Definition of a Bisexual

[Snafu]

My therapist said that to her a bisexual is someone who falls in love with the person and isn't worried about whether they are male or female. Either would be fine, they fall in love with the person and their gender is irrelevent.

My old definition of bisexual was someone who felt sexual attraction to men and women. However I have known a number of lesbians and gay men who have sex with someone of the opposite sex ever so often, but would prefer someone of the same sex if given a choice.

I have always thought of myself as bisexual, but under her definition I would not be bisexual, and in fact would probably be gay, despite the fact that I do have opposite sex attractions I much prefer women and feel like I am missing out on something because I don't have a special woman in my life. But it is so odd to think, "I am a lesbian" and then see a young man with his shirt off working the landscaping crew and think he looks pretty yummy. But I really don't want to see yummy landscaping guy naked. I just think he looks yummy is all. Thoughts?

[DareMe]

According to your therapist, if I had to wait to fall in love to find out if I'm bi, I'd have to wait a hell f a long time!

You don't fall in love easily!

Yes infatuation happens daily...sometimes even hourly he he.

I like the "old" definition better.

DM

[BiCpl69]

Personally, I don't think love is the critical factor. We are bisexuals because we are sexually attracted to both sexes. I think because we are married & have each other, we are more attracted to same-sex, than to opposite sex.

[bigregory]

My god it must be pounded into our brains not to be BI.
Gays ok lesbian for sure.
but bi .
sex and love are 2 way diffrent things.
I love my wife ,
I enjoy sex
With whoever that might be....
:2cents:

[WillowTree]

I must go with the consensus view on this one. I am currently in love with my husband, and intend to stay that way, and my feelings/attractions for women is strictly sexual. I have been in love with a women before, but I do not think that is what makes me bisexual. I personally believe bisexuality is about sexual attraction - and I have that for men and women.

[mike9753]

I must go with the consensus view on this one. I am currently in love with my husband, and intend to stay that way, and my feelings/attractions for women is strictly sexual. I have been in love with a women before, but I do not think that is what makes me bisexual. I personally believe bisexuality is about sexual attraction - and I have that for men and women.

I'm with WillowTree on this one.
Mike

[jeff64]

In my opinion, although there is obviously some overlap, love and sex are different constructs. Your therapists view (mind set) seems to be a bit (maybe a lot) narrow. " Love " doesn't account for the physical nature of sexuality in general (action & attraction). Therapists aren't there to tell us how to think or define anything. Their purpose should be to direct us in coming up with a set of beliefs, values and definitions that are true to the individual. I would question "who's" values your therapist is putting forward.
I find it easier to define my sexuality as trisexual.....try anything...hehehe

[jazzer]

Being bisexual to me means sharing myself sexually with a man and woman. Fall in love ? Oh well that may happen with either a man or woman, but who cares. If falling in love is a problem, then I think that society has a problem.

[mike9753]

OK, great points one and all. But what do you do about them? If a person acts upon their sexual drives, without at least the potential for love and commitment, then are we not like animals? What differientiates us from the animal kingdom is not just an opposable set of thumbs, but our intellect and our capacity for emotion.

We also live in a society that has norms. Many are vital for the health and well being of all - such as the prohibition against child abuse, incest, rape, etc. Others are holdovers from the past that are no longer applicable and some are the result of prejudice. We may not adhere to all of these norms, but the norms about sexuality, if flagarently broken in some circumstances (i.e. sex with children) will and should result in severe consequences (in the case of sexual abuse, rape or other atrocities).

So where am I going with all this? I guess if defining bisexuality would help us to change societal norms that are no longer applicable or are prejudicial, then I would see that activity as very valuable. Just this discussion has helped me to better crystalize my own thinking and I hope at least to raise questions for others to take it further.
Mike

[wellred]

We are certainly fond of definitions. As toddlers, we are bombarded with lessons about labels…this is a “circle”, this is a “square”. We memorize numbers, and names for everything concrete and ethereal. Why? So we have a common language, a common point of view, because that might make communication with each other easier.

I suppose Snafu’s therapist has as valid bisexual definition. After all it is her definition, is designed to serve her and her alone (her opinion), and is relatively benign.

In many circles, we use definitions to draw boundaries around “us” and “them”. If we consider all people as part of one continuum we shift our frame of reference. There ceases to be artificial barriers between us – no cosmic differences. Suppose that some may prefer vanilla ice cream, others chocolate and others chocolate swirl, yet we are all willing and ready to take a dip or two. (Or perhaps, we could speculate on the differing responses to Snafu's "yummy" landscape guy.)

Admittedly, “sex” and “love” are still concepts that cause me to internally struggle. The romantic that lives within would like to believe that sex is the natural expression of love. Yet the beast in me knows fully that I get very horny without the glimmer of love in my loins.

Defining “bisexuality” does give it a distinction – a separation from others. This distinction may help explain ourselves to ourselves or to others. Or it may become a target of bigotry. My point is that each of us is entitled to our own definition about who we are. For ease of understanding, definitions may help us communicate with each other. However, I believe it is important to be always mindful that we are all one – connected in this continuum of life.

LOL – that’s my version of the truth, for the two cents that it is worth. :2cents:

- Red

[Lisa (va)]

I somewhat agree with snafu's therapists in that, for me. gender is secondary to the person. But that's just me, i also realize that some folks can be sexually attracted to the same sex merely on a physical plane and not on an emotional level. But that is the beauty, we are all different, no one needs to conform to definitions, just be themselves. Label me as straight bi or lesbian, it doesn't matter, I will still be me.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Bi-ten]

Hey all,

I agree with all of the thoughts about labels, their usefulness in giving us understanding and structure, and their abuses when used as instruments of hate.

I do label myself as bisexual, and yes I am proud of it. Why am I proud? I'm proud because I am able to see a 'yummy' guy on the street and appreciate him, I can also see a beautiful woman playing with her hair and appreciate her too. In accepting myself as bisexual (pick a definition), I am no longer constrained by what society views as 'normal'. I am free to be the cosmic lover, to enjoy the pleasures of the body (male or female) and love the soul within.

I too enjoy the paradox of sex and love, all I can say is the line is very fine. I am attracted to a great many people, some of whom(not all) I love very much. What is purhaps more interesting is the question 'how finite or infinite is the human capacity to love?'. God loves each of us equally, the good, the evil, the straight, the gay...and we are all made in his/her image.

Just my two cents...

:2cents:

[jeff64]

Very thought provoking.....Some interesting points that generally point to a consensus of individuality. Acceptance was mentioned and I guess that when I attempt to define my sexuality (past & present), the underlying drive is for acceptance and freedom.

[tom_uk]

".............. see a young man with his shirt off working the landscaping crew and think he looks pretty yummy. .........." sorry what was the qustion!

".............. see a young woman with a short dress walking down the road with a cute figure - pretty yummy ........ " sorry what was the question!

thats normal ....... when you carry out your desires you move to bi....

[twosides]

I'm probably going to get jumped on for this, but -- Even though I love many people in my life, I don't really believe in Love. Perhaps it's just because I have avoided the types of relationships that generally wind up showcasing the generally accepted view of ever-lasting, can't live without them, rock me to my toes kind of Love.

For me, there's always been an attraction to the absolutely beautiful looking male or female, but often find there's not much more to them. For me, that's good for sexual fantasy, but not a relationship. When I find a person, M/F, that doesn't knock me off my feet with their looks, I often find that person attractive in others ways, and love enters the picture. (I'll add here that I think everyone in the world is loveable, I try to show God's love to everyone, then picking and choosing the ones I want to be sexual with.)

So, defining your sexual orientation by a yardstick of love is a problem for me. It comes down to individuality and how two people click together. Love may not come until after you experience this other person in various settings, public and private.

[Sparks]

My therapist said that to her a bisexual is someone who falls in love with the person and isn't worried about whether they are male or female. Either would be fine, they fall in love with the person and their gender is irrelevent.

My old definition of bisexual was someone who felt sexual attraction to men and women. However I have known a number of lesbians and gay men who have sex with someone of the opposite sex ever so often, but would prefer someone of the same sex if given a choice.

I have always thought of myself as bisexual, but under her definition I would not be bisexual, and in fact would probably be gay, despite the fact that I do have opposite sex attractions I much prefer women and feel like I am missing out on something because I don't have a special woman in my life. But it is so odd to think, "I am a lesbian" and then see a young man with his shirt off working the landscaping crew and think he looks pretty yummy. But I really don't want to see yummy landscaping guy naked. I just think he looks yummy is all. Thoughts?
I don't like definitions. Definitions restricts us into a social cubby hole. But that's our society these days. So how do I define myself? I absolutely love and prefer women. But on occasion a romp in the hay (so to speak) with a like minded man is a very erotic and personal pleasure. I'm not totally str8, neither am I gay. I'm not "bisexual" in the sense of the word. You either are, or, your not. So my label is, definition that suits me, "part time homo." When it comes to sex, it is what it is.

Nevertheless, "For in the dew of little things, the heart finds its moring and is refreshed." Kindness and an open heart does well for the soul. The bottom line is screw what the therapist thinks. Wrap yourself in the warmth of your own love, and you will have wonderful relationships with men and women.

One of the greatest jokes I ever heard was this: Name a four letter word for sex? As you can imagine the are many words that will fit. The correct answer, however, is "talk".

Intimacy, regardless of the gender, speaks volumes. My advice is stay within YOUR comfort zone. Take good care, and don't take too much to heart what the therapist says. It's only an oppinion, thought, whatever.

Stay true with your self, and every little thing is possible.

Love, Fred :2cents:

[LBSK8]

Hi everyone i'm new!

I think everyone's points of view were very interesting, but have to say, for me the 'definition' of a bisexual isnt as complicated as some of you were saying.
For me it means you are attracted to both sexes, however far you take it. ;)

[Lorcan]

I second that, LBSK8 !

[Bum_Ditty]

Although I do not act upon it very often, I still consider myself to be bisexual. I am both sexually and emotionally attracted to both sexes. I have romantic and sexual fantasies about both sexes. I have also been in love with both sexes (but only once -- when I was far younger than today -- at the same time). For myself, it's all part of the whole, but that is, of course, just me. As I think I have stated before, there is to my mind more than one type of bisexuality.

Bum_Ditty
:yinyang:

[uriel]

this is a good question one which i have been pondering lately. My ex girlfriend and i are still great friends recently i had confessed to her that i had a gay experience. She knows i have an anal thing as she has used her toys to stimulate me that way many times throughout our relationship. I never considered myself to be bi sexual purely because i do not find men physically attractive but for one thing to act out my passive side and recieve cock. I really dont think i am in denial i never look at guys and think i could go a bit of that but it exites me greatly at the thought of being penetrated with a cock and vibrators although pleasurable are not the same i also enjoyed sucking cock. So the question is what am i im quite self critical and if it is denial im missing it im not going to come in here and lie to people as youself.
Confussed perhaps but not afraid of what i am and im looking for more experiences with men for the reasons i mentioned. Not to stereotype at all but although im passive with men i am quite the opposite with women. Id appreciate any input from anyone with similar experience.

[wanderingrichard]

seems to me your therapist might need therapy.. tho there is a point in what she said.. look, as a bi male i go through the same feelings as you described with the landscaper.. i've actually got it a bit harder to deal with because i work on a major military installation in the pacific northwest and , geee, in the mornings all that great toned butt, regardles of gender, is just out there for public view while they do their morning exercises... so it's very distracting while driving to work.
how do i deal with it?? i use a bit of voyeurism and a lot of will power.. i dont go chasing every hunky man or good looking woman, but in private my partners get the benefits of my imagination..
so, really, dont worry about it, from what i 've learned through my personal experiences and from several outright gay friends, it's still normal to look but not touch... get on with your life, don't dweel on this small thing or youo wont enjoy it's benefits as much as you should. :bipride:

[2curioustwo]

My observation : Bi or not depends on the individual's comfort with the word.

I have been contacted by guys who will do anything sexually with other guys , but would only fall in love with a woman and call themselves straight

I have also met people who have repeatedly gone out with people of the opposite sex for years who still call themselves gay.

Myself, I am a guy married to a girl (and wouldn't have a male life partner) but I also likes to play with guys, I definitely consider myself bi...

Labels, unfortunately in the end are not that helpful. I would have thought that anyone who is sexually and / or romantically attracted to both guys and girls is bi, but many people prefer to identify themselves with the majority "straight" or substantial minority "gay" rather than the smallest group "bi"...