An apology and a warning to my fellow bisexuals

[chris2962]

I tried this as a blog, but it didnt seem to take. I hope its good for a forum. If it isnt, I apologize. I have never written one of these before and I hope it is appropriate for our site. I have not been on this site for several years and this posting is by way of explanation and an apology for two people who may have been hurt by my self centeredness and selfishness.

I guess this may also help others who might be inclined to follow the destructive path that I followed and help to get them to think about it.

I'm a bisexual man who let sexual experimentation and obsession come close to ruining his life. I not only ran with a crowd who showed me a lot of things that seemed exciting, but were ultimately extremely harmful. Thankfully, I came through it disease free, but psychologically damaged.

Without being graphic, I left the world of "sane" sexuality for one that took me to some very dark places and the more I got involved, the more I wanted.

I don't judge anyone for their turn-ons, but mine became increasingly damaging, both physically and mentally. I ended up finally having a breakdown that required hospitalization and a lot of intensive psychological therapy. I'm still in therapy and still learning about myself.

Sexually, I was very promiscuous, a gym rat who savored the attention a nice body got and the more attention I got, the more I wanted and sought. Eventually, I got involved with BDSM and a man I thought really cared for me. I ended up finding out he only loved inflicting pain on me and got a torn anus and genital damage despite my begging that he stop. I also got called some names that hit to the core of my sexuality and shared secrets.

I'd reach out to the man on this site who was so nice to me, but I'm too ashamed. I'm still the same "workout boy." but I hope a better and more feeling person.

I wrote more and it seems like it got lost in the autosave.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the people I hurt and took advantage of. I just wanted to be loved and chose the wrong things in trying to get there.

Love to all,

Chris

[gymboy]

Can relate. Not our usual forum posting, but you sound like you needed to talk. Stay strong. Message me if you want. Stay in therapy.

[Jazminedress]

Hey, what's the old saying about he who is without sin ?

People make mistakes in life, we learn lessons, we move forward. I have had people apoligize and I have accepted, and other times I couldn't and both party's moved on with life.
End of day, we try to do better than the day before, I hope you find your peace

[tenni]

Hi Chris,

What a powerful message! Yes, the forum is the place to post your message and openness.

I’m not sure how long you have not posted but the site has changed since 2009. However, I’m hopeful that those who have been here with open hearts and thoughts will drop you a line.

I think that a lot of bisexual men are inclined to experiment sexually. I recall one hot summer month when casual sex is something that I got in to. I have not done the S&M scene but know that we can fool ourselves. Lately, some bi men have posted how they are just into cock and don’t find men attractive. That may be true. It is also true that impersonal sex is probably just going to work for us in the short term. Being attracted to both genders is a complex balancing of physical and emotional aspect of us.

You post about how one guy from this site was kind to you. Maybe, you should let him know that you appreciate his kindness?

[KDaddy23]

It is, indeed, a stark reminder that this sex with men thing ain't always bright and sunny. I know some guys who fell into this hole and couldn't get out of it and we need to be reminded that just because we have an idea of how we want to experience this, there is such a thing as taking it too far.

[Alex_rose]

Thanks for the post Chris. Glad to see you're in a good place.

[Ebonybifemme7]

Good post. I think bisexuals (All LGBT, but especially bisexuals) are more at risk for sexual addiction, drug abuse, suicide, etc.

[Ebonybifemme7]

Oh I forgot to add that bisexual people are more at risk for being in an abusive relationship or your partner may try to expose your sexuality to people.

[csreef]

I'm sorry you got hurt. When I was involved with BDSM, it was amazing how many people were coercive, manipulative and abusive.

I'm glad you are getting better both physically, and Spirituality!

[bithunder]

I believe, as with all life relationships, bisexual contacts should be made with common sense. I answer CL and Doublelist posts from time to time and find many posters want to meet "right now". I want to back and forth a little first. So, when I decline I get silence or a message saying its OK we'll do it sometime. I try and pick up on wording clues, from a back and forth, as to what kind of guy I'm dealing with before I will join him in bed. I prefer romance and affection in a bi relationship to a blow and go. But...... like almost everyone on here - I like to suck too.
Being polite 100% of the time is a good rule on line. Even when responding to someone who has hurled insults.
I choose to not publicly reveal my sexual preferences partly because its no one's business and partly because my wife would have a cow (I think). Too, I don't expect the majority of people around me to publicly announce they are heterosexual either.

[1ebguy]

It sounds like you are in a better place now and I'm glad you are... This hits home for me.. hard.. my experimentation ultimately cost me my marriage of 21 years.. it's taken quite some time and therapy to get to a better place for me. Be strong, safe and healthy.. PM me if you ever want to talk..
Cheers..