The "Down low" Dilemma.

[dowmass]

Just the other day, I happened to post on another forum. In my post, I used the words "Married", "DL" and "Closeted" in my text. I had about three folks who didn't seem to focus on the topic or question. Instead they asked "So you are cheating?". One guy kept asking me "So tell me - Are you cheating or Not". I did not respond and in fact I had to block the bloke who repeatedly asked that question - It was not only annoying but insulting to be asked a question the answer of which was obvious.

I now believe that the world is full of people who a) are open to their spouses about their bisexuality b)They believe that they have the right to label, harangue and harass those who are "not out" and that "cheat". Now that brings back to my story - I am a closeted bottom bi that has slept with two guys . I have frequent urges to bottom - (that I have not done anything in 2.5 years is another story). I am clean, healthy (Used condoms on both occasions, got tested on both occasions with no bugs).

The question one would ask is "why live dual lives"? "Why cheat"? "Why not come clean, and tell the spouse".
Quick answer - that would destroy my life, my marriage and I would have to do something out of shame. Now that is not an overstatement. I know my spouse who is deeply pious, comes from a background where no one is bi and it is considered "unnatural". So for me to part of the LGBTQ crowd would be "disastrous and fatal" at the very least.

Just the other day I read a post on Reddit where one poster said that she found out that her dad was gay (She had three siblings) and she wanted to know what to do. She said that she saw her dad sending messages on the phone and finally found out that it was another man in his life,

Most replies decried the dad, and urged this lady to confront her dad because he was risking the health of his spouse. Some said that it was shameful that the dad would cheat on his wife so "so many years". Some parts of the story seem to relate to me.

So what are my choices?

1) Suppress my bisexual tendencies. (don't know, how though)
2) Keep leading the dual life - which is not right either. I may probably never end up sleeping with someone because the odds are stacked against me (being married, being a total bottom being 60 years old , not being able to host etc)
3) Become spiritual - take to focusing on God, religion etc and distract myself from bisexuality.

What are your thought?

[bikurinpa]

Just the other day, I happened to post on another forum. In my post, I used the words "Married", "DL" and "Closeted" in my text. I had about three folks who didn't seem to focus on the topic or question. Instead they asked "So you are cheating?". One guy kept asking me "So tell me - Are you cheating or Not". I did not respond and in fact I had to block the bloke who repeatedly asked that question - It was not only annoying but insulting to be asked a question the answer of which was obvious.

I now believe that the world is full of people who a) are open to their spouses about their bisexuality b)They believe that they have the right to label, harangue and harass those who are "not out" and that "cheat". Now that brings back to my story - I am a closeted bottom bi that has slept with two guys . I have frequent urges to bottom - (that I have not done anything in 2.5 years is another story). I am clean, healthy (Used condoms on both occasions, got tested on both occasions with no bugs).

The question one would ask is "why live dual lives"? "Why cheat"? "Why not come clean, and tell the spouse".
Quick answer - that would destroy my life, my marriage and I would have to do something out of shame. Now that is not an overstatement. I know my spouse who is deeply pious, comes from a background where no one is bi and it is considered "unnatural". So for me to part of the LGBTQ crowd would be "disastrous and fatal" at the very least.

Just the other day I read a post on Reddit where one poster said that she found out that her dad was gay (She had three siblings) and she wanted to know what to do. She said that she saw her dad sending messages on the phone and finally found out that it was another man in his life,

Most replies decried the dad, and urged this lady to confront her dad because he was risking the health of his spouse. Some said that it was shameful that the dad would cheat on his wife so "so many years". Some parts of the story seem to relate to me.

So what are my choices?

1) Suppress my bisexual tendencies. (don't know, how though)
2) Keep leading the dual life - which is not right either. I may probably never end up sleeping with someone because the odds are stacked against me (being married, being a total bottom being 60 years old , not being able to host etc)
3) Become spiritual - take to focusing on God, religion etc and distract myself from bisexuality.

What are your thought?
First thing, IF you ever do find someone , it is best to work things as being regular friends and when you do get the time to get alone, then enjoy the m2m pleasures.
Secondly, Finding someone on any the male sites or apps is a joke, You will get many who will say, "Oh yes I am serious, this is what I been looking for" then they will ghost out on you. You stand much better chance of finding someone in person by pure dumb luck that a conversation with a buddy just happens to lead into sex, then finding someone online.

[softfruit]

If it was a straight friend asking whether it was OK to cheat on his wife with another woman, what would you say to them?

[dowmass]

You are 1000 percent right, The two people I met was
Merely luck ...... Those were days of Craigslist. Since then, lady luck disappeared into the mist, and has not returned.


First thing, IF you ever do find someone , it is best to work things as being regular friends and when you do get the time to get alone, then enjoy the m2m pleasures.
Secondly, Finding someone on any the male sites or apps is a joke, You will get many who will say, "Oh yes I am serious, this is what I been looking for" then they will ghost out on you. You stand much better chance of finding someone in person by pure dumb luck that a conversation with a buddy just happens to lead into sex, then finding someone online.

[GayGuy04]

It's like married guys most of them are on the DL and don't say anything to his wife and just go out find guys have fun and go back to normal like nothing happened

[Coastocoast]

You also have the opposite side of the coin as well; the guy stating I am looking for someone SINGLE and unattached like myself and gets 800 married or attached people with 1000's of excuses why you should ignore the fact they are married. I was married, never cheated on her with either sex but was cheated on, I don't want to be the third party. Do whatever you want to do, but when someone states they are not interested what you are looking for honor it and look elsewhere. Most here are married and looking to step out there are plenty to choose from.

[playful808]

> ”Married", "DL" and "Closeted"

That covers a lot of ground. Less specific than you think.

I do not ask “are you cheating?”.
It does not provoke an honest answer.

Instead, I ask “does your partner know?”.
If the answer is a clear “yes”, we are good, otherwise I decline.

This is not judgement, just policy. A rule I follow.

[Coastocoast]

Yea the question “does your partner know?” will not get an honest response either. Follow up their "Yes" response with well I would love to meet her and so we can get her blessing. See how fast the ghosting occurs.

[dowmass]

Well I guess it works for you, and I am happy for you. You probably are a TOP. As a bottom. I have a very slim chance to get laid (have got laid twice in 3 years) , but I have never been asked if my spouse knows. In that situation, I would say that she doesn't know and you might say "Goodbye", but that's OK. If this was an perfect world, no two men would have sex!:impleased:impleased

> ”Married", "DL" and "Closeted"

That covers a lot of ground. Less specific than you think.

I do not ask “are you cheating?”.
It does not provoke an honest answer.

Instead, I ask “does your partner know?”.
If the answer is a clear “yes”, we are good, otherwise I decline.

This is not judgement, just policy. A rule I follow.

[csreef]

Years ago I went to an LGBT Center that had a Bisexual support group. One night , the lady who facilitated the group, said that there were a lot of married

men contacting the center asking if there would be a Lunch hour Bisexual support group, as the men contacting the center, were all married and couldn't

explain to their wives why they had to go out suddenly once or twice a month , when the Bisexual support group met. :rolleyes: