Does sexual orientation change?

[omifitzi]

Hello all!

I am 24 years old and over the last months I have some tendencies towards sexual attraction for the same sex. Up to that point(about 9 months ago) I had never thought that maybe I am not 100% straight and I had never felt attraction for men. At the moment I am very confused about my sexuality(and very tired of being confused).

Anyway, my question is this "can possible attraction for the same sex and exploration of this side of my sexuality reduce my interest on women and generally the sexual arousal that I get from women?"

[kitten]

I think your interest can change. There were times when I was more attracted to one or the other gender. I think it was a maturity question of learning to accept who I am and what I prefer. As I have matured, I find that I am more in tune to the individual before me rather than their gender anymore. I am not as overwhelmed by my feelings and desires.

It is like trying a new food. The best analogy I can think of right now.
But, I had always eaten food a certain way. When I was given a new taste, it was so delicious I only wanted that food until I was satiated with the entire sensation that new food could provide. Then, I wanted more new foods and to see what other tastes I was missing. Some were great, some were a terrible taste to me. With time, it all balanced out and I am in tune to what works for me and what doesn't.

Go with your feelings and be safe. Take your time and try new experiences with a trusted partner. Don't worry about your preferences changing. That is a sign that you are finding out more about yourself and what you like. It's a good thing!

[someotherguy]

Orientation is based on several things, some of which change, others do not. Attraction itself can and does change, for many people, throughout their lives. That may change, however. It also depends on the object of your desire, or lack thereof. You could be attracted to a man but then after watching him eat you lose interest.

[DiamondDog]

Anyway, my question is this "can possible attraction for the same sex and exploration of this side of my sexuality reduce my interest on women and generally the sexual arousal that I get from women?"

Yes.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing though as it's not something that you can really control and you shouldn't worry about it, and you'll become a better person and know more about yourself if you explore sex with the same gender.

Personally for myself I'll either be pretty equal in that I crave/want both genders at the same time in a male/male/female 3 way.

Or else I'll be SO into men that I don't want a woman at all and the idea of being with a woman sexually or seeing a woman naked doesn't appeal to me at all and disgusts me. Sometimes this can last as long as 6 months but it doesn't last forever like it does for my homosexual male friends.

Then I go back to being equal like I described above.

[rmorti]

I know exactly what you mean mate, I was 100% straight till december just gone at 20 years old and now possible thats changed. although I still have not decided if my sexuality has even changed, It could be something completely different and manifested check the topic "erm dont know anymore" for more insight on my dilemma.
I feel that id I do explore this possible new side to me, I may balance out rather then be completely bewidlered by one side. As was mentioned earlier, you do something till your satisfied and then want more.

[Hull1998]

Sexual orientation can shift. My only words of advice is to try it while you are single. I married and thought that my desire for other men would go away - but it hasn't. I won't act on it as I would hurt my wife but I so much wish that I would have had sex with another guy before I met her. I don't mean to whine but the desire doesn't stop and you will regret it if have not tried it.

[leizy]

Most bisexuals start to come out/express or acknowledge their bisexuality between 20-25. This is an average, not a set in stone thing. Bisexuality as an identity tends to be much more stable than people think, with most people maintaining that identity, though their actual sexual behaviors may change.

There are complex issues here though, around the differences between sexual identity, sexual behaviors, and sexual arousal. Many bisexuals report that their feelings of arousal/interest in one sex or the other fluctuate across their lifespans, though they typically maintain their personal identity as "bisexual," despite the fluctuations.

It sounds like you're afraid you're "becoming gay!" In one study, where they looked at men who identified as bi, and followed them a year or two later, some men were now "gay." The predictors of that were: the ones that later just had sex with men, when identifying as bi, had much less sexual experience with women, and exclusively fantasized about men.

So - from what you've said, it sounds like you fit in with many other bisexuals as well, and that attraction to the same gender is becoming a patr of your sexuality, not all of it.

cheers.
david

[wolfcamp]

Anyway, my question is this "can possible attraction for the same sex and exploration of this side of my sexuality reduce my interest on women and generally the sexual arousal that I get from women?"

Here is my experience. If you are looking for support and validation from a woman, and or don't get it, then you may start to pull away. Also, if you try to hide your new feelings or your new activities, this might also cause you to pull away because you are afraid you might reveal something about yourself that your don't want revealed. This isn't necessarily because you are losing interest in women, but because you are afraid of their disapproval.

Conversely, if you are open with your lady and she accepts you and encourages you to be who you are, then your bond with that lady probably will be strengthened. If you found ladies to be sexy in the past, then I think you will continue to find them sexy in the future.

I just have to say that it is much easier to give this advise than to follow it myself. I have always had a hard time admitting to myself my attraction to men. Therefore it has been hard for me to be honest with my women partners. I make this confession just to make the point that this isn't always easy.

[stillconfused]

I've definitely changed over time. I went from what I thought was straight as a teen to not really minding either way now. Sex is sex, just keep a clean machine.

[nbowman2222]

Based on my experiences, and I have been very fortunate there, I find that some days I am feeling attracted to women and other days to men. There is really no rhyme or reason to it that I can see. There are even some days when I am attracted to either gender equally. I have had experiences with both men and women and I am currently married in a "heterosexual" relationship. The quotes around "heterosexual" are because my wife and I are both bi, and although we are married and committed to each other we still understand the need to sometimes enjoy the company of someone of the same sex (as I said, I am very fortunate).

There was a time when I tried to ignore the homosexual tendencies, mostly due to growing up in an extremely conservative area, but I found it to be too painful and decided to accept myself for who I am. It is a tough path, but ultimately more fulfilling.

:flag3:

[omifitzi]

Based on my experiences, and I have been very fortunate there, I find that some days I am feeling attracted to women and other days to men. There is really no rhyme or reason to it that I can see. There are even some days when I am attracted to either gender equally. I have had experiences with both men and women and I am currently married in a "heterosexual" relationship. The quotes around "heterosexual" are because my wife and I are both bi, and although we are married and committed to each other we still understand the need to sometimes enjoy the company of someone of the same sex (as I said, I am very fortunate).

There was a time when I tried to ignore the homosexual tendencies, mostly due to growing up in an extremely conservative area, but I found it to be too painful and decided to accept myself for who I am. It is a tough path, but ultimately more fulfilling.

:flag3:

I also feel like that, you know, normally I am attracted to women, but sometimes it's like I am in a "gay mood". That's very stressful and annoying cause I don't know what really happens to me.

[omifitzi]

Here is my experience. If you are looking for support and validation from a woman, and or don't get it, then you may start to pull away. Also, if you try to hide your new feelings or your new activities, this might also cause you to pull away because you are afraid you might reveal something about yourself that your don't want revealed. This isn't necessarily because you are losing interest in women, but because you are afraid of their disapproval.

Conversely, if you are open with your lady and she accepts you and encourages you to be who you are, then your bond with that lady probably will be strengthened. If you found ladies to be sexy in the past, then I think you will continue to find them sexy in the future.

I just have to say that it is much easier to give this advise than to follow it myself. I have always had a hard time admitting to myself my attraction to men. Therefore it has been hard for me to be honest with my women partners. I make this confession just to make the point that this isn't always easy.

I really think it's very difficult to speak to my girlfriend about these thoughts.

[omifitzi]

about what I am saying in #11 (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showpost.php?p=68557&postcount=11) post, the strange thing is that these changes in my mood may occur in the same day. As I said, normally I am attracted to women, but sometimes I feel attracted to men just for a while, then I get through it. This situation is very stressful and I can't help but putting myself on a test process all the time. I mean I don't let things come naturally, I deliberatelly trying to see from a "sexual" point of view different men and women in order to make to myself clear what happens to me.

[the sacred night]

Anyway, my question is this "can possible attraction for the same sex and exploration of this side of my sexuality reduce my interest on women and generally the sexual arousal that I get from women?"

I wouldn't think so. I'm just as aroused by men as I always was, even though I only discovered my feelings for women 3 years ago. I haven't actually had sex with a woman, but the fantasies I have about them don't reduce my attraction to men. Sometimes I'm in the mood for a woman rather than a man, but then other times I'm in the mood for a man rather than a woman. Neither one crowds out the other, though.

[Sarasvati]

I'd say very defintely yes myself but you'd better ask Mia Mia. She's done the research and read the book

[Diana_TS]

I am not an expert by no means, but I can say in my case that it has changed. When I was a very young guy, I was sexually excited by only sexy, and outgoing women (the slutty types). Married at 21 and was very into my wife (still am), but over the years, I found myself becoming more liberal, and soon my wife was dressing and acting the slutty girl of my younger dreams. We were soon swinging with other men only, but only MFM, or her alone, with me enjoying her after. At age 30 I started to get urges and even experimented with other men, and enjoyed it very very much. By 38 was accepting my bi sexuality. My wife stopped swinging with other men about the time I turned 40, and since then I have leaned more and more toward the gay side of sexuality. I am so close to gay now I have to accept it as my sexual orientation. I still like to look at women, still love my wife and would never do anything to hurt her, which includes coming out of the closet, but I am strictly attracted to men sexually. So either it does change or I am the exception to the rule. (But then maybe I was always gay, years ago, you did not admit you were gay, "Public Opinion" frowned on it....blaaaah!) :2cents: :color:

[canuckotter]

Just to add my :2cents: ... Yes, your orientation can change over time. My own attractions fluctuate year to year, month to month, even minute to minute sometimes, depending on the situation. There are times when I have virtually no interest in men, and (much rarer) times when I have virtually no interest in women. Most people who've jumped into topics like this have said that they experience the same sort of fluctuations over time. :)

[Kitsy]

Personally I don't think it changes really, either we get to know ourselves better and realize that we're attracted to another/ different gender to the one we thought/ knew we did... I don't know, but I think naturally we find one or both attractive from the beginning and possibly not notice the attraction at first or something... Though I do think it's also possible for someone to become desensitized to things they might not usually like in a sense... Especially if it helps fulfill a need or want we have... Not that that's a bad thing, I mean love can have that kind of effect on people, you can start off thinking someone's ugly, but get to know them and you'll end up thinking they're beautiful...

I guess it's possible to get fed up with one gender too, but chances are you'd probably find that it's a temporary thing and a break from them would probably remind you of what you liked about them or whatever.

[Bisensual Musings]

Goodness, we have a small fortune collected here, two cents at a time!! Allow me to add mine as well.


While I will say that I have personally identified as a bisexual for as long as I can remember and am very comfortable with that orientation, I find that my level of attraction to either gender tends to be fluid. I find that the day, the weather, the mood, hormone levels, but especially the people that I surround myself with, can effect my attraction. If someone can stimulate my mind, and challenge me, I am intrigued. Intrigue can lead to attraction, and that attraction can lead to desire. Gender is the last thing that defines what will lead to an attraction in my eyes.

So there, I have added to the community chest. :2cents:

[Dagni]

I think you have to explore that in practical way, or in the other way you wont know are you bi or not.
It's very easy to talk about this on distance, trying to figure out in your head are you bi or not. I thought i was les, and then, you know, i was conatact with guy and realisied that i'm bi.

Just be practical if you wanna find out the truth.

[rmorti]

It changes all the time for me, going off emotions only though I haven't actualy been with a guy yet. Some days I crave a womans touch, want her to mount me and suck and just well yeah all the usual, want to lick her all over blah blah blah. Sometimes I wnat to try it with a guy, I dont really want to kiss,suck or anything with em, just well try f*cking them. I used to be 100% straight and I know I was and it just changed since last xmas. I reckon sexuality always fluid, I feel like I dont think ill enjoy what i do with a guy but as the geezer said, It could easily change when I actualy do it.
I feel like everyones bisexual, we all just lean more to one side or are on the balanced centre, and that cna always change over time due to bad relationships with male/female, sexual encounters/society and people you meet.
I still have to meet the day where I meet a guy I genuinely fancy for personality, i just never seem to click like I do with girls...

[parkwings]

I used to think(or perhaps convince myself)that I only liked men for thier cocks&sex. Now that I'm a bit older, I realize that I may be able to love a man, for the whole man, not just cock and balls. You can't trick or discipline your own brain into liking what mainstream society says you should like! Your brain and genitals like what they like, period. trying to supress too many feelings and or urges is not mentally healthy.

Let things unfold to thier natural state. If I end up gay, so be it..that's my natural state. If I end up bi, so be it, that 's my natural state. If I end up whatever, then that is my natural state..you can't fight nature...she'll eventually win anyway! :tongue:

[fallenpandora]

it is possible, but keep in mind that a persons labedo can deminish period, example: every now and then i just do not feel attracted to anyone at all and sex is the last thing on my mind this is also normal i guess sometimes our body needs a break from the emoutions and hormones lol

anyway its ok if u have started to share away from the same sex you may find in time that you become attracted to them again

good luck :)

[Fred_Brice]

"To me, bisexuality is mostly about just being open to totally loving people without caring about superficial things like gender - you really look at the true person, their spirit - and being able to express that love physically without worrying about social expectations of appropriate behavior."