Advice on chatroom / msn photo ettiquette

[2curioustwo]

My wife & I have been looking for another couple to further explore the bi feelings we have. We have not told family & friends we are bi so decided internet ads were the best way of keeping it all discreet. We met a couple of couples on Adultmatchmaker, and then chatted to them "in private" on msn. Both couples insisted on facial photos "to show we are genuine" and showed their (clothed) facial pics. We have posted some anonymous nude body pics in our profile so they already know what our build etc is like.

Have other people experienced this? Do these couples sound genuine themselves, or is there some other agenda? We did explain our need for privacy...

[BiCpl69]

We always ask for g-rated facial photos, to make sure that there is an attraction. To us a friendly smile is more important than body beautiful, so seeing someone's face before we meet is something we require.

[2curioustwo]

Anybody else have any ideas?

[nakedambrosia]

I guess what intrigues me is your description of "insisting". Anything pressured is not good. Are they interested in you as people, or are they interested in the outer form? I would be more interested in those interested in me, as a person. One thing that really turns me off at a party is when someone asks me "what do I do" (my job/career). It turns me off because that person is more interested in the "status" of what I do versus me, the person. How do I feel? What are my interests? Am I excited about the upcoming Fall Season? I really love this book, have you read it? Furthermore, sexuality starts with sensuality-if it is the other way around, people get bored and move one for the next fix....So you should ask yourselves, do I want a lasting, meaningful relationship with people with whom I can be sensual with and get at a deeper level....socially, intellectually, as friends, sensually and eventually, sexually.

[Bi-ten]

Hi 2curioustwo,

The only rule I would share with you is to do what's comfortable. Sending your face on the net is risky if you want your privacy... if you dont care about that, then have a ball!

It's natural for some people to ask to see what you look like right away, but if these are people of substance they will not push you to do something you dont want to do.

What I would suggest is to arrange to meet your potential partners in a coffee shop or for lunch. You can agree before hand that this is just a casual engagement to get to know each other, nothing more. You will know very soon if there is chemistry, and even if there isn't, no harm done.

To me, anyone who is not willing to meet me for a harmless coffee and conversation is probably not someone I want a relationship with.

These are just my 2 cents :2cents:

On another note- I used to think people asking what I 'do' was annoying and pretentious (depends on who's asking). Sometimes I see that these people are just trying to make easy conversation or network. Sometimes they just want to know so they can begin to impress me with their own massive accomplishments (so funny). Personally for me the 'what do you do' question is low on the list, right after 'so how long have you been gay' and 'do you think you can afford to stuff another cocktail wienie in your mouth?'.

Just a little humour, no offense to those trained in 1001 ways to network your way out of poverty.

Hugs,

[wellred]

Bi-ten,

You are extremely funny! Thanks for this flow of laughter!!!

- Red

[sexy couple]

From our own experience, this is what we've discovered... When we first found this website and created a profile, we were not sure about posting a photo. Once we did put up a photo, we received far more replies to our profile. We decided not to post pictures of our 'junk' because we are looking for a deeper relationship with another couple, not just one night stands. We have not come out to our family either, but this is a private sexual experience for both of us, and we do not share other aspects of our private sexuality with family members. We figure that if we are seen on this website, it is because like minded people have found it, just as we did. It seems only natural to want to see what you look like; naked bodies are nice but the eyes are the true teller of the soul, right? We would not casually meet anyone, unless we saw some picture of them (other than nude shots). This is not being superficial or judgemental; it is more an issue of trust. At some point, when you are having privat chats with another couple, if things seem to be going well and you are genuinely interested in one another, it only seems natural to want to see a photo. At some point, there is a small element of risk as far as having the faith to 'come out' enough to share yourselves with another couple anyway. This is what has worked for us. In the long run, go with what you feel most comfortable with...

[2curioustwo]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful and funny replies. I guess my feelings are now leaning towards "someone genuine wouldn't be so pushy". I can understand people wanting photos before meeting but before any sort of conversation seems a bit too full on. To put it another way, do I really want to meet someone that shallow?

On a side note, I do like to ask people what sort of work they do, but I believe the next couple of questions should be about how the person feels about their job. This tells you a lot about their personality (and mine). Those doing it for snob value are easily spotted too, this tells you plenty about them.

[Bi-ten]

Hey Sexy Couple,

No wonder your not afraid to post your pictures...your so cute;) I do agree that a site like this is a good place for discrete and tasteful photos like yours, people here are generally like-minded.

Eventually when my life settles down a little, I will be able to post mine.

Hugs

[SweetAmy]

I find it really stupid when people pose with there heads cut off in pics. I dont feel shamed of what I look like and if they do then they are not going to be real truse friends to us. We are not into nude pics....I prefer friends and family and you together photos to show your real. I also ask for a mic and a cam...tooo many pervs and creeps out here nowadays.

Amy :flag4: