Break up...

[Dizzy]

Well I told my gf I was bi, and it didn't go well...

She said she could best support me in this as a friend. Though she repeated several times that she wasn't homophobic (the wrong term but I got the message), but I got the impression it seemed a little weird to her. It was obvious that she didn't BLAME me, which was good, but still it was a problem for her.

We're still friends, but I just feel so depressed. Does anyone have any other tales of woe-ful coming out that will put this into perspective?

[miamiuu]

what was the reason for telling her? Were you hoping to bring a guy in?

[Dizzy]

what was the reason for telling her? Were you hoping to bring a guy in?

Nah, I just thought she had a right to know. A relationship without honesty will not survive (although in this situation honesty didn't help...)

[photogr]

In a similar post not so long ago the same thing happened. It appears 'coming out' don't work.

[anne27]

Nah, I just thought she had a right to know. A relationship without honesty will not survive (although in this situation honesty didn't help...)

Honesty is the only way to go. If you love someone, something as important as being bi can't stay in your pocket.

I am sorry about your g/f, but it's her loss. She may need some time to think and be back. It took me a little while to understand when I found out my hubby was bi, but we are together and our relationship is better than it ever was before.

I am sorry she took it badly, but you are to be commended for your honesty! :2cents:

[pasco_lol_cpl]

Im sorry to hear that it didnt go well, but as others have said, honesty is best in any relationship. Its better for you for not being forced to live a lie and its better for your partner so they can make a decision up front. I wish you the best of luck in the future

[DiamondDog]

I agree with anne27, it's her loss.

Anyway you did the right thing. A friend of mine (he's also bisexual) and I were talking and I said how no matter who I end up with I'll tell them about my sexuality long before we're in an established "relationship" (i.e. close friendship, loving them as a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife/husband), and how they'll have to accept it.

[miamiuu]

I dont think something like that should be brought up unless you are wanting to date another guy while in the relationship.If you believe in monogamy there shouldnt be a reason to bring it up.

[wellagedmale]

Well it goes along the lines of "I LIKE" what..chocolate, vanilla what if they don't...does it mean you still can't say it....I can see where itr may not be or shouldn't be for public consumption but I guess I agree with most others...why would you want to hide something from your best friend like this...unless they really weren't in which case I agree they shouldn't know...but if you were thinking of them as a permanent person in your life you wouldn't want to have to hide this trait.

[miamiuu]

Yeah but when you bring that up probably the first thing the woman is thinking is. Is this guy telling me this cus he wants to be with guys? I still think the whole bringing it up is a little too dramatic for me. If you feel you have to do it do it, but if im in a relationship I wont bring it up.

[deremarc]

I think actually it should be brought up with someone that is important to you and that you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

I of course think that for the (to me) obvious reasons, that the other person has a right to know where you stand.

Even if you plan on being monogamous, I still think it is something you should share with your spouse.

If being bisexual were as simply a sexual fantasy (such as I would love to tie my wife up during sex) and you know the other person won't go for it...by all means don't share.

But, it is not. So, the other reason I think you should share this is because bisexuality is not just a fantasy, it is part of who you ARE. And, if you are in a loving relationship with someone who should be your best friend...then it's not fair to YOU (not to mention the other person) to have to hide a large portion of who you are.

How can you truly be intimate and connected if they are only connected with the part of you that you choose to show to the public?

[miamiuu]

My sexuality isnt the biggest thing that defines me in my life. I also have the ability to decide whether, or not I want to pursue the life style. Maybe because for me sometimes I maybe attracted to another guy, but it takes alot more for me to want to get to know them than just by thier appearance.

[mrplayfuluk]

you did nothing wrong Dizzy its all down to choice, your choice. You obviously believed in her more than she believed in you. I just started seeing a woman and revealed to her my overiding bicuriosity after our night of intimacy and she surprised me by replying that she had had two girl on girl experiences but decided she didn't want it enough to make it part of her sex life. She even went on to say that I should try sex with a guy somewhen in future to find out if I liked it. So sometimes the outcome can be good... hope your next girlfriend is more accepting. If you want to chat more send me a message.

[Mrs.F]

Dizzy,
You did the right thing by telling your gf. You felt in your heart that she needed to know. I'm sorry that she didn't take it well. Alot of that comes from not understanding and not willing to try. Just because your bisexual does not mean you will hop from bed to bed or don't believe in monogamy. It's really a shame that she didn't atleast try!

My husband hid his bisexuality from me until last yr. I wish that he had believed in me enough to know that I would understand and still love him. Though the news was hard to take, it didn't change how I felt about him. I know that every relationship is different and there are many people out there that will never try to understand and will always fear any sexuality that is not hetro. But don't ever feel bad Dizzy for telling her something you felt was important and a part of you. It's her loss...not yours! :grouphug:

Take care!

[Dizzy]

Thanks guys. I've made a random graphic in powerpoint that represents my feelings. I might add more to it later, but here it is:

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f297/TheoneandonlyDizzy/Graphics/bipain.jpg

The first three colours represent the bi flag. The last the emptiness I feel. Slightly negative, but there it is :tong: