since they're gay.

I'm already out of the closet, and I'm sure as hell not going back in ever again!

I know I could date and have long term relationships with women but I don't want to swear off men forever, or be told that I can't ever have sex with a guy alone again, or fall in love with a guy.

I can't stand the idea of not ever being able to kiss a man ever again, have him hold me or be held by him, or have sex with a guy or fall in love with him and I know I'd eventually cheat or just end up in a nasty divorce if I were married to a woman.

3 way relationships don't work for the majority of people and I've yet to actually see one that has lasted for a decade or more.

Even the Master/slave or Sir/boy/Dad types that are found in gay 3 way BDSM relationships don't seem to work in reality and work better in theory. The relationship dissolves and everyone's back at square one.

I'm a realist. Open relationships seem good in theory but I know that someone usually just wind up getting hurt, feels left out, or jealous and that no amount of communication can fix these things or that people who are in open relationships do lie and harbor secrets and it's foolish to think that people in open relationships don't or aren't more likely to do this.

I even have friends who are all about their open relationship with their spouse, or who think that they're the best way to be for everyone even serial monogamists, yet even they tell me that if they had to they'd divorce their husband/wife, close the relationship forever, or stop having an open relationship if their partner wanted it.

There are TONS of bi men who only want casual sex with men and nobody around here seems to say how that's bad, or that these men are somehow "wrong" for not being able to fall in love with men, or how they're "bad" since they don't want to have relationships with men but only fall in love and have relationships with women. Or I've seen posts by bi men who say how they only like a guy's cock and the idea of kissing a man disgusts them or that they think of a guy as a live dildo and nobody says anything about this.

Before you play the "he's a misogynist" card/false psychoanalysis please note that I've known this about myself since I was 16 (what I wrote about how if I were to marry a woman or get into a Long term closed relationship that I'd cheat or just leave for a serious one with a guy or end up in a nasty divorce), and it's better that I'm honest instead of just staying in the closet or just flat out lying and trying to be heterosexual or lying and saying that I would be monogamous with a woman when I know that I can't be in a closed/exclusive relationship with a woman.

Also about my comment about how I'll go through periods where I find women disgusting or how I don't want sex with them for sometimes as long as 6 months well, that's what happens. I don't have any control over it, that's just how things are and how I am. I go through periods where I simply don't want sex with women at all and then I'll go back to being equal and I'll want sex with both a man and a woman at the same time. I've written in ad nauseam about this topic on this board.

.............................quite the loaded post...........................

You are still young. Despite your attempts at educated wisdom you have not yet experienced enough to go around pronouncing that your being a "realist" demonstrates the inability of what is in fact my life scene to work well.
There are "lifestyle" people far far older that you are SON who would show you a thing or two about love, life, and lust. Their whips are older than you, never mind their relationships.

You, son, are quite simply bitter.
Claiming openly that women "disgust" you for months on end and your perception that gay men in general dislike women is a demonstration of YOUR soft ware not the population at large.

Live more, judge less.

[truelove201]

I have'nt been a member here that long, but I have spent MANY hours on this site. Why?
Because I think real people's experiences are some of the best info/therapy one could ask for.
This is what I have gleaned so far:

1)Be Honest with yourself and your partner-Do not purposely trick people(this includes lies of omission)

2)Communicate lots.

3)Don't lie and screw someone elses life, for selfish reasons.

4)Your authentic sexuality and desire will never go away..untill you die.

5)There will be pain sometimes, but it's worth it to live and love honestly.


This site has been like therapy for me and in the 4 months that I have been aware of my husband's desires much has progressed. Much of that progression due in part to the honesty and support i have received from genuine, honest and caring people on this site. I am on the road to fully embracing this part of him into our life/lifestyle. We have laughed more and lived more in the past month than we have in the past year. I look forward to what's to come. My advice to anyone going through what we have is to be open and honest in your communication. What hurts now will heal...the honesty is worth it and the opportunity for growth is tremendous.:female:

[DiamondDog]

.............................quite the loaded post...........................

You are still young. Despite your attempts at educated wisdom you have not yet experienced enough to go around pronouncing that your being a "realist" demonstrates the inability of what is in fact my life scene to work well.
There are "lifestyle" people far far older that you are SON who would show you a thing or two about love, life, and lust. Their whips are older than you, never mind their relationships.

You, son, are quite simply bitter.
Claiming openly that women "disgust" you for months on end and your perception that gay men in general dislike women is a demonstration of YOUR soft ware not the population at large.

Live more, judge less.

When did I say that most or all gay men are misogynists?

I've met some gay men that are and don't know it, some that know it and are open about it, but I never said that most or all gay men hate women.

Yes I do go through times when I simply don't want anything to do with women sexually at all and I get turned off by them completely and the idea of seeing a woman naked or having sex with her isn't appealing to me. So what's wrong with stating the truth? Yes I could have been more tactful with my word choice; but I'm rather blunt at times, and I was describing what it's like for me when my sexuality is like that.

I know lots of people who are into all types of relationships and who do all types/degrees of power exchange and they're all different ages. Yes, some of them were die hard into open relationships or 3 way live in relationships but now they're not. Suffice to say I do know some people in the leather community (IMO it's a lot more well organized than the bisexual "community") and I'm not going to name any names but some are well known people.

Why bring up the topic of my age? So yes I have experienced a lot more than most people my age have and I'll continue to experience more in life. But what if I didn't list my age at all on this site?

There's no sense in arguing about this as it's pointless.

[Diana_TS]

Hey, need to take back a few things I said in an earlier post. I just read all of MuscleBoy's Posts, and checked out his profile after reading again this post. I was trying to be nice in my earlier post, but I think there is one more muscle that needs to be worked on and it's north of the crotch, and between the ears. I have never seen someone so thrilled and excited with his own body, even weight lifters I have known over the years. Probably a mirror would be more appropriate then South Beach in Miami. I hate that I feel a need to write this post, but one or two posts of the calibre I find written by MuscleBoy here can be overlooked by most people, but it seems like all his posts are the same..........Whining about the Wining people on this site....Sounds like an oxymoron to me....How can a whiner complain about whining.....go figure. I think maybe DD hit it on the head......MuscleBoy's profile is as empty as .................I think everyone can fill in the blank. I feel sorry for you MuscleBoy.....I hope at my age (64) your bod looks as nice to you as it does now apparently. At least I am not afraid to post a pic in my profile......most of us do not appreciate misleading people......why not blow us all away with the your adonis like pics........End of my rant...........but then I could be wrong....:2cents:

[TaylorMade]

There are things I appreciate about both genders, but I would like to marry a man - - I haven't yet met a woman that I could give myself to totally and really make it work with, but if that happens, it happens.

Right now, I live in Miami. It's true, it is a shallow town. Right now, I'm single. I figure it's probably best, between a medium pressure job, school, and living with my parents, I can't quite make anything work. Sometimes, it's me. Sometimes, it's him/her. I don't want to be single forever. Right now, I would like to try a relationship with a bisexual man. . .for the reason of having someone who "gets" me. . .but of course, not just any bi guy would do. . .It's kind of a rule; would I still want him if he were straight? If I did, then, yeah- - full speed ahead.

Though I'm a woman, I have a very strong masculine streak, it competes with the woman I am... I wish I sometimes had the body enough to CD convincingly as a man; but I realize it's more than having a nice pair of pants , a soft pack and suspenders. Sometimes I feel proactive and sexually aggressive like one, I want to be needed and respected by my partner like one- - it makes no sense, I know.

I guess I'd like a guy that can accept that, and I'll try to see what he brings and we can negociate. That's what I've always felt a relationship was about.

*Taylor*