Never the Same (Sex)

[ScifiBiJen]

There is a recurring stereotype about bisexuals that we have all had sex with both men and women: that we're all either polyamorous, promiscuous, or at least split-sexuality (able to have attractions to different men and women at the same time).

My question is whether anyone here hasn't had any same-sex relations... and doesn't plan to. Do you feel that you're only primarily attracted to one person at a time and you've already found an oppositely-sexed mate? Did you come out after marriage and simply don't want to hurt your spouse, regardless of your attracttions? Or are you attracted to the same-sex, but only so far as to "look but not touch"?

I know that bisexuality describes a mind-set, not a sexual history ... so I'm interested to know who thinks, pending no huge change in their current situation, that they don't want to act on those thoughts (or that it would be best not to).

[ScifiBiJen]

Hmm. 50 views, but no replies? Does this mean that no one is considering themselves in the above category?

[the sacred night]

I might be considered in that category^

I came out after I started dating a boy, but we hadn't been dating long at the time, so I figured we'd probably break up eventually and I could date a woman after that. All well and good. Well, that was 2 years ago... and now I'm engaged to said boy. No girlie sex for me :( unless we both decide to have an open relationship, which at this point is a no at least from him and I'm not entirely sure if I'd be up for it either... but if we ever do break up, I'll make it a point not to date any men until I've dated a woman, and probably wouldn't date any men until I finish my masters degree, since I'm scared silly I'll get pregnant while I'm still in college.

[Driver 8]

Don't worry, Jen - there's also the stereotype of theoretical bisexuals, who call themselves bisexual without having earned the title by sleeping with both sexes. (By "earned," I mean "in the eyes of the straight/gay/lesbian people who obviously have the right to determine who is or isn't bisexual.") ;)

[Azrael]

Well, I have had sex with men and women, and in spite of lusting for both have never been unfaithful. Stereotypes be screwed. For a time I was leery of getting romantically involved with a man, but I'm a lot more comfortable with the idea now. I mean, I tend to be attracted to the contents of people's heads more than anything. I just had to get over myself a bit I suppose. I've never had a really intense relationship with another guy and I'm not going to be afraid of stupid shit people think, because I define myself.

[neveen]

i love ur questions, jen, cause u sound so much closer to the type of bi i am than most others i've met...although, i've evolved w/ age some. growing up, i was attracted to both, but my feelings for girls were kept in fantasy domain, and fooling around w/ friends, when i was 16 i finally contemplated if i was gay, realized i lusted after men in a more, deeply profound way; i felt my "soulmate" was male, so i couldn't ever be long term w/ a woman, she wouldn't be "the one". then, i think i've found "him", it ends bad, i become disillusioned w/ the whole soul mate thing, and began to long for that feminin connection i've always longed for...and if i wouldn't be just as happy w/ a woman? and i think now that if i met a woman who connected w/ me in a way my soul longs for i could be happily content forever, i know this from the 2 times i have fallen deeply in love w/ women (straight women unfortunately)...i am a monogomous bisexual, whatever sex i am w/, i am w/ that person w/ the hopes of it lasting. it's like w/ straight people, they don't stop finding the opposite sex attractive, they just don't have the desire to act on it because they r commited. but it just so happens that i've always ended up w/ men for ltr's. except for k.d. lang, i generally have a more intence attraction to men. and can remain content w/out adding a woman to it, or another man for that matter (as long as i can fool around w/ the guy's ass :P)...it makes people tell me i'm not bi, or i'm confused, but that's just how my sexuality has panned out. a boring, monogomous bisexual
:nrrdgrrl: ...but one who really loves freaky porn

[canuckotter]

I've only had one encounter with a guy that went beyond kissing, and that one's dancing right on the very edge of being date rape. I'm happily married to my wife and have no intentions of sleeping with anyone else, male or female. So... yeah. I dunno if I fall into the category you're talking about or not. :)

[glantern954]

[QUOTE=ScifiBiJen]There is a recurring stereotype about bisexuals that we have all had sex with both men and women: that we're all either polyamorous, promiscuous, or at least split-sexuality (able to have attractions to different men and women at the same time).

My question is whether anyone here hasn't had any same-sex relations... and doesn't plan to. QUOTE]

Well I have had a couple experiences in my past, only one of them making it past oral. I don't intend to have any more as long as I am married.

[gentlepen9]

I think I might fit more so in this category then anywhere else.
I've always been aware of my attractions towards both men and women but really didn't know what to call it until two years ago, that's when I learned about bisexuality. It took a while for me to accept it because I was under the impression that you're only bisexual if you've had sex and continue to have sex with both men and women. It wasn't until I read this article that informed me that bisexuality isn't so much about behavior but about how you feel inside.
I've never been with a woman and it wasn't until three months ago that I finally told my husband that I was bisexual. He didn't freak out or anything but he couldn't understand how I could be if I hadn't been with a woman. In response to his question I asked him "Did you have to have sex with a woman before you could figure out if you liked them or not?" Of course his answer was no but I don't think it's has really sunk into his head that I'm bi and I don't think it ever will until it's there in his face, i.e. seeing me with another woman. Personally, as far as stereotypes go, I think it sucks that there's this "burden of proof" when it comes to being bisexual. It seems like in order for you to be considered a "real" bisexual you have to be sleeping with men and women. Until then you're not really bisexual. I don't intend on going out and finding a woman just to make it legit. I not that kind of lady. Plus I adore my husband and I wouldn't want to do anything that might cause any friction between us or turn my life upside down.
Although I'm married and I don't intend on acting on my same sex attractions it doesn't mean that I'm not bisexual. I'm attracted to women, I fantasize about women, I have strong emotional and physical desires for women but I've never had the nerve to give myself the go ahead to act on those feelings.
Being bisexual is a bit more complex than just sleeping with both men and women but such generalized stereotypes are easier to digest because they don't force us to have to think too deeply about anything.

[EludedSunshine]

except for k.d. lang
Haha, I was listening to k.d. lang (my music library on random) right as I read that sentence.

As for the original question...
I have not had same-sex relations other than kissing and a very minimal bit of fondling, but I still consider myself smack-dab in the middle of the Kinsey scale. I've been this way for about six years now, although I used to waver back and forth somewhat. Every relationship other than the one I'm in now has been monogamous, and I was perfectly happy living the life of "look but don't touch." (All my relationships have been with men, because frankly, I just get along better with them in general. It's completely a personality issue and has nothing to do with physical attraction or desire.)

So, for those years I didn't plan on or have same-sex relations. I guess the fact that I'm in an open relationship now (for reasons far beyond my bisexuality) pretty much nullifies the monogamy claim... but I think those five years count for something.

As far as the whole "you're not bisexual unless you have sex with both"... What a crock. And it feels like it only applies to bisexuals. Even if you're a virgin to it, people believe you if you say you're gay or straight. :rolleyes:

[wanderingrichard]

been down both lanes of the relationship paths..like azreal said, my attractions are more cerebral than physical, but i still love the look and feel of a physically attractive person.

have always been closer to men than women, to the point where many around me thot i was flamingly gay and in denial.. but, considering the fact that i was among a homophobic superset culture, that was understandable..personally i've found an alternating swing in my attractions, with a few same sex repeats before switching to the opposite sex again..

but, to answer the original question.. no i do not think i'd fall into that category since i do act on my tendencies and attractions..

[DiamondDog]

been down both lanes of the relationship paths..like azreal said, my attractions are more cerebral than physical, but i still love the look and feel of a physically attractive person.

have always been closer to men than women, to the point where many around me thot i was flamingly gay and in denial.. but, considering the fact that i was among a homophobic superset culture, that was understandable..personally i've found an alternating swing in my attractions, with a few same sex repeats before switching to the opposite sex again..

but, to answer the original question.. no i do not think i'd fall into that category since i do act on my tendencies and attractions..
I am like you wanderingRichard.

If I were to ever get married to a woman I'd have to have an open relationship since the idea of "giving up" having sex with men would be akin to me chopping off my right arm.

[JohnnyV]

Hi, Jen, my case is a little different, but maybe related. I've gradually realized that I don't care much for sex with men (I know, duh, stupid thing to realize after a year on a bi website!) For a long while, I've had many opportunities and just don't feel like it anymore.

J




There is a recurring stereotype about bisexuals that we have all had sex with both men and women: that we're all either polyamorous, promiscuous, or at least split-sexuality (able to have attractions to different men and women at the same time).

My question is whether anyone here hasn't had any same-sex relations... and doesn't plan to. Do you feel that you're only primarily attracted to one person at a time and you've already found an oppositely-sexed mate? Did you come out after marriage and simply don't want to hurt your spouse, regardless of your attracttions? Or are you attracted to the same-sex, but only so far as to "look but not touch"?

I know that bisexuality describes a mind-set, not a sexual history ... so I'm interested to know who thinks, pending no huge change in their current situation, that they don't want to act on those thoughts (or that it would be best not to).

[wtp09]

i agree with aquaman.... i do not find men attractive. where we disagree is the sex and how beautiful a cock looks. some of us are bound by a different light. i love sucking cock and playing a role that is bisexual, but i have never found a man attractive. i just want the sex.... i just want your sex. i want a cock just shoved down my throat. there should be noone on the planet that should only have just one sex to play with. you should be able to play with everyone. screw everyone who says you should be with a specific partner. you are either after a relationship... or you are after getting off... make the call. :flag3:

[the sacred night]

Wow, I never knew there were so many of us that felt the way I do. I've had that same problem of wondering whether I really "count" because I haven't had sex with a woman... although I have never so much as held hands with a woman in a romantic way... but I'm still attracted to them and it makes me sad that I can't pursue that because I'm in a relationship with a man.