Inherent Risk

[parkwings]

After much thought , I've come to the conclusion that bisexuality is complex.

Sure, academically, it's easy to understand how someone could be attracted to both genders-but trying to find peace of mind with it with real people involved seems tough.

Eg; my straight g/f knows that I am not straight. We have regular, enjoyable sex. when I am having sex with her, I think about her, not men. I masterbate almost exclusively about males though. I have recently realized that it's not realistic for me to give up all sexual contact with men indefinitely.

I can almost gaurantee she will not be thrilled at the prospect of me going out having a cock-suck buddy, but may agree so as to salvage the relationship. Then if I do have m2m sex, I am putting her at risk for std's etc. Her emotions will also be stressed at this. I don't think this is fair to her. Also, what if I develope feelings for my prospective male lover? the complications go on, and on..

Seems to me that EVENTUALLY, you have to pick one gender to be with, otherwise the logistics are complex and stressfull.

comments welcome, of course.

[Azrael]

I can relate. I was with this girl for 2 1/2 years. Loved her above all else. We did the open relationship thing. I was messing around with an ex b/f. She and I were engaged, but I became terrified of wondering for the rest of my life what it was like to love another man. It eventually destroyed us. I had another g/f after her. Same problem. And if I find a boyfriend, I'll probably sorely miss the touch of a woman. It's like a fucking curse, I don't want to choose because I can't. Because it isn't in me. Because I love people, period :(
And yes, the logistics of it are mind-boggling, but I can't not be myself, that almost killed me.

[DiamondDog]

yeah I too find and equate the idea of being in a closed/exclusive relationship with a woman to being trapped and being unable to be myself.

Most women do not want a bisexual boyfriend (unless they too are the same way but even then it's not a gaurentee....) and I'd need an open relationship with a woman so I could be with men too without her.

When I was younger (when I was a teenager, I'm 24 now) I honestly knew that if I stayed closted and married or got involved with a woman I'd probably leave her and any children we had for a man.

I would perhaps get involved with a woman but she'd have to be femme/boyish/androgenous and VERY kinky and leaning towards the submissive side as a switch (I lean towards the dominant side as a switch), and as I said above it would have to be an open relationship.

I wouldn't want an open relationship with a man though and I'd much highly prefer a closed/exclusive one, or one where we're bound together in a closed/exclusive/monogamous partnership of mind, body, love/affection, and spirit but we're sexually adventerous and invite other men and women on rare ocassions to have sex but we don't fall in love with them.

[JohnnyV]

I have ended up "closing" what was an open relationship with my wife. Mostly because of STDs and the fear of scandal, I had to put an end to any extramarital fun. I think my experience is more the rule than the exception. It is very hard to have an open relationship of any kind. The fact that bisexuality is involved may complicate things a little, but I think the core issue is simply the logistical nightmare of managing an open relationship. I know people have very different takes on this, but my take is that monosexual people have to give up lots of partners to be with their significant other, so for bisexuals it's not totally different. If you're straight and married to a big-breasted brunette, you have to give up small-breasted women and blondes. Others will disagree and say that sacrificing a whole gender is harder and possibly impossible. Lots of opinions on it differ.

J

[12voltman59]

Well--if you decide upon entering into a totally closed relationship--you are obviously cutting yourself off from being with anyone else---so it does't matter if you are bisexual, straight, gay or whatever---

I do agree--the idea of "open relationships" does sound appealling--but realistically--I don't think that it can ultimately work--at some point I think the sytem breaks down.

I find for myself---I am really only a "one person at a time" kind of guy--I can't juggle multiple relationships---

I do wonder how one can navigate a bisexual lifestyle where you bring in a third party into a relationship or the partners of a couple can continue to have many outside relationships beyond their primary one---

I am not in a "primary" relationship at present---but I do wonder how to handle either myself or my partner having other relationships outside of our relationship----

It does all seem pretty problematic to me---

[welickit]

We are both bisexual and don't seem to see it as being terribly complex. Obviously everyone is different. Some of the posts above imply multiple partners and STD's so there certainly are risks involved. We have avoided that bi not being bedhoppers and bi sharing our play time together. Both being bisexual makes playing together with another easy. We are both comfortable being bi and enjoy life as such. Pretending to be straight is much more of a complex issue if you are truly bisexual. Having sex with anyone who is willing, male or female doesn't make you bisexual. :2cents:

[Azrael]

Having sex with anyone who is willing, male or female doesn't make you bisexual. :2cents:
No, but It might make you this.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egodystonic

[DiamondDog]

No, but It might make you this.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egodystonic

hahahaha burn!


Having sex with anyone who is willing, male or female doesn't make you bisexual.

Who's to say that someone who has sex with both men and women isn't bi?

They're being sexual and have sexual attraction to both men and women.

I don't think that we should pass judgement on who is or isn't bi based on our own morals and agendas.

So what if someone is promiscuious? How does that effect your life if someone else is into casual sex?

Most people do go through a "slut" phase or have had at LEAST one 1 night stand, or hook up or had some sort of casual sex. Even if it's just to try it once and say OK so I tried it and hook ups with random people aren't for me.

I find it odd that you have an open relationship but you're against people who happen to enjoy casual sex with other consenting adults.

[Azrael]

hahahaha burn!

Ya like that?

[andieGuy]

Can relate very well to your, dilemma , Azrael...... That's why i'm hoping for a business marriage with a mature woman, [ kids all grown up, college etc ] and replete with pre-nup & finacial terms carefully discussed and agreed upon.....

[truelove201]

Can relate very well to your, dilemma , Azrael...... That's why i'm hoping for a business marriage with a mature woman, [ kids all grown up, college etc ] and replete with pre-nup & finacial terms carefully discussed and agreed upon.....

:female: That doesn't sound very romantic...I guess I'm still up on love and stuff...

[Azrael]

:female: That doesn't sound very romantic...I guess I'm still up on love and stuff...
:female: You and me both, buddy :male:

[welickit]

Yes we have a very open and honest relationship and Yes again we have a dim view of casual sex in some respects. People seem to think a married guy is much safer than a single guy when it comes to sex. Even though he is a cheat and a liar that doesn't register for some reason.
Do a simple google search or read a few medical journals. Married men have a way higher incidence of spreading STD's than single men. Everyone here avoids the issue because there are so many cheating married guys here or people who are convinced they are safer.
We aren't trying to judge anyone just looking at the stats. Search a bit deeper and you will find that a cheating spouse can justify to himself having sex with anyone and everyone willing. Whether it is at a porn theater, adult store, from the internet or on the street. It becomes an addiction that only he or she can justify. The fact that they spread STD's is blocked out in their minds.
If it is your thing then go for it.
We are sure to get flamed but it is our :2cents:

[DiamondDog]

Yes we have a very open and honest relationship and Yes again we have a dim view of casual sex in some respects. People seem to think a married guy is much safer than a single guy when it comes to sex. Even though he is a cheat and a liar that doesn't register for some reason.
Do a simple google search or read a few medical journals. Married men have a way higher incidence of spreading STD's than single men. Everyone here avoids the issue because there are so many cheating married guys here or people who are convinced they are safer.
We aren't trying to judge anyone just looking at the stats. Search a bit deeper and you will find that a cheating spouse can justify to himself having sex with anyone and everyone willing. Whether it is at a porn theater, adult store, from the internet or on the street. It becomes an addiction that only he or she can justify. The fact that they spread STD's is blocked out in their minds.
If it is your thing then go for it.
We are sure to get flamed but it is our :2cents:

I do agree with you about married men.

I've written about that before on here in threads about bath houses and where people say that it's OK and 100% safe to swallow, and lots of married men (guys on the down low or who are closeted, and not in open relationships) take bad risks when it comes to sex and lots are into barebacking (unprotected anal sex).

[JohnnyV]

Diamond Dog and Welickit,

I don't know which studies you are talking about. I have followed the research very carefully, and if I had more time, I would forward the links to all the peer-reviewed studies I know about.

Most studies have found that married bisexual men, while not perfect, are somewhat more careful about unsafe sex and are the most likely to avoid anal sex entirely, because they are afraid of spreading things to their wives. One study that was fairly large, in the United Kingdom, found that bisexual men with female partners were the least likely to participate in "UAI" or unprotected anal intercourse.

Just in terms of sheer numbers, you will notice that each year, about 48% of new HIV cases are found among men who caught it through sex from other men, while about 23% are found among women who caught HIV through sex from male partners; many of these, however, are women who had sex with male IV drug users, though it is impossible to weed out the numbers perfectly. In other studies, it appears that over 5% of married men have had sex with men during the past year. So you have to add up the numbers... Given the fact that unmarried gay males make up 2-4% of the population, and heterosexual women make up 47% of the population, you find a huge statistical difference there .... namely, men having sex with men are highly overrepresented among new HIV cases, while women who have sex with men are underrepresented among new HIV cases. Unmarried gay males are, in almost every statistical breakdown, the people with the highest number of sexual partners in their lifetime, the most unsafe sex, and the highest proven record of spreading sexually transmitted diseases.

You may object with some other caveats, which is fair. Maybe it's possible that married men use protection with their wives and don't use protection with male partners, thereby contributing to the high number of MSMs with HIV while keeping the lower number of females with HIV? That is possible, but unlikely. The real explanation for the figures above is that the married men who do have sex with men on the side are having sex with fewer men and using protection more often, largely because they are aware of STDs and fearful of spreading them to their wives.

I don't intend to "flame" you as you are anticipating, but I should point out that you're reacting to very vague impressions of what "people" -- whoever you mean by that -- think. You say "People seem to think a married guy is much safer than a single guy when it comes to sex." Who thinks that? You? Your friends? Someone you talked to at a club a few times? From there, you're reacting to this vague impression by offering up equally vague generalizations about what married men do, who they are, etc.

If you want to be judgmental about married men who have sex with men, then go ahead and say, "I hate this because I feel superior to it, I want to judge someone and look down on them," and go ahead and do it. But don't try to get science, religion, or any other intellectual system to back up and/or justify your elitism.

Married men who have sex with other men are a complicated demographic. They are large in number and have diverse reasons for doing what they do. Your "dim view" of them is not universal.

Having said all that, I still remain monogamous right now because I am afraid of chlamydia, syphilis, hepatitis, crabs, and everything else I might catch, even from oral sex, with men or women who are not my wife.

Love,
J



Yes we have a very open and honest relationship and Yes again we have a dim view of casual sex in some respects. People seem to think a married guy is much safer than a single guy when it comes to sex. Even though he is a cheat and a liar that doesn't register for some reason.
Do a simple google search or read a few medical journals. Married men have a way higher incidence of spreading STD's than single men. Everyone here avoids the issue because there are so many cheating married guys here or people who are convinced they are safer.
We aren't trying to judge anyone just looking at the stats. Search a bit deeper and you will find that a cheating spouse can justify to himself having sex with anyone and everyone willing. Whether it is at a porn theater, adult store, from the internet or on the street. It becomes an addiction that only he or she can justify. The fact that they spread STD's is blocked out in their minds.
If it is your thing then go for it.
We are sure to get flamed but it is our :2cents: