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View Full Version : Why is it hard to find other bi sexual women?



andigirl22
Sep 21, 2005, 10:00 AM
I'm a bi sexual woman and I have the hardest time, ever, trying to find another girl. Most are very secretive about their sexual preference and others; well I'm too afraid to ask since most girls are sensitive and it's just unheard of to talk about such things (especially in the state of Kentucky). There are beautiful women everywhere here, but it seems the only bi sexuals or lesbians in Lexington work in the local strip clubs. I need some advice on how to tell if a girl is into me, how to tell if a girl is bi or lesbian, and how to flirt with a girl without freaking her out. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know! :) Thank you! ~*~ Andi

clubber
Sep 21, 2005, 12:48 PM
Andi - from a guys perspective, I can't imagaine by looking at your pic that you would have any trouble whatsoever in attracting another woman (or man for that matter). How do you go about doing it, that I am not quite sure.

arana
Sep 21, 2005, 3:25 PM
To echo what Clubber said, I can't imagine you having trouble attracting anyone, male or female. Maybe the women are intimidated by you or figure you must already be taken so they don't make a move on you. Do you have clubs or anything in your area that are specifically bi or gay established?
Good luck to you!!!

Hugs,
Arana :tong:

cutiepie35
Sep 21, 2005, 4:55 PM
I wish I could tell you there is a universal code that lets others know what our sexual preferences are, unfortunatly there is none that I know of. I live in a very small town in rural Illinois and being bisexual is almost unheard of here. What I do when I find a woman that I think is attractive is probably not that different than what a man would do, Flirt, compliment and smile alot. Good Luck.

SweetAmy
Sep 21, 2005, 5:34 PM
You have a girl...why would you want another one :)

Bicuriousity
Sep 21, 2005, 5:36 PM
I have my own theory. I have studied sexuality and attraction alot.

Being a bi guy, I know that meeting and attracting women can take a bit of work. Yes everyonce in a while the girls make it easy for you by coming up to you.

But in general woman don't approach other men let alone other women. So as a woman you need to learn how to approach and seduce another woman.

I think alot of women would swing that way if they are seduced in the correct manner.

I know that from my own experiences of meeting and seducing and dating women, how i go about it can make all the difference. If I'm like every other drunk dumbass out there trying to meet women it isn't going to work.

Thats why I'd like to help other girls out in meeting women. Maybe we can share some tips together.

andigirl22
Sep 21, 2005, 9:03 PM
Haha awww you all are so sweet, thank you guys so much for the compliments. I can relate to the person from IL. Lexington, KY is pretty much the same with, I think, a little more liniency (I think I spelled it correctly, sorry!!). Anyway, we do have one club downtown called 141. It's predominately a gay club, but they're turning it into a strip club so I'm not sure if it's opened anymore. I have been there a couple of times, but all the girls I've seen there are drag queens and butchy tom boy-ish girls. Which is not a bad thing, by all means. I'm just attracted to more feminine women. I am moving to Chicago next year, though. Maybe I'll have more luck up there! :) Oh and the person who says I already have a girl, none of the girls in the pictures are any women of mine. They're just friends and family; none of them know I'm bi. So to any girls who are avaible on here, let me know!!! :-D hahah

Bicuriousity
Sep 21, 2005, 9:46 PM
Chicago is full of hot women. As a single male I never had problems meeting girls there. I also never had a bad time there, it's a blast. Even dated a girl from there for a while.

gayle
Sep 22, 2005, 3:00 AM
Maybe you can find a "lifestyle" bar? There is one we go to in Kansas City that we both enjoy. I am straight & my fiance is bi. I manage to attract more than my fair share of bi women, even though I am straight. I can't tell you how I attract them because I haven't figured it out myself. I guess maybe it's the setting (a lifestyle bar) and that I am very friendly, outgoing. I'll talk to anyone. I'll dance with men or women. I'm just there to have a good time. Even though I'm straight, I can take it as a compliment when a woman flirts with me. Sorry that I don't have any suggestions on how you can attract other women. I just know that what "works" for me (perhaps a bit too well since I AM attracting women despite the fact that I'm straight) is that I am friendly and I will talk to anyone who shows the slightest inclination to talk.

Oh, there is one thing that will gain attention for you. Try taking Tootsie Pops with you! Suck and lick on one. Trust me, you will get a lot of attention! I always carry extras and I give them out to people. Believe me, when you are licking/sucking a Tootsie Pop, you get a lot of attention. Many people will be turned on by it. An added bonus is that many people remember the old commercial for Tootsie Pops (how many licks does it take to get to the center? The world may never know.). It can be quite the ice breaker & conversation starter.

SecretPoet
Sep 22, 2005, 4:32 AM
The easiest way to start flirting with a girl when you don't know if she is gay or not is to just be nice to her. I've met plenty of females that were straight, and just by being myself and treating them the way they deserved to be treated, I got them to date me. Yeah I'm butch so maybe it could somewhat be easier, but then again that really doesn't have much to do with it. I haven't looked at your picture like the rest of them, but if they say you're beautiful then I'll believe them. If you are beautiful then you already have a great start.
Just remember...
It isn't always good to change yourself for other people if it changes who you are, but sometimes it's good to show other people what they've been missing...

strawberry8302
Sep 22, 2005, 8:28 AM
I agree, Andi. It's hard trying to find another bisexual. Even though I live in New York City, it's still hard to find another bisexual that wants the same things that you want. I've signed up to dozens of sites trying to find someone, but they all want you to pay, and I'm not spending my hard earned money on a site that i probably wont have any luck on. I've never got a boyfriend by flirting, they all were interested in me, so they came up to me and started talking to me. I just don't want to be rejected, so i'm too shy to go up to a girl and ask her if she wants to be with me. I'll try to go to some gay clubs, but i may be too young. I joined this site hoping to find another bisexual close to me that would want to be friends with me, but also be able to have sex with me. IT'S SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:( :( :( :(

alleycat
Sep 23, 2005, 8:39 AM
Andi,

You could travel up to Louisville and go to the club Connections (if it's still open). My family is from Louisville and I went to HS there. The club was the hottest spot in town for gay, lesbian, bi, etc- even straight people started coming because it was the best night club in Louisville. They also have a theater attached which shows high class drag shows. Very entertaining and well done. Connections even had lesbian nights and other themed nights (country line dancing!) Yikes.. In the past few years another strip of clubs has opened in Louisville called 4th street live - it's all straight as far as I can tell, so it might have drawn the straight crowd away from Connections. Hey.. who knows.. if you are straight and going to a gay club, most likely you are bi, right?!! :) You can look up Connections on the web and give them a call - it might be worth the 1 1/2 hour trip up to Louisville.

I also agree with some of the others about flirting or dancing openly in a crowd of people and just inching towards other girls to see if they respond by dancing with you - if they turn away, then they are probably not interested.

I'm in Louisville every summer to see my extended family and it's a marvelous town!

Good luck!

alleycat
Sep 23, 2005, 8:47 AM
Oh, I forgot to add....

It is hard to find other bi women.. especially if you are married!! I'm only out to my closed friends and my husband and we have two small children. I find that even if I'm not out to some friends I make it VERY clear and take every opportunity to let my know my opinions about gay marriage, etc... this gives them some hints. And when I'm in fights with my husband I say things like, "if I had to do it all over again I'd be with a woman". Dropping statements like this make it pretty clear about your views. I found out that one of my friends was bisexual when she responded to my comment about being with a woman - she said, "really? Me too." We were both married and not interested in being sexual together, but it allowed for a lot of fun conversation. She had since moved to northern IN (and is having a hard time with the conservative nature of that state) but we still stay in touch.

Good luck!

SweetAmy
Sep 23, 2005, 1:04 PM
I think married woman have a hard time finding a bi female. I know I do b/c I have a husband. She would have to accept that I am married...b/c thats not ever going to change. :flag4:

looking4unlex
Oct 29, 2005, 11:21 AM
I am new to this site and would like to say that I agree it is so hard to find a bisexual female in Lexington. People are so quite and if you do find someone they are saying one thing and doing another. Anyway just wanted to reply I am bisexual and live in Lexington I am 35 so that is probably to old for you and I understand that good luck and take care.

IndyBiFun
Oct 30, 2005, 2:16 PM
I think Gayle and Alleycat made good points.

Gayle mentioned having Tootsie Pops....I also always notice someone that is playing with a straw in their drink. Or, when someone is handling a bottle in a provocative manner. Both always gets my attention and I am sure that is true with others.

Alleycat said how she is always speaking up for the GLBT communities. I do the same thing just to let others know that I am supportive and understanding. As she said, you never know who may be within ear shot and let you know how they feel too.

Ratchick
Oct 30, 2005, 9:25 PM
I joined a local Bisexual support group. Through them I found BI/Gay Friendly venues, and et lot's of eligable women.

Also if you have a GLBT center this helps.
Google your area name and Gay Bars.
Like for me I googled: Philadelphia Gay Bars.
You would be surprised what comes up.

Good luck!
PS- IF you are familiar with Local Lesbian Sports teams, Music groups ect this helps to. I found a woman simply by Mentioning Le Tigre...a band that is well known in GLBT circles.

RC

open2all
Oct 31, 2005, 10:17 AM
Hi,

I think that subtlety is often the best route. After all that is part of the general fun of flirting and seducing anyone regardless of their sex. Dropped comments, flirty looks, lingering touches, comments that lead the mind into double meanings :cool: . Also I do think dancing close is a huge turn on and a good measure of a girl's receptiveness. Give it some time and I am sure you will find plenty to keep you busy in Chicago.

It's a shame you don't live closer to the NY area. Otherwise, I would introduce you to my wife. Based upon your profile I think there is a pretty good chance you two would hit it off.

Best of luck to you on your adventure....

:tongue:

innaminka
Feb 3, 2006, 5:51 PM
Playing the gay/bi game is fraught with disappointments and frustrations.
Unless one wears a big sign around your neck, or goes to "designated" lifestyle clubs/hotels/bars, finding the person to click with is a potentially risky and embarrassing business.
This is especially so for us "bi" married women who generally want to keep our sexuality close to us. Full lesbians predictively have little or nothing to do with us except on a casual basis.
There is a sense called Gaydar, which sometimes helps, - I probably get about 50% hits, but as the other gals have written, hooking up is just a process of hints, looks and most importantly, communication.
I'm lucky in that I work in a corporate area where I meet a lot of single and married women, who are generally career minded. The chance to get into their heads, and vice-versa is really there: and its amazing how many bi/bi curious women wear the corporate black suits.
Just keep trying - its a frustrating business for us all.
Good luck. :female:

funlovers2000
May 30, 2010, 12:25 AM
I am new to this site and would like to say that I agree it is so hard to find a bisexual female in Lexington. People are so quite and if you do find someone they are saying one thing and doing another. Anyway just wanted to reply I am bisexual and live in Lexington I am 35 so that is probably to old for you and I understand that good luck and take care.

I'm about an hour's drive from Lexington. I know ALOT of Lesbian ladies in Lexington, however, I am having a hard time finding a bi lady that's interested in a threesome. OMG, why settle for one sex when you can have both! Anyway, my lesbian friends go to Lipstick Lounge? Have no idea where that may be though. Good luck! Anyone know a bi lady from 35 to 45 interested in a fun time with a married couple give me a shout. :^)

69luvr
Jun 2, 2010, 3:14 PM
I'm a bi sexual woman and I have the hardest time, ever, trying to find another girl. Most are very secretive about their sexual preference and others; well I'm too afraid to ask since most girls are sensitive and it's just unheard of to talk about such things (especially in the state of Kentucky). There are beautiful women everywhere here, but it seems the only bi sexuals or lesbians in Lexington work in the local strip clubs. I need some advice on how to tell if a girl is into me, how to tell if a girl is bi or lesbian, and how to flirt with a girl without freaking her out. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know! :) Thank you! ~*~ Andi

Try using GAYDAR as you walk around Fayette Mall. Many young lesbians hang there. Also with UK in the area, there are gay clubs that are always advertising for new people. I would also advise you to go to a gay bar in Lexington and just observe people. That is the way to develop GAYDAR. A glance, a brief smile; probing eyes; a lingering touch; and pleanty of cleavage works well for many bisexual females in their quest to meet other like minded women. Good luck and never give up hope of finding what you desire!:flag3:

csreef
Jun 3, 2010, 12:55 PM
Andi -
You may want to join a Swingers (Lifestyle) group...I was a member of one,and about 85% for the women there were Bi...

At the start of each party we would all introduce ourselves...The women would state their preference for either men or women, or both...Good luck

Hot&Juicy
Jan 11, 2014, 6:52 PM
I have same problem as you do.
I'm looking for beautiful, feminine female, tall, light skin, preferably with blue eyes :)
Mmmmm....my dream girl