So how do you tell if a guy is bisexual?

[ramboan69]

I see so many adds of bisexual guys, but can I find these guys out in the street or in the clubs just by looking at them? Am I talking to several potential hot lovers every day of my life?
You might get away with asking a woman if she is bi without too much trouble, but I am thinking if I did that with guys, I would be more finding out "how to get the shit beat out of me without even trying."
Is it a look? Is it a walk? Is there something I can do to identify myself to a fellow bi male that only someone bi would pick up on?

[twodelta]

Every now and then, You can pick them up on Your gaydar. Some days I appear on peoples gaydar and some days I don't. I do wear a Bi-Pride wristband. That way, a person could feel comfortable approaching me - Dave

[maxtor]

I dont think there is a way to tell. I have often tried to tell the difference between a straight and bi. I am bi but I am very straight acting. I know that bi men are very receptive to conversation from stramge men and warm up quick to conversation.

[Biboz49]

...You might get away with asking a woman if she is bi without too much trouble, but I am thinking if I did that with guys, I would be more finding out "how to get the shit beat out of me without even trying."...


Saying it that way is too funny but probably brutally true. I'm totally clueless to picking out bi guys in public places but what works for me is being in places or checking web sites where I know the other guys are bi. I've been to the bi conference last summer, gone to parties where most guys are bi, hang with the few bi friends I know and through them meet other bi friends, occassionally check into bi chat rooms, post profiles in sites like this one. In the past couple years I've done just what I wanted to do: expand my circle of bi friends. Thats all without being very aggressive about approaching others. What more can yah do?

[ramboan69]

In a small way I was trying to be funny there but then, it sure could turn out to be true as well.

[someotherguy]

Take a girlfriend into a gay bar and see which men hit on her.

[open2both]

Waaaay difficult. So what I now do when I'm needing a man is go to a gay club and mingle. There's no embarrassment of "guessing" and likely hitting on a str8 guy. Over the course of conversation you discuss the degree of gayness/biness but what do you care? A male lover is what you're after and similarly when you need a woman, does it matter really if she's straight or bi?
Go for it, hon! :flag3:

[TrimBeardHairyBod]

In an ordinary social situation, you may occasionally find a guy giving you more attention than what you might expect or consider necessary. This is often a sign that his real interest is sexual.

Another common situation is when a stranger gives you what I call 'the lingering glance.' It's a certain look that lasts a couple of milliseconds longer than you'd expect. More than once I've passed such a guy on the street, turned back to look and found him doing the same.

These behaviours are of course practised by gays as well. Still, they're worth being aware of. And, reacting to positively!

[DiamondDog]

for me it's really easy to tell if a guy is bisexual but I seem to have good gay/bi-dar and it comes from observing people, especially their eyes (cruising eyes in public), or body language and reading people.

[citystyleguy]

i find it odd that bi guys should have a look; or for that matter a gay guy or a straight. yeah, some have what is often id'd as representative of any of the above catagories, but i have had the pleasent, and as many have also experienced, severely unpleasent experience trying to discern those whom we "...hope..." will share our orientation.

most here have already pointed out the best way; just engage them, eye-contact the best tactic. that has always worked best for me; on a rare occasion you may experience the anger of someone, and in some cases that of their boyfriend/girlfriend, but what the hell! what's life without the consequences of anger?!

good luck! and go for the eyes! :2cents:

[codybear3]

Take a girlfriend into a gay bar and see which men hit on her.


Now theres an idea... :paw: :paw:

[DiamondDog]

Take a girlfriend into a gay bar and see which men hit on her.
bad idea.

most single women that go to gay bars/clubs (if they're not lesbian/bi) go there because it's thought of as a "safe space" where they won't get hit on by men.

Plus, if I'm in a "gay" environment I'm going to be more attentive to the men. I have been hit on by het/bi women in gay bars but I'm not there for them...

[LouiseBrookslover]

The best way is to establish the right type of eye contact. Just as with a woman, you don't want the eye contact to be too intense. With her, it comes off as creepy. With him, it can get you punched in the face. Feel his cues, if he looks back, or smiles, ratchet up the flirting a bit. A smiling man can mean even more than a smiling lady. You've got to start small, be aware of feedback, and react accordingly. Ultimately it isn't much different than heterosexual courtship. Relax and slide deeper in or calmly move away depending on what your gut is telling you.

[bigguy4u2e]

I agree with the Eye contact. There have been many times I have just glanced at a guy, made real fast eye contact with him and could just tell he was interested. :)

[jaglvr]

I would have to say the answer is you can't. Part of the difficulty of being bisexual is that we are very often unaware of each other. That's why we have places like this to meet each other and as was described earlier, build a sort of bisexual social network. Most of the tips described are really just gauging how gay a guy might be. The lingering glance doesn't mean bi necessarily. Given you were asking specifically about bisexual men I'd say short of asking you can't tell.

[nnjbicoupleforplay]

Eye contact, soft spoken, and willing to do something for you with a smile with nothing in return, us bi's like to please and are not harsh with others in any way. Man to man we will smile back, start a silly , flirty conversation but still let you know there's a woman by our side, realizing you/us are still excited!

Have you hugged your bi-friens today??

:male: :female: :bipride:

[LoveLion]

OK, heres a more specific question. I came into work the other day and say a guy in a cubical a few rows ever I had never noticed before, and WAM! I got that feeling (you know the one), Its rare that a guy does that to me (its more common in women for me) but there was something about him. Hes really cude and has a quite nice body too. Its so hard now a days to tell sexual orientation on clothing and hair and such die to the whole Metro thing, but for deductive purposes hes got an uneven hair cut (not emo uneven) layer dyed blond, hes got a line of facial hair on his chin (not sure what thats called) and wears tighter pants, a tee-shirt with ripped looking sleeves and sometimes a white hoody when they turn down the heat. I havent got a chance to talk to him yet, but Iv made eye contact. It was just briefly and it seemed just like a regular glance, not really much of an egknowlagement. I dont know if this guy is gay, strait, or Bi. What do you think? and what do you think I should do?

[citystyleguy]

OK, heres a more specific question. I came into work the other day and say a guy in a cubical a few rows ever I had never noticed before, and WAM! I got that feeling (you know the one), Its rare that a guy does that to me (its more common in women for me) but there was something about him. Hes really cude and has a quite nice body too. Its so hard now a days to tell sexual orientation on clothing and hair and such die to the whole Metro thing, but for deductive purposes hes got an uneven hair cut (not emo uneven) layer dyed blond, hes got a line of facial hair on his chin (not sure what thats called) and wears tighter pants, a tee-shirt with ripped looking sleeves and sometimes a white hoody when they turn down the heat. I havent got a chance to talk to him yet, but Iv made eye contact. It was just briefly and it seemed just like a regular glance, not really much of an egknowlagement. I dont know if this guy is gay, strait, or Bi. What do you think? and what do you think I should do?

okay, you've made the initial contact; step 1, make it again, or step 2, go to his cubie and start up a conversation. do it a couple of times, and see where the talk goes; however, if you make eye contact again, hold it, walk down the aisle, and begin at step 2. if the talk is positive, make your move based on what you think is best.

[curiousguy05]

I just hope somebody here comes up with some kind of "Universal Bi Gesture" that only Bi s can understand....hehehe Like taking a quick glance and simultaneously biting the lower lip......If he/she responds back...it will then be easier to approach him/her.....

:eek:

[bediddle]

You'll have to get someone to teach you the secret hand shake

[thelos]

It's my belief that all men are gay and long for intimacy with a man. Some are just too backed up to act on it.

[Avocado]

It's my belief that all men are gay and long for intimacy with a man. Some are just too backed up to act on it.

Gay, lying or lying :tong:

re:the thread about escaping to gay clubs. I'd treat members of the opposite sex like they might not want you hitting on them. If I was single and in a gay club I wouldn't mind a woman hitting on me though :bigrin:

[yoyo4u]

I think wearing special pins would be very useful.

For example:
669
696
969
996

:bigrin:
yoyo

[Wynne6728]

I live in a remote Western Australian town and have exactly this problem. It has a population of about 5000 people and as far as I know there is only one openly gay person in the town. He can only be described as a queen and I would not touch him with a bargte pole. Any suggestions on how to find another bi in a towwn which offers no possibilities? :cool:

[mannysg]

This seems to be a question with no pat answer, like so many other things in life.

It sure would be nice to have a "secret handshake". :) I thought about putting the bi flag on my myspace site, but didn't want to have to answer "What is that?" to everyone since I'm not "out".

[CountryLover]

Take a girlfriend into a gay bar and see which men hit on her.


That actually happened to me!

A gay friend took me to a gay leather bar after a Christmas concert one night.

Here I was, in my best minister's wife Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes........and I got hit on THREE TIMES in a gay leather bar?? One guy was really persistant, and several guys in a group invited me back. Surprisingly, my gay friend couldn't even get anyone to talk to him.

It still blows me away LOL!

[izzfan]

How to spot a bisexual? Interesting question seeming as we're such a varied group of people then it is somewhat difficult. But then again, is that such a bad thing? lol. I mean it helps others to see the person before they see the sexuality and helps to stop prejudice overtake reason.
Nevertheless, there could be good sides to increased bisexual visibility, I mean biphobia still well and truly exists and if we were more prominent and assertive about our sexuality [ I mean look at the Gay Liberation Front in the 60s/70s/80s and modern groups like 'outrage' who helped to end prejudice/discrimination against gays by radical activism and increased visibility] then we could strongly reduce biphobia. Even so, bisexuality is still often seen as something that is a lot less visible than heterosexuality/homosexuality. Tom RObinson summed it up quite well "bisexuality has the potential to become a new underground" [read the whole article at:www.bothways.com -its the link called 'independent'] and to be honest do we want companies cashing in on bisexuality like they have done with 'gay culture'? [I mean all this talk about buisness and the 'pink pound' seems like corporate exploitation of 'gay culture'].
Despite this, it would be good to see a few more bi flags around just to let people know that we exist as a distinct sexuality. I mean, a while ago, I decided to try some bi-pride nail varnish [thumb and little finger fingernails painted black, index finger painted blue, middle finger purple and ring finger pink] and that looked kind of cool. One of the small many ways you can increase bi visibility. Also (unless you are still in the closet) proudly state that you are bi whenever anyone asks about your sexuality. If not to increase visibility this can prove useful in showing you how many misconceptions/ biphobic prejudices people still have (the lastest was last night [15th Jan] when someone called me 'greedy' for liking both sexes) and it could give you an opportunity to correct those misconceptions by dispelling a few stereotypes.

Just my :2cents:

Izzfan :flag3:

[DiamondDog]

It's my belief that all men are gay and long for intimacy with a man. Some are just too backed up to act on it.

ugh I get tired of the typical mindset that gay/bi men really want to believe that all hot men are secretly into men. :rolleyes:

[wanderingrichard]

You'll have to get someone to teach you the secret hand shake

handshake??....we have a secret handshake??..< turns to codybear> dude, why didnt ya tell me about the secret handshake??

[tydwater51]

It's a real dilemma, how to identify potential partners, maybe even more so among bisexual people than gay or lesbian, because so many of us are not yet out to spouses or others in our life. It all feels very shadowy and secretive.

I think this is especially difficult for older bi's (mid-fifties). For example, on this site, which would seem to be a natural gathering place, and not all that hard to find, there are only a handful of people from even the same state (VA), and many fewer in my area; fewer still within 10 years of my age. And I live in a metro area of over 1 million people!!

I don't feel especially comfortable in gay bars, where people are mostly much younger. And online has seemed to be a vast waste of time, for the most part. What few contacts I've had have mostly been with guys who either spell badly, are preoccupied with "stats", or just want a quick BJ (usually all three). When someone asks me my "stats" in the initial conversation, forget it. Ask me something about me as a person. I don't have a problem with guys who are just into it for a quickie, but it's not what I'm looking for.

My female friend, who is also very much wanting to explore her bi side has had the same issues, though I do think it is easier, and much less stigmatizing for women (though I could be mistaken in that, having just watched the movie "Julie Johnson").

So yes, it would be nice to have some way to identify each other, but don't hold your breath.

[lonedogx]

I would go with the gaydar. It is in the eyes. Eye contact between men is different if there is more in the air.

[tony455]

i have had that eye contact,it maybe last a half second and it leaves me wondering.The only problem is that it seem to happen when im with my wife,hahahaha.

[jamiehue]

Just recently at the local gay bar amongst the cliques and their vapid stares I struck up a conversation with a adorable guy.He seemed so natural and well diffrent.As with many bi men ive have met he turned out to be a fantastic lover as well.I believe there is a diffrence in personality between the 100% ters and bi men and i perfer the latter :2cents:

[wanderingrichard]

ok all joking with cody aside, and having read thru this a bit more, i'm of the opinion that ya pretty much cant tell unless the guy tells ya ...there's too many variables.. for instance, with me, i'm one of the straightest, average ugly looking guys you'll ever meet and it's only when we are in private that you will find the real me.. hey, i've been in 3 different gay bars and been asked to leave or told they didnt think this was a place for me. the only time i've ever been welcomed with open arms into a gay establishment was in anchorage alaska 2 years ago at Mad Myrna's..great place by the way if you're ever up there ...

but, yeah, unless he tells ya, i dont think you'll know..

[bi-in-wausau2]

double earings - both L and R sides ?

BTW... please refresh me... I'm about to be single again, whats the L and R side mean.... I'm thinking of getting one, or maybe two ;)

I wish it was so easy. in my little town there is only one gay bar and everyon eknows everyone. still I'm thinking about going there, especially for a drag night.

bi-in-wausau2

[PolyScotty]

ther is no real way to know and thats the way it should be. being bisexual should not be who you are.. you may be a person that is bisexual but that is not the meat of who you are. you have to be careful in public too because I know alot of times I think a guy is giving me a flirting smile and later think was he just smiling and I wanted him to be bi/gay or was he actually bi/gay.
your "gaydar" can be so far off because you want to rip off his pants and take him.

Scott

[morkelkey]

Every now and then, You can pick them up on Your gaydar. Some days I appear on peoples gaydar and some days I don't. I do wear a Bi-Pride wristband. That way, a person could feel comfortable approaching me - Dave


Pride Bracelets and Wristbands In this section you can select from items manufactured with the pride rainbow colours or with other designs of particular relevance to the lesbian.

These rainbow wristbands have all six colours of the Pride rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple with no writing on them.

These silicon wristbands are in the three bisexual colours pink, purple and blue debossed with the words 'End Bi-Phobia'.

[Bisexual Explorer]

Why do I care whether the guy is bi or gay when I'm looking for a male partner? Other members seem to care. I'd like to know why they distinguish between bi and gay. As far as finding male partners, my gaydar works about 50% of the time and is utterly useless. So I go to a gay bar and see what happens or when I'm just out just I strike up a conversation about sports or whatever and see what happens. This works well at hotel bars when I'm on business trips. Finding interested bi-couples is a far, far more difficult.

g

[diB4u]

I would go with the gaydar. It is in the eyes. Eye contact between men is different if there is more in the air.

I defo say its all about eye contact, not that I'm an expert or anything which i'm not...but its in the eyes, and sometimes you can tell.

:bigrin:

[csreef]

With me I use my inutition...Plus the fact that I can "read into" peoples body language helps alot.

[fredtyg]

I used to think I had a pretty good gaydar since I'm homo myself. At least I did until a couple weeks ago. I know a lezzie couple and we have some mutual acquaintances. I was pretty sure at least one, if not both, of those acquaintances were lezzies. I would of bet money on one.

I finally asked one of the lezzies if the first one of the acquaintances was lezzie. Nope, she said, but she also said she thought she was a lezzie, too, earlier on. She said her gaydar doesn't work right all the time, either.

Was wrong on the second one, too.

As far as guys, about the closest thing I could come to is eye contact. Most hetero guys won't look deep into your eyes, or if they do they won't maintain it.

Then there was one guy I met that I'm pretty sure is homo just from the way he talked to me. He was the son of a customer of mine and came up and just starting talking to me in a manner more personal than I would think normal, asking questions like how long I'd lived in town.

His mood changed and he abruptly stopped the conversation when I told him I hadn't lived here all my life, but my wife had. Funny that I read in a gay forum years ago that's one way to tell if a guy is straight: He won't talk for more than a few minutes without referring to a wife or girlfriend. Not entirely true as I'm a married queer.

Too bad, as he was one of the rare men I've found attractive around here and there's no doubt in my mind he's homo. I keep hoping to bump into him again to try and start things over.

[st8actingbi]

Thanks a lot for this question, I actually read every comment, I recently figured out I'm bi, although I'm in the closet, its hard for me to find other bi dudes on the street..one thing I did realy notice, like many of you guys, that will make you think twice if the guy is really straight or not, is the eye contact..in my experience, keeping eye contact for even just one more second then what it supost to be, and if the othe guys guy does the same, then maybe, just maybe he's in the same spot as you and is somewhat attracted to men..just be careful to not come as a creep and stare for too long, you might scare the guy, like some ovious gay men have to done to me in the past..they were just too agressive and ovious with the stare, I decided to ignore them..try giving out a more simple friendly stare for a few seconds longer rather then the I want to fuck you stare...

just a thought, anyone with some answers messege me.

[uncut20]

Holy Thread Resurrection Batman!!!

[fredtyg]

just be careful to not come as a creep and stare for too long, you might scare the guy, like some ovious gay men have to done to me in the past..they were just too agressive and ovious with the stare, I decided to ignore them..try giving out a more simple friendly stare for a few seconds longer rather then the I want to fuck you stare....

The eye contact thing is a good one, if not the best. It does bring up the question, though, of what you do once you've made established it. What do you do after that?

I find few guys sexually attractive, but I saw one of the cutest guys ever in a drug store a few years ago. Just a gorgeous guy wearing earrings and a beaded choker. No doubt in my mind he was queer. As we passed in the aisle he made eye contact with me, and it wasn't just casual eye contact. He wanted to connect with me with his eyes.

I was stunned. I didn't hold the eye contact as long as he did- first mistake- cause I was taken aback. I was so surprised at seeing the guy I didn't know what to say or do and just kept walking after smiling at him. As I got to the checkout counter I was thinking how gorgeous the guy was and wondering what I could say to salvage the situation.

I was stumped, and just left the store thinking I blew it. That's bugged me ever since and I never saw the guy again.

Hindsight tells me I could have at least said, "hi". If I could have kept my composure I should have said something more, maybe "Love the choker", or "Love your earrings". I should think that would have removed any doubt in either of our minds about each other being queer.

But I didn't. Keeping your composure and communicating is the second part of the equation.

[CallmeDave]

actually this is a good topic, cuz in my community i feel like the only bi guy, all the rest are either straight or gay; even those who call themselves bi, they've never ever had anything with women, so they're gay too :D and i'm kinda stuck

[nudistharry]

I would go with the gaydar. It is in the eyes. Eye contact between men is different if there is more in the air.

My gaydar is pretty good, but my bidar is terrible.

[jk1983]

Well bi or gay means the guy is into men so I think it's the same pretty much. I can tell if a guy is interested in me by the eye contact, especially when he holds it for longer than normal. It happens to me all the time with all types of men and of different ages too. Just last weekend I caught this gorgeous young guy at my job staring at me and when I looked up at him he didn't look away. That wasn't the first time that happened with him though. The first time I noticed him was months ago and he held his gaze at me without turning away so I knew he was gay/bi/curious or something lol. He's masculine like myself so it would have been near impossible to tell any other way. After a little facebook stalking I found out he was a teenager and I'm 29 so I lost interest.

The eye contact thing happens to me all the time wherever I go by the most handsome men but I rarely ever get to talk to any of them. I'm usually so smitten by them and so surprised that I can't bring myself to say anything lol. I also judge by the body language and what they talk about. My intuition helps out a lot.

[Gagger303]

To identify sexual preference you must be a a good listener. People tell you what they want or like all the time in general conversations.....It is even easier than that because EVERYONE is bisexual..... preference is another thing all together.


When you break it down to the sperm and the egg, we can not procreate if one sex does not contribute. It takes a male and a female (2 sexes) to conceive a baby... No matter if it is intercourse, egg fertilization or what ever the course of action. To make 1 person it takes both sexes for that to happen. The sex of that baby is determined at the exact moment when egg and sperm meet, but it takes a while for the external organs to match the internal chromosomes.


Which sex organs develop depends on the presence of a Y chromosome and the male hormone testosterone and anti-Mullerian hormone (AMH).


At eight weeks, the internal genitalia will begin to form. If the embryo has both an X and a Y chromosome and produces the two hormones, then the testosterone will stimulate the Wolffian duct to develop male sex organs, including the vas deferens and the seminal vesicles.


If there's no Y chromosome, but two X chromosomes instead, then the embryo is female. The Wolffian duct will degrade, and the Mullerian duct will develop into female sex organs such as the uterus, fallopian tubes and part of the vagina. Rarely, the embryo will have an X and a Y chromosome, but will fail to produce testosterone or AMH; such an embryo is termed intersex, as it has both male and female sex organs.


No matter what sex the child is he and/or she will have both male and female hormones some will have more hormones of type or another. So no matter how straight you may claim you are...Science says you are are two sexes and you identify yourself with your gentilia which than makes it an argument of preference.....


My semi short version of my argument to anyone who questions my lack of gender preference and my attraction to a person who who is attracted me me...
Have a great day

[Vatnos]

It's my belief that all men are gay and long for intimacy with a man. Some are just too backed up to act on it.
See, this is something the gay community really doesn't need. Actual heterophobia.

Lesbians exist, therefore your position that it is impossible to be attracted to women is contradicted by evidence. Why would a woman face discrimination if she weren't attracted to other women? For that matter, transsexuals exist. Why would a biological male want to become female if they didn't find the female form compelling? Considering the type of lifestyle change that entails, they must have a very strong sense of envy.


.....It is even easier than that because EVERYONE is bisexual.....
And this is something that bisexuals say sometimes which they should also stop saying. It's very obvious the way most people behave that they have a strong preference in one direction or another. You can debate whether that's nature or nurture. You could argue that many people who are bisexual are either unaware of it, or deliberately avoid acting on it for fear of persecution, and those things are both true. Nevertheless, there are a lot of gay people who try their damn hardest to be attracted to the opposite sex, yet can't do it. Why would someone lie about that? Most are probably being sincere.

[DiamondDog]

See, this is something the gay community really doesn't need. Actual heterophobia.

Lesbians exist, therefore your position that it is impossible to be attracted to women is contradicted by evidence. Why would a woman face discrimination if she weren't attracted to other women? For that matter, transsexuals exist. Why would a biological male want to become female if they didn't find the female form compelling? Considering the type of lifestyle change that entails, they must have a very strong sense of envy.


And this is something that bisexuals say sometimes which they should also stop saying. It's very obvious the way most people behave that they have a strong preference in one direction or another. You can debate whether that's nature or nurture. You could argue that many people who are bisexual are either unaware of it, or deliberately avoid acting on it for fear of persecution, and those things are both true. Nevertheless, there are a lot of gay people who try their damn hardest to be attracted to the opposite sex, yet can't do it. Why would someone lie about that? Most are probably being sincere.




I agree with you. No not everyone is bisexual and if this were true society would be totally different and there would be no need for LGBT rights, fighting for the right to marry who you want even a same gendered partner, etc.