Outed Married Guys Sucking Cock and Eating Pussy

[Grant_Norman]

I'm sure there are some outed married guys here that continue to suck. I'm in middle of divorcing my wife, very conservative, frigid, ultra-right wing, Christian narcissistic personality disorder controlling woman. However, I have lived with her for over 20 years an in spite of regular difficulty with her, my main reason is wanting to be free to have men or women for sex. Even with all her crap, she does also try to be nice to me. most of the time, but since I outed myself to her I've endured a lot of homophobic criticism.

The divorce would resolve a lot of this, and free me to regularly hookup with men. While bisexual, I am also very much a slut who will basically suck and eat a variety of men and women. I would like to continue having these multiple hook ups, even more, but also being a have my cake and eat to personality, I would possibly consider staying with my wife if she would allow regular men or women sex visitors. I have separate basement bedroom and could have the visitors without her even having to meet any of them.

Have any of you married/or otherwise committed bisexuals been able to make such a relationship work? I respect her total lack of sex preference, and can even mostly tolerate her NPD behavior, but the last years of my life I really want to have regular sexual freedom with guys and girls if she's so set on no physical intimacy (been 10 years now).

I realize it is a longshot, but curious if any of you have had successful have your cake and eat it too. What has worked for you? I've tried to be open and honest with her about my sexual needs, but haven't made a lot of progress. She pretty much teases me with question of whether I have hook up planned each day.

Thanks,

Grant

[KDaddy23]

I've been successful through two marriages and it's all about making agreements about being able to take care of needs that aren't being taken care of. There's a lot of back and forth bargaining to be done - you don't get anything for nothing - so I tell guys who are looking to be able to live this way that you'd better be willing to offer anything she wants in return for giving you this freedom. Both have to be open and honest about everything and I'd say that the opening discussions are going to be brutal and met with great resistance and, yeah, this thing about you is all about her. It's a process and not one that can be accomplished in a day; you talk, listen, talk some more, put your offers on the table and consider her counteroffers that will include you not doing what you've been doing. At every turn - and this can feel quite underhanded - you gotta let her know that just because she doesn't want to have sex anymore doesn't mean you don't want to and continuing to answer her questions and concerns over the sex you're having and that you'd prefer to be open and honest with her but the situation has, sadly, forced you to do things the way you've been doing them and, whew, if a divorce is something you'd rather not have happen, you make sure to let her know that as well.

[NakedFun38]

If I were you, I would free myself. Life is too short for controversy.

[Grant_Norman]

I've been successful through two marriages and it's all about making agreements about being able to take care of needs that aren't being taken care of. There's a lot of back and forth bargaining to be done - you don't get anything for nothing - so I tell guys who are looking to be able to live this way that you'd better be willing to offer anything she wants in return for giving you this freedom. Both have to be open and honest about everything and I'd say that the opening discussions are going to be brutal and met with great resistance and, yeah, this thing about you is all about her. It's a process and not one that can be accomplished in a day; you talk, listen, talk some more, put your offers on the table and consider her counteroffers that will include you not doing what you've been doing. At every turn - and this can feel quite underhanded - you gotta let her know that just because she doesn't want to have sex anymore doesn't mean you don't want to and continuing to answer her questions and concerns over the sex you're having and that you'd prefer to be open and honest with her but the situation has, sadly, forced you to do things the way you've been doing them and, whew, if a divorce is something you'd rather not have happen, you make sure to let her know that as well.

Of course, more practical wisdom from KDaddy. Thanks. The hardest thing about living with a narcissistic personality disorder person is they are master manipulators and know how to give you just enough help and carrots to keep you around. When I was oess disabled, it was just easy for me to hop on a motorcycle and take off for 1- 5 days and enjoy sights, the ride, and since 2015 hookups. But, the lingering deceit of not openly being who I am was difficult for me to handle. I don't like to be deceitful with anyone, including my wife, so in January this year I outed myself to everyone. All my relatives and friends know and mostly all have turned against me. I do have a couple of nieces that have been okay with it, but even they are a little reserved with me.

So was it worth it? DEFINITELY YES. The freedom of just being who you really are far outweighs the loss of family and friends. As an adult child, I had no issue with my mother being lesbian (and my brother being bi). But they're all dead now and as the last remaining person in my family, my wife was really only person I felt connected to. But connection to and NPD is a life sentence of little understanding, always dealing with their entitlement and control, including the no-sex or intimacy of my wife.

So as you described a reasonable negotiation with a spouse about one's own bisexual desire is not something she could discuss. I think, divorce is my only solution, and I do hate to give up on some of her good qualities, but my sexual fulfillment needs to be there. Highly sexual experience brings me way too much joy.

Thanks KDaddy

Grant

[Grant_Norman]

If I were you, I would free myself. Life is too short for controversy.

Thanks....it is difficult but you are 100% correct. My bisexual needs have to be my priority.

Grant

[KDaddy23]

Grant, you do what you gotta do. I just know that I'd try it - and to say that I did even if it gets rejected. Then... lawyers. I know a few narcissists and they do try to play you, but they can only do that if you let them, right? You can't bullshit a bullshitter, as the saying goes, and I know how to play this game but one of the bottom line things is that I'm not going to let someone else's problems make me stop being who and what I am. It's like what my first wife told me when it became clear she needed to express her bisexuality: "I'm going to do it whether I have your blessing or not!" Then it was on me to decide which thing I preferred that wasn't a divorce: Knowing what she was doing and who she was doing it with... or being paranoid about where she was and what she was doing any time I couldn't lay eyes on her.

So I gave her my blessing and we hashed out an agreement so that we could both enjoy being open with our sex and sexuality. I know many couples with a resident bisexual where the straight person agrees that, yeah, this is necessary and for a lot of reasons... but they want no reciprocal part in it and, usually, they don't want to know any details about it or ask questions. Still, you gotta do what you gotta do for yourself...

[querty]

All really good advice. Do what it takes to be to be your authentic self. You only get one life (so far as qe know lol), do what you need to do to be you.

My journey to embracing my bisexuality is a long one,and is in a happy place. Maybe I'll blog it out someday , but I can tell you, I would likely be an unhappy person if I did not take journey

[KDaddy23]

Rule Number One has always been, "Look after your own ass first." Being married requires you to not do that all that much and can fuck up a lot of shit and especially that which is a part of us looking after our own ass... like getting some dick and no matter why you need to - but knowing and understanding how it's going to affect you if you don't and being morally and legally bound to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the whole and, well, that's not good eats and as so many of us eventually learn. Is being the person you need to be worth the legal hassles of getting divorced because you're married to someone who believes in some stuff that isn't the whole truth? Yeah, it can be because of Rule Number One which cannot and should not ever be set aside.

Because if you don't look after your own ass, who's supposed to? We marry and vow to stay together for better or worse and, well, we tend to break that vow more than we keep it; when things get worse, well, lawyers tend to get involved because we're just not of a mind to hang in there no matter what - and we do not change in order to make worse better but that also calls for some sacrifices that not everyone is willing to make because someone will always invoke Rule Number One because, they, too, have to look after their own ass first.

To say it's messy doesn't do it any justice. It's why Grant is doing his thing because he has to and his wife ain't feeling any of it...

[Grant_Norman]

Thanks to all for your advice. While I know my only real course is divorce, a part of me is hooked by my NPD wife. Narcissists are experts at just giving you enough to make you feel like they care, but when it comes down to really wanting to make things work, they really don't care unless they see praise or money in it for them. For 22 years I've been the puppet on the end of her string. Sure, if I was buying her a house, cars, taking her on trips, etc. she could be pleasant. She does admit to 10 years no intimacy, but with th caveat that it is my fault because one night in 2017 while we were in Italy she came on to me and I refused. I don't remember at all, frequent lies and made up shit from her, but since 2012 she admits to even 1 sexual wanting is pretty lame. Actually very, very lame. Plus now that I'm outed, there is daily criticism calling me a demon, need to be saved, my ways are wicked, etc. etc. all between her showing me how nice (more control) she is.

No, my continued desire for sex with men and women is there but she will never see that as a need I have because it doesn't fit into her entitled narcissistic mold Loving and manipulative in her way, but always venomous and critical of everything in me.

Again, thanks guys for your comments and support.

Grant