Help for the women?

[two_n_tn4u]

About 2 years ago I discovered I was "bi-situational" or "hetro challenged" around certain other women. Luckily for me one of these women were in the same situation as me; interested just not sure how to go about finding another woman. We actually learned of each others interest through our husbands drunken bantar one night. The rest has been great times. But now I am eager (not ready) to step out on my own to meet other women. I want to take the iniative and find someone for my husband and I to go out with, have dinner, drinks, and I am up for way more. My question is how! How do I approach other women? It is not like approaching men, 90%.... well 75% of all men like women. I guess, I'm just not sure how to handle rejection (my biggest fear) from another woman. Men rarely reject anything! lol

I see a lot of topics for the men about dealing with their sexuality and "how to(s), etc.... Are there any books, etc. for women? Does anyone have advice? Or am I just a typical woman?

Thanks in advance for your time and comments (I think)
K :tongue:

[skiflydive]

Maybe I'm wrong but....I think it's much easier for a woman to find another woman than for a man to find a man. Not sure why but it seems like FF sexuality is much more accepted than MM. A woman approaching a woman seems fairly low risk where a guy approaching a guy is more likely to get himself beaten up or worse. Depends on the circumstance I'm sure - and things might be different in TN, but it's just my impression. While we're at it...anyone have any tips for guys wanting to meet guys?

[Long Duck Dong]

throw the books out the window lol

nothing in a book will truely help you in real life.... they are based on fantasy, and assumed settings.... and they can't truely tell you anything about ya own gut instinct

you use what works..... a simple, warm hello and greeting and a lil light conversation....lol......walking into a gay/ les bar and saying * wanna fuck ??? * will get a reaction..... but only if you wanna be treated like a piece of meat

the first thing that helps, is ya gut instinct, you getting the feeling about a person and how they sit with you... are they attractive, warm, friendly, open....
second thing is setting..... some places are easier to meeting people....lol....your home, the local gay / les bar...ahhh a * normal * bar.....a local gay / les group etc..... they are generally easier to use as a starting point than the local toilets, mall and street corner
you can use the local paper or dating group as a start point..... something that allows you to check out people..... and its safer to do it in the open, than in ya own home.....you wanna get a feel for the person and not have a axe murderer met you for the first time in ya own home.....

you could meet up with some people form this site, and they may be able to help you with your search, sharing with you the tricks and secrets that can't be shared in a forum... the finer points, like body language and gay dar....lol

[Driver 8]

Not sure why but it seems like FF sexuality is much more accepted than MM.
Perhaps it seems that way because you're a man. Believe me, you can lose friendships with straight women when they find out you're straight (even if you're in no way, shape, or form hitting on them.) I've heard plenty of straight women express outright disgust with FF sex, not knowing there were non-straight women in earshot. Similarly, though for different reasons, lesbian women often want nothing to do with bi women.

... or is it possible you mean "accepted by straight men"? And, if you do, why would straight men's acceptance be important for a woman who wants to meet another woman? It seems irrelevant to me.


I think it's much easier for a woman to find another woman than for a man to find a man.
Since the men seeking men outnumber the women seeking women in every ad I've met; since gay men seem much more open to bi men than lesbian women are to bi women; since in every city I've lived in or visited, gay bars outnumber lesbian bars; since there are men-only sex clubs but (to my knowledgee) no women-only sex clubs outside San Francisco ... the case appears to me to be exactly the opposite.

my :2cents: speaking as a bi :female: who's been out for nearly twenty years

[glantern954]

Maybe I'm wrong but....I think it's much easier for a woman to find another woman than for a man to find a man.

This only seems to be true as long as it is for the titilation of a man, not for bi women seeking relationships with other women.

We have heard several horror stories from bi women that have attended lesbian groups at the GLCC in our area.

[two_n_tn4u]

Thanks for everyone's opinion! :) I have noticed that here in Nashville there are at least 6 gay bars that are very accepting of bi- men. Where as I only KNOW of one lesbian bar and the patrons were not very polite to my husband, friend, and I.

For me it has been extremely hard to meet and approach women. I think the approaching part is my biggest obsticale. Rejection from other women is my huge fear, men rarely reject women..... lol I have good self-esteem, I feel, but simply fear rejection. The first woman I ever approached on my own was completely offened by my advance. That left a mark.... lmao

Anyway, thanks everyone again for your opinion!

K :female: :tongue:

[Reprob8]

Perhaps it seems that way because you're a man. Believe me, you can lose friendships with straight women when they find out you're straight (even if you're in no way, shape, or form hitting on them.) I've heard plenty of straight women express outright disgust with FF sex, not knowing there were non-straight women in earshot. Similarly, though for different reasons, lesbian women often want nothing to do with bi women.




I fear that my coworker would find out, we work long shifts together and if he new I am bi he may think I was attracted to him (I am) and he would probably have a hard time dealing with it (like I do).

[the sacred night]

This only seems to be true as long as it is for the titilation of a man, not for bi women seeking relationships with other women.


Very true. The media often says things about F/F sex being more acceptable in society than M/M sex, but you're right, it's really only "accepted" in that it turns straight men on, and society in general caters to straight men in a lot of ways... they don't want real lesbians or bi women, they want straight girls who will fool around with each other purely for the man's entertainment... similarly M/M sex seems more stigmatized because it freaks straight men out... and what straight men think is all the media cares about, never mind what straight women or LGBT persons think about either F/F or M/M.

[the sacred night]

Oops, forgot to answer the other thing I was going to answer. About losing friendships because someone of the same sex assumes you're attracted to them because you're bi. I have had friends that this has happened to, but apparently I have been lucky. Of all the people I have ever come out to, not one ever appeared bothered by it. I suppose that's because if I think someone will be bothered by it, I'm more reluctant to tell them, but a lot of times I tell people I've just met without even bothering to find out first how they feel about "the gay issue" (that term pisses me off, can you tell?). Actually, I have had four roommates so far in college, and have been attracted to all of them in some way, shape, or form, and all have known I was bi but none ever gave any indication that they knew I liked them. My first roomie I was only attracted to when we very first met, but I got over that pretty quickly... and later on I was attracted to her super hot bi boyfriend :tongue: There was one roomie that was also bi, but I was not attracted to her very much, just when the occasional inevitable glimpse of her topless came along, there was a little stirring, but neither of us made a big thing of it... my current roommate I'm only attracted to at certain times, and I have no desire to pursue anything in reality with her... but there was this one. This one roommate that I was practically in love with, and I really wanted her bad, so it's very possible that she did catch me looking sometimes and possibly know I was into her, but she has never mentioned it so if she did know, she was very cool about it and didn't torture me with the idea of what could have been or anything like that, and seeing as how we both had boyfriends at the time, nothing could have come of it even if she did share my feelings, which she wouldn't have anyway, since she is hetero. Wow that's a long post.

[bi4asplay]

Very true. The media often says things about F/F sex being more acceptable in society than M/M sex, but you're right, it's really only "accepted" in that it turns straight men on, and society in general caters to straight men in a lot of ways... they don't want real lesbians or bi women, they want straight girls who will fool around with each other purely for the man's entertainment... similarly M/M sex seems more stigmatized because it freaks straight men out... and what straight men think is all the media cares about, never mind what straight women or LGBT persons think about either F/F or M/M.


I have to disagree wholeheartedly with you here sacred. Having managed swinger's clubs in the past I have run into a ton of Bi ladies that condemn MM bisexuality. In most clubs even those that should be open minded about sexual play both men and women are dead set against MM contact. I have see it happen at a party where there were 10 couples and a few single ladies playing, and one guy took another cock in his hand. A very BI woman started raising hell and would not get off of it until both guys left. Of course by then she had rather killed the mood for several other that also left. Several of the clubs would revoke your membership if it was found out you were BI.

[charles-smythe]

I have to disagree wholeheartedly with you here sacred. Having managed swinger's clubs in the past I have run into a ton of Bi ladies that condemn MM bisexuality. In most clubs even those that should be open minded about sexual play both men and women are dead set against MM contact. I have see it happen at a party where there were 10 couples and a few single ladies playing, and one guy took another cock in his hand. A very BI woman started raising hell and would not get off of it until both guys left. Of course by then she had rather killed the mood for several other that also left. Several of the clubs would revoke your membership if it was found out you were BI....my experience too..

[pole_smoker]

I have to disagree wholeheartedly with you here sacred. Having managed swinger's clubs in the past I have run into a ton of Bi ladies that condemn MM bisexuality. In most clubs even those that should be open minded about sexual play both men and women are dead set against MM contact. I have see it happen at a party where there were 10 couples and a few single ladies playing, and one guy took another cock in his hand. A very BI woman started raising hell and would not get off of it until both guys left. Of course by then she had rather killed the mood for several other that also left. Several of the clubs would revoke your membership if it was found out you were BI.
Which clubs did you manage? Did people there know you are bisexual?

[sysper]

Oops, forgot to answer the other thing I was going to answer. About losing friendships because someone of the same sex assumes you're attracted to them because you're bi. I have had friends that this has happened to, but apparently I have been lucky. Of all the people I have ever come out to, not one ever appeared bothered by it. I suppose that's because if I think someone will be bothered by it, I'm more reluctant to tell them, but a lot of times I tell people I've just met without even bothering to find out first how they feel about "the gay issue" (that term pisses me off, can you tell?). Actually, I have had four roommates so far in college, and have been attracted to all of them in some way, shape, or form, and all have known I was bi but none ever gave any indication that they knew I liked them. My first roomie I was only attracted to when we very first met, but I got over that pretty quickly... and later on I was attracted to her super hot bi boyfriend :tongue: There was one roomie that was also bi, but I was not attracted to her very much, just when the occasional inevitable glimpse of her topless came along, there was a little stirring, but neither of us made a big thing of it... my current roommate I'm only attracted to at certain times, and I have no desire to pursue anything in reality with her... but there was this one. This one roommate that I was practically in love with, and I really wanted her bad, so it's very possible that she did catch me looking sometimes and possibly know I was into her, but she has never mentioned it so if she did know, she was very cool about it and didn't torture me with the idea of what could have been or anything like that, and seeing as how we both had boyfriends at the time, nothing could have come of it even if she did share my feelings, which she wouldn't have anyway, since she is hetero. Wow that's a long post.
i know it's been awhile since u posted this.........but did nething ever happen with ur 1 roomate u had strong feelings for? u made it a point to say she was str8 but maybe the situation made her question things. if u don't feel like sharing i understand especially if it brings up a bad experiance.......which i hope u never had.

[sysper]

About 2 years ago I discovered I was "bi-situational" or "hetro challenged" around certain other women. Luckily for me one of these women were in the same situation as me; interested just not sure how to go about finding another woman. We actually learned of each others interest through our husbands drunken bantar one night. The rest has been great times. But now I am eager (not ready) to step out on my own to meet other women. I want to take the iniative and find someone for my husband and I to go out with, have dinner, drinks, and I am up for way more. My question is how! How do I approach other women? It is not like approaching men, 90%.... well 75% of all men like women. I guess, I'm just not sure how to handle rejection (my biggest fear) from another woman. Men rarely reject anything! lol

I see a lot of topics for the men about dealing with their sexuality and "how to(s), etc.... Are there any books, etc. for women? Does anyone have advice? Or am I just a typical woman?

Thanks in advance for your time and comments (I think)
K :tongue:
how have u done since u last posted?

[charles-smythe]

...Lesbianism & girl/girl play is so widely accepted I didn’t think they really needed any support…

[Annika L]

...Lesbianism & girl/girl play is so widely accepted I didn’t think they really needed any support…



That's a pretty big misconception you've got there. While lots of straight guys are aroused at the *thought* (often no more) of two women together, most of society still has issues with FF couples. The prevalence of "reparative rape" attempts, general harassment of women in same-sex couples, and flat-out denial by men that women (particularly attractive women) could really be gay...or not be into the particular man in question...indicates that society still has some way to go before women don't need support.

[darkeyes]

Annika is spot on.... Chas is right in the sense that sex and relationships between women is less objected to in western societies. This is not the case in most of the rest of the world which is most of the world, where it is considered as perverted as male homosexuality and by extension, bisexuality.. but even in the west, while it is less objected to, it remains in the minds of many unacceptable (in the UK for instance, in the minds of around a third of the population) and lesbians and bisexual women are often as persecuted and discriminated against as gay and bisexual men.

While there has been great progress in the last half century in the west, gay and bi women are still attacked, beaten, murdered and/or raped and made to feel less than human because of their sexuality and continue to endure the institutional discrimination by police and other state bodies and often in the workplace that they always have 2 a greater or lesser degree irrespective of legislation giving all gay and bi people equal rights with the heterosexual world in the eyes of the law.. as yet sadly, human beings haven't quite caught up with those legal changes in our societies. That will take time especially as many institutions such as religious bodies and political parties still preach that we are abominations at worst and ill at best. These institutions still hold millions in thrall to some of the very worst of prejudices in our species in every country on the planet and the west, while less bad than other parts of the world regarding same sex relationships and sex, is no exception..:(

[charles-smythe]

Annika is spot on.... Chas is right in the sense that sex and relationships between women is less objected to in western societies. This is not the case in most of the rest of the world which is most of the world, where it is considered as perverted as male homosexuality and by extension, bisexuality.. but even in the west, while it is less objected to, it remains in the minds of many unacceptable (in the UK for instance, in the minds of around a third of the population) and lesbians and bisexual women are often as persecuted and discriminated against as gay and bisexual men.

While there has been great progress in the last half century in the west, gay and bi women are still attacked, beaten, murdered and/or raped and made to feel less than human because of their sexuality and continue to endure the institutional discrimination by police and other state bodies and often in the workplace that they always have 2 a greater or lesser degree irrespective of legislation giving all gay and bi people equal rights with the heterosexual world in the eyes of the law.. as yet sadly, human beings haven't quite caught up with those legal changes in our societies. That will take time especially as many institutions such as religious bodies and political parties still preach that we are abominations at worst and ill at best. These institutions still hold millions in thrall to some of the very worst of prejudices in our species in every country on the planet and the west, while less bad than other parts of the world regarding same sex relationships and sex, is no exception..:(
…my ancestors were forcibly moved from the Ayr area of Scotland to Ireland to perpetuate the war between Protestants & Catholics in Ireland…thence from Ireland to the US as bond servants…when servitude was over…to Texas to join the army and fight Santa Ana…we been Texans ever since…

[charles-smythe]

...FYI;...this is another long dead post...

[pole_smoker]

That's a pretty big misconception you've got there. While lots of straight guys are aroused at the *thought* (often no more) of two women together, most of society still has issues with FF couples. The prevalence of "reparative rape" attempts, general harassment of women in same-sex couples, and flat-out denial by men that women (particularly attractive women) could really be gay...or not be into the particular man in question...indicates that society still has some way to go before women don't need support.


Annika is spot on.... Chas is right in the sense that sex and relationships between women is less objected to in western societies. This is not the case in most of the rest of the world which is most of the world, where it is considered as perverted as male homosexuality and by extension, bisexuality.. but even in the west, while it is less objected to, it remains in the minds of many unacceptable (in the UK for instance, in the minds of around a third of the population) and lesbians and bisexual women are often as persecuted and discriminated against as gay and bisexual men.

While there has been great progress in the last half century in the west, gay and bi women are still attacked, beaten, murdered and/or raped and made to feel less than human because of their sexuality and continue to endure the institutional discrimination by police and other state bodies and often in the workplace that they always have 2 a greater or lesser degree irrespective of legislation giving all gay and bi people equal rights with the heterosexual world in the eyes of the law.. as yet sadly, human beings haven't quite caught up with those legal changes in our societies. That will take time especially as many institutions such as religious bodies and political parties still preach that we are abominations at worst and ill at best. These institutions still hold millions in thrall to some of the very worst of prejudices in our species in every country on the planet and the west, while less bad than other parts of the world regarding same sex relationships and sex, is no exception..:(

Spare us all the "Poor womyn kind" oppression Olympics BS. I heard enough of that in the mid 70s through late 80s.

[darkeyes]

Spare us all the "Poor womyn kind" oppression Olympics BS. I heard enough of that in the mid 70s through late 80s.
Don't u worry ur pwetty if sumwot dim lickle bonce 'bout it... u will b hearing much, much more 'bout the oppression of women in ur sad lickle life b4 we r done...;)

[pole_smoker]

Don't u worry ur pwetty if sumwot dim lickle bonce 'bout it... u will b hearing much, much more 'bout the oppression of women in ur sad lickle life b4 we r done...;)
*yawn* Did you say something? Write in standard English instead of like a person texting on a cellphone.

Sad life? Please, you and your wife that you like to cheat on and lick the cunts of other women in secret would love to have my life. ;)

[elian]

My suggestion would have been a swingers club.. I am sure you might find a couple who is open to exploring?

[darkeyes]

*yawn* Did you say something? Write in standard English instead of like a person texting on a cellphone.

Sad life? Please, you and your wife that you like to cheat on and lick the cunts of other women in secret would love to have my life. ;)
Ho hum... trust me... having ur life is just 'bout the last thing I wud wish for.. it wud mean me growing bits I dont wont and losing bits I luff ver dearly for a start and also being a vindictive, loathesome, destructive an' h8ful bitch for seconds..... so stop being silly boy and try playing nice... is actually much more fun than being an arsehole an' peeps more usually laff wivya and not atya!:impleased

Since I live in an open relationship, is wot I do sexually outside of the marriage cheating:confused:. Or wot my wife dus for that matter? U may argue that we r a rite pair of slags or tarts and believe me, there are those that do just that, but cheats? In my case, historically sure, in dim and distant past... but changed days now and consequently somehow I think ur definition of the word and mine differ if what I ( and my wife) do outside of the marriage is cheat;).

[welickit]

Take some time and study body language. Regardless of whether you are seeking out a male or a female. Learn to read body language and you will score. It isn't difficult and it is certainly accurate.

[pole_smoker]

Take some time and study body language. Regardless of whether you are seeking out a male or a female. Learn to read body language and you will score. It isn't difficult and it is certainly accurate.
Very true.

Also, you will have people on this site who complain about how they never get laid, or never meet anyone to have sex with or date.

But, they don't go out to meet new people, aren't out as bisexual, and aren't active in their local LGBT community...so how do they expect to really meet anyone that's serious about sex, or dating?