heartbroken = bi? thoughts!

[bloodbeatboy]

Hey people ^^ im 18 and have started to admit to myself that i was bi. The main prompt was that of splitting up with my girlfriend of 18 months and being completely depressed and heartbroken. i used to do psychology and have recently been thinking about causes etc... when i broke up with my girlriend i was upset but she then went out with a guy 5 days after and was so impressed with him and thats what did it. i felt like i couldnt trust girls for a while and thought about guys. and i thought yeah. i used to masturbate over guys but dismissed it as a phase. this joint in the fact i was bulllied as a child by guys i feel that these may be the reason i like guys as i have a weird thing about things i cant have. does this ring a bell with ne1? also recently i have been thinking bout guys more then girls. is this a normal thing in bi sexuality? i think its just because i have admitted it 2 myself finally. i knew i loved my ex and i fancy girls and guys. but i duno the 2 guys i have fancied felt more... exciting then the girls but i put this down to the social aspect aswell. hmm
well ne thoughts would be great.
hope this isnt to like.......sympathy wanting as its not just thinking out loud.

[Skater Boy]

i used to do psychology and have recently been thinking about causes etc... when i broke up with my girlriend i was upset but she then went out with a guy 5 days after and was so impressed with him and thats what did it. i felt like i couldnt trust girls for a while and thought about guys. and i thought yeah. i used to masturbate over guys but dismissed it as a phase. this joint in the fact i was bulllied as a child by guys i feel that these may be the reason i like guys as i have a weird thing about things i cant have. does this ring a bell with ne1?

I have to admit that I'm also the type of person who over-analyses, and tries to find "the reason" for everything... in particular my sexuality. I've read a few books and have a few theories of my own. The most popular ones that float about in society regarding male homosexuality are that a traumatic event involving females caused the individual to seek sexual gratification elsewhere or that the relationship between the individual and his father was not adequate. I've also heard it said that homosexuals "have lower amounts of testosterone" in their systems. The list could go on and on.

I guess its important to understand who you are and what makes you that way. But to some extent ALL of the theories on homosexuality are just that: theories. There's no real PROOF for any of them as far as I know.

AND, even if you do find out the "cause"... what are you going to do about it?

In theory you could try "messing with your own mind" and correcting these schemas and so-called neuroses. But thats quite a dangerous thing to do, unless you really know what you're doing.

A professional psychotherapist might be able to help you, but again... even some of the things they do are only based on theory. And "changing your sexuality" sounds like a very difficult thing to do.

I think you could search eternally for the true cause of your sexuality, and probably still not find it.

My advice would be to just accept yourself (in terms of sexuality) for what you are at this moment in time. If you're not fully comfortable with that, or you don't know yourself well enough, then take some time to do so.

I'm not saying that there's no truth at all in your theory of why you're bisexual. But imo WHO and WHAT you are is more important than the why.

Hey... just my :2cents: Free advice, and worth every penny! ;)

(welcome to the forum :) )

[Skater Boy]

Btw... there are quite a few books available on "Queer Theory":

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/105-3070470-6557240?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=queer+theory

So if you really insist on self-analysis, these might be a good place to start.

[FalconAngel]

I wish that I could give you a black and white, simple answer, but sexuality is never that simple.....no matter if you are straight, gay or bi.

There is so much out there on all of the various sexualities and I believe that there have never been any simple answers to why someone has the sexual preferences that they have.

At one time, "experts" claimed that it was caused by traumatic sexual incidents during childhood. Then along came more "experts" who attributed it to the "fault" of the parents genes. Still others "blame" a promiscuous society.

After reading all of the different things about the subject, I believe that no single factor is responsible for sexual preference. There is a genetic factor to sexuality. There is also a study done during and after WWII, involving women in London that were in various stages of pregnancy during the Blitz and then on the babies after they were born, which shows that stress on the mother at various points of the pregnancy which determine gender as well as sexuality.

Now I have been Bi my whole life and I was never molested, so the traumatic event is not a factor in my case, so the other factors apply.

Also, being Bi is kind of fluid sometimes. There are days that you love men and some days that you love women and still other days that you love both at the same time.......maybe that's just me. :tongue:

I seriously doubt that your breakup with your girlfriend was the catalyst for your sexuality, but it may have reawakened it in you.

Just a little something to think about, so in the mean time wallow in your sexuality. Play as much as you feel like, but play safe.

[rayosytruenos]

Hey people ^^ im 18 and have started to admit to myself that i was bi. [...] i broke up with my girlriend [...] i used to masturbate over guys but dismissed it as a phase. [...] recently i have been thinking bout guys more then girls. is this a normal thing in bi sexuality?[...]Hi!

Everyone is different and the only one that has the real answers is you, but we can give you a few more thoughts to clear things up or mess them even more... :bigrin:

Lots of people experiment with men and women when young till they feel more comfortable with one gender or another, some with both. Labels as many times have been said, are only that, labels, and although labels simplify things sometimes, you don't have to force yourself to try to fit into a labelled box. If you like just guys, fine; if you like just girls, fine; if you like both, oh, man, you are doomed... :tong: Lol, I was just kidding. If you like both, welcome to the club!

Sexuality is not written in stone (well, apart from those magnificent carvings in Mohenjo-Daro... :rolleyes: ), so I believe it can change. I've known gays that started to like people of the opposite sex, and straight people who have started to feel attracted to people of the same sex. Not everything can be applied to everyone, but other bisexuals like myself in here, have felt what you describe. We may like more guys at a certain time and more girls at another time. These times could vary in length and also the space in between. You can have one of those changes in attraction, every day, week or month, and it can last just for a few hours, days, weeks or months!!!

You have done a big step, and that's the admission you have done to yourself. You don't have to explain yourself to anybody else, just be true to yourself. Once you have done that, you could explore your attractions, follow your heart. Don't let others to force you to do something you don't want, but allow yourself to do WHAT YOU WANT. Be happy with your discoveries and enjoy yourself. (Be safe, please! ;) )

All the best,

ray

[bloodbeatboy]

thanks :) your all right and this has made me smile today thankyou!

[diB4u]

Hey people ^^ im 18 and have started to admit to myself that i was bi. The main prompt was that of splitting up with my girlfriend of 18 months and being completely depressed and heartbroken. i used to do psychology and have recently been thinking about causes etc... when i broke up with my girlriend i was upset but she then went out with a guy 5 days after and was so impressed with him and thats what did it. i felt like i couldnt trust girls for a while and thought about guys. and i thought yeah. i used to masturbate over guys but dismissed it as a phase. this joint in the fact i was bulllied as a child by guys i feel that these may be the reason i like guys as i have a weird thing about things i cant have. does this ring a bell with ne1? also recently i have been thinking bout guys more then girls. is this a normal thing in bi sexuality? i think its just because i have admitted it 2 myself finally. i knew i loved my ex and i fancy girls and guys. but i duno the 2 guys i have fancied felt more... exciting then the girls but i put this down to the social aspect aswell. hmm
well ne thoughts would be great.
hope this isnt to like.......sympathy wanting as its not just thinking out loud.



Aww hun theres is nothing wrong with having them thoughts. I kinda been there and done that, but either too scared or too shy to act on my impluses especially being with women (other than in threesums)

Hmm a person can never know the real reason what a person finds attractivness in someone one else. For me its more about Gender than sexuality. For me personally, for thats who I can only talk about- I'm very bad at relationships, and even though Im a lot older than you- it doesnt get any easier.

If your talking about Pyshcological (sp?) the reason for my sexuality, then yes there is reason for me liking certain people over others.

I was bullied as a child quite bad and other stuff had happened, which could explain my lack of well anything with men.

I guess everything does go back to the childhood and what you as a child find erotic or not. I found gay men and transvestites errotic.

Even knowing your tastes, doesn't help. Theres days when I dont know what or who I want or who I am.. I just hope that someone does want me and the grand scale of things, everything works out.

I hope that my details have helped... In so much as its normal to feel what you do feel regardless of your attraction to men or to women.

[someotherguy]

She had to lunge at proof she wasn't the cause. That's what the 5 day guy was about. Or so says me.

Being depressed is a proper response to the notion that most of the world's population dislikes men who are bisexual. By most of the world's population I mean the few people you imagine in your fears. In reality nobody could give a damn what anyone else is, except for how it might reflect on THEM. Like if a guy is afraid that he could be seen as gay by association if he hangs out with you. Or of it makes people insecure, awkward about how to act around you. Once you realize that nobody thinks about you in the first place, then what they don't think can't bother you. Sex cures depression, or at least makes it enjoyable.

[bloodbeatboy]

maybe. but like when im in a rut i cant have sex cus i feel so depressed its weird i feel really moany lol

[Ammigoth]

your just down cos 'The Metal' kicked our asses ^^ OH and im sure i've told you this already people are nice and nasty regardless of sex so never thing cos a boys be nasty and a girls been nice its always the case :) for people that you really care about and people that care about you gender is NEVER an issue ^^ i kinda wanna dub myself pan-sexual ^^ (i think its pan-sexual >_<)

[bloodbeatboy]

true. i try 2 think people are just people just never works haha!

and yeah it is pan ^_^

[diB4u]

true. i try 2 think people are just people just never works haha!

and yeah it is pan ^_^



Hey hun i love ya new icon its very good.

Yep ammigoth- pansexual or theres another term omnisexuality and for who dont know its...i

s a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love and/or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. This includes potential attraction to people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female implied by bisexual attraction. Pansexuality is sometimes described as the capacity to love a person romantically irrespective of gender. Some pansexuals also assert that gender and sex are meaningless to them.

In my case its the one and same... Gender and Sexuality are the same, lol im weird what can I say.

:bigrin: